The Eyepatch Stories 4

[rytings]

The four were disembarking from the ship on the desert island, ready for their first assignment. Baralai walked close to Nooj, seeming to watch him for signs of waning seasickness. Paine was struggling to find the best way to carry her recorder’s pack, and Gippal was looking around at their surroundings. He had a suspicious expression on his face

Comments

[owlmoose]

Nice. I like Gippal standing up to the other cadet, and also Paine's frustration. And I especially like the end, which opens the story up nicely. I'd been noticing how careful you've been to keep us out of Gippal's head up until now. It makes the change much more effective.

Also, regarding the last chapter, I was right: Gippal did tell a story that made him look tough in Paine's eyes, just not quite in the way I had expected. ;) Tough as in standing firm on his beliefs, even when it costs him big.

Overall, I'd say your collaboration is coming together well! I have my guesses as to who wrote what ;) but there are a number of places where I can't be sure. I did notice the use of British spellings in this chapter, which I don't remember seeing in previous chapters. Either way is fine, but I find going back and forth a little jarring.

[iamleaper]

Ah! I edited a few of those spellings out, but I must have missed some! Being a switcher, perhaps I am less sensitive to them. I will pay more attention -- thanks for pointing it out!

I think we're going to stay out of Gippal's head, save for maybe little peeks we get at him writing in his zuinhym. It seems to work nicely, and I'm glad you picked it out. It's the hardest thing for me in working on this -- I'm so comfortable in his head! ;)

Thanks for the reply. I'm learning the ways you and Ikon collaborated. It's great fun!