You're Not Alone
Pairings: Akanishikido, Koyapi, Junda, broken Ryoda, one-sided Ryopi and KoyaRyo
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Warnings: sort of rushed? twisted way of thinking? OOC
Summary: Ryo shows up at Koyama's house injuired and not wanting to call Ueda for help. While Koyama, Jin, and Yamapi try to find out what happend to Ryo, they fight with their own feelings.
“Kei-nii” Ryo whimpered as he rang the door bell. “Ryo-chan it‘s been awhile, come in,” Koyama smiled when he opened the door. “Kei-nii,” Ryo cried hugging Koyama. “Ryo-chan, What happened?” Koyama asked with concern when he saw the younger boy in baggy, torn and dirty clothes unable to cover his cuts and bruises. “It hurts,” Ryo cried. “Ryo, Who did this to you?” Koyama asked. “No” Ryo shook his head crying. “Do you want me to call Ueda?” Koyama asked. “No,” Ryo whimpered, hearing his boyfriend’s name. “Ryo, lets go inside first,” Koyama replied and picked Ryo up, carrying the injured boy inside.
“Ryo, I’m going to put you in a bath, get your injuries treated, then you have to tell me what happened,” Koyama told Ryo after placing Ryo on his living room couch. “Jin?… Don’t leave me alone,” Ryo whispered pulling on Koyama’s sleeve to prevent him from leaving. “Ryo-chan, Jin isn‘t here,” Koyama replied softly. “I’m only going to prepare a bath for you; I’m not leaving you alone,” Koyama replied. “I’ll never leave you alone…” Koyama whispered to himself. “Ryo, it’s ok, I’ll be back,” Koyama comforted.
Koyama stared at Ryo worriedly as Ryo slowly let go of Koyama’s sleeve, letting his arm drop down on his lap. Ryo curled into a ball when Koyama went to prepare a bath for him. “Tat-chan…” “Tat-chan…” Ryo cried softly to himself. “It’s not true…” Ryo whispered to himself. “Jin… please save me…” Ryo cried to himself without knowing, before giving in to exhaustion.
“Ryo-chan, wake up,” Koyama said softly, when he entered the living room. “Kei-nii?” Ryo called out. “I’m here,” Koyama replied. “I’m bad… really bad…” Ryo cried. “How are you bad?” Koyama questioned while gently, stroking Ryo’s cheek. “I…I…I…” Ryo repeated. “I, what?” Koyama asked. “I…” Ryo cried unable to continue. “Ryo… If it’s too hard for you, you can tell me later.” “I called Jin and Yamapi earlier to tell them about you, they will probably arrive soon,” Koyama comforted. “Jin…” Ryo whispered to himself. “I think that’s them,” Koyama said, getting up to open the door when he heard a ring.
“Ryo!” Jin and Yamapi cried out worriedly, walking towards Ryo. “Jin…Pi-chan…” Ryo replied. “Ryo, lets get you cleaned up, then tell us what happened,” Jin said caringly. “Jin…” Ryo smiled. “Yes, I’m here Ryo,” Jin replied before kissing Ryo on the cheek. “Ryo-chan, you can rest afterwards. Okay?” Yamapi suggested, and Ryo nodded slowly. Jin kissed Ryo on the cheek one more time before picking Ryo up towards the bathroom. Koyama stared at Ryo worriedly and cried softly to himself after the three left to clean Ryo. “Ryo…I’ll protect you,” Koyama said to himself, staring off at the direction the three younger men left to.
“Don’t cry alone,” Koyama heard before a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. “Yamapi?…Weren’t you helping Jin with Ryo?” Koyama asked. “I came back because I saw your sad face, and because Jin doesn’t need my help, and I won’t let you be hurt alone,” Yamapi whispered to Koyama. “I…He only sees me like a older brother,” Koyama whispered. “You’re not the only one, we all love Ryo,” Yamapi started. “All three of us love him more than just friends, but he’s with Ueda…” Yamapi said sadly. “You two love him too?” Koyama asked. “We do, but we want him to be happy,” Yamapi replied.
“I’m slowly letting go of my love for him and slowly falling for you…” Yamapi said softly. “Would you do the same?” Yamapi asked. “Yamapi, I love him…” Koyama cried. “I know you do, but to not let this pain haunt us any longer… won’t you try?” Yamapi asked. “I don’t know… it’s so hard…” Koyama cried. “I know,” Yamapi said softly. “Won’t we just be using each other?” Koyama asked. “If you don‘t mind, I won‘t mind.” Yamapi replied. “It’ll take us time,” Koyama whispered. “It will… but at least we won‘t be hurt alone,” Yamapi replied.
“Then… I will try my best to fall in love with you,” Koyama smiled sadly. “I will too, and we could both protect Ryo together,” Yamapi smiled back. “Does that mean we are officially a couple?” Koyama asked. “I guess, but it’ll probably take us a few months or even a few years to do things regular couples do,” Yamapi replied. “Should we go back to help Ryo?” Koyama asked. “I think Jin’s enough for him right now…” Yamapi replied. The two silently went to sit in the living room couch, to wait for Jin and Ryo.
“Yamapi… You said Jin likes Ryo too,” Koyama said softly. “Yes he does… What about it?” Yamapi asked. “Won’t he be alone is we are together?” Koyama asked. “That guy… he fell in love too late… Ryo and Jin would have made the perfect couple but they both didn’t realize it,” Yamapi started. “Not until Ryo and Ueda started to like each other, Jin realized his feelings. It was already too late…” “I think Ryo might like Jin back but he’s already with Ueda…” Yamapi laughed bitterly. “We can only support Jin because his love for Ryo is the greatest out of all three of us,” Yamapi said softly. “At least Ryo is happy with Ueda… Speaking of Ueda, should we call him? I asked Ryo but he said no,” Koyama asked. “Ryo probably doesn’t want Ueda to see him this way… so we shouldn’t,” Yamapi replied.
“Pi…” Jin called when he joined them. “Kei-chan, can you go to Ryo? I put him in your room,” Jin asked Koyama. “Okay,” Koyama nodded before heading towards the guess room. “What’s wrong?” Yamapi asked with concern when Koyama left. “Pi…he… had so much bruises and cuts, old and new,” Jin cried. “His whole body was marked up… he was so thin…I felt like he would break in my arms…” Jin cried and Yamapi stayed silent.
“What the hell is Ueda doing? Ryo is his boyfriend and doesn’t even know how to take care of Ryo properly, he’s a fucking boxer! How can he not protect Ryo?” Jin cried angrily when Yamapi pulled Jin into a comforting hug, while crying himself. “How can Ryo be so hurt and Ueda not know anything?…” Jin sobbed into Yamapi’s chest. “I don’t know, but I will get the answer out of him…” Yamapi replied. “I thought Ueda would have been able to protect Ryo, I thought he would have been the one to make Ryo happy…” Jin whispered, as his sobbing turned to silent tears. “I thought so too…” Yamapi cried while holding Jin, trying to stop the two of them from shaking in anger, sadness, and guilt.
“Jin… Ryo keeps calling for you,” Koyama said as he appeared in the living room. “What happened?” Yamapi asked when Jin left to Koyama’s room. “I don’t know… he just kept calling for Jin, no matter how much I tried to calm him down…” Koyama replied softly. “I’m going to check on him, come with me,” Yamapi replied, taking Koyama’s hand before dragging them to Koyama’s room.
“Jin?…” Ryo called out. “Yes, I’m here,” Jin replied. “Jin…” Ryo cried reaching both bands up for a hug. “Yes, Ryo?” Jin replied before pulling Ryo up into a hug trying his hardest to keep his tears in. “Do you hate me?” Ryo asked. “No! Of course I don’t! I love you! Why would you think that?” Jin replied a little to loudly making Ryo flinch. “Are you mad?” Ryo whimpered, starting to cry. “Ryo don’t cry, I’m not mad,” Jin sighed before putting Ryo back in bed.
“Ryo get some rest, we’ll make you something to eat when you wake up. Tell us what happened afterwards, okay?” Jin asked. “No!” Ryo cried shaking his head. “Ryo,” Jin sighed. “No Jin, don’t leave me,” Ryo cried. “I’m not leaving you…” Jin said worriedly. “You are…” Ryo cried. “Ryo, what makes you think that?” Jin questioned. “No… I want Jin to stay with me forever,” Ryo cried. “Ryo… Go to sleep, we could talk about what happened later… please…” Jin pleaded. “No… you’ll leave me…” Ryo cried. “If I stay with you, would you sleep?” Jin asked and Ryo nodded hopefully. “Good,” Jin smiled before climbing in bed and pulling Ryo into a protective hug.
“I think we should leave them alone, and make some porridge for Ryo,” Koyama suggested, witnessing the scene with Yamapi. Yamapi nodded and headed towards the kitchen. “Yamapi, Your jealous,” Koyama commented. “I’m not…” Yamapi denied. “You are! You’re clenching your hands and you looked like you were about to kill Jin!” Koyama argued. “I… didn’t want it to be this way…” Yamapi whispered, turning away in shame. “Look at me! It’s normal to feel that way… because I feel that way every time I see Ueda…” Koyama cried.
“I’m suppose to let Ryo go, so he could be happy, so I could be free from pain… I wanted and needed to, that was when I saw you, and realized you were the same. We both tried to hide our feelings and ended up more hurt,” Yamapi whispered. “I don’t want to feel the guilt of wanting to hurt Ueda every time I saw Ryo and Ueda together. This time it was Jin, and I know it’s slowly getting worst…” Yamapi cried. “That’s why you have me to fall in love with, so we could both be free,” Koyama whispered before pulling Yamapi into a hug. “Thank you,” Yamapi whispered. “I want to thank you too,” Koyama replied.
“What about Jin? Ryo seems to be depending on him, Jin will only be hurt in the end…” Koyama said sadly. “The reason we let Ryo be with Ueda without a fight was because we thought Ryo would be happy and safe. Now that we saw Ryo hurt this badly… Jin will probably try to steal Ryo away,” Yamapi replied. “Will Ryo be happy that way?” Koyama asked. “I don’t know… I feel bad for Ueda but if Jin was the one with Ryo… I’ll feel better and Ryo would be closer, so we’ll know he’s safe,” Yamapi replied. “Lets go make the porridge before we get distracted…” Koyama suggested, not wanting to have the conversation any longer. “Yeah…” Yamapi agreed before the two started getting everything ready. Silence took over the room as the two made porridge for Ryo and fixed up some food for the three of them.
“Yamapi, remember you’re not alone,” Koyama comforted when they finished cooking, before pulling him into a hug. “Even though I can’t love you the way I love Ryo right now, I still care for you,” Koyama whispered. “Thank you, and I can say the same to you,” Yamapi smiled. “If you are tired, you can cry in front of me,” Koyama offered. “Thank you…” Yamapi whispered before letting his tears flow freely. Koyama could only hold Yamapi tightly as the younger man cried. “We should bring some food to them,” Yamapi suggested while wiping his tears away and Koyama nodded in agreement.
“Jin, Ryo, wake up and eat,” Yamapi and Koyama said before putting down the food on the desk. “No,” Ryo whined from Jin’s chest. “Ryo, sit up so we can eat,” Jin laughed. “Fine,” Ryo pouted before sitting up. Yamapi handed the bowl of porridge over to Ryo who refused to hold it. “I’m injured, feed me Jin,” Ryo pouted. “Fine,” Jin laughed before taking the bowl from Yamapi. Yamapi and Koyama stared at them for a few seconds before eating themselves. When Jin finished eating, Yamapi handed Jin his own plate of food to eat.
“So Ryo-chan, What happened yesterday?” Yamapi questioned when they all finished eating. “No… I’m a bad person…” Ryo whispered to himself over and over before holding his head and screaming in sorrow. “Ryo, What‘s wrong?” The three cried worriedly. “Ryo, calm down,” Jin cried, holding Ryo in place. “Jin… Can you forgive me?” Ryo finally asked when he calmed down. “For what?” Jin asked. “I’ll tell you everything if you promise to not get mad at me…” Ryo whispered. “I promise, just tell us what’s wrong,” Jin pleaded.
“You know Tatsuya… I thought I loved him…” Ryo started. “I thought it was love but it wasn’t love, it was pity and he knew it.” Ryo whispered in a torn voice. “Tatsuya started becoming abusive, and I let him take control of me because I trusted him and I was filled with guilt… again he knew that too,” Ryo laughed weakly. “I thought I was ok with everything, I though it was the only thing I could do for him…” Ryo sobbed. “I was ok with it… and he started getting more violent and started to forbid me from leaving the house… again I was fine with it,” Ryo smiled through tears.
“Tatsuya… he hated hurting me… I turned him into a monster…” Ryo whispered. “Finally he snapped and started to love seeing me in pain…” Ryo laughed quietly. “Whether it was knifes, whips, or by his own hands, he wouldn’t stop until I couldn’t move,” Ryo laughed again. “Again… I was fine with it… but it only made him go more into depression and insanity and I couldn’t do anything.” Ryo whispered. “I gave up everything, my body, my heart, and my soul to heal him but I couldn’t turn him back to normal,” Ryo cried.
“I wanted to save him, I wanted him to find someone else to love, and experience happier things but he didn’t agree,” Ryo cried before hugging his knees. “My heart couldn’t take what he was doing to me anymore because I found out the person I loved was Jin…” Ryo whispered. “I betrayed him, I left him alone, I betrayed Tatsuya because of my selfish wishes,” Ryo sobbed.
“Ryo, it’s not your fault,” Jin comforted, pulling Ryo into a hug. “I hurt him so badly, ruined him, stole his happiness!” Ryo screamed through tears. “Ryo, he hurt you,” Jin cried. “I don’t care what the reason is, but if someone hurts you, I’ll never forgive that person!” Jin screamed back. “Jin… Don‘t hurt him” Ryo sobbed. “Ryo… Please don’t think about him anymore,” Jin replied before trying to get up. “Don’t hurt him,” Ryo pleaded, pulling Jin‘s arms.
“Ryo… I can’t not… after what he’s done to you…” Jin whispered. “No, don’t hurt him,” Ryo cried over and over again. “Ryo, I love you so I won’t do anything to him yet, but I can’t promise you that I won’t when I see him,” Jin whispered, staring into Ryo’s eyes. “Jin…” Ryo whispered back before hugging him. “Ryo, I will never leave you alone,” Jin smiled. “Ryo, you can move in with me since you live with Ueda,” Jin suggested and Ryo nodded.
Yamapi and Koyama looked at Jin with jealousy before leaving the room. “You’re not alone…” Yamapi and Koyama whispered to each other. Koyama smiled and embraced Yamapi. “Jin… can protect Ryo,” Yamapi whispered and Koyama nodded. “In time, maybe we can be happy too,” Koyama whispered. “We can and will be,” Yamapi replied.
“I never knew Ueda would be abusive though…” Koyama whispered, interrupting the comfortable silence. “I want to kill him but I know it would only sadden Ryo,” Yamapi whispered angrily. “He was hurt but he turned the wrong path,” Koyama whispered.
Back at Ueda’s house, Ueda was hugging his knees crying. “Ryo… Where are you?” Ueda cried to himself. Ueda stared at the wall in front of him before he was interrupted by his phone. Picking up his phone, he read the text sent to him.
Sorry for being selfish. Sorry for not loving you the right way. I love you and care for you as a great friend. I will pray for your happiness. Remember that you’re not alone. One day you’ll find that person who will love you and care for you. Tatsuya, I’m sorry… I love You, but it’s not the same kind as yours. I hope what happened between us doesn’t affect our relationship. You’re not alone.
~Nishikido Ryo
“Ryo you idiot… I hurt you so badly,” Ueda sobbed. “I can never find anyone as great as you…” Ueda whispered to himself. “I can’t live without you...” Ueda cried. Ueda got up and left his house in depression. Ueda wandered through the streets before bumping into a tall, cheerful man. “Sorry,” Ueda apologized before walking away before he was pulled into a hug.
“What the hell?” Ueda screamed. “You look like you needed a hug,” the taller man smiled. “I don’t need your pity,” Ueda glared. “In this world you’ll find yourself in pain and alone but you’ll find someone who will make you feel not alone,” the man smiled. “You’re not alone,” the man smiled. “Thank you… I’m Ueda Tatsuya,” Ueda smiled softly. “You’re prettier when you smile, I’m Taguchi Junnosuke,” the taller man smiled. The two of them smiled before getting to know each other. “You’re not alone, Ryo you were right, I’m not,” Ueda whispered to himself before pulling Junno into a hug.
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Warnings: sort of rushed? twisted way of thinking? OOC
Summary: Ryo shows up at Koyama's house injuired and not wanting to call Ueda for help. While Koyama, Jin, and Yamapi try to find out what happend to Ryo, they fight with their own feelings.
“Kei-nii” Ryo whimpered as he rang the door bell. “Ryo-chan it‘s been awhile, come in,” Koyama smiled when he opened the door. “Kei-nii,” Ryo cried hugging Koyama. “Ryo-chan, What happened?” Koyama asked with concern when he saw the younger boy in baggy, torn and dirty clothes unable to cover his cuts and bruises. “It hurts,” Ryo cried. “Ryo, Who did this to you?” Koyama asked. “No” Ryo shook his head crying. “Do you want me to call Ueda?” Koyama asked. “No,” Ryo whimpered, hearing his boyfriend’s name. “Ryo, lets go inside first,” Koyama replied and picked Ryo up, carrying the injured boy inside.
“Ryo, I’m going to put you in a bath, get your injuries treated, then you have to tell me what happened,” Koyama told Ryo after placing Ryo on his living room couch. “Jin?… Don’t leave me alone,” Ryo whispered pulling on Koyama’s sleeve to prevent him from leaving. “Ryo-chan, Jin isn‘t here,” Koyama replied softly. “I’m only going to prepare a bath for you; I’m not leaving you alone,” Koyama replied. “I’ll never leave you alone…” Koyama whispered to himself. “Ryo, it’s ok, I’ll be back,” Koyama comforted.
Koyama stared at Ryo worriedly as Ryo slowly let go of Koyama’s sleeve, letting his arm drop down on his lap. Ryo curled into a ball when Koyama went to prepare a bath for him. “Tat-chan…” “Tat-chan…” Ryo cried softly to himself. “It’s not true…” Ryo whispered to himself. “Jin… please save me…” Ryo cried to himself without knowing, before giving in to exhaustion.
“Ryo-chan, wake up,” Koyama said softly, when he entered the living room. “Kei-nii?” Ryo called out. “I’m here,” Koyama replied. “I’m bad… really bad…” Ryo cried. “How are you bad?” Koyama questioned while gently, stroking Ryo’s cheek. “I…I…I…” Ryo repeated. “I, what?” Koyama asked. “I…” Ryo cried unable to continue. “Ryo… If it’s too hard for you, you can tell me later.” “I called Jin and Yamapi earlier to tell them about you, they will probably arrive soon,” Koyama comforted. “Jin…” Ryo whispered to himself. “I think that’s them,” Koyama said, getting up to open the door when he heard a ring.
“Ryo!” Jin and Yamapi cried out worriedly, walking towards Ryo. “Jin…Pi-chan…” Ryo replied. “Ryo, lets get you cleaned up, then tell us what happened,” Jin said caringly. “Jin…” Ryo smiled. “Yes, I’m here Ryo,” Jin replied before kissing Ryo on the cheek. “Ryo-chan, you can rest afterwards. Okay?” Yamapi suggested, and Ryo nodded slowly. Jin kissed Ryo on the cheek one more time before picking Ryo up towards the bathroom. Koyama stared at Ryo worriedly and cried softly to himself after the three left to clean Ryo. “Ryo…I’ll protect you,” Koyama said to himself, staring off at the direction the three younger men left to.
“Don’t cry alone,” Koyama heard before a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. “Yamapi?…Weren’t you helping Jin with Ryo?” Koyama asked. “I came back because I saw your sad face, and because Jin doesn’t need my help, and I won’t let you be hurt alone,” Yamapi whispered to Koyama. “I…He only sees me like a older brother,” Koyama whispered. “You’re not the only one, we all love Ryo,” Yamapi started. “All three of us love him more than just friends, but he’s with Ueda…” Yamapi said sadly. “You two love him too?” Koyama asked. “We do, but we want him to be happy,” Yamapi replied.
“I’m slowly letting go of my love for him and slowly falling for you…” Yamapi said softly. “Would you do the same?” Yamapi asked. “Yamapi, I love him…” Koyama cried. “I know you do, but to not let this pain haunt us any longer… won’t you try?” Yamapi asked. “I don’t know… it’s so hard…” Koyama cried. “I know,” Yamapi said softly. “Won’t we just be using each other?” Koyama asked. “If you don‘t mind, I won‘t mind.” Yamapi replied. “It’ll take us time,” Koyama whispered. “It will… but at least we won‘t be hurt alone,” Yamapi replied.
“Then… I will try my best to fall in love with you,” Koyama smiled sadly. “I will too, and we could both protect Ryo together,” Yamapi smiled back. “Does that mean we are officially a couple?” Koyama asked. “I guess, but it’ll probably take us a few months or even a few years to do things regular couples do,” Yamapi replied. “Should we go back to help Ryo?” Koyama asked. “I think Jin’s enough for him right now…” Yamapi replied. The two silently went to sit in the living room couch, to wait for Jin and Ryo.
“Yamapi… You said Jin likes Ryo too,” Koyama said softly. “Yes he does… What about it?” Yamapi asked. “Won’t he be alone is we are together?” Koyama asked. “That guy… he fell in love too late… Ryo and Jin would have made the perfect couple but they both didn’t realize it,” Yamapi started. “Not until Ryo and Ueda started to like each other, Jin realized his feelings. It was already too late…” “I think Ryo might like Jin back but he’s already with Ueda…” Yamapi laughed bitterly. “We can only support Jin because his love for Ryo is the greatest out of all three of us,” Yamapi said softly. “At least Ryo is happy with Ueda… Speaking of Ueda, should we call him? I asked Ryo but he said no,” Koyama asked. “Ryo probably doesn’t want Ueda to see him this way… so we shouldn’t,” Yamapi replied.
“Pi…” Jin called when he joined them. “Kei-chan, can you go to Ryo? I put him in your room,” Jin asked Koyama. “Okay,” Koyama nodded before heading towards the guess room. “What’s wrong?” Yamapi asked with concern when Koyama left. “Pi…he… had so much bruises and cuts, old and new,” Jin cried. “His whole body was marked up… he was so thin…I felt like he would break in my arms…” Jin cried and Yamapi stayed silent.
“What the hell is Ueda doing? Ryo is his boyfriend and doesn’t even know how to take care of Ryo properly, he’s a fucking boxer! How can he not protect Ryo?” Jin cried angrily when Yamapi pulled Jin into a comforting hug, while crying himself. “How can Ryo be so hurt and Ueda not know anything?…” Jin sobbed into Yamapi’s chest. “I don’t know, but I will get the answer out of him…” Yamapi replied. “I thought Ueda would have been able to protect Ryo, I thought he would have been the one to make Ryo happy…” Jin whispered, as his sobbing turned to silent tears. “I thought so too…” Yamapi cried while holding Jin, trying to stop the two of them from shaking in anger, sadness, and guilt.
“Jin… Ryo keeps calling for you,” Koyama said as he appeared in the living room. “What happened?” Yamapi asked when Jin left to Koyama’s room. “I don’t know… he just kept calling for Jin, no matter how much I tried to calm him down…” Koyama replied softly. “I’m going to check on him, come with me,” Yamapi replied, taking Koyama’s hand before dragging them to Koyama’s room.
“Jin?…” Ryo called out. “Yes, I’m here,” Jin replied. “Jin…” Ryo cried reaching both bands up for a hug. “Yes, Ryo?” Jin replied before pulling Ryo up into a hug trying his hardest to keep his tears in. “Do you hate me?” Ryo asked. “No! Of course I don’t! I love you! Why would you think that?” Jin replied a little to loudly making Ryo flinch. “Are you mad?” Ryo whimpered, starting to cry. “Ryo don’t cry, I’m not mad,” Jin sighed before putting Ryo back in bed.
“Ryo get some rest, we’ll make you something to eat when you wake up. Tell us what happened afterwards, okay?” Jin asked. “No!” Ryo cried shaking his head. “Ryo,” Jin sighed. “No Jin, don’t leave me,” Ryo cried. “I’m not leaving you…” Jin said worriedly. “You are…” Ryo cried. “Ryo, what makes you think that?” Jin questioned. “No… I want Jin to stay with me forever,” Ryo cried. “Ryo… Go to sleep, we could talk about what happened later… please…” Jin pleaded. “No… you’ll leave me…” Ryo cried. “If I stay with you, would you sleep?” Jin asked and Ryo nodded hopefully. “Good,” Jin smiled before climbing in bed and pulling Ryo into a protective hug.
“I think we should leave them alone, and make some porridge for Ryo,” Koyama suggested, witnessing the scene with Yamapi. Yamapi nodded and headed towards the kitchen. “Yamapi, Your jealous,” Koyama commented. “I’m not…” Yamapi denied. “You are! You’re clenching your hands and you looked like you were about to kill Jin!” Koyama argued. “I… didn’t want it to be this way…” Yamapi whispered, turning away in shame. “Look at me! It’s normal to feel that way… because I feel that way every time I see Ueda…” Koyama cried.
“I’m suppose to let Ryo go, so he could be happy, so I could be free from pain… I wanted and needed to, that was when I saw you, and realized you were the same. We both tried to hide our feelings and ended up more hurt,” Yamapi whispered. “I don’t want to feel the guilt of wanting to hurt Ueda every time I saw Ryo and Ueda together. This time it was Jin, and I know it’s slowly getting worst…” Yamapi cried. “That’s why you have me to fall in love with, so we could both be free,” Koyama whispered before pulling Yamapi into a hug. “Thank you,” Yamapi whispered. “I want to thank you too,” Koyama replied.
“What about Jin? Ryo seems to be depending on him, Jin will only be hurt in the end…” Koyama said sadly. “The reason we let Ryo be with Ueda without a fight was because we thought Ryo would be happy and safe. Now that we saw Ryo hurt this badly… Jin will probably try to steal Ryo away,” Yamapi replied. “Will Ryo be happy that way?” Koyama asked. “I don’t know… I feel bad for Ueda but if Jin was the one with Ryo… I’ll feel better and Ryo would be closer, so we’ll know he’s safe,” Yamapi replied. “Lets go make the porridge before we get distracted…” Koyama suggested, not wanting to have the conversation any longer. “Yeah…” Yamapi agreed before the two started getting everything ready. Silence took over the room as the two made porridge for Ryo and fixed up some food for the three of them.
“Yamapi, remember you’re not alone,” Koyama comforted when they finished cooking, before pulling him into a hug. “Even though I can’t love you the way I love Ryo right now, I still care for you,” Koyama whispered. “Thank you, and I can say the same to you,” Yamapi smiled. “If you are tired, you can cry in front of me,” Koyama offered. “Thank you…” Yamapi whispered before letting his tears flow freely. Koyama could only hold Yamapi tightly as the younger man cried. “We should bring some food to them,” Yamapi suggested while wiping his tears away and Koyama nodded in agreement.
“Jin, Ryo, wake up and eat,” Yamapi and Koyama said before putting down the food on the desk. “No,” Ryo whined from Jin’s chest. “Ryo, sit up so we can eat,” Jin laughed. “Fine,” Ryo pouted before sitting up. Yamapi handed the bowl of porridge over to Ryo who refused to hold it. “I’m injured, feed me Jin,” Ryo pouted. “Fine,” Jin laughed before taking the bowl from Yamapi. Yamapi and Koyama stared at them for a few seconds before eating themselves. When Jin finished eating, Yamapi handed Jin his own plate of food to eat.
“So Ryo-chan, What happened yesterday?” Yamapi questioned when they all finished eating. “No… I’m a bad person…” Ryo whispered to himself over and over before holding his head and screaming in sorrow. “Ryo, What‘s wrong?” The three cried worriedly. “Ryo, calm down,” Jin cried, holding Ryo in place. “Jin… Can you forgive me?” Ryo finally asked when he calmed down. “For what?” Jin asked. “I’ll tell you everything if you promise to not get mad at me…” Ryo whispered. “I promise, just tell us what’s wrong,” Jin pleaded.
“You know Tatsuya… I thought I loved him…” Ryo started. “I thought it was love but it wasn’t love, it was pity and he knew it.” Ryo whispered in a torn voice. “Tatsuya started becoming abusive, and I let him take control of me because I trusted him and I was filled with guilt… again he knew that too,” Ryo laughed weakly. “I thought I was ok with everything, I though it was the only thing I could do for him…” Ryo sobbed. “I was ok with it… and he started getting more violent and started to forbid me from leaving the house… again I was fine with it,” Ryo smiled through tears.
“Tatsuya… he hated hurting me… I turned him into a monster…” Ryo whispered. “Finally he snapped and started to love seeing me in pain…” Ryo laughed quietly. “Whether it was knifes, whips, or by his own hands, he wouldn’t stop until I couldn’t move,” Ryo laughed again. “Again… I was fine with it… but it only made him go more into depression and insanity and I couldn’t do anything.” Ryo whispered. “I gave up everything, my body, my heart, and my soul to heal him but I couldn’t turn him back to normal,” Ryo cried.
“I wanted to save him, I wanted him to find someone else to love, and experience happier things but he didn’t agree,” Ryo cried before hugging his knees. “My heart couldn’t take what he was doing to me anymore because I found out the person I loved was Jin…” Ryo whispered. “I betrayed him, I left him alone, I betrayed Tatsuya because of my selfish wishes,” Ryo sobbed.
“Ryo, it’s not your fault,” Jin comforted, pulling Ryo into a hug. “I hurt him so badly, ruined him, stole his happiness!” Ryo screamed through tears. “Ryo, he hurt you,” Jin cried. “I don’t care what the reason is, but if someone hurts you, I’ll never forgive that person!” Jin screamed back. “Jin… Don‘t hurt him” Ryo sobbed. “Ryo… Please don’t think about him anymore,” Jin replied before trying to get up. “Don’t hurt him,” Ryo pleaded, pulling Jin‘s arms.
“Ryo… I can’t not… after what he’s done to you…” Jin whispered. “No, don’t hurt him,” Ryo cried over and over again. “Ryo, I love you so I won’t do anything to him yet, but I can’t promise you that I won’t when I see him,” Jin whispered, staring into Ryo’s eyes. “Jin…” Ryo whispered back before hugging him. “Ryo, I will never leave you alone,” Jin smiled. “Ryo, you can move in with me since you live with Ueda,” Jin suggested and Ryo nodded.
Yamapi and Koyama looked at Jin with jealousy before leaving the room. “You’re not alone…” Yamapi and Koyama whispered to each other. Koyama smiled and embraced Yamapi. “Jin… can protect Ryo,” Yamapi whispered and Koyama nodded. “In time, maybe we can be happy too,” Koyama whispered. “We can and will be,” Yamapi replied.
“I never knew Ueda would be abusive though…” Koyama whispered, interrupting the comfortable silence. “I want to kill him but I know it would only sadden Ryo,” Yamapi whispered angrily. “He was hurt but he turned the wrong path,” Koyama whispered.
Back at Ueda’s house, Ueda was hugging his knees crying. “Ryo… Where are you?” Ueda cried to himself. Ueda stared at the wall in front of him before he was interrupted by his phone. Picking up his phone, he read the text sent to him.
Sorry for being selfish. Sorry for not loving you the right way. I love you and care for you as a great friend. I will pray for your happiness. Remember that you’re not alone. One day you’ll find that person who will love you and care for you. Tatsuya, I’m sorry… I love You, but it’s not the same kind as yours. I hope what happened between us doesn’t affect our relationship. You’re not alone.
~Nishikido Ryo
“Ryo you idiot… I hurt you so badly,” Ueda sobbed. “I can never find anyone as great as you…” Ueda whispered to himself. “I can’t live without you...” Ueda cried. Ueda got up and left his house in depression. Ueda wandered through the streets before bumping into a tall, cheerful man. “Sorry,” Ueda apologized before walking away before he was pulled into a hug.
“What the hell?” Ueda screamed. “You look like you needed a hug,” the taller man smiled. “I don’t need your pity,” Ueda glared. “In this world you’ll find yourself in pain and alone but you’ll find someone who will make you feel not alone,” the man smiled. “You’re not alone,” the man smiled. “Thank you… I’m Ueda Tatsuya,” Ueda smiled softly. “You’re prettier when you smile, I’m Taguchi Junnosuke,” the taller man smiled. The two of them smiled before getting to know each other. “You’re not alone, Ryo you were right, I’m not,” Ueda whispered to himself before pulling Junno into a hug.