Don't Forget
A/N: First OhgoJima one-shot. Written in Suzuka's POV. I think it’s good, you should try reading it :D LOL. for shinju_10 and theivorykeys
Yuto and I stood outside the clinic in utter disbelief. My heart felt like it would burst out of my skin any minute. I gathered every ounce of courage I had inside of me then forced a smile.
“Ne - Ne, hon, we’ll go to another doctor, okay? Maybe the doctor just made a mistake here.” I told him, my voice shaking.
His face was grim but then he managed a weak smile. “No, hon. It’s okay. I - I …”
There was a discomfited silence that filled the space separating us. I stared at my feet, my eyes brimming with tears.
“Hon, stop crying.” He took my hand and walked with me away from the clinic. “Let’s - Let’s just accept my fate.”
I wiped the corner of my eyes, fighting the urge to cry more now that he had comforted me. I was supposed to be the one who’s comforting him but it was the other way around.
“I’m sorry… I just…” my voice faded.
“Let’s go home.”
We tried to live our lives as normally as we could but Yuto’s condition made it unbelievably hard for the three of us. The weekly chemotherapy sessions were one of the most unbearable moments we’ve had to endure. We’d stay at the hospital for a couple of days where Yuto would be bombarded with medicines and several hours later, side effects would occur. He’d vomit all the contents of his stomach and would suffer from severe bouts of nausea.
But it wasn’t even half of the pain he experienced. Every night, when his headaches were at their peak, I would find him crammed up in one corner, crumbling in pain as he tried in vain to pull his hair out. His face was always stained with tears; his eyes blood shot, and his cheeks contorted with pain. The sight of him just shreds my heart into a million pieces that I could hardly come up to him and to provide him comfort, something that had abandoned me ever since his condition came up. He tried so much not to scream but his attempts were as futile as his medicines were to making him feel any better.
Every morning, when Yuto was fast asleep, I would find Yugo in his room, eyes red from crying when he’d be awakened by his father’s cry of agony. He was five by then.
Days turned to weeks and finally turned to months when we found ourselves back in the hospital. Yuto was looking worse than ever. The luster of his face was nowhere to be found anymore. His eyes were almost deep-set, his lips pale, cheeks gaunt, and his hair (what’s left of it after countless chemotherapy sessions) shriveled in odd ways. He always tried to smile, tried hard to hide the pain he felt inside of him, but all of them were just feeble facades to hoodwink anyone who came to visit. His bandmates would visit and talk to him for a couple of hours, making him feel a little bit better. However, when everyone would be off home, he’d slump back in his bed and stare at the window. I understood him, they had been friends for so long that he’d feel at ease with them.
We spent the following days in the hospital, since Yuto's condition worsened. The once intermittent attacks of his brain tumor became erratic and more deleterious to him. The pain relievers that the doctors prescribed for him weren’t working anymore. They even had morphine on him but the effects would just last for a couple of minutes and his hell would resume soon enough. All I could do was to hug him and tell him how much I loved him, hoping that those words would help him feel a bit better.
It was the 15th of November. Yugo and I were both tending to Yuto, after JUMP came to visit. Yugo was feeding his father with bread while I watched them with earnest concentration. The smiles on both their faces were much too dear to me that I held on to that moment and kept it in my memory.
“Papa, open wide!” Yugo said, forcing the piece of bread on Yuto’s mouth.
“Enough already, papa is full.” Yuto whined but I could sense that he was just playing with our son.
“That’s enough now Yugo.” I said, taking the bread from him. “Let papa rest.”
“Okay, but Mama, I want to stay until later. I want to feed Papa again!” he said cheerfully.
I saw Yuto stifle a sob then he looked away from Yugo.
“Okay, but I guess you should sleep now so you could have more energy when it’s time to feed papa.”
“Un!” he nodded and then moved to the couch on the other side of the room. In a couple of silent minutes, Yugo was then asleep.
I looked from Yugo to Yuto then to my lap as I saw my husband crying. Taking a deep breath, I looked up and smiled at him sympathetically. “W - What’s the problem?”
I waited for a couple of seconds before he was able to answer. “I - I’m afraid…”
His statement stunned me for a minute. Yuto wasn’t the one who’d admit feelings like this. I rummaged for something good to answer him with but ended up using the most idiotic answer one could give to a person with a condition like his. “I - It’s okay. It’s natural to be afraid of something, especially something like this…”
“No. It’s not like that.” He said, wiping the tears from his eyes, and then they lingered on our sleeping son on the couch. “I’m afraid that Yugo might not remember me when he grows up.”
This even stunned me more. It seemed though that the tears I have been trying to hold back just burst out of my eyes and I cried so hard that it made the need to breathe such a nuisance. He was right, what if Yugo would eventually forget him? What if in the end, Yugo would lose all his memories of Yuto? The thought of it almost made me want to tear myself apart but I didn’t. I looked him in the eye and tried hard to look strong.
“I - I won’t let that happen.” I said, my voice shaking. “I won’t let him forget you. You’ve been a great father to him and he loves you so much. He’ll never forget you.”
“I know you won’t…” he whispered. “But I just can’t help it.”
“I promise you. He’ll never forget you. But please, let’s not talk about this. Don’t make it sound like you’re leaving.”
He smiled the smile that I liked most about him. “Let’s not fool ourselves anymore, Suzu-chan. I’m not staying longer anymore.”
“Stop it!”
“No, there’s no way out of this. Just always remember, always remember… I love you.”
“I - I love you too.”
Yuto and I stood outside the clinic in utter disbelief. My heart felt like it would burst out of my skin any minute. I gathered every ounce of courage I had inside of me then forced a smile.
“Ne - Ne, hon, we’ll go to another doctor, okay? Maybe the doctor just made a mistake here.” I told him, my voice shaking.
His face was grim but then he managed a weak smile. “No, hon. It’s okay. I - I …”
There was a discomfited silence that filled the space separating us. I stared at my feet, my eyes brimming with tears.
“Hon, stop crying.” He took my hand and walked with me away from the clinic. “Let’s - Let’s just accept my fate.”
I wiped the corner of my eyes, fighting the urge to cry more now that he had comforted me. I was supposed to be the one who’s comforting him but it was the other way around.
“I’m sorry… I just…” my voice faded.
“Let’s go home.”
We tried to live our lives as normally as we could but Yuto’s condition made it unbelievably hard for the three of us. The weekly chemotherapy sessions were one of the most unbearable moments we’ve had to endure. We’d stay at the hospital for a couple of days where Yuto would be bombarded with medicines and several hours later, side effects would occur. He’d vomit all the contents of his stomach and would suffer from severe bouts of nausea.
But it wasn’t even half of the pain he experienced. Every night, when his headaches were at their peak, I would find him crammed up in one corner, crumbling in pain as he tried in vain to pull his hair out. His face was always stained with tears; his eyes blood shot, and his cheeks contorted with pain. The sight of him just shreds my heart into a million pieces that I could hardly come up to him and to provide him comfort, something that had abandoned me ever since his condition came up. He tried so much not to scream but his attempts were as futile as his medicines were to making him feel any better.
Every morning, when Yuto was fast asleep, I would find Yugo in his room, eyes red from crying when he’d be awakened by his father’s cry of agony. He was five by then.
Days turned to weeks and finally turned to months when we found ourselves back in the hospital. Yuto was looking worse than ever. The luster of his face was nowhere to be found anymore. His eyes were almost deep-set, his lips pale, cheeks gaunt, and his hair (what’s left of it after countless chemotherapy sessions) shriveled in odd ways. He always tried to smile, tried hard to hide the pain he felt inside of him, but all of them were just feeble facades to hoodwink anyone who came to visit. His bandmates would visit and talk to him for a couple of hours, making him feel a little bit better. However, when everyone would be off home, he’d slump back in his bed and stare at the window. I understood him, they had been friends for so long that he’d feel at ease with them.
We spent the following days in the hospital, since Yuto's condition worsened. The once intermittent attacks of his brain tumor became erratic and more deleterious to him. The pain relievers that the doctors prescribed for him weren’t working anymore. They even had morphine on him but the effects would just last for a couple of minutes and his hell would resume soon enough. All I could do was to hug him and tell him how much I loved him, hoping that those words would help him feel a bit better.
It was the 15th of November. Yugo and I were both tending to Yuto, after JUMP came to visit. Yugo was feeding his father with bread while I watched them with earnest concentration. The smiles on both their faces were much too dear to me that I held on to that moment and kept it in my memory.
“Papa, open wide!” Yugo said, forcing the piece of bread on Yuto’s mouth.
“Enough already, papa is full.” Yuto whined but I could sense that he was just playing with our son.
“That’s enough now Yugo.” I said, taking the bread from him. “Let papa rest.”
“Okay, but Mama, I want to stay until later. I want to feed Papa again!” he said cheerfully.
I saw Yuto stifle a sob then he looked away from Yugo.
“Okay, but I guess you should sleep now so you could have more energy when it’s time to feed papa.”
“Un!” he nodded and then moved to the couch on the other side of the room. In a couple of silent minutes, Yugo was then asleep.
I looked from Yugo to Yuto then to my lap as I saw my husband crying. Taking a deep breath, I looked up and smiled at him sympathetically. “W - What’s the problem?”
I waited for a couple of seconds before he was able to answer. “I - I’m afraid…”
His statement stunned me for a minute. Yuto wasn’t the one who’d admit feelings like this. I rummaged for something good to answer him with but ended up using the most idiotic answer one could give to a person with a condition like his. “I - It’s okay. It’s natural to be afraid of something, especially something like this…”
“No. It’s not like that.” He said, wiping the tears from his eyes, and then they lingered on our sleeping son on the couch. “I’m afraid that Yugo might not remember me when he grows up.”
This even stunned me more. It seemed though that the tears I have been trying to hold back just burst out of my eyes and I cried so hard that it made the need to breathe such a nuisance. He was right, what if Yugo would eventually forget him? What if in the end, Yugo would lose all his memories of Yuto? The thought of it almost made me want to tear myself apart but I didn’t. I looked him in the eye and tried hard to look strong.
“I - I won’t let that happen.” I said, my voice shaking. “I won’t let him forget you. You’ve been a great father to him and he loves you so much. He’ll never forget you.”
“I know you won’t…” he whispered. “But I just can’t help it.”
“I promise you. He’ll never forget you. But please, let’s not talk about this. Don’t make it sound like you’re leaving.”
He smiled the smile that I liked most about him. “Let’s not fool ourselves anymore, Suzu-chan. I’m not staying longer anymore.”
“Stop it!”
“No, there’s no way out of this. Just always remember, always remember… I love you.”
“I - I love you too.”