Submerged in a Twisted Musical 6/?
title: Submerged in a Twisted Musical 6/?
pairing: SiHan
rating: PG-13
summary: Siwon never expected for them to pop into his life like that (quite literally), especially when they say that they're there to "help" him through a romantic dilemma.
notes: AU. Kind of fantasy. A little humor, drama, romance, and a tiny bit of angst.
~*~
It was a little easier to stay up that night since I was able to sleep during the day. I was also able to coax him into staying in my bed, simply because it would be easier for me. Though he seemed a bit uncomfortable at first, he made do by pressing himself up against the wall and curling in to himself, falling asleep with ease.
I sighed to myself, picking up my book. I absentmindedly flipped to the spot where I stopped and settled into my pillow. The procedure repeated just like it always did, starting from him stirring awake to both of us falling asleep. However, the next night was a little different.
I had just finished my book and was reaching for my phone when he sat up beside me. A fist was pressed to his mouth, tears pouring down his face. I was so startled that I just stared at him for a moment with wide eyes. My muscles moved faster than my brain could, apparently, as I reached out and pulled him into a side hug. His trembling was back, right when they started to cease.
It almost didn’t seem like he noticed that I was there since he didn’t make any movements showing that he did.
“I don’t want to leave.” He spoke through gritted teeth, heaving sudden gasps and sniffs. I have never seen him like this before; it was almost as if he was having a nervous breakdown.
“Hankyung, hey…hey calm down…” I tried.
“I don’t want to forget.” He stated, not seeming to even hear me. I ran a hand up and down his back once, momentarily relieved when his trembling slowed down.
“I’m going to forget and I’m going to leave. I’m going to forget you.” His voice lowered, running both hands through his hair. I stilled, silently wanting him to continue. He looked up to face me, and the knot in my chest grew a little bit tighter at the sight of his red-rimmed eyes.
“I don’t want to forget you.” He added softly. All of a sudden, his hands were on my neck, desperation hinting on his face. The knot grew even tighter, constricting my throat from saying anything comprehensible. I could feel my heart speeding rapidly, threatening to overwhelm me by making me beyond dizzy.
“Siwon…” Hankyung was definitely closer than before, his fingers curling behind my neck. I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn’t muster any words. Something burned in the pit of my stomach when I saw his lost expression. He seemed sad, lonely, and probably didn’t even know what he was doing.
I could have done something - anything. I could have pushed him away. I could have told him to stop and to go back to sleep. He wasn’t going to remember anything in the morning anyways.
Part of the reason that I didn’t move was because I was paralyzed.
However, a small part of me didn’t want him to stop, which absolutely scared the hell out of me.
“Siwon…” The second time my name rolled off his tongue, it was more accented. I couldn’t think straight when he leaned in, his breath brushing against my cheek. My mind was clouded with desire that I didn’t even know existed. I was almost scared that Hankyung could hear my heart in the dead silence of the room.
“Si…Siwon…” The third time stuttered against my mouth, his lips just barely grazing against mine. The knot inside my chest snapped, breaking into pieces that started floating elsewhere. “Don’t leave me.”
It could have been an accident that I moved slightly forward to fully kiss him. It could have, but sadly it wasn’t.
I was losing grasp on reality when I felt his mouth start to move slowly around mine, his head tilted just so. His lips were so soft...the kiss didn’t even feel real. But the way his nails dug into the back of my neck confirmed that it indeed was real. I could feel the pent-up want and need in that one kiss, the feeling most likely mutual. I felt unusually dizzy, the whole room spinning around me.
I swear something broke off in the connection between my physical movements to my rational state of mind, because I was pretty sure that the way I was responding most definitely was not me. My hands wound up grabbing at his waist when he pressed harder against my lips, my back hitting against the wooden post of my bed.
From the shock of the sudden hit, my senses were starting to clear.
“Oh my God…” I murmured, his tongue brushing against the side of my mouth. The rational side of me was starting to awaken, and I jerked away, stumbling up and away from the bed.
“Oh my God.” I repeated to myself, leaning against the window in my room. I felt overwhelmed with the blood rushing to my head. My breathing was ragged and uneven, and I could still feel his gentle touch on my mouth. I shook my head, trying to shake away the haze that had collected thick and heavy in my mind.
When I turned to look at Hankyung, his expression didn’t change. It remained steady and unemotional, his eyes filled with that emptiness that was always there during a Night Fright.
“You…you should go to sleep Hankyung.” I said quietly, my voice wavering. He didn’t say anything when he lay back down. He acted as if nothing happened when he flipped to face the wall, curling into himself again. Whether he fell asleep right after that or not, I didn’t know.
I sank weakly against the windowsill with both my arms wrapped around myself, wondering what just happened. My heart had leaped to my throat and had seemingly become stuck there. I rested my head against the cold glass and closed my eyes, knowing that no matter how tired I was, I wasn’t going to get any sleep any time soon.
I once again woke up earlier than Hankyung the next morning, but I woke up from the ground. My back was aching and sore, but it didn’t compare to the pounding in my head from all the jumbled thoughts that I was trying to sort last night. I groaned, bringing my knees to my chest and sinking my head in between them.
What exactly happened last night? I could have just passed it off as just a Night Fright, no matter how stupid that excuse sounded…but it wasn’t just a Night Fright. It was anything but.
I wrapped my arms around my knees and pressed my mouth against my forearm, closing my eyes. I couldn’t even recall clearly what was going through my head during the kiss. My head hurt way more than it did last night; I remembered that much.
What was going through Hankyung’s head at the time? That kiss didn’t come out of nowhere. Nothing like that ever comes out of nowhere, even if it was just a Night Fright… there were a few possibilities, but only one seemed the most reasonable.
I was biting my knuckles again; something that I did when I was nervous. I forced myself to stand up and walk out of the room, purposely not looking at my bed…or more importantly who was in my bed.
I made my way downstairs and lay down on the couch, once again trying to sort out my thoughts.
It just didn’t make sense for Hankyung to like me. It didn’t, it really didn’t. His stay was only supposed to be temporary. And he said it himself that he didn’t want any attachments. I bit my lip, my thoughts drifting back to the kiss again. It was so tempting to blame it all on him…
But I couldn’t. It was wrong to, and it was also a lie. I could have just forgot about it and carried on with my life if the kiss was just him, but it wasn’t. The moment his lips touched mine was the moment that I knew everything changed. I knew it wasn’t just him because I was stupid enough to actually want it.
I knew I could have stopped him, but I didn’t. God, I was as much at fault as him too. Last night, I wanted him so much it hurt. When I felt his soft touch, I went crazy. I knew that that pent-up longing I felt from him wasn’t one-sided.
I squirmed and stood up, restlessly pacing back and forth.
I remembered his chilly hands touching my skin, leaving invisible but permanent marks. The only reason I stopped and pulled away was because I had self-control. If I gave in and let go of myself…
I shuddered. I thought of Hankyung as a friend, forever will think of him as a friend. But that kiss…I shook my head. I subconsciously bit down on my knuckle, starting to fully recall last night. It wasn’t some sort of one night stand. So why was I so bothered by it?
Maybe because there was a chance of it becoming a one night stand if I hadn’t stopped. My insides churned at the thought. But I didn’t deny the fact. A part of me didn’t want to stop, and I had to face it.
I remembered the pressurized longing that had bubbled up last night. It was almost like an alarm that Hankyung’s kiss had set off. Something broke inside of me, and I knew I couldn’t look at him the same way again.
I frantically sat down, nervously drumming my fingers against my knee. I was coming to a conclusion that I didn’t want to go to, but getting there was going to be inevitable.
That kiss was nothing like I’ve ever felt before. It almost seemed like he knew everything that I liked, everything that made me lose myself. I liked that kiss way too much; in fact I craved for his touch last night. I just didn’t know until I actually felt it.
His trembling fingers against me, his mouth against my neck, my skin, my lips…I liked it all, no, wanted it all, and the memories remained taunting my mind.
All the spinning thoughts and questions led to one conclusion that I wasn’t willing to believe: I liked him and there was no backing out.
I liked him but I didn’t want to. I had wanted him and I didn’t like it.
I felt like a broken puzzle piece that had been solved in one place but broken in another. I stood up and pulled on a loose jacket, scribbling a quick note saying that I was going out for an undecipherable amount of time.
I signed my initials and slid it to the middle of the kitchen table, praying that Hankyung (or the others) wouldn’t magically find me.
I wandered outside and shivered in the sudden cool air. I needed time to think things through, and being in the same house with the cause of my problems didn’t help.
I wondered how I was even going to have the courage to face Hankyung and act like nothing happened. He could forget, but I doubted that I ever would.
I was already letting the fact about what happened during his Night Frights slip by him so it wouldn’t create awkward tension, but this…
I had crossed the delicate line between friendship and lovers, and now there was no turning back.
pairing: SiHan
rating: PG-13
summary: Siwon never expected for them to pop into his life like that (quite literally), especially when they say that they're there to "help" him through a romantic dilemma.
notes: AU. Kind of fantasy. A little humor, drama, romance, and a tiny bit of angst.
~*~
It was a little easier to stay up that night since I was able to sleep during the day. I was also able to coax him into staying in my bed, simply because it would be easier for me. Though he seemed a bit uncomfortable at first, he made do by pressing himself up against the wall and curling in to himself, falling asleep with ease.
I sighed to myself, picking up my book. I absentmindedly flipped to the spot where I stopped and settled into my pillow. The procedure repeated just like it always did, starting from him stirring awake to both of us falling asleep. However, the next night was a little different.
I had just finished my book and was reaching for my phone when he sat up beside me. A fist was pressed to his mouth, tears pouring down his face. I was so startled that I just stared at him for a moment with wide eyes. My muscles moved faster than my brain could, apparently, as I reached out and pulled him into a side hug. His trembling was back, right when they started to cease.
It almost didn’t seem like he noticed that I was there since he didn’t make any movements showing that he did.
“I don’t want to leave.” He spoke through gritted teeth, heaving sudden gasps and sniffs. I have never seen him like this before; it was almost as if he was having a nervous breakdown.
“Hankyung, hey…hey calm down…” I tried.
“I don’t want to forget.” He stated, not seeming to even hear me. I ran a hand up and down his back once, momentarily relieved when his trembling slowed down.
“I’m going to forget and I’m going to leave. I’m going to forget you.” His voice lowered, running both hands through his hair. I stilled, silently wanting him to continue. He looked up to face me, and the knot in my chest grew a little bit tighter at the sight of his red-rimmed eyes.
“I don’t want to forget you.” He added softly. All of a sudden, his hands were on my neck, desperation hinting on his face. The knot grew even tighter, constricting my throat from saying anything comprehensible. I could feel my heart speeding rapidly, threatening to overwhelm me by making me beyond dizzy.
“Siwon…” Hankyung was definitely closer than before, his fingers curling behind my neck. I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn’t muster any words. Something burned in the pit of my stomach when I saw his lost expression. He seemed sad, lonely, and probably didn’t even know what he was doing.
I could have done something - anything. I could have pushed him away. I could have told him to stop and to go back to sleep. He wasn’t going to remember anything in the morning anyways.
Part of the reason that I didn’t move was because I was paralyzed.
However, a small part of me didn’t want him to stop, which absolutely scared the hell out of me.
“Siwon…” The second time my name rolled off his tongue, it was more accented. I couldn’t think straight when he leaned in, his breath brushing against my cheek. My mind was clouded with desire that I didn’t even know existed. I was almost scared that Hankyung could hear my heart in the dead silence of the room.
“Si…Siwon…” The third time stuttered against my mouth, his lips just barely grazing against mine. The knot inside my chest snapped, breaking into pieces that started floating elsewhere. “Don’t leave me.”
It could have been an accident that I moved slightly forward to fully kiss him. It could have, but sadly it wasn’t.
I was losing grasp on reality when I felt his mouth start to move slowly around mine, his head tilted just so. His lips were so soft...the kiss didn’t even feel real. But the way his nails dug into the back of my neck confirmed that it indeed was real. I could feel the pent-up want and need in that one kiss, the feeling most likely mutual. I felt unusually dizzy, the whole room spinning around me.
I swear something broke off in the connection between my physical movements to my rational state of mind, because I was pretty sure that the way I was responding most definitely was not me. My hands wound up grabbing at his waist when he pressed harder against my lips, my back hitting against the wooden post of my bed.
From the shock of the sudden hit, my senses were starting to clear.
“Oh my God…” I murmured, his tongue brushing against the side of my mouth. The rational side of me was starting to awaken, and I jerked away, stumbling up and away from the bed.
“Oh my God.” I repeated to myself, leaning against the window in my room. I felt overwhelmed with the blood rushing to my head. My breathing was ragged and uneven, and I could still feel his gentle touch on my mouth. I shook my head, trying to shake away the haze that had collected thick and heavy in my mind.
When I turned to look at Hankyung, his expression didn’t change. It remained steady and unemotional, his eyes filled with that emptiness that was always there during a Night Fright.
“You…you should go to sleep Hankyung.” I said quietly, my voice wavering. He didn’t say anything when he lay back down. He acted as if nothing happened when he flipped to face the wall, curling into himself again. Whether he fell asleep right after that or not, I didn’t know.
I sank weakly against the windowsill with both my arms wrapped around myself, wondering what just happened. My heart had leaped to my throat and had seemingly become stuck there. I rested my head against the cold glass and closed my eyes, knowing that no matter how tired I was, I wasn’t going to get any sleep any time soon.
I once again woke up earlier than Hankyung the next morning, but I woke up from the ground. My back was aching and sore, but it didn’t compare to the pounding in my head from all the jumbled thoughts that I was trying to sort last night. I groaned, bringing my knees to my chest and sinking my head in between them.
What exactly happened last night? I could have just passed it off as just a Night Fright, no matter how stupid that excuse sounded…but it wasn’t just a Night Fright. It was anything but.
I wrapped my arms around my knees and pressed my mouth against my forearm, closing my eyes. I couldn’t even recall clearly what was going through my head during the kiss. My head hurt way more than it did last night; I remembered that much.
What was going through Hankyung’s head at the time? That kiss didn’t come out of nowhere. Nothing like that ever comes out of nowhere, even if it was just a Night Fright… there were a few possibilities, but only one seemed the most reasonable.
I was biting my knuckles again; something that I did when I was nervous. I forced myself to stand up and walk out of the room, purposely not looking at my bed…or more importantly who was in my bed.
I made my way downstairs and lay down on the couch, once again trying to sort out my thoughts.
It just didn’t make sense for Hankyung to like me. It didn’t, it really didn’t. His stay was only supposed to be temporary. And he said it himself that he didn’t want any attachments. I bit my lip, my thoughts drifting back to the kiss again. It was so tempting to blame it all on him…
But I couldn’t. It was wrong to, and it was also a lie. I could have just forgot about it and carried on with my life if the kiss was just him, but it wasn’t. The moment his lips touched mine was the moment that I knew everything changed. I knew it wasn’t just him because I was stupid enough to actually want it.
I knew I could have stopped him, but I didn’t. God, I was as much at fault as him too. Last night, I wanted him so much it hurt. When I felt his soft touch, I went crazy. I knew that that pent-up longing I felt from him wasn’t one-sided.
I squirmed and stood up, restlessly pacing back and forth.
I remembered his chilly hands touching my skin, leaving invisible but permanent marks. The only reason I stopped and pulled away was because I had self-control. If I gave in and let go of myself…
I shuddered. I thought of Hankyung as a friend, forever will think of him as a friend. But that kiss…I shook my head. I subconsciously bit down on my knuckle, starting to fully recall last night. It wasn’t some sort of one night stand. So why was I so bothered by it?
Maybe because there was a chance of it becoming a one night stand if I hadn’t stopped. My insides churned at the thought. But I didn’t deny the fact. A part of me didn’t want to stop, and I had to face it.
I remembered the pressurized longing that had bubbled up last night. It was almost like an alarm that Hankyung’s kiss had set off. Something broke inside of me, and I knew I couldn’t look at him the same way again.
I frantically sat down, nervously drumming my fingers against my knee. I was coming to a conclusion that I didn’t want to go to, but getting there was going to be inevitable.
That kiss was nothing like I’ve ever felt before. It almost seemed like he knew everything that I liked, everything that made me lose myself. I liked that kiss way too much; in fact I craved for his touch last night. I just didn’t know until I actually felt it.
His trembling fingers against me, his mouth against my neck, my skin, my lips…I liked it all, no, wanted it all, and the memories remained taunting my mind.
All the spinning thoughts and questions led to one conclusion that I wasn’t willing to believe: I liked him and there was no backing out.
I liked him but I didn’t want to. I had wanted him and I didn’t like it.
I felt like a broken puzzle piece that had been solved in one place but broken in another. I stood up and pulled on a loose jacket, scribbling a quick note saying that I was going out for an undecipherable amount of time.
I signed my initials and slid it to the middle of the kitchen table, praying that Hankyung (or the others) wouldn’t magically find me.
I wandered outside and shivered in the sudden cool air. I needed time to think things through, and being in the same house with the cause of my problems didn’t help.
I wondered how I was even going to have the courage to face Hankyung and act like nothing happened. He could forget, but I doubted that I ever would.
I was already letting the fact about what happened during his Night Frights slip by him so it wouldn’t create awkward tension, but this…
I had crossed the delicate line between friendship and lovers, and now there was no turning back.