Same free lance in First person
I find it odd. People and studies tell me that I am supposed to be a sex-crazed addict. I am supposed to think about sex every three seconds, but I find it hard to imagine sex that many times throughout the day. Am I normal? Will people think I am gay? Do I think about girls? Yes, I do in fact. Well, only one girl in particular, Devyn.
I remember the first time I thought about her. It was during roll call in my sophomore year when Mrs. Willow called out the name, "Devyn Harvey?" Now this would not have normally drawn his attention until he responded, "here." in the sweetest voice possible. It was light and delicate, as a fresh spring bloom, not completelty developed and still so young. I turned around and sure enough, he was a she. Devyn caught my glance and smiled. I turned back to face the teacher and realized how stupid I was. I didn't smile back at her. What if she thought I was rude and unkind. My mother had always taught me that when someone smiles, to always return the gesture. Even when my crazy great aunt LeAnne smiled at me as if I was dessert.
As I began to turn my head, Mrs. Willow firmly stated, "Mr. Elliot, would you care to share what in heaven's name is so interesting you must look away from the board?" I didn't care one bit to share that I felt I should give Devyn her smile back, so I shook my head feverishly. I kept my eyes firmly on the board the remainder of class. Once the bell rang, Devyn stood up and gathered her books and was obviously waiting for me, but I ran out of class only to forget my messenger bag. I just left it there and headed to my next class anyway and used it as an excuse to leave five minutes into my history class.
That was the first of many thoughts about Devyn. She tried plenty of times to pursue me, but I always cowered away. I didn't feel up to it. All the pressure from being the oldest at home and having to set an example for my younger brothers was hard enough. It was not the normal type of pressure either. My dad wondered why I wasn't out picking up chicks or playing sports. My dad was constantly trying to get me to drink beer and discuss how young girls are much better than old hags. Easier to conquer and easier to forget. I never felt that way. I didn't want to party or be a football superstar. I wanted to take the time necessary to figure out what I wanted without worrying about ruining my brothers futures in highschool.
Devyn gave up after Halloween when Cormac Brevers asked her out. Not that I cared or anything, but it seemed thoughts of her only increased. I figured she realized what I already knew, that I wasn't good enough for her.