One Shot - Now What?
Title: Now What?
Pairing: RyoDa
Genre: Fluff
Rating: PG
Summary: When the unexplainable and unexpected occurs, how do you move forward from it, what do you do next, what are you supposed to do, think feel?
Sequel to What Are We Doing?
NOW WHAT?
He stared at the scene before him, unable to force his brain to acknowledge that what he was seeing was real.
It had taken a greater effort than either of them had anticipated to pull themselves up from the snow. His body was almost completely numb on one side and painfully cold on the other, yet he felt drowsy and heavy and couldn’t remember how to use any motor skills without thinking very hard. How he had managed to move his feet far enough to find a taxi was anybody’s guess. There must be more things that boxing comes in handy for than he thought.
Ryo wasn’t nearly so cold, but since neither of them knew how long Ueda had been lying motionless in the snow he wasn’t prepared to take any chances, and was probably half the reason Ueda hadn’t collapsed before they reached a taxi.
After hauling himself to his feet he had dragged Ueda to his, looped one arm around his waist and half carried him to the edge of the park. In the taxi he had let Ueda’s head drop onto his shoulder but kept nudging him and talking to him to prevent him from falling asleep.
“Don’t sleep, Hime, it’s dangerous,” he’d say.
Thankfully there was a lift in Ueda’s building, even though the corridors were open air they could take the lift and had to endure the cold for only another moment. Besides, Ueda was becoming all but indifferent to the temperature now, though a dull ache had started in his fingers, toes and ears and though he could barely feel the cold anymore his entire body was shaking.
Fishing Ueda’s keys from his pocket for him Ryo had opened the door and helped Ueda inside, letting him sit on the step while he removed his shoes. Ueda had watched him in mild confusion for a moment before he decided to risk his slurred voice again.
“I’m not a child, I know how to take off my shoes,” Ryo had glanced up at him and raised one eyebrow.
“Yeah, but can you do it with those hands?” indicating the wildly trembling fingers Ueda was holding clenched against his abdomen.
Helping him to the living room he sat him on the couch and gently pulled off his hat and scarf, and leaned closer to feel his forehead.
“Moron, you’re burning up, what the hell were you doing?” Ueda had only shrugged and pushed his cardigan off his shoulders, dragging his feet up onto the couch to sit cross legged, clutching his fingers against his stomach.
“I told you, I slipped,”
“And decided to stay there?”
“It was easier than moving,”
“And look where that got you!”
“It was still…easier,” Ueda’s voice had stopped slurring so much now that he was in the warmth of his apartment but there was no ignoring his increasing fever and aching hands and feet and trembling, weak limbs. Ryo certainly noticed and proceeded to drag him into his bedroom without another word.
Now he watched as Ryo pulled a t-shirt and sweat pants from his drawers and threw them to him.
“Um, is it okay if I borrow some too? My jeans are wet from the snow,” he muttered. Ueda nodded and fiddled with the hem of the t-shirt he had been given until he felt Ryo’s hand land on his head.
“Stop acting like a kid and get changed,” Ryo muttered before disappearing into the bathroom. Ueda managed to take off his damp clothes and throw them into the laundry hamper before changing into the t-shirt and sweat pants. He sat cross legged on his bed until Ryo appeared again.
“You should get into bed, I’ll make some tea, you should probably eat and take some medicine too,” Ryo was mumbling and it seemed like he was rambling. Ueda stared at him as he walked, maybe a little too briskly, out of his room and across the living room to the kitchen.
Ueda drew up his knees and rested his chin on them for a moment, his thoughts flowing on overdrive again. All the thoughts that had been whirling in his head like energetic fish before though, were now replaced by thoughts of today’s events…and Ryo.
Why did he stay with me? Why did he help me get home? Why is he still here? Why is he trying to take care of me? He said before that he was ‘caring’ but…
He couldn’t stop his mind from spinning like a waltzer. He felt confused and dizzy and drowsy…and nervous, and he was still shaking. He hugged his knees tighter, feeling like he needed to be grounded. He had a distinct feeling all of a sudden that if he didn’t hold on tight to something he would float away and not be able to come back. He clung to his own knees desperately, making his arms shake even harder.
He was lost in tangled thoughts completely oblivious to any other presence around him until Ryo’s hand was on his forehead again, gently brushing beneath his fringe to reach his skin as he checked his temperature again. Ueda looked up at him, faintly noticing that even though he was wearing his glasses Ryo’s outline was ever so slightly blurred. Though he could still make out the concerned expression he wore.
“You feel like a fire Ueda, how could you possibly have gotten so bad so quickly?” Ryo muttered, and Ueda again was having trouble detecting any sarcasm, malice or ill intent behind his words as it certainly wasn’t showing up in his tone of voice.
All of a sudden Ryo was tugging at his shoulder again.
“Now what?” he asked groggily, realising his voice seemed to be deteriorating again.
“Don’t give me that, come on, get into bed you idiot,” Ueda found that he didn’t have the energy to even begin to think of a comeback and let Ryo tug him around his bed, watching him pull back the duvet and prop up his pillows, swaying slightly. Ryo turned back to him and seemed like he was about to ask him something until his gaze suddenly shifted over Ueda’s shoulder to the window. Ueda followed his gaze and turned to see the thick grey fleece throw he had folded and placed on the window ledge before he had left earlier…when was that? Today? How long ago…?
Ryo moved past him, unfurled the throw and, walking back to where Ueda stood, becoming increasingly dizzy and sleepy and swaying more dangerously, he threw it over his shoulders and ushered Ueda into his bed, taking his glasses from him and setting them on the nightstand.
Tucking the throw tightly around Ueda’s abdomen and over his legs he then pulled up the duvet and prompted him to sit up straight against the pillows. Ueda stared at him, beginning to feel incredibly confused, which was only being made worse by the drowsy, dizzy, woolly feeling in his head and behind his eyes.
Ryo bit his lip and swivelled his gaze over to the wall for a moment, looking mildly unsure of himself before he cleared his throat gently.
“Um…right, I’ll get you some tea, then…well, you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach so I’ll make you some soup,” Ueda found himself smiling.
“You know, I’m okay Nishikido, you can go home and take care of yourself, I’ll be fine on my own,” but the very second the words were out of his mouth he realised that the last thing he wanted was for Ryo to leave him on his own. Thankfully that seemed to be the last thing Ryo wanted too.
“Quit trying to get rid of me, I’m okay, you’re the one dying of pneumonia,” Ueda rolled his eyes and reached up to rub his temples, he could feel a dull, throbbing ache spreading itself like jam over his entire head.
“It’s not that serious Nishikido, don’t be such a drama queen,” he muttered.
“Why are you getting so sick so quickly Ueda? Is something wrong? Are you ill? Is that why you were out there today?” Ueda smiled again and let his eyes fall closed.
“I’m not ill, there’s nothing wrong with me, I just get cold very easily, so stuff like this affects me faster,” Ryo cocked his head onto one side and folded his arms.
“Why do you get cold so easily?” he asked. Rather than wonder why he was even being asked such a question Ueda only lowered his hand from his head and opened his eyes again.
“My body fat percentage is low, from training, there’s a lot of muscle but not really any fat,” Ryo nodded slowly and then suddenly gave a decisive nod and smiled widely.
“Okay, don’t move, I’ll be right back,” Ueda sighed as he watched the younger man leave the room. At the last second he heard his voice cry out on its own and his body jerk forward involuntarily, and by the time he realised he had momentarily and annoying lost control of his own body it was way beyond too late.
“Nishikido!” Ryo stopped in the doorway and turned back. There’s that concerned look again…I don’t get it…Ryo stared at him for a moment before Ueda licked his lips slowly, bit his lower lip, drawing it into his mouth, casting his gaze around the room before he released it in favour of finally saying something as he turned his gaze slowly back to Ryo who was beginning to look confused.
“Th-Thanks…Nishikido,” he mumbled finally, and he was completely unprepared for the gentle smile that spread over Ryo’s features, brightening his face and setting off a twinkle in his eyes.
“No problem, I’ll be right back,”
Ueda flopped back against his pillows closing his eyes in an attempt to stave off the overwhelming dizziness that was threatening him.
He must have started to fall asleep because when Ryo re-entered the room, with a tray bearing a bowl of soup and two mugs, the sound of one of the mugs clinking slightly against the bowl made his eyes fly open and he sat up with a start, his chest suddenly tight.
Finally focusing on Ryo and the tray he made himself calm down a little and realised that sitting up so suddenly and quickly had turned up the volume of the pain in his head. He closed his eyes again, lowering his head and raising one hand to his eyes, rubbing at them before sliding his fingers up into his hair. He twitched in surprised as Ryo’s hand suddenly landed on his shoulder.
“Ueda? Are you alright?” Ueda slowly lifted his head and nodded carefully.
“I’m fine, my head just hurts a little,” he missed the look Ryo gave him before passing him the tray. He stared in confusion at the sight before him.
“I know people usually say chicken soup is best, but you don’t have any, there’s only vegetable ones so…” Ueda blinked and swallowed and tried to ignore the tight, anxious feeling in his chest.
“Um, that…that’s fine, Nishikido, thanks,” he tentatively picked up the soon beside his bowl and began to eat, staring straight down at the yellow-orange surface of his soup and trying valiantly to ignore Ryo’s presence beside him. Thankfully Ryo wasn’t watching him eat, he couldn’t stand it when people did that, somehow if he had to eat on a show it wasn’t so bad because no one would have the time to actually watch him as he ate while filming, but if someone for some reason kept their eyes on him as he ate it made him self-conscious and he felt like he couldn’t swallow.
It was still unnerving having Nishikido Ryo sit beside his bed with him while he ate soup, soup that he had prepared, but he knew Ryo wouldn’t let up until he had eaten, or so he thought.
As he put down the spoon and reached for his tea Ryo stood and moved the tray away for him before bringing out a blister pack of cold and flu medicine from somewhere, most likely the pocket of the sweat pants he had borrowed but Ueda’s vision was beginning to swim as his headache worsened and he really didn’t care enough to wonder about where Ryo might be conjuring pills from.
“Here, take these with your tea,” Ueda sighed and pushed his hand away, not entirely sure why he was still insisting on being stubborn. He only knew that if his head got any woollier or lighter he was either going to faint or throw up, and if there was a danger of the latter happening he would rather not try and swallow anything else if it was in danger of being forced out the same way it was put in.
“I don’t want them Nishikido, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” his voice sounded more faraway than usual and Ryo had obviously latched on to this fact like a limpid and his grip on the matter was just as immovable.
“Ueda, you were lying for neither of us knows how long, in the snow, immobile, wearing too few layers for the weather, you’ve obviously got a headache, you’re obviously dizzy, you’ve been shivering like a bowl of jelly in a sound studio since you stood up and you’re white as a sheet, take the goddamn medication,” Ueda blinked at him. That was quite a speech, and really quite convincing when he thought about it, but the muscles around his mouth and in his tongue weren’t up to co-operating, so while he couldn’t admit Ryo had a point, he also couldn’t protest fast enough, and so within a few seconds Ryo had snapped two pills from the pack, put the pack down on the nightstand, grabbed Ueda’s wrist, turning it over so his palm faced the ceiling and dropped the pills into his hand.
Ueda drew his hand back, staring down at the medicine, two capsules, half green and half yellow, who the hell thought that was an encouraging combination of colours for cold and flu medication, it certainly didn’t create healthy imagery when he looked at it. I swear I’d be less affected by something as benign as the colour of cold pills if I wasn’t a song writer…
Sighing he picked up his tea and clapped his hand to his mouth, launching the pills to the very back before chasing them down his throat with the still steaming liquid. He winced at the sting on his tongue and in the back of his throat, and the glow of pain in his chest as the hot tea lanced its way down to his stomach. Ryo watched all this with a raised eyebrow and when Ueda had swallowed the medicine he took the mug with a smirk.
“That tea was still hot you know,” Ueda glared up through his bangs for a moment, deciding not to trust his voice to make it out of his now red raw throat.
Ryo set Ueda’s mug down beside his own and Ueda was momentarily distracted by the sight of the two mugs sitting side by side, steam quietly furling up from the depths of each, the patterns around the rims and bases the same but different colours, before he suddenly felt the bed shift under new weight and he snapped out fo his own mind to look up at Ryo who was suddenly leaning towards him and staring into his eyes with an unreadable expression.
He stared back for a second before instinctively trying to shift backwards, but since he had nowhere to go he only pressed against his pillows and Ryo kept moving towards him. Ueda opened his mouth, unsure of what he could possibly say in that situation, but was interrupted by Ryo’s forehead coming gently into contact with his.
He froze, his glassy eyes wide, surprised and confused as Ryo frowned slightly, the movement of his brow reflecting against Ueda’s, who found himself unable to move. When Ryo finally moved back he almost slumped back against the pillows, but managed to keep his composure long enough to remember that he wanted to ask Ryo exactly what it was he thought he was playing at, but before he could ask the question Ryo was already answering it unbidden.
“Your temperature is still awful, your eyes are quite glazed, and you’re breathing is irregular, you should rest, let the medicine work,” Ueda blinked stupidly. You’d be breathing funny too if someone suddenly put their forehead against yours without warning.
Ryo stood up making the mattress shift suddenly again, the movement felt quite sickening actually and Ueda had to take a moment to let his brain settle in his skull before he looked up at Ryo.
“You…should get some rest, I guess I’ll…I’ll leave you alone, so, um, t-take care of yourself okay?” confused by Ryo’s sudden flustered tone of voice Ueda frowned up at him as he averted his eyes, darting them over various points of the room to avoid looking at him, turning to walk away, out of the room, out of the apartment…Ueda didn’t want that. He sat up abruptly and reached out far faster than he thought himself capable of in his drowsy, light headed state.
“Nishikido, wait!” his hand clasped around Ryo’s wrist and tugged, trying to get him to turn around, but it seemed that no matter how unwell he was feeling the strength in his arms wasn’t going to diminish and instead of gently tugging him to face him again he pulled too hard and besides spinning around way too fast Ryo ended up stumbling towards him, his knee hitting the bed, causing him to fall forwards, towards Ueda, who forgot to let go of Ryo’s wrist in his surprise.
Ryo stared down into Ueda’s shocked eyes with his own widened ones as he leant over him, his hands braced on either side of Ueda’s shoulders, Ryo’s right knee digging into the mattress between Ueda’s thighs, their faces a mere two inches apart. Ueda had finally let go of Ryo’s wrist and both his hands lay limp and useless beside his head as he stared back up at the man hovering over him.
It was already confusing the hell out of them both that Ryo had neither launched himself off the bed, or been shoved bodily from it by Ueda, but what made it even more confusing to both parties was when Ryo began hesitantly to shift himself in an attempt to climb off the bed and Ueda’s previously lifeless hands suddenly shot up and gripped his shoulders.
Ryo stilled, staring down at him.
I don’t want to leave him…
Ueda froze, staring back, realising what he had just done.
I don’t want him to leave me…
Slowly loosening his grip on Ryo’s shoulders Ueda pulled his hands back, clasping them against his chest. Ryo made no further attempt to move. Finally Ueda unstuck his throat and opened his mouth, his voice wavering and hesitant when it finally emerged.
“What…does this mean…?”
Ryo stared at him, not moving, not speaking.
“A lot…I think…should I…” Ueda got his hint and shook his head.
“N-No, I…I don’t want you to…”
“Really?” Ueda could only nod as his cheeks began to heat up.
“Alright,” Ueda met his eyes again in surprise, having been preparing himself for Ryo to tell him to get a grip before leaving his apartment in a hurry.
“Eh?”
“I’ll stay…I don’t…I don’t want…to go…either,” Ryo ducked his head a little as a strawberry tint brushed up his face. Neither was certain why, but neither of them wanted Ryo to leave just yet and that at least was certain.
Hesitantly, Ueda lifted his shaking hands to Ryo’s shoulders again, and Ryo took his hint and shifted again, both of them shuffling around slowly and dazedly on the bed until they were both wrapped in the duvet, and the fleece throw lying on their sides, facing each other, much the way they had while lying in the snow.
Glancing over Ryo’s shoulder towards his window Ueda noticed the feather light white flakes falling lazily as the afternoon turned into the evening. His attention was brought back inside when he felt Ryo shift slightly closer, wrapping one arm over Ueda’s still slightly shivering form and dragging him closer until his forehead met Ryo’s t-shirt and Ryo’s cheek pressed against Ueda’s hair, instantly awaking in him the urge to snuggle further into it. Ueda’s hair was soft.
Ueda played absently with Ryo’s t-shirt, feeling the other mans cheek against his head and enjoying the warmth that was flooding from him.
“Now what?” he whispered, but Ryo heard him, raising his other hand to Ueda’s hair and stroking it lazily.
“What do you mean ‘now what’?” Ueda hesitated, closing his eyes.
“What…just…what, how did we get here, where do we go from here…now what?” Ryo was silent for a moment and Ueda felt himself becoming more and more drowsy as the seconds dragged by, and finally Ryo’s voice brushed over his ears again, sounding just as drowsy as he felt, and he opened his eyes.
“Now, we just…let it be,”
Surrendering to a possibly flu medication induced fatigue Ueda smiled, pressed closer to Ryo’s warm chest and closed his eyes.
おわり
A/N: For those who wanted a sequel to ‘What Are We Doing?’ here you go, hope it meets everyone’s standards, it was actually tougher to write than I thought. I’m not sure it came out quite right, constructive criticism is always welcomed. Hope you enjoy ^_^