Shattered Rhapsody 1/3
title: Shattered Rhapsody 1/3
pairing: SiHan
rating: PG-13
summary: Hankyung's side of the story to Meetings at Sunrise
notes: Slight angst. Drama. Romance.
No one is perfect. No one can even come close to it. But there is always that one person that makes you feel special, one person that makes you feel one of a kind. That is by far true perfection.
He was Hankyung; the newest student in school. From past experiences, he knew that he never was respected from most Koreans. He tried his best, but it never was enough. He was discriminated, just because he came from China. Just because he was a different race. It never made any sense to him. No matter what he did, he was jeered at, made fun of, and definitely the center of all the rumors spreading in schools. All he wanted to do was fit in.
Hankyung was a fairly good student. He got A’s and B’s in class, sometimes C’s. It wasn’t like he was failing anytime soon. He never understood why people always liked poking fun at him. He didn’t want to be popular, he didn’t want to stand out. He just wanted to be accepted in his school.
Thankfully, there were actually some nice people he could call as friends, but there weren’t too many of them. He preferred to be alone, for the sake of not meeting any new people. That always meant running the risk of bumping into people like Kangin.
He still remembered the day he met Kangin. Even the memory itself was scary. He was just taking a drink from a public water fountain when he heard a couple whispers and footsteps getting nearer to him. All of a sudden, a hand pushed his head harshly into the stream of water.
Panic flooded through him as he gripped both sides of the fountain, trying to push himself away. He could feel the water going down the wrong tube, dangerously filling his lungs. He desperately clawed at the arm connected to the hand on the back of his hand to no avail. Hankyung could feel the lack of oxygen starting to get to him.
He heard the sound of chuckling before the hand was removed. Hankyung was pushed to the ground but he barely noticed. He breathed heavily, the sudden oxygen making his head spin. When his eyes started to focus on a towering figure, anger started to take over the brief relief. Hankyung stood up and pushed the figure back.
“What the hell is your god damn problem?! That could have killed me! I don’t even know you!” He cried out. The man smirked and leaned in close.
“You’re lucky that that didn’t kill you. It would have been for the better, though.” He sneered. Hankyung’s eye twitched as he stepped closer. He was starting to regret going into town for a night walk. There were absolutely no people around to notice what they were doing.
“We don’t know each other. What do you have against me?” He said through gritted teeth. The man laughed with bitterness.
“I don’t need to know you to know that our school doesn’t need any more foreign freaks like you.” He said smoothly, checking his nails. Hankyung forced himself not to do anything drastic. After curling and uncurling his hands, he took a deep breath and glared at him.
“What are you talking about?!” He spat. The man stopped and crossed his arms, looking him up and down with a scornful expression.
“I’m saying that you’re just a dirty Chinese that our school doesn’t need.” Hankyung widened his eyes in shock. The figure stepped forward and curled a hand around the front of his jacket.
“My name’s Kangin. Remember it, and you better stay away from me if you don’t want any trouble.” Kangin sneered, roughly pushing him to the ground once again. Hankyung winced in pain at the material in the sidewalk scratching his face. He attempted wiping off the specks stuck on his face because of the water to no avail. He heaved a sigh as he tried to keep himself sane.
As Kangin walked off, Hankyung had to count off in his head to fight the urge to run after him. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and was forcing himself to be thankful that things didn’t go as far enough to lead to getting badly hurt.
From that point on, he was wary of bumping into him during school. Fortunately, they were in separate grades and classes. However, he still had to survive the insults and the jeers coming from a few other students. Hankyung just had to sit, grit his teeth and take it. It was better than facing them and getting involved in arguments that would lead nowhere.
Besides piles of work, that was generally a typical day at school, until he noticed someone else’s textbook on his desk. He stared at it curiously before picking it up and peering closely at the scribbled Korean writing.
“That’s Choi Siwon’s.” A voice piped up behind him. Hankyung turned around to see a bright smile and dark brown hair. The boy stepped forward and gestured to the book in his hand.
“The textbook. That’s Siwon’s. You know, the person who jogs every morning before school?” He said slowly. Hankyung remained still and blinked in surprise at the person standing in front of him. The boy seemed embarrassed for a second and looked down at his feet.
“I’m sorry, I really don’t know much Chinese, but-” Hankyung broke into a smile and laughed, putting down the book.
“No, it’s just that I’m surprised that you…” Hankyung started. Aren’t insulting me. Aren’t glaring at me as if I did something wrong. Aren’t rolling your eyes at me. Haven’t tried to tease me. The possibilities just kept rolling in his head, but he decided to chuckle instead.
“Never mind. Um…where is Siwon? Mid-terms are coming up, and I’m guessing that he needs to study.” Hankyung said semi-wryly. The one in front of him smiled shyly and pointed through the wall of the classroom.
“He’s usually in the library after school.” He was about to sit down when Hankyung stopped him. He wasn’t about to let a nice person like this slip away that easily. The latter stared back curiously.
“What’s your name? You seem pretty nice.” The boy laughed out loud and stuck out a hand.
“I’m Donghae. You seem nice too.” Hankyung took his hand and smiled back. At least one thing didn’t go terribly wrong today.
After all of his classes were over, Hankyung quickly walked down the hallway and into the library. He was nearly late for the dance lessons that he took after school, but he knew that it was necessary to return the book to the student. Mid-terms deemed important to Hankyung. The only problem he ran into was the fact that he didn’t know who this Choi Siwon was.
Hankyung looked helplessly from his watch to the people sitting at the tables in the library. Who knew so many students actually studied in the library after school?
He peered at the Korean name again and started to nonchalantly walk by the tables, glancing at the books for the name. He recognized the handwriting on one notebook and stopped beside a tall man hunched over one of his open notebooks. The thought of him being like Kangin started to nag his mind, but he forced himself to not think so unreasonably.
Awkwardly, he reached out and tapped his shoulder, managing to get his attention. He gave a small smile when he turned around in his chair. Hankyung took a brief look at him and decided that he was just like any other student. However, it was his eyes that threw him off.
“You left your textbook in the classroom. Mid-terms are coming up…so I guess it’s important to study.” He said softly. The man, Choi Siwon, blinked before taking it into his hand.
Hankyung first noticed his eyes. He didn’t mean to stare, but it was the latter’s feelings playing behind his eyes that caught him.
The look was so familiar, because it reminded him of…him. Looking past the blanket of surprise, he could sense a sort of loneliness. There was also a deeper layer of sadness in Siwon’s eyes that always ghosted his own pair. He cocked his head to the side as something flickered in Siwon’s eyes, a cloudy color replacing the once hidden emotions.
“Thanks.” When Hankyung bowed his head slightly out of politeness and turned around, he subtly noticed a few eyes glaring curious daggers at him. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, so he did what he normally did; he shifted his gaze diagonally to the floor, straightened his back, and walked out of the room.
As he strolled down the hallways, his gaze remained on the floor, but his mind was on the expression hidden behind that man’s eyes. And for the first time since he started taking dance lessons, he had no excuse in being late.
~*~
Hankyung barely remembered how he ended up on the boardwalk by the ocean. He only remembered the morning of the day that he saw the sunrise.
He clearly remembered the way the orange glow poured into his room through the window. It was the only reason why he woke up extra early that day. He was never a morning person, but the orange hue was enough to enchant him into waking up.
He also recalled the strange happiness that overtook him, making him jump out of bed. The next thing he knew, he was pulling on random clothing and rushing out onto the boardwalk. The colors intrigued him so much. It came across the whole sky with a golden orb rising up from the horizon. The mix of orange and yellow hues cast a black shadow on the whole city, sending a warm feeling throughout his body.
That was the reason why he woke up extra early each morning to just go stand out on the boardwalk. Nobody came around in the morning; it was always silent, aside from the sounds of the ocean. It was a good time for drowning in his thoughts. In that moment, he happened to be thinking about Kangin and those other students.
Hankyung couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He shouldn’t even be wasting his time thinking about those racist idiots. It wasn’t like they understood how much he went through when his family moved Korea. All of a sudden, he heard someone speaking to him.
“I didn’t know you woke up this early too.” By reflex, he stiffened as he turned around, but relaxed and smiled when he realized that it was just that student, Siwon.
“It’s you again. And yes, I’ve been doing this ever since I came to this school. I like watching the sunrise in the morning.” He replied honestly. Hankyung watched with interest as Siwon came to stand next to him, his eyes staring straight at the horizon. He saw the way he lit up as the glow from the sun danced in his eyes. Hankyung leaned closer and stared at him. Maybe there was one who understood after all.
“I never did catch your name.” Hankyung’s head snapped up at his comment as he refocused.
“I go by Hankyung. Also, not to be rude, but why are you here?” Hankyung added, merely curious. Siwon smiled, dimples appearing at the sides of his face.
“I’m Siwon, the weirdo who wakes up every morning to jog before school.” He replied wryly. Hankyung briefly recalled that short period he had talked with Donghae when he mentioned something about Siwon.
“I know. I’ve heard the rumors.” Hankyung replied.
“You’ve heard about my reputation here, and you’re still trying to talk to me?” Hankyung stared at Siwon to see if he was being serious. He chuckled and turned around.
“Rumors are rumors. I don’t believe in them. And besides the jogging before school, all they’ve said was that you were a bit anti-social. I don’t think it’s that bad.”
“I have to say that that rumor is true. I rarely talk to people. It’s just how I am.” Hankyung gave him a look, but Siwon’s gaze was diverted away from him. He raised an eyebrow at the joking, yet slightly serious tone in his voice. He was amused at how seriously this student analyzed different things.
“You don’t seem very anti-social now.” Hankyung muttered, letting his head sink down into his arms. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Siwon shift his eyes towards him for a moment, smiling slightly before coughing and saying that he had to attend classes. But Hankyung knew that in that smile, a friendship was off to an awkward and rocky start.
Meeting Siwon at the boardwalk was honestly the brightest part of his day from then on. At school, Hankyung barely saw him and he had to go through being ignored once again. Sure, there was Donghae and Eunhyuk, but he only met them after school. Finding someone that he could relate to was a miracle for him.
“Hankyung. Hello? Are you there?” Hankyung’s head jerked up from his resting position when Siwon’s hand invaded his line of vision. He chuckled faintly, scratched the back of his head and straightened.
“Oh, sorry. Were you saying something?” Hankyung murmured, his mind still a thousand miles away. Siwon laughed and eyed him knowingly.
“You’re thinking about someone, aren’t you?” Siwon said smoothly. Hankyung gave him a strange look and unconsciously blushed.
“How did you know - uh, no I wasn’t.” Hankyung stuttered. Siwon laughed again and pushed his arm gently.
“Please, I’ve been around enough people to know that look on your face. Was it a girl?” Siwon mentioned teasingly. Hankyung blinked, the words registering in his mind. In a split second he widened his eyes and pushed him away, half joking and half serious.
“Shut up. I was just thinking of a friend.” Siwon slowly went back to where he was previously standing and broke into a large smile.
“A friend, I see. A pretty one, maybe?” Siwon teased again. Hankyung shook his head and smiled wryly.
“Not like that, you idiot. I swear it was just a friend!” Hankyung protested. Siwon nodded.
“Alright, alright. Whatever you say.” Hankyung rolled his eyes before answering.
“Even if I were to like a girl, it would be Jessica. She’s the only girl that I’ve officially met, and I barely even know her.” He replied. Siwon put both hands up in front of him and stepped back.
“Alright, I believe you.” Siwon said, his voice saying otherwise. Hankyung snorted, resting his head on his arms again as Siwon roughly patted his back. Hankyung sighed as he felt Siwon remove his hand.
Within moments, they settled into a comfortable silence as the ocean breeze blew against their hair. Hankyung thought back to their conversation as his words repeated in his mind. He cautiously shifted his gaze up to Siwon’s peaceful expression and watched the soft smile set on his face. The fantasy of Siwon actually being more than a friend crossed his mind, but he shook that thought away. He scoffed to himself and dug his chin deeper into his arms. That would be impossible, not to even mention crazy.
~*~
Hankyung stared at his test with a fallen look and let his head drop down with a loud thump on the metal railing. He groaned and rubbed his forehead, crumpling the piece of paper in his other hand. He huffed and gently laid his head back on the railing. Hankyung suddenly heard faint footsteps, his ears significantly tuning into the familiar sound. His sense of hearing sharpened so incredibly that he completely missed the slight happiness that rose inside of him.
“Hey hyung, why so down?” Siwon piped in happily, taking his usual spot beside him. Without lifting his head up, he stuffed the crumpled paper into his hand. Hankyung carefully listened to the unwrapping of the paper and a chuckle following soon after.
“79%. That’s what you’re scared of?” Siwon said lightly. Hankyung moaned and shifted so his chin was resting on the railing.
“I’m not scared of it. I’m just scared about what my parents are going to say!” Hankyung said in a worried tone. Siwon smirked, re-crumpling it into a small paper ball.
“Then don’t show them.” Without another thought, he hurled it into the water. Hankyung’s jaw dropped down in shock, his guilty conscience making him sick to the stomach. He stared at the confident way Siwon relaxed and gritted his teeth. How could Siwon be so cool about this?!
“Seriously?! I can’t do that!” Hankyung whimpered helplessly. He stared out into the water where the paper landed, but anger refused to bubble up, especially towards Siwon. Siwon lazily shrugged his shoulders and started walking towards him, forcing Hankyung to start walking backwards.
“Please, you’re a good student with average grades. You can bring back up your grade, can’t you?” Siwon said.
“Well, yes but-” Hankyung started, but Siwon cut him off again.
“And it doesn’t ask for a parent’s signature, does it?” Siwon asked innocently. Hankyung moved his eyes to the ground.
“No, but-” All of a sudden, Siwon stopped walking.
“But if you really want your test back, then go and get it.” Siwon crossed his arms and crooked his head towards the ocean. Hankyung turned around and found himself standing at the edge of the boardwalk. Hankyung whipped around to blankly stare at the open waters before turning back around to glare at Siwon.
“You wouldn’t…” Hankyung murmured. Siwon smiled mischievously and outstretched both arms, knocking him off balance. His eyes widened as he flailed his arms, grabbing onto Siwon’s shirt by reflex. Hankyung’s surprised expression washed away and was replaced with a smirk as he grabbed hold of his shirt with his other hand.
“Not without you I’m not.” He grunted out, pulling the both of them into the water. He relished the shocked look in Siwon’s eyes right before the icy water shocked him out of his brief happiness.
His mind blanked as a shower of bubbles rose to the surface, covering his sight for a moment. Hankyung let himself float to the surface, but when the bubbles cleared, Siwon was nowhere to be found. Before he could even catch his breath, he felt a recognizable hand touch his shoulder and turn him around. A damp, crumpled piece of paper was forced into his hand as his eyes met Siwon’s.
“Got it.” Siwon smiled playfully. Hankyung glanced at the piece of paper and unfolded it to see the red ink spread, making the print unreadable. He grinned wryly before flinging it back into the water again. The need to have the test so badly suddenly didn’t mean anything anymore.
~*~
Day after day, they met each other in the early morning, talking about everything and nothing. Weekends were the best for Hankyung because then they would have time to spare and not be rushed by attending classes. Siwon turned out to be a friend after a few days, a best friend after a few weeks. But what Hankyung didn’t know, was when he started liking him more than just a friend.
According to Hankyung, there was a thin line between friendship and something too risky to be mentioned. And when one crossed over, there was no turning back. Hankyung just didn’t know when exactly he did cross over. All he knew, all he was sure about, was that he did.
It wasn’t the looks. It wasn’t his personality either. It wasn’t even his dimples (though Hankyung admittedly loved seeing them). The memory burned fresh in his mind, and maybe, just maybe, that one moment could have been where he saw Siwon in a different light.
That was the day where he couldn’t help but break down. Every day, he had to stay silent. He had to quietly take the insults that were thrown mercilessly at him in school and down the streets. As each passing day, the thought of suicide grew stronger in his mind. Each insult was a tear to his personal shield of emotions. The mixture of anger and sadness lay heavy on his shoulders that day, and it was just too much.
He remembered how cold the ocean water was when he started wading. He remembered curling his hands into fists out of anger, the turmoil of feelings clouding his conscience. He had harshly kicked the water and walked deeper, the icy touch numbing his skin. The anger that he once felt simmered down to a dull ache in his chest. He then closed his eyes and walked farther into the water, the coldness almost hurting.
He hissed as the water reached his chest, but he had kept walking. He stopped when only his shoulders were above the surface. Hankyung remembered the thoughts running through his head.
It isn’t fair. He had thought. It just isn’t fair that I have to be treated like this. Hankyung had stared at the surface, his reflection wavering with the waves. It would be so easy. It would be so easy to just dunk my head down -
All of a sudden, a voice broke his thoughts.
“Holy shit! Hankyung, what are you doing?!” Siwon’s voice echoed faintly in his mind, but he barely noticed. It wasn’t like Siwon would really do anything. Hankyung had tried to take one more step, but the sound of splashing caught his attention.
Before he could even turn and see what caused the splash, a pair of arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Hankyung remembered widening his eyes as the breath caught in his throat. He recalled the sound of deep breathing and teeth chattering in his ear. The small conversation that they had still stayed in Hankyung’s mind to that day.
“What were you thinking?” Siwon whispered, his icy breath making Hankyung’s ears sting. An overwhelming sadness took over him for some strange reason.
“Why do you care?” He hissed back, struggling to get out of his grip. Then Siwon surprised him.
Siwon tightened his grip around Hankyung’s waist and pressed the side of his face into the back of his neck. Hankyung’s breathing turned shallow and his conscience was starting to clear up. He quickly shut his eyes, refusing to believe that Siwon was there.
“Don’t you ever do something like that ever again. God, you scared the fucking hell out of me. I was so scared that you were going to leave me. And if you do, I swear that you will be dead by my own hands.” Siwon said, all in one breath. Something about those words made his heart swell. He choked on his own saliva, letting out a relieved sigh. Gently, he placed a hand on Siwon’s arm, feeling it twitch in the water. He led him out of the water without another word. But the moment that he had raised his eyes to meet the worried look in Siwon’s, he knew something had changed.
Hankyung knew that his heart never swelled like that before. He knew that this happiness he felt wasn’t normal. And he definitely knew that his heartbeat had never raced like that before.
He also knew that that was the moment where everything changed.
Maybe it was just him imagining things, but it did seem pretty convincing. Ever since then, Siwon had been acting strangely at the boardwalk. Siwon stood farther away than normal, and didn’t do the normal little touches that Hankyung was used to. And even when Hankyung nudged his arm like usual, Siwon flinched each and every time; something which Hankyung wasn’t used to. At first he questioned it, but denial was starting to overtake his mind.
Hankyung was trying to think this through as he was walking down the hallways with Donghae. The memory of Siwon’s arms coming around his waist briefly flooded his mind when he felt Donghae push him.
“You know, you’ve been spacing out more and more lately.” Donghae mentioned. Hankyung chuckled and smiled sheepishly.
“Sorry, what did you say?” Donghae shook his head and sighed, but continued nonetheless.
“I’m just saying that I don’t think it’s good for you to be hanging around Siwon all the time.” Donghae said, lowering his voice. Hankyung raised a suspicious eyebrow at him.
“Why not?” Hankyung replied stubbornly. Donghae shrugged calmly.
“I’ve heard that he doesn’t really like people in general. When I heard that, I started thinking…since you’re close to him, or at least getting close to him, he might just push you away. You’ve come to be a good friend, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” Donghae mumbled. Hankyung almost wanted to laugh, but he had never given it a thought. Hankyung didn’t believe in rumors…but Siwon had mentioned something about being anti-social the first time they had met at the boardwalk. Hankyung tightened his hands into fists and stuffed them deep into his pockets. It wasn’t possible that he could have been fooled into a fake friendship…was it?
“I…I’m fine Donghae. Don’t worry about me. You don’t have to talk to me like I’m some sort of kid.” Hankyung laughed, but it was strained. He couldn’t help but think that there was a slight possibility that Donghae might be right.
Every meeting at the boardwalk after that, Hankyung was almost sure about the pattern in Siwon’s movements. Even though it hurt him to admit it, it felt like Siwon was changing. Siwon flinched when Hankyung’s fingers even brushed against his skin. It was barely noticeable, but ever since his conversation with Donghae, he had started to become wary of how Siwon was acting.
Hankyung was starting to slip into denial when Siwon nudged away once again. It could have just been all in his mind. He could be over thinking this. But he could also be right. Hankyung just had to test it out.
“Hey…Siwon…can I ask you a question?” Hankyung asked softly, purposely placing a hand on his arm. He noticed the way his eyes darted towards his fingers as he nonchalantly turned to face him, shrugging his hand off. A smile dappled his face, but this time, Hankyung didn’t have the heart to enjoy the delight that came with the appearance of his dimples. Hankyung had to force himself to return a smile.
“What do you think of Taeyeon? Jessica says that she’s talked a lot about you.” Hankyung mentioned, “accidentally” brushing his fingers up the side of his sleeve as he raised his arm. Siwon noticeably stiffened and shifted, moving back a step. Siwon laughed, but it only seemed to down Hankyung’s spirits even more.
“Taeyeon’s nice, but I only think of her as a friend. I mean she’s…” Hankyung zoned out a while after. He just didn’t have the mood to face him anymore. He let his arms fall beside him as he looked to the floor.
If Siwon doesn’t want me to be at the boardwalk that badly, then so be it. Hankyung thought bitterly. His luck as the new student was running out anyways. He remembered promising himself to have no connections whatsoever. Being a loner was all he needed, until he had met Siwon. He promised himself to avoid complications like this.
He just wondered why it hurt so much.
A/N: did u guys miss me? :D sry for updating so late (and it isnt even my series! T.T) but i wuz just so busy with school. ugh, its like they pack everything they want us to do right at the last few weeks of school. -.- annoying teachers...
anyways, this wuz actually supposed to be a really long oneshot, but i figured since i didnt update in a while, that i shud just post one part and then post the other another day. :P
hope u guys enjoyed! plz leave a comment u SiHan lovers :D
pairing: SiHan
rating: PG-13
summary: Hankyung's side of the story to Meetings at Sunrise
notes: Slight angst. Drama. Romance.
No one is perfect. No one can even come close to it. But there is always that one person that makes you feel special, one person that makes you feel one of a kind. That is by far true perfection.
He was Hankyung; the newest student in school. From past experiences, he knew that he never was respected from most Koreans. He tried his best, but it never was enough. He was discriminated, just because he came from China. Just because he was a different race. It never made any sense to him. No matter what he did, he was jeered at, made fun of, and definitely the center of all the rumors spreading in schools. All he wanted to do was fit in.
Hankyung was a fairly good student. He got A’s and B’s in class, sometimes C’s. It wasn’t like he was failing anytime soon. He never understood why people always liked poking fun at him. He didn’t want to be popular, he didn’t want to stand out. He just wanted to be accepted in his school.
Thankfully, there were actually some nice people he could call as friends, but there weren’t too many of them. He preferred to be alone, for the sake of not meeting any new people. That always meant running the risk of bumping into people like Kangin.
He still remembered the day he met Kangin. Even the memory itself was scary. He was just taking a drink from a public water fountain when he heard a couple whispers and footsteps getting nearer to him. All of a sudden, a hand pushed his head harshly into the stream of water.
Panic flooded through him as he gripped both sides of the fountain, trying to push himself away. He could feel the water going down the wrong tube, dangerously filling his lungs. He desperately clawed at the arm connected to the hand on the back of his hand to no avail. Hankyung could feel the lack of oxygen starting to get to him.
He heard the sound of chuckling before the hand was removed. Hankyung was pushed to the ground but he barely noticed. He breathed heavily, the sudden oxygen making his head spin. When his eyes started to focus on a towering figure, anger started to take over the brief relief. Hankyung stood up and pushed the figure back.
“What the hell is your god damn problem?! That could have killed me! I don’t even know you!” He cried out. The man smirked and leaned in close.
“You’re lucky that that didn’t kill you. It would have been for the better, though.” He sneered. Hankyung’s eye twitched as he stepped closer. He was starting to regret going into town for a night walk. There were absolutely no people around to notice what they were doing.
“We don’t know each other. What do you have against me?” He said through gritted teeth. The man laughed with bitterness.
“I don’t need to know you to know that our school doesn’t need any more foreign freaks like you.” He said smoothly, checking his nails. Hankyung forced himself not to do anything drastic. After curling and uncurling his hands, he took a deep breath and glared at him.
“What are you talking about?!” He spat. The man stopped and crossed his arms, looking him up and down with a scornful expression.
“I’m saying that you’re just a dirty Chinese that our school doesn’t need.” Hankyung widened his eyes in shock. The figure stepped forward and curled a hand around the front of his jacket.
“My name’s Kangin. Remember it, and you better stay away from me if you don’t want any trouble.” Kangin sneered, roughly pushing him to the ground once again. Hankyung winced in pain at the material in the sidewalk scratching his face. He attempted wiping off the specks stuck on his face because of the water to no avail. He heaved a sigh as he tried to keep himself sane.
As Kangin walked off, Hankyung had to count off in his head to fight the urge to run after him. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and was forcing himself to be thankful that things didn’t go as far enough to lead to getting badly hurt.
From that point on, he was wary of bumping into him during school. Fortunately, they were in separate grades and classes. However, he still had to survive the insults and the jeers coming from a few other students. Hankyung just had to sit, grit his teeth and take it. It was better than facing them and getting involved in arguments that would lead nowhere.
Besides piles of work, that was generally a typical day at school, until he noticed someone else’s textbook on his desk. He stared at it curiously before picking it up and peering closely at the scribbled Korean writing.
“That’s Choi Siwon’s.” A voice piped up behind him. Hankyung turned around to see a bright smile and dark brown hair. The boy stepped forward and gestured to the book in his hand.
“The textbook. That’s Siwon’s. You know, the person who jogs every morning before school?” He said slowly. Hankyung remained still and blinked in surprise at the person standing in front of him. The boy seemed embarrassed for a second and looked down at his feet.
“I’m sorry, I really don’t know much Chinese, but-” Hankyung broke into a smile and laughed, putting down the book.
“No, it’s just that I’m surprised that you…” Hankyung started. Aren’t insulting me. Aren’t glaring at me as if I did something wrong. Aren’t rolling your eyes at me. Haven’t tried to tease me. The possibilities just kept rolling in his head, but he decided to chuckle instead.
“Never mind. Um…where is Siwon? Mid-terms are coming up, and I’m guessing that he needs to study.” Hankyung said semi-wryly. The one in front of him smiled shyly and pointed through the wall of the classroom.
“He’s usually in the library after school.” He was about to sit down when Hankyung stopped him. He wasn’t about to let a nice person like this slip away that easily. The latter stared back curiously.
“What’s your name? You seem pretty nice.” The boy laughed out loud and stuck out a hand.
“I’m Donghae. You seem nice too.” Hankyung took his hand and smiled back. At least one thing didn’t go terribly wrong today.
After all of his classes were over, Hankyung quickly walked down the hallway and into the library. He was nearly late for the dance lessons that he took after school, but he knew that it was necessary to return the book to the student. Mid-terms deemed important to Hankyung. The only problem he ran into was the fact that he didn’t know who this Choi Siwon was.
Hankyung looked helplessly from his watch to the people sitting at the tables in the library. Who knew so many students actually studied in the library after school?
He peered at the Korean name again and started to nonchalantly walk by the tables, glancing at the books for the name. He recognized the handwriting on one notebook and stopped beside a tall man hunched over one of his open notebooks. The thought of him being like Kangin started to nag his mind, but he forced himself to not think so unreasonably.
Awkwardly, he reached out and tapped his shoulder, managing to get his attention. He gave a small smile when he turned around in his chair. Hankyung took a brief look at him and decided that he was just like any other student. However, it was his eyes that threw him off.
“You left your textbook in the classroom. Mid-terms are coming up…so I guess it’s important to study.” He said softly. The man, Choi Siwon, blinked before taking it into his hand.
Hankyung first noticed his eyes. He didn’t mean to stare, but it was the latter’s feelings playing behind his eyes that caught him.
The look was so familiar, because it reminded him of…him. Looking past the blanket of surprise, he could sense a sort of loneliness. There was also a deeper layer of sadness in Siwon’s eyes that always ghosted his own pair. He cocked his head to the side as something flickered in Siwon’s eyes, a cloudy color replacing the once hidden emotions.
“Thanks.” When Hankyung bowed his head slightly out of politeness and turned around, he subtly noticed a few eyes glaring curious daggers at him. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, so he did what he normally did; he shifted his gaze diagonally to the floor, straightened his back, and walked out of the room.
As he strolled down the hallways, his gaze remained on the floor, but his mind was on the expression hidden behind that man’s eyes. And for the first time since he started taking dance lessons, he had no excuse in being late.
~*~
Hankyung barely remembered how he ended up on the boardwalk by the ocean. He only remembered the morning of the day that he saw the sunrise.
He clearly remembered the way the orange glow poured into his room through the window. It was the only reason why he woke up extra early that day. He was never a morning person, but the orange hue was enough to enchant him into waking up.
He also recalled the strange happiness that overtook him, making him jump out of bed. The next thing he knew, he was pulling on random clothing and rushing out onto the boardwalk. The colors intrigued him so much. It came across the whole sky with a golden orb rising up from the horizon. The mix of orange and yellow hues cast a black shadow on the whole city, sending a warm feeling throughout his body.
That was the reason why he woke up extra early each morning to just go stand out on the boardwalk. Nobody came around in the morning; it was always silent, aside from the sounds of the ocean. It was a good time for drowning in his thoughts. In that moment, he happened to be thinking about Kangin and those other students.
Hankyung couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He shouldn’t even be wasting his time thinking about those racist idiots. It wasn’t like they understood how much he went through when his family moved Korea. All of a sudden, he heard someone speaking to him.
“I didn’t know you woke up this early too.” By reflex, he stiffened as he turned around, but relaxed and smiled when he realized that it was just that student, Siwon.
“It’s you again. And yes, I’ve been doing this ever since I came to this school. I like watching the sunrise in the morning.” He replied honestly. Hankyung watched with interest as Siwon came to stand next to him, his eyes staring straight at the horizon. He saw the way he lit up as the glow from the sun danced in his eyes. Hankyung leaned closer and stared at him. Maybe there was one who understood after all.
“I never did catch your name.” Hankyung’s head snapped up at his comment as he refocused.
“I go by Hankyung. Also, not to be rude, but why are you here?” Hankyung added, merely curious. Siwon smiled, dimples appearing at the sides of his face.
“I’m Siwon, the weirdo who wakes up every morning to jog before school.” He replied wryly. Hankyung briefly recalled that short period he had talked with Donghae when he mentioned something about Siwon.
“I know. I’ve heard the rumors.” Hankyung replied.
“You’ve heard about my reputation here, and you’re still trying to talk to me?” Hankyung stared at Siwon to see if he was being serious. He chuckled and turned around.
“Rumors are rumors. I don’t believe in them. And besides the jogging before school, all they’ve said was that you were a bit anti-social. I don’t think it’s that bad.”
“I have to say that that rumor is true. I rarely talk to people. It’s just how I am.” Hankyung gave him a look, but Siwon’s gaze was diverted away from him. He raised an eyebrow at the joking, yet slightly serious tone in his voice. He was amused at how seriously this student analyzed different things.
“You don’t seem very anti-social now.” Hankyung muttered, letting his head sink down into his arms. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Siwon shift his eyes towards him for a moment, smiling slightly before coughing and saying that he had to attend classes. But Hankyung knew that in that smile, a friendship was off to an awkward and rocky start.
Meeting Siwon at the boardwalk was honestly the brightest part of his day from then on. At school, Hankyung barely saw him and he had to go through being ignored once again. Sure, there was Donghae and Eunhyuk, but he only met them after school. Finding someone that he could relate to was a miracle for him.
“Hankyung. Hello? Are you there?” Hankyung’s head jerked up from his resting position when Siwon’s hand invaded his line of vision. He chuckled faintly, scratched the back of his head and straightened.
“Oh, sorry. Were you saying something?” Hankyung murmured, his mind still a thousand miles away. Siwon laughed and eyed him knowingly.
“You’re thinking about someone, aren’t you?” Siwon said smoothly. Hankyung gave him a strange look and unconsciously blushed.
“How did you know - uh, no I wasn’t.” Hankyung stuttered. Siwon laughed again and pushed his arm gently.
“Please, I’ve been around enough people to know that look on your face. Was it a girl?” Siwon mentioned teasingly. Hankyung blinked, the words registering in his mind. In a split second he widened his eyes and pushed him away, half joking and half serious.
“Shut up. I was just thinking of a friend.” Siwon slowly went back to where he was previously standing and broke into a large smile.
“A friend, I see. A pretty one, maybe?” Siwon teased again. Hankyung shook his head and smiled wryly.
“Not like that, you idiot. I swear it was just a friend!” Hankyung protested. Siwon nodded.
“Alright, alright. Whatever you say.” Hankyung rolled his eyes before answering.
“Even if I were to like a girl, it would be Jessica. She’s the only girl that I’ve officially met, and I barely even know her.” He replied. Siwon put both hands up in front of him and stepped back.
“Alright, I believe you.” Siwon said, his voice saying otherwise. Hankyung snorted, resting his head on his arms again as Siwon roughly patted his back. Hankyung sighed as he felt Siwon remove his hand.
Within moments, they settled into a comfortable silence as the ocean breeze blew against their hair. Hankyung thought back to their conversation as his words repeated in his mind. He cautiously shifted his gaze up to Siwon’s peaceful expression and watched the soft smile set on his face. The fantasy of Siwon actually being more than a friend crossed his mind, but he shook that thought away. He scoffed to himself and dug his chin deeper into his arms. That would be impossible, not to even mention crazy.
~*~
Hankyung stared at his test with a fallen look and let his head drop down with a loud thump on the metal railing. He groaned and rubbed his forehead, crumpling the piece of paper in his other hand. He huffed and gently laid his head back on the railing. Hankyung suddenly heard faint footsteps, his ears significantly tuning into the familiar sound. His sense of hearing sharpened so incredibly that he completely missed the slight happiness that rose inside of him.
“Hey hyung, why so down?” Siwon piped in happily, taking his usual spot beside him. Without lifting his head up, he stuffed the crumpled paper into his hand. Hankyung carefully listened to the unwrapping of the paper and a chuckle following soon after.
“79%. That’s what you’re scared of?” Siwon said lightly. Hankyung moaned and shifted so his chin was resting on the railing.
“I’m not scared of it. I’m just scared about what my parents are going to say!” Hankyung said in a worried tone. Siwon smirked, re-crumpling it into a small paper ball.
“Then don’t show them.” Without another thought, he hurled it into the water. Hankyung’s jaw dropped down in shock, his guilty conscience making him sick to the stomach. He stared at the confident way Siwon relaxed and gritted his teeth. How could Siwon be so cool about this?!
“Seriously?! I can’t do that!” Hankyung whimpered helplessly. He stared out into the water where the paper landed, but anger refused to bubble up, especially towards Siwon. Siwon lazily shrugged his shoulders and started walking towards him, forcing Hankyung to start walking backwards.
“Please, you’re a good student with average grades. You can bring back up your grade, can’t you?” Siwon said.
“Well, yes but-” Hankyung started, but Siwon cut him off again.
“And it doesn’t ask for a parent’s signature, does it?” Siwon asked innocently. Hankyung moved his eyes to the ground.
“No, but-” All of a sudden, Siwon stopped walking.
“But if you really want your test back, then go and get it.” Siwon crossed his arms and crooked his head towards the ocean. Hankyung turned around and found himself standing at the edge of the boardwalk. Hankyung whipped around to blankly stare at the open waters before turning back around to glare at Siwon.
“You wouldn’t…” Hankyung murmured. Siwon smiled mischievously and outstretched both arms, knocking him off balance. His eyes widened as he flailed his arms, grabbing onto Siwon’s shirt by reflex. Hankyung’s surprised expression washed away and was replaced with a smirk as he grabbed hold of his shirt with his other hand.
“Not without you I’m not.” He grunted out, pulling the both of them into the water. He relished the shocked look in Siwon’s eyes right before the icy water shocked him out of his brief happiness.
His mind blanked as a shower of bubbles rose to the surface, covering his sight for a moment. Hankyung let himself float to the surface, but when the bubbles cleared, Siwon was nowhere to be found. Before he could even catch his breath, he felt a recognizable hand touch his shoulder and turn him around. A damp, crumpled piece of paper was forced into his hand as his eyes met Siwon’s.
“Got it.” Siwon smiled playfully. Hankyung glanced at the piece of paper and unfolded it to see the red ink spread, making the print unreadable. He grinned wryly before flinging it back into the water again. The need to have the test so badly suddenly didn’t mean anything anymore.
~*~
Day after day, they met each other in the early morning, talking about everything and nothing. Weekends were the best for Hankyung because then they would have time to spare and not be rushed by attending classes. Siwon turned out to be a friend after a few days, a best friend after a few weeks. But what Hankyung didn’t know, was when he started liking him more than just a friend.
According to Hankyung, there was a thin line between friendship and something too risky to be mentioned. And when one crossed over, there was no turning back. Hankyung just didn’t know when exactly he did cross over. All he knew, all he was sure about, was that he did.
It wasn’t the looks. It wasn’t his personality either. It wasn’t even his dimples (though Hankyung admittedly loved seeing them). The memory burned fresh in his mind, and maybe, just maybe, that one moment could have been where he saw Siwon in a different light.
That was the day where he couldn’t help but break down. Every day, he had to stay silent. He had to quietly take the insults that were thrown mercilessly at him in school and down the streets. As each passing day, the thought of suicide grew stronger in his mind. Each insult was a tear to his personal shield of emotions. The mixture of anger and sadness lay heavy on his shoulders that day, and it was just too much.
He remembered how cold the ocean water was when he started wading. He remembered curling his hands into fists out of anger, the turmoil of feelings clouding his conscience. He had harshly kicked the water and walked deeper, the icy touch numbing his skin. The anger that he once felt simmered down to a dull ache in his chest. He then closed his eyes and walked farther into the water, the coldness almost hurting.
He hissed as the water reached his chest, but he had kept walking. He stopped when only his shoulders were above the surface. Hankyung remembered the thoughts running through his head.
It isn’t fair. He had thought. It just isn’t fair that I have to be treated like this. Hankyung had stared at the surface, his reflection wavering with the waves. It would be so easy. It would be so easy to just dunk my head down -
All of a sudden, a voice broke his thoughts.
“Holy shit! Hankyung, what are you doing?!” Siwon’s voice echoed faintly in his mind, but he barely noticed. It wasn’t like Siwon would really do anything. Hankyung had tried to take one more step, but the sound of splashing caught his attention.
Before he could even turn and see what caused the splash, a pair of arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Hankyung remembered widening his eyes as the breath caught in his throat. He recalled the sound of deep breathing and teeth chattering in his ear. The small conversation that they had still stayed in Hankyung’s mind to that day.
“What were you thinking?” Siwon whispered, his icy breath making Hankyung’s ears sting. An overwhelming sadness took over him for some strange reason.
“Why do you care?” He hissed back, struggling to get out of his grip. Then Siwon surprised him.
Siwon tightened his grip around Hankyung’s waist and pressed the side of his face into the back of his neck. Hankyung’s breathing turned shallow and his conscience was starting to clear up. He quickly shut his eyes, refusing to believe that Siwon was there.
“Don’t you ever do something like that ever again. God, you scared the fucking hell out of me. I was so scared that you were going to leave me. And if you do, I swear that you will be dead by my own hands.” Siwon said, all in one breath. Something about those words made his heart swell. He choked on his own saliva, letting out a relieved sigh. Gently, he placed a hand on Siwon’s arm, feeling it twitch in the water. He led him out of the water without another word. But the moment that he had raised his eyes to meet the worried look in Siwon’s, he knew something had changed.
Hankyung knew that his heart never swelled like that before. He knew that this happiness he felt wasn’t normal. And he definitely knew that his heartbeat had never raced like that before.
He also knew that that was the moment where everything changed.
Maybe it was just him imagining things, but it did seem pretty convincing. Ever since then, Siwon had been acting strangely at the boardwalk. Siwon stood farther away than normal, and didn’t do the normal little touches that Hankyung was used to. And even when Hankyung nudged his arm like usual, Siwon flinched each and every time; something which Hankyung wasn’t used to. At first he questioned it, but denial was starting to overtake his mind.
Hankyung was trying to think this through as he was walking down the hallways with Donghae. The memory of Siwon’s arms coming around his waist briefly flooded his mind when he felt Donghae push him.
“You know, you’ve been spacing out more and more lately.” Donghae mentioned. Hankyung chuckled and smiled sheepishly.
“Sorry, what did you say?” Donghae shook his head and sighed, but continued nonetheless.
“I’m just saying that I don’t think it’s good for you to be hanging around Siwon all the time.” Donghae said, lowering his voice. Hankyung raised a suspicious eyebrow at him.
“Why not?” Hankyung replied stubbornly. Donghae shrugged calmly.
“I’ve heard that he doesn’t really like people in general. When I heard that, I started thinking…since you’re close to him, or at least getting close to him, he might just push you away. You’ve come to be a good friend, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” Donghae mumbled. Hankyung almost wanted to laugh, but he had never given it a thought. Hankyung didn’t believe in rumors…but Siwon had mentioned something about being anti-social the first time they had met at the boardwalk. Hankyung tightened his hands into fists and stuffed them deep into his pockets. It wasn’t possible that he could have been fooled into a fake friendship…was it?
“I…I’m fine Donghae. Don’t worry about me. You don’t have to talk to me like I’m some sort of kid.” Hankyung laughed, but it was strained. He couldn’t help but think that there was a slight possibility that Donghae might be right.
Every meeting at the boardwalk after that, Hankyung was almost sure about the pattern in Siwon’s movements. Even though it hurt him to admit it, it felt like Siwon was changing. Siwon flinched when Hankyung’s fingers even brushed against his skin. It was barely noticeable, but ever since his conversation with Donghae, he had started to become wary of how Siwon was acting.
Hankyung was starting to slip into denial when Siwon nudged away once again. It could have just been all in his mind. He could be over thinking this. But he could also be right. Hankyung just had to test it out.
“Hey…Siwon…can I ask you a question?” Hankyung asked softly, purposely placing a hand on his arm. He noticed the way his eyes darted towards his fingers as he nonchalantly turned to face him, shrugging his hand off. A smile dappled his face, but this time, Hankyung didn’t have the heart to enjoy the delight that came with the appearance of his dimples. Hankyung had to force himself to return a smile.
“What do you think of Taeyeon? Jessica says that she’s talked a lot about you.” Hankyung mentioned, “accidentally” brushing his fingers up the side of his sleeve as he raised his arm. Siwon noticeably stiffened and shifted, moving back a step. Siwon laughed, but it only seemed to down Hankyung’s spirits even more.
“Taeyeon’s nice, but I only think of her as a friend. I mean she’s…” Hankyung zoned out a while after. He just didn’t have the mood to face him anymore. He let his arms fall beside him as he looked to the floor.
If Siwon doesn’t want me to be at the boardwalk that badly, then so be it. Hankyung thought bitterly. His luck as the new student was running out anyways. He remembered promising himself to have no connections whatsoever. Being a loner was all he needed, until he had met Siwon. He promised himself to avoid complications like this.
He just wondered why it hurt so much.
A/N: did u guys miss me? :D sry for updating so late (and it isnt even my series! T.T) but i wuz just so busy with school. ugh, its like they pack everything they want us to do right at the last few weeks of school. -.- annoying teachers...
anyways, this wuz actually supposed to be a really long oneshot, but i figured since i didnt update in a while, that i shud just post one part and then post the other another day. :P
hope u guys enjoyed! plz leave a comment u SiHan lovers :D