[fic] Mother's Eyes (1/1, G)
Fic #1! I'd started this months ago and posted it (in progress) to rynneisplotting, my plot bunny storage journal. About a week ago I finally brought it out again and finished it, and krabapple kindly betad it, so here it is. No real knowledge of events outside the movies is needed to understand it, so I hope some people read it. :)
Title: Mother's Eyes
Author: Rynne
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: G
Summary: Padmé watched her children. A story told immediately post-RotJ. Slight Anakin/Padmé and Han/Leia
Notes: Thank you to krabapple for betaing! This isn't the kind of thing I normally write, so I'm sorta nervous about it...
I remember my death, and how I yearned for it and fought against it at the same time.
That's not a statement you hear often, is it? I remember my death. I'm not a Jedi. I couldn't become a ghost. But I could hold myself back, even though I felt your suffering and your own dying, even though I wanted to join you, Anakin, because I couldn't leave my babies.
Twins, Anakin. Twins! Even after all these years, I still am amazed that we made not one but two brilliant people, an amazing son and equally amazing daughter.
So, I died, and in some ways it was a relief. It hurt so much, when you called me traitor...don't worry, I know that you regret it, and that you know I would never betray you. And I felt your own pain, your agony, as you were raised from the edge of death and put in that horrible suit. I was in pain, and you were in pain...I just wanted to let go.
And I did. I let go, but at the same time, I held on. What happened when you died, Ani? Did part of you just...float away from your body, but stayed close enough that you could still see it? It wasn't quite like a mirror, because it felt like I was standing and looking at--myself--lying so still on the bed, and it was so disorienting...I was only able to focus when Luke and Leia started to cry.
I watched them cry, and I discovered that even death can't stop the pain, because I heard them wail and I couldn't do anything to help. I tried, but my fingers would just pass through their bodies, and I wanted to be alive again. I wanted nothing more than to hold them, to soothe them, to watch them fall asleep against me, but it was too late. It was for others to hold them, because I couldn't do it anymore.
Do you want me to stop, Ani? I know that you asked me and that you wouldn't have if you didn't want to know, but this is hurting both of us, I can see you wincing--
Well, yes, I suppose that can be a good thing. Catharsis. I purge my pain in telling, and you yours in listening. I'll keep going, then.
Luke and Leia hadn't been born for very long when they were taken away. Obi-Wan and Yoda said that they would need to be separated, that singly they were both strong in the Force but together that strength was amplified, so Obi-Wan took Luke and gave Leia to Bail.
I didn't know until much, much later where Obi-Wan went with Luke. I'd discovered that I wasn't anchored to my body anymore, that I could go wherever I wanted, and I decided to stay with Leia. It's not that I didn't want to be with Luke--my son, my beautiful, newborn baby son, and my heart was breaking all over again to leave him--but I knew that with Obi-Wan to take care of him, I didn't need to worry about him. And it's not that I didn't trust Bail as much as I did Obi-Wan, but maybe dying had done something to me, freed me from some temporal constraints or something like that, and I just felt that Leia would need me more than Luke would. A touch of foresight, maybe. I remember that part of the Jedi Code--there is no death, there is only the Force--and thought that perhaps in death I had enough of the Force to sense what would be the best thing for me to do for my children.
So I followed our daughter to Alderaan, and saw Bail and his wife take her into their family and raise her as a princess. I never tired of watching her--watching her play with her friend Winter, go to her lessons, talk to her adoptive father. My heart was breaking because I couldn't do anything more than watch, but at the same time, it was healing, because she was happy.
I'd hoped she would sense me, but somehow I was surprised when she did. I know that she's Force-sensitive, but I couldn't be a ghost the way that Obi-Wan was for Luke, I couldn't communicate with anyone, but I hoped that Leia would sense me watching her anyway. And she did--I remember her going to Bail about it when she was ten. I will never forget that conversation.
"Papa," she'd said, "sometimes I feel like there's someone watching me."
Bail paled--it was obvious even to someone who couldn't read thoughts that he was afraid someone was spying on Leia, had figured out who she was, and so many fears along those lines. "Where do you feel someone watching you, sweetheart?" he'd managed to ask, eventually.
"Everywhere," Leia replied. "I like it. It makes me feel like someone loves me."
At that, I wanted to gather her into my arms, but Bail did it for me. "Someone does love you," he told her, looking immensely relieved. "I, for one, love you very much."
Leia giggled and kissed him on the cheek. "I know you do, but this is someone else." She looked thoughtful. "I think maybe it's my mother, my real one."
I wanted to cry, and regretted that I couldn't. Leia knew I was there, my beautiful daughter--she knew that I was there and that I loved her. Knowing that was worth all the years of watching.
Bail held her close, as I was longing to do. I wasn't jealous, though--I was just glad that someone could hold her, and was.
Finally, Leia leaned back, and said, as if confiding something secret, "She feels beautiful, Papa. Beautiful, but sad. I wish I could talk to her."
You can, my darling, I wanted to tell her. You can talk to me about anything...I wish I could reply.
Bail stroked her hair and held her closer. "Your mother was very beautiful," he told her softly, "and very sad when she died. And I know she loves you."
Leia nodded solemnly, and leaned her head against Bail's shoulder. "I know she does," she said. "And I'm glad."
They didn't really talk about me at all after that, which was probably for the best. Bail couldn't have given Leia too much information without compromising her safety--oh, Ani, don't look so guilty. It's over now, and you did want to hear what happened to me.
So Leia grew up into a lovely young woman, and a canny politician. As you know, she was eventually appointed Alderaan's representative in the Imperial Senate...I was so proud of her! She was so young, only just eighteen, but a lot wiser than I had been, even though I'd been in active politics for much longer. Don't argue, Ani--after all, I'm the reason Palpatine became Supreme Chancellor in the first place. I don't think Leia would have been so easily taken in by him.
I followed Leia everywhere--my tie to the corporeal world grew weaker as the years passed, until I didn't have the strength anymore to go anywhere other than where Leia was; she became my anchor. So many times I considered truly joining with the Force, but things were getting so dangerous, and even if I couldn't do anything, I wanted to watch my daughter, and let her feel me nearby. And I think it helped her, having me close, especially in the backstabbing world of Imperial politics. I was with her all the time, and I would let my love and pride in her flow from me, and I couldn't care that my efforts were making my connections to the world outside Leia fade, because I was repaid for any effort twice over by how her confidence was bolstered by feeling my unconditional love.
Then came the Death Star, and Leia's interrogation...I'll move on. No, Ani, it's not all right. It hurt me to watch you do that, but I know it hurts you, too, in hindsight, and we don't need to dredge that up again. The past two decades have hurt both of us enough, and I would think that my telling this story and your listening to it is enough pain for now, don't you agree? So I'll move on.
The Death Star destroying Alderaan was terrible, almost the worst thing I'd ever felt. Billions of people leaving life and rushing past me in my limbo to join the Force...despite lack of a body and lack of corporeal sensation, I felt dizzy and nauseated, and almost followed all those people as the path to the Force nearly grew stronger than my hold to the world. But Leia stayed standing on the bridge, and I stayed with her, and one of the things that sustained me was feeling you there and knowing that had you been in charge instead of Tarkin, Alderaan would not have been destroyed. Yes, I felt your own dizziness and nausea, and couldn't help but be glad that you weren't so far gone as Tarkin, to feel satisfaction in so much death.
And then Luke came. Just burst into Leia's cell and pulled off his borrowed stormtrooper helmet and exclaimed, "I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you!" That does sound like him, doesn't it? Our boy, who risked everything because he felt the spark of goodness left in you, our innocent Luke...it wasn't much of a rescue attempt, but it worked, against all odds. The Force was truly with our children then. Even more so that it was Luke who found Leia, the twins reunited for the first time since their birth. Despite all the danger, despite all the fear and anger and uncertainty, I think I would have cried with happiness if I could have. My children, together again--they could help each other, as siblings are supposed to, even if their own mother couldn't touch them.
The next few years were strangely almost harder than the previous two decades. Our children were together again, but had no idea of what they were to each other. Luke was very obviously infatuated with Leia, which Han Solo--don't give me that face, Anakin Skywalker. You may not like him very much--yes, I know he was a smuggler--but our daughter is in love with him, and he's in love with her too. You've done enough to him--
Oh, Anakin. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I know you regret the whole situation on Bespin, but you need to move past it. Both of us do.
If there will be no more interruptions? Don't give me that innocent look, either; you know it doesn't work on me.
Han Solo would constantly tease Luke about Leia, which Luke never took very well. There's no doubt about it; he has your temper and your impatience--both of them do, for that matter, though why they both had to be inflicted--all right, all right! They also have your dislike of being teased...yes, I'll get back to the story now.
Han teased Luke, but eventually it became obvious that he was falling in love with her, and she with him. She resisted, though, as much as I did, and with as much success. But what a rocky road their romance had...Han was clumsy in his persual, Leia was in denial, and both of them cared about Luke, whose feelings were plain, if not as brotherly as they should have been. Thank the Force they've changed by now, even if that kiss probably didn't help.
Yes, there was a kiss. Yes, it was on the lips. No, I don't know if there was tongue involved--I was trying not to look. Force, Anakin, you don't know how disturbing it was to watch a sister kiss her twin brother like she meant it, even if she was just trying to prove that she wasn't in love with Han! But there was thankfully only one kiss between them; after that, Leia finally pulled herself out of denial, and would only kiss Han.
Oh, don't give me that grouchy look. He does deserve her, you know. He's smart, brave, funny, and more loyal than is readily apparent. He could have abandoned our children whenever he wanted, but he never did, even when it was in his own best interests to do so. He may be a scoundrel, but he's a good one, and you should trust your daughter's choice, because she has wonderful judgment. They'll take care of each other.
Then Obi-Wan came to me. I wasn't a Force-ghost, but I was still part of the Force, so I guess he was able to talk to me. Only a year ago, now...I remember our conversation well.
"Padmé," he told me, "I know you've been watching Leia, and I think you've been a greater help to her than you realize. But it has been a long time since you passed into the Force...are you tired?"
"Yes," I said, because I was. The strain of keeping myself from completely joining the Force was taking its toll, and I could barely send my love to Leia anymore, much less Luke. I could touch him a few times, when he was with Leia, because I was still anchored to her, but I could do nothing more. And I was tired, so tired, but it made no difference to me. There were my children, my twins, at such a critical time in their lives, and I couldn't leave them alone yet.
Thank you, Ani. I'm not sure if I'm as strong as you say, but I do the best I can. That's all I'm able to do.
"It's remarkable that you've managed to hold on for so long, without being a Jedi," Obi-Wan said next. "But events are nearing their culmination point, and I think soon Luke will have to make his choice--I've sent him to Yoda, Padmé, to continue on the Jedi path. But Leia will have her own choice to make, and I think it will be easier for her with her mother nearby, so I have to ask you to hold on a bit longer."
"Of course," I told him, almost insulted that he would think that I would abandon her in such tumultuous times. I may not have been able to hold onto my life twenty years earlier, but I would not fade so easily from this world, not when at least one of my children still needed me. So I continued following Leia, and watched her fall deeper in love with her Captain Solo.
And then Bespin happened.
I think that was a low point for us all, Ani. We all lost something--you, your hopes for an easily recovered family; Luke, his innocence and a limb; Leia, her lover; and me...I was so angry at you, Anakin. How the man I loved could sink so low as to do things like that...I was angry at you for so long, and for the first time I despaired. I thought that there was nothing left of you anymore, and that I'd been a fool to have hoped otherwise.
I'm so glad to have been proven wrong.
The twins got closer to each other, after that, and I gave both of them all the love I had. I was fading more and more as time passed, but I had enough strength for that. And I wouldn't let myself go, not when both of them were still so fragile after their losses. Both struggled to put on a brave front, though Leia succeeded better than Luke did; then again, as a politician she's had to gain experience in hiding her true feelings. Luke felt so lost, for a time, but then he threw himself into trying to find Han, and building his new lightsaber, and that whole mess with Xizor...having something to do helped him pull himself up.
But Luke still grew farther away from me. He's so much like you, Anakin. Being a Jedi is in his blood and bone--and you were a Jedi again in the end, don't argue with me on that. But I think it was a failing of mine that I never quite understood the Jedi side of you, and perhaps if I had, things would have turned out differently. Don't worry, I'm not blaming myself, except in being blind to what Palpatine was, but we all share the blame for that.
I understood the Force better, after being so long a part of it, but not enough to help Luke. I think he has a lonely road ahead of him, and I don't know where it will take him. He's so much like you...
But Leia, I've always understood. She followed in my footsteps as much as she followed in Bail's, and while I've always felt close to her, after Bespin I felt closer still. She'd fallen in love, too, and had no idea how to deal with it--and then just as she was beginning to learn, he was taken from her, and she had to try and find him. I'm just glad it didn't take her and Han as long as it took us. You know she left the Rebellion for a while to get to him? She made her choice, of love over duty, and then Han made his, of love over freedom, so I think they'll be all right. They know what their priorities are, didn't try to have everything like we did, so I think things will work out for them.
Luke believed in you, you know--of course you do. But that night in Endor's forests, right before he surrendered to you, he told Leia that he felt there was still good in you, and that was why he had to go to you again. And suddenly I had hope again...though I didn't want to. I didn't want another disappointment, because I wasn't sure if I would have the strength to hold on if I lost my hope again. But Luke was so confident, and I thought, if he could see the good in you that I'd also seen, even after you turned...maybe I was right to hope.
And I was. I was! Leia wasn't sure, and I could tell that all throughout her own battle on Endor, her mind was split between her brother and what she was doing. She worried so, raged and cried to Han and felt helpless, but the Jedi returned, triumphant--Luke to his sister, and you to me. And then I felt you again, full of light and love...
Promise me, Anakin. Promise me that you won't leave me again. I know that we're both part of the Force now, but it's been so long, and so much has happened.... Yes, I know that. I know you would never willingly leave me again, but I had to hear it. Anakin, I love you so...
Come on, now. You've heard my story, and the twins have each other and their friends. They'll be taken care of.
Let's go home.
Title: Mother's Eyes
Author: Rynne
Fandom: Star Wars
Rating: G
Summary: Padmé watched her children. A story told immediately post-RotJ. Slight Anakin/Padmé and Han/Leia
Notes: Thank you to krabapple for betaing! This isn't the kind of thing I normally write, so I'm sorta nervous about it...
I remember my death, and how I yearned for it and fought against it at the same time.
That's not a statement you hear often, is it? I remember my death. I'm not a Jedi. I couldn't become a ghost. But I could hold myself back, even though I felt your suffering and your own dying, even though I wanted to join you, Anakin, because I couldn't leave my babies.
Twins, Anakin. Twins! Even after all these years, I still am amazed that we made not one but two brilliant people, an amazing son and equally amazing daughter.
So, I died, and in some ways it was a relief. It hurt so much, when you called me traitor...don't worry, I know that you regret it, and that you know I would never betray you. And I felt your own pain, your agony, as you were raised from the edge of death and put in that horrible suit. I was in pain, and you were in pain...I just wanted to let go.
And I did. I let go, but at the same time, I held on. What happened when you died, Ani? Did part of you just...float away from your body, but stayed close enough that you could still see it? It wasn't quite like a mirror, because it felt like I was standing and looking at--myself--lying so still on the bed, and it was so disorienting...I was only able to focus when Luke and Leia started to cry.
I watched them cry, and I discovered that even death can't stop the pain, because I heard them wail and I couldn't do anything to help. I tried, but my fingers would just pass through their bodies, and I wanted to be alive again. I wanted nothing more than to hold them, to soothe them, to watch them fall asleep against me, but it was too late. It was for others to hold them, because I couldn't do it anymore.
Do you want me to stop, Ani? I know that you asked me and that you wouldn't have if you didn't want to know, but this is hurting both of us, I can see you wincing--
Well, yes, I suppose that can be a good thing. Catharsis. I purge my pain in telling, and you yours in listening. I'll keep going, then.
Luke and Leia hadn't been born for very long when they were taken away. Obi-Wan and Yoda said that they would need to be separated, that singly they were both strong in the Force but together that strength was amplified, so Obi-Wan took Luke and gave Leia to Bail.
I didn't know until much, much later where Obi-Wan went with Luke. I'd discovered that I wasn't anchored to my body anymore, that I could go wherever I wanted, and I decided to stay with Leia. It's not that I didn't want to be with Luke--my son, my beautiful, newborn baby son, and my heart was breaking all over again to leave him--but I knew that with Obi-Wan to take care of him, I didn't need to worry about him. And it's not that I didn't trust Bail as much as I did Obi-Wan, but maybe dying had done something to me, freed me from some temporal constraints or something like that, and I just felt that Leia would need me more than Luke would. A touch of foresight, maybe. I remember that part of the Jedi Code--there is no death, there is only the Force--and thought that perhaps in death I had enough of the Force to sense what would be the best thing for me to do for my children.
So I followed our daughter to Alderaan, and saw Bail and his wife take her into their family and raise her as a princess. I never tired of watching her--watching her play with her friend Winter, go to her lessons, talk to her adoptive father. My heart was breaking because I couldn't do anything more than watch, but at the same time, it was healing, because she was happy.
I'd hoped she would sense me, but somehow I was surprised when she did. I know that she's Force-sensitive, but I couldn't be a ghost the way that Obi-Wan was for Luke, I couldn't communicate with anyone, but I hoped that Leia would sense me watching her anyway. And she did--I remember her going to Bail about it when she was ten. I will never forget that conversation.
"Papa," she'd said, "sometimes I feel like there's someone watching me."
Bail paled--it was obvious even to someone who couldn't read thoughts that he was afraid someone was spying on Leia, had figured out who she was, and so many fears along those lines. "Where do you feel someone watching you, sweetheart?" he'd managed to ask, eventually.
"Everywhere," Leia replied. "I like it. It makes me feel like someone loves me."
At that, I wanted to gather her into my arms, but Bail did it for me. "Someone does love you," he told her, looking immensely relieved. "I, for one, love you very much."
Leia giggled and kissed him on the cheek. "I know you do, but this is someone else." She looked thoughtful. "I think maybe it's my mother, my real one."
I wanted to cry, and regretted that I couldn't. Leia knew I was there, my beautiful daughter--she knew that I was there and that I loved her. Knowing that was worth all the years of watching.
Bail held her close, as I was longing to do. I wasn't jealous, though--I was just glad that someone could hold her, and was.
Finally, Leia leaned back, and said, as if confiding something secret, "She feels beautiful, Papa. Beautiful, but sad. I wish I could talk to her."
You can, my darling, I wanted to tell her. You can talk to me about anything...I wish I could reply.
Bail stroked her hair and held her closer. "Your mother was very beautiful," he told her softly, "and very sad when she died. And I know she loves you."
Leia nodded solemnly, and leaned her head against Bail's shoulder. "I know she does," she said. "And I'm glad."
They didn't really talk about me at all after that, which was probably for the best. Bail couldn't have given Leia too much information without compromising her safety--oh, Ani, don't look so guilty. It's over now, and you did want to hear what happened to me.
So Leia grew up into a lovely young woman, and a canny politician. As you know, she was eventually appointed Alderaan's representative in the Imperial Senate...I was so proud of her! She was so young, only just eighteen, but a lot wiser than I had been, even though I'd been in active politics for much longer. Don't argue, Ani--after all, I'm the reason Palpatine became Supreme Chancellor in the first place. I don't think Leia would have been so easily taken in by him.
I followed Leia everywhere--my tie to the corporeal world grew weaker as the years passed, until I didn't have the strength anymore to go anywhere other than where Leia was; she became my anchor. So many times I considered truly joining with the Force, but things were getting so dangerous, and even if I couldn't do anything, I wanted to watch my daughter, and let her feel me nearby. And I think it helped her, having me close, especially in the backstabbing world of Imperial politics. I was with her all the time, and I would let my love and pride in her flow from me, and I couldn't care that my efforts were making my connections to the world outside Leia fade, because I was repaid for any effort twice over by how her confidence was bolstered by feeling my unconditional love.
Then came the Death Star, and Leia's interrogation...I'll move on. No, Ani, it's not all right. It hurt me to watch you do that, but I know it hurts you, too, in hindsight, and we don't need to dredge that up again. The past two decades have hurt both of us enough, and I would think that my telling this story and your listening to it is enough pain for now, don't you agree? So I'll move on.
The Death Star destroying Alderaan was terrible, almost the worst thing I'd ever felt. Billions of people leaving life and rushing past me in my limbo to join the Force...despite lack of a body and lack of corporeal sensation, I felt dizzy and nauseated, and almost followed all those people as the path to the Force nearly grew stronger than my hold to the world. But Leia stayed standing on the bridge, and I stayed with her, and one of the things that sustained me was feeling you there and knowing that had you been in charge instead of Tarkin, Alderaan would not have been destroyed. Yes, I felt your own dizziness and nausea, and couldn't help but be glad that you weren't so far gone as Tarkin, to feel satisfaction in so much death.
And then Luke came. Just burst into Leia's cell and pulled off his borrowed stormtrooper helmet and exclaimed, "I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you!" That does sound like him, doesn't it? Our boy, who risked everything because he felt the spark of goodness left in you, our innocent Luke...it wasn't much of a rescue attempt, but it worked, against all odds. The Force was truly with our children then. Even more so that it was Luke who found Leia, the twins reunited for the first time since their birth. Despite all the danger, despite all the fear and anger and uncertainty, I think I would have cried with happiness if I could have. My children, together again--they could help each other, as siblings are supposed to, even if their own mother couldn't touch them.
The next few years were strangely almost harder than the previous two decades. Our children were together again, but had no idea of what they were to each other. Luke was very obviously infatuated with Leia, which Han Solo--don't give me that face, Anakin Skywalker. You may not like him very much--yes, I know he was a smuggler--but our daughter is in love with him, and he's in love with her too. You've done enough to him--
Oh, Anakin. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I know you regret the whole situation on Bespin, but you need to move past it. Both of us do.
If there will be no more interruptions? Don't give me that innocent look, either; you know it doesn't work on me.
Han Solo would constantly tease Luke about Leia, which Luke never took very well. There's no doubt about it; he has your temper and your impatience--both of them do, for that matter, though why they both had to be inflicted--all right, all right! They also have your dislike of being teased...yes, I'll get back to the story now.
Han teased Luke, but eventually it became obvious that he was falling in love with her, and she with him. She resisted, though, as much as I did, and with as much success. But what a rocky road their romance had...Han was clumsy in his persual, Leia was in denial, and both of them cared about Luke, whose feelings were plain, if not as brotherly as they should have been. Thank the Force they've changed by now, even if that kiss probably didn't help.
Yes, there was a kiss. Yes, it was on the lips. No, I don't know if there was tongue involved--I was trying not to look. Force, Anakin, you don't know how disturbing it was to watch a sister kiss her twin brother like she meant it, even if she was just trying to prove that she wasn't in love with Han! But there was thankfully only one kiss between them; after that, Leia finally pulled herself out of denial, and would only kiss Han.
Oh, don't give me that grouchy look. He does deserve her, you know. He's smart, brave, funny, and more loyal than is readily apparent. He could have abandoned our children whenever he wanted, but he never did, even when it was in his own best interests to do so. He may be a scoundrel, but he's a good one, and you should trust your daughter's choice, because she has wonderful judgment. They'll take care of each other.
Then Obi-Wan came to me. I wasn't a Force-ghost, but I was still part of the Force, so I guess he was able to talk to me. Only a year ago, now...I remember our conversation well.
"Padmé," he told me, "I know you've been watching Leia, and I think you've been a greater help to her than you realize. But it has been a long time since you passed into the Force...are you tired?"
"Yes," I said, because I was. The strain of keeping myself from completely joining the Force was taking its toll, and I could barely send my love to Leia anymore, much less Luke. I could touch him a few times, when he was with Leia, because I was still anchored to her, but I could do nothing more. And I was tired, so tired, but it made no difference to me. There were my children, my twins, at such a critical time in their lives, and I couldn't leave them alone yet.
Thank you, Ani. I'm not sure if I'm as strong as you say, but I do the best I can. That's all I'm able to do.
"It's remarkable that you've managed to hold on for so long, without being a Jedi," Obi-Wan said next. "But events are nearing their culmination point, and I think soon Luke will have to make his choice--I've sent him to Yoda, Padmé, to continue on the Jedi path. But Leia will have her own choice to make, and I think it will be easier for her with her mother nearby, so I have to ask you to hold on a bit longer."
"Of course," I told him, almost insulted that he would think that I would abandon her in such tumultuous times. I may not have been able to hold onto my life twenty years earlier, but I would not fade so easily from this world, not when at least one of my children still needed me. So I continued following Leia, and watched her fall deeper in love with her Captain Solo.
And then Bespin happened.
I think that was a low point for us all, Ani. We all lost something--you, your hopes for an easily recovered family; Luke, his innocence and a limb; Leia, her lover; and me...I was so angry at you, Anakin. How the man I loved could sink so low as to do things like that...I was angry at you for so long, and for the first time I despaired. I thought that there was nothing left of you anymore, and that I'd been a fool to have hoped otherwise.
I'm so glad to have been proven wrong.
The twins got closer to each other, after that, and I gave both of them all the love I had. I was fading more and more as time passed, but I had enough strength for that. And I wouldn't let myself go, not when both of them were still so fragile after their losses. Both struggled to put on a brave front, though Leia succeeded better than Luke did; then again, as a politician she's had to gain experience in hiding her true feelings. Luke felt so lost, for a time, but then he threw himself into trying to find Han, and building his new lightsaber, and that whole mess with Xizor...having something to do helped him pull himself up.
But Luke still grew farther away from me. He's so much like you, Anakin. Being a Jedi is in his blood and bone--and you were a Jedi again in the end, don't argue with me on that. But I think it was a failing of mine that I never quite understood the Jedi side of you, and perhaps if I had, things would have turned out differently. Don't worry, I'm not blaming myself, except in being blind to what Palpatine was, but we all share the blame for that.
I understood the Force better, after being so long a part of it, but not enough to help Luke. I think he has a lonely road ahead of him, and I don't know where it will take him. He's so much like you...
But Leia, I've always understood. She followed in my footsteps as much as she followed in Bail's, and while I've always felt close to her, after Bespin I felt closer still. She'd fallen in love, too, and had no idea how to deal with it--and then just as she was beginning to learn, he was taken from her, and she had to try and find him. I'm just glad it didn't take her and Han as long as it took us. You know she left the Rebellion for a while to get to him? She made her choice, of love over duty, and then Han made his, of love over freedom, so I think they'll be all right. They know what their priorities are, didn't try to have everything like we did, so I think things will work out for them.
Luke believed in you, you know--of course you do. But that night in Endor's forests, right before he surrendered to you, he told Leia that he felt there was still good in you, and that was why he had to go to you again. And suddenly I had hope again...though I didn't want to. I didn't want another disappointment, because I wasn't sure if I would have the strength to hold on if I lost my hope again. But Luke was so confident, and I thought, if he could see the good in you that I'd also seen, even after you turned...maybe I was right to hope.
And I was. I was! Leia wasn't sure, and I could tell that all throughout her own battle on Endor, her mind was split between her brother and what she was doing. She worried so, raged and cried to Han and felt helpless, but the Jedi returned, triumphant--Luke to his sister, and you to me. And then I felt you again, full of light and love...
Promise me, Anakin. Promise me that you won't leave me again. I know that we're both part of the Force now, but it's been so long, and so much has happened.... Yes, I know that. I know you would never willingly leave me again, but I had to hear it. Anakin, I love you so...
Come on, now. You've heard my story, and the twins have each other and their friends. They'll be taken care of.
Let's go home.