look at oldie-mc olderson.

no really. i laughed. a lot.

but i laugh a lot anyways...


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this is what I think of family gatherings:
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i was taking the asset test to get into college.
i got done way ahead of all the others &fell asleep.
i dreamt about a man with a mohawk made of penises.
i woke up with a start and came frighteningly close to blurting something out along the lines of, "PENISHEAD?!?WTF??"

ahahaha i love it when drunk people call me!

( bald stars and dancing silhouettes of overhead projector transparencies )

Happy birthday dizzy_me_sour!

http://www.pantsonfire.net

i dare someone to volunteer to drive this work of art. please.

...i'll give you a cookie?

People are such strange creatures. Seriously. If they generalized a little more and weren't such goddamn perfectionists, things would be perfect ( Read more... )

I remember when I was four or five years old and I was at my grandma's house. She lived back on top of this ravine and had a deck behind her house that I would go out and sit on and watch the squirrels and birds and play in the plastic swimming pool with my underpants and a sunhat on ( Read more... )

A nurse was walking down the hall of the hospital with a baby in her arms. Suddenly, she dropkicked it straight into a wall. A patient walking by stopped in horror. "Why did you do such a terrible thing to that poor baby??"
"April Fools!" the nurse replied. "The baby was already dead!"

ahahah i'm seriously like crying right now.