I just don't know what to do anymore.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I've been at Capella since 1999. I got my Master's from them in 2000 and transfered into the Ph.D. program. I completed all the coursework, no problem. Then when I got to the comprehensive "exam" phase, everything just started to fall apart. My mentor, let's call him Dick, was a real pain in the ass. He was pretty much assigned by the school early on to be my adviser/guide. I didn't need any guidance while taking the coursework, so I really didn't know what a disaster I was heading into.
So, at the time when Dick really needs to do his job, he does it half-assed. It takes him forever to respond to emails and pretty much forgets about me repeatedly. It took about 18 months to complete comps, and most of the time I was waiting for him to do what he was supposed to do. Once comps were finished, we discussed my dissertation topic. He was fine with what I had in mind. So, I set about writing my proposal. I'd send him chapters as I completed them and didn't hear back from him most of the time, but I was okay with that because I was still writing, no rush.
In the middle of all this, I got pregnant. I took some time off (really more to save tuition) once Sebastian was born, but kept working on what I could. I finished my proposal, came back, and submitted it. My entire committee and the Institutional Review Board (ethics people) approved it, and we were trying to get my conference in before the end of the quarter. Financial aid has limits on how many times you can take the placement "courses" that just signify where you are in the process - I guess it ensures satisfactory progress. Well, due to all the waiting and bullshit, I was at the limit. If I managed to get the conference call in, no problem. I'd move on to the next "course" and still be eligible for financial aid.
I had the conference call scheduled while we waited to hear back from the Chair of the department. The day before (it might even have been the day of) my conference, Dick emailed me to let me know that the Chair did not approve my proposal, and one of the main reasons was that my topic was inappropriate for my specialization. Fuck me a million ways.
I took more time off to figure out what to do. I used up all my allowable inactive quarters and came back, putting the tuition on Sam's credit card. If I didn't come back, I'd have to withdraw from the school, so I really had no choice if I wanted to keep trying for my doctorate. So, I started looking for a new topic and Dick was no help whatsoever. It got so bad that he just flat out ignored me. Finally, I emailed the academic advisor for all doctoral students and asked him what I should do about getting a new mentor. We tried a couple things to get Dick to respond, and finally, we just requested a new mentor for me.
By now, I'd been in the Ph.D. program long enough to qualify for reduced tuition, so I'm still putting tuition on the credit card just to maintain my enrollment. Requests for a new mentor went unanswered and I finally got some legal advice (thank you, Amy). I emailed the Chair of my department one last time and said flat out that I'd been advised to seek legal action and begin filing formal complaints. The next day I had a response and approval for a new mentor. The Chair gave me some suggestions, and I found my new mentor. Let's call her Marla. She's been great. She spends time on the phone with me and is very encouraging.
So, I found a new topic and ran it by Marla and the Chair of the department. Both though it was interesting and gave me the go-ahead to write the pre-proposal. This is a new requirement that prevents topics from being rejected at later stages for being inappropriate . Ok, fine. I wrote it up and turned it in. Marla had some comments about things that needed work and sent it back for revisions. I really had a hard time with the revisions, and must have written the stupid thing four or five times before I finally had enough. I finished my pre-proposal over Thanksgiving vacation and sent it off to Marla.
She emailed me last week with comments from the Chair of the department. Nothing in my pre-proposal was what the Chair was looking for. Sure, my topic was interesting but the way I wanted to research it and the questions I wanted to research weren't up to standard (my words, not theirs, but if it was any good, I wouldn't have had the comments I did). I told Marla that I might as well withdraw completely because I just don't know what else to do for this stupid research. Marla wanted me to revise it before December 8. New Capella policy is that faculty can't work while on break. So, there's a four week break coming up and there's nothing Marla can do for me from December 8 until January 8 - she can't even read emails from students. (Interestingly, tuition increased dramatically while the length of the quarters was cut.)
I knew there was no way in hell I could revise that proposal and have it back to the Chair for review before Dececember 8, but Marla had me call her and we discussed it. We talked about a different way to approach my topic, and I promised myself I would try. The new approach was quite a bit different than my original plan, and I wasn't really happy. But what could I do??
So, after two all-nighters, I had an (almost) entirely new pre-proposal. I emailed it to Marla Tuesday morning. This afternoon I got email back from her and she informed me that she can't send the Chair a completely new version. What? Why the fuck not? I wrote a completely new version. So, I told Marla this. After some back and forth, I ended up pasting my new version into the document the Chair included her comments on, and noted the (massive) changes I made.
Now, I'm waiting to hear back on that. In the meantime, I'm told that I do have to appeal to repeat the "course" I am in because now Capella also has limits on the number of times one can take courses. I'm over the limit, but damn, I've had to start completely over with my proposal (an 18 month limit when starting from the beginning - two courses with two extensions each) AND there were at least two quarters wasted Dick and the school ignoring me. So I feel like I'm entitled to at least 3 more quarters. That's nine months to do a complete proposal, half the time they usually allow.
And the more I think about it, the more I feel like I am being bullied. I'm being forced to conduct research I'm not comfortable with, for one thing. How can I commit a year to something I have no interest in, using methods I'm not familiar with? We're supposed to choose methodologies that fit us, but the ones I picked to use in my study were rejected. I didn't want to deal with the human aspect, I wanted to study content and delivery, completely independent of the end user. But here I am, proposing to study learning styles, satisfaction, and achievement, with the content just a blip on the scope. I don't like it. Not one bit.
I think part of me wants to lose the appeal. I'm so, so tired of dealing with them. All I have ever, ever wanted was this stupid degree. It kills me to admit defeat, but I just can't take this bullshit any longer.