Oneshot - 秋の火の手
Title: Aki no Hi no Te
Pairing: KameDa
Genre: Angst
Warning: Implied non-con
Summary: On fire, burning from the inside, tears aren't enough to extinguish the blaze...
秋の火の手
The narrow strip of sky visible between the bedroom curtains told Ueda that the sun was setting and evening was approaching, the lack of clouds and the sinking of the sun behind the horizon washed a bright orange glow over the whole sky and Ueda couldn’t help but be reminded of fire, the sky awash with hot, licking flames. Biting his lip he worked to level out his breathing, narrowing his eyes in pain, staring at the hot orange sky he felt as though he himself were alight with cruel flames.
It had never felt quite so painful just to move a little. Of course, he’d felt pain like this before, far too many times, always at the hands of the same person. Gritting his teeth and screwing up his eyes Ueda attempted to force all thoughts not concerning moving off the bed without collapsing in pain or waking up the one sleeping beside him.
Managing to slide off the bed and onto the floor he reached up and dragged a shirt and a pair of jeans off a pile of clean laundry sitting in a basket against the wall beneath the window, unaware of the streak of orange glow that splashed over him, illuminating one side of his face, glinting off his hair in fiery highlights.
He lay awkwardly, not wanting to stand up, not wanting to find out how much that would hurt, struggling into the clothes, chewing relentlessly on his lip in the effort not to wake he person still sleeping on the bed. Once the clothes were on he lay still for a moment, staring at the ceiling and concentrating only on breathing, slowly and carefully, fighting against the burning pain all over his body.
His muscles ached with the overuse of fighting a losing battle against one so much stronger than him, every movement of his legs sent a lance of hot pain up his spine to his skull. On his cheek, jaw, chest, arms and hips ugly purple bruises are forming, smouldering in his skin. ON his face were two fresh cuts, still glistening with blood, on his shoulders and neck were angry red bites that blazed as though a fire itself had bitten him with burning teeth.
After a moment he held his breath, listening hard to check whether the person up on the bed had awoken or not, but deep even breathing and a lack of movement assured Ueda he was still safe, he hadn’t woken up. Certain of this he slowly rolled over and rose up onto his hands and knees, biting his lip hard enough to break the skin and screwing up his eyes to keep himself from groaning or whimpering in pain.
A direct punch to the face at the gym, the kind that could black him out for a few seconds at a time and leave his brain rattling against his skull, would be preferable to this kind of pain, because it wasn’t just simply pain, it was the knowledge that someone who had, countless times, claimed to love him was the cause of it. For months he had endured this onslaught, telling himself over and over that he could take it because they loved each other but he was finally able to get it through his own skull that that wasn’t true anymore.
Breathing hard, sweat sliding down his face, searing through the heat of pain and anguish and stinging the cuts, he crawled slowly and shakily out of the bedroom and into the hallway, visions of that other person waking suddenly and leaping from the bed and running after him, only to drag him back, hurting him all over again, flashing through his mind, causing heavy tears to well up in his eyes as he crawled, once or twice pausing to lean against the wall and fight back the spreading flames of pain, towards the front door.
On the little table just inside the door, where they kept keys and wallets, was his phone, lying still and silent and expectant. He reached up when he made it that far and held it tightly; gripping it so hard he could hear the plastic creak under his fingers as his knuckles turned white. Slowly he eased his grip and slid it into his jeans pocket, reaching then for his sneakers, lying innocently near the door.
Sitting to put them on, he found, was as good as impossible. Sitting normally hurt like hell, provoking a sharp, hot pain in his lower back and up his spine, as though he was crumbling to pieces. He settled for leaning against the wall, all his weight on one leg. It still hurt, it was still agony but it was a little better and besides, it was clearly unavoidable.
Having somehow managed to get both sneakers onto his feet and tie the laces he eased back to his knees and reached for the door handle, holding his breath, still listening for movement from the bedroom. When he heard nothing he pulled down, staring with wide, frantic eyes as the door swung silently inwards, letting a wave of bright orange light wash into the entryway, splashing against the wall, and spreading some of the way up the wall. He tore his eyes from the fiery light and dragged himself out of the apartment, easing the door shut behind him. He flinched as he heard it click shut.
Squinting against the harsh light of the sunset he fell against the opposite wall of the open air walkway, shadowed against the invasion of orange glow. He breathed heavily, suddenly aware of the tears streaming down his face, hot and angry and devastated.
Taking a deep shuddering breath he turned slowly to his right and began to crawl down the concrete walkway towards the stairs, wondering who he should call. He’s momentarily disgusted with himself for even needing to call anyone at all, for being unable to take care of his own mess. Shouldn’t he be able to pick himself up, take himself someplace safe for the night to recuperate before coming back for his things while the other person was at work or something? This was, of course, overlooking the fact that he didn’t have his wallet because he’d left it in his bag in the kitchen and crawling that far, and then all the way back to the door might have been too much of a trial for him.
He wanted to call Kame. Kame’s was the first name to come to mind, he could already see his face in his mind, hear his voice: “Uebo, what happened!?”
He couldn’t. He didn’t want to call Kame, he shouldn’t call Kame, it made no sense, and it was shameful of him even to think of it. Kame was three years younger, Ueda was the older of the two so he shouldn’t be calling Kame for help, he should be there for Kame to call if ever he needed help. Kame shouldn’t have to take care of someone three years older who was supposed to be stronger and more reliable just because he was so pathetic and weak.
So he left his phone in his pocket and carried on crawling, closer and closer to the stairwell, past three neighbours’ doors. He wondered absently as he passed them, looking up at the blue doors with metal handles and numbers at eye level, whether their neighbours had ever heard anything from their apartment, the yelling, his screams of agony, the breaking of dishes and glasses and anything else that was thrown at the walls or at him. If they heard, did they just ignore them? Pretend the noises were coming from a TV with the volume turned up too high?
At the top of the stairs he hung his head and took a deep breath before reaching up and grasping the railing and easing himself from step to step, gritting his teeth, tears still flowing from his screwed up eyes, burning clean streaks down his face as he moved shakily through the pain.
About halfway down his grip on the rail loosened a little as his feet faltered and he rolled the rest of the half flight, rolling onto his back at the landing halfway between two floors and groaning, his eyes closed, his hands fisting beside him, his breathing shallow and fast. He’d knocked his shoulders and his back and his shins, just to add to the long list of pain burning like a bonfire on a beach inside his body.
He opened his eyes and stared at the grey concrete ceiling above him. He gave up; closing his eyes again he reached gingerly down to his pocket, wincing as he brushed his hand against his hip in search of the phone. He cracked his open just enough to see as he scrolled down the list of contacts, letting them fall shut again as he reached Kame’s number and hit ‘call’.
The phone ran for a couple of minutes during which Ueda barely breathed, suddenly afraid that Kame wouldn’t pick up at all, maybe he was busy, maybe he was with someone else, maybe he just couldn’t hear the-
“Moshi moshi, Uebo?” his eyes flew open and his tears flowed again, streaming down his face, blurring his vision. Kame’s voice suggested he could already tell something was wrong.
“K-Kame…” his voice cracked and he bit his lip, stifling a sob, no need to sound any more pathetic than he already did.
“Uebo, what happened!?” Ueda gave a wry, humourless smile, just like he’d thought. His voice was urgent and questioning, Ueda could picture the expression on his face as he pressed the phone to his ear, waiting for him to speak.
“Kame I…I sorry for calling you but…I can’t…”
“Tat-chan, what happened?” Kame asked again. Ueda knew that Kame knew something was wrong with his relationship, he’d briefly mentioned it before, but had seemed like he hadn’t wanted to pry too much, but he could tell without either of them saying a thing that whoever Ueda was with wasn’t treating him well, he could tell his relationship wasn’t a happy one. Kame simply didn’t know exactly how unhappy it was, just how badly that person was treating him, he didn’t know just how wrong it was.
Ueda opened his mouth to speak, trying to sit up, but fell back, biting his lip not quite in time to clamp down on the small pained sound that welled up in his throat. He lay still, his breathing hard before he tried again, with similar results, although his time he managed to sit up, leaning heavily against the wall.
“Tat-chan?” Kame’s voice was beyond urgent now. It was plain to him that Ueda was in pain and that scared him.
“Tat-chan…do you want me to come and get you?” he asked gently. Ueda couldn’t keep back a broken sob as he hung his head, pressing the phone to his ear as though it was the only thing keeping him alive…maybe it was.
“No…yes…but…no, Kame, you shouldn’t be the one taking care of me or coming to get me when something happens, I’m older, I’m supposed to be someone you can turn to when you need me, I should be so much stronger than this! I shouldn’t be in this situation at all because I’m supposed to be strong!”
Kame was quiet for a short moment, and then his voice was back, determined and serious.
“I’m coming to get you Uebo, okay?” Ueda wanted to say no, tell him he shouldn’t have called him, shouldn’t have gotten him involved, but he’d never felt more alone in his life, and he could hardly move on his own, and he could only agree in a tiny voice. Kame promised to be there within fifteen minutes and hung up after telling Ueda to hold on and wait for him.
After Kame hung up he moved towards the next half-flight of stairs but he only made it down the first three or four before he collapsed against the stairs, leaning his head on his folded arms on the step above him, chewing his lip and feeling his tears soak through his sleeves, and that was how Kame found him after having run up all the flights of stairs when he arrived.
Pausing as he caught sight of him his eyes went wide and he ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time and gathering his broken band-mate into his arms, and the second he felt Kame’s hands Ueda jolted in surprise, but on realising who it was he dissolved into a fresh flood of tears, bowing his head to hide beneath his bangs as he collapsed against Kame’s chest.
“Oh, Tat-chan,” Kame breathed, his voice shaking “what did he do to you?” he was shocked and appalled at the state of his friend. He caught sight of the bruises and cuts on his face, the bite on his neck and when he moved and the shirt shifted he could see two more on his shoulder. He didn’t want to think about what the rest of him looked like, or imagine what it felt like, biting his lip as Ueda hissed when he moved.
“Uebo…can you…?” he couldn’t finish the sentence, too shocked by Ueda’s physical state.
“I can’t walk Kame,” Ueda said in a tiny broken voice and Kame tipped his head back against the wall as he sat on the stairs, one foot on the same step, one on the step below, holding Ueda between his legs against his chest, running one hand soothingly up and down his back as it shook with his tears, trying hard not to start crying himself.
Instead he sat against the wall,, cradling Ueda in his arms as he let him cry for a while, moving his hand to his hair, stroking the soft copper locks, resting one cheek against them.
Ueda clung to Kame’s shirt feeling disgusted and furious with himself for letting Kame and get him, for being so weak.
“I’m sorry Kame,” he choked out. Kame only shook his head.
“Don’t be, you have nothing to apologise for,”
“I shouldn’t have to rely on you, you shouldn’t have to take care of me, I shouldn’t be so weak,” Ueda sobbed shakily and Kame screwed up his eyes and bit his lip, tightening his embrace and pressing his face into Ueda’s hair breathing in his scent as he continued to stroke it.
“For now it’s okay to be weak, you can be weak, just for now, it’s okay,” and Ueda pressed closer, wrapping his arms around Kame’s back, feeling Kame’s tighten around him, his heartbeat steady beneath his ear.
おわり