Multichap - Whisper in the Darkness Chapter 8
WHISPER IN THE DARKNESS - CHAPTER EIGHT
“Ueda? You awake yet?”
“Yeah, I’m awake!”
Ueda had awoken that morning feeling a little lighter than he had for the last week and a half. The success of the previous day’s filming had left him feeling like he was much more able to handle whatever life could possibly think of to throw at him. He smirked at that thought as he felt around in his cupboard for a lightweight cream coloured cardigan that fell to the backs of his knees. Temporary blindness, sharing his apartment with the man he had fallen head over heels for, performing and appearing on TV blind, learning songs by having them read to him, not to mention doing everything - including boxing - completely in the dark…what else could the universe throw at him? He didn’t want to know.
Unless they had gotten up and walked away all on their own, on the bed he had already laid out a t-shirt he was pretty sure by the raised lettering across the chest, was a faded grey with a pair of wings near the hem and a pair of jeans he wasn’t going to worry about colour-wise; most of his jeans were practically the same colour anyway.
Donning his carefully picked out clothes he ran a nervous hand through his hair, knowing that next came the changing of his bandages. Much as Ryo had figured out before that he could turn off the over-head and use the light of his phone screen to see by until the new gauze was in place, the whole business still made Ueda shiver. Ryo’s hands against his face made him dizzy, his touch was gentle, almost scared, like Ryo thought he would break him if he wasn’t careful. Despite all his guitar playing and such his fingers were soft and yesterday morning he had been so enveloped in the sensation of Ryo’s fingertips as he gingerly taped the two circles of gauze into place, being as careful as humanly possible not to hurt him, he had almost toppled over backwards into the bathtub.
Ryo of course had simply thought he hadn’t eaten enough or drank enough water, and was tired from working while in his current condition. It was another one of those moments when he longed for the simple god given ability to roll his eyes. But then, he was glad Ryo hadn’t yet noticed how he felt…wait…yet? Ueda paused as he adjusted the cardigan on his shoulders and shook his head.
Never mind any of that. For now he was feeling better and if he could hold onto that his recovery would go all the faster.
He reached hesitantly for the door handle, flinching back in surprise when it spun under his palm and opened inward. He stumbled back, saved by a hand on his shoulder.
“Oh! Sorry Ueda, I called you again but I guess you didn’t hear me,” Ueda raised a hand and ran it through his hair, trailing his fingertips over the edge of the bandage which was slowly turning a well-worn grey.
“S-Sorry, daydreaming I guess,”
Unseen by his charge and roommate Ryo smiled warmly, watching his fingers linger on the bandage before falling to his side, a shy, sheepish smile working its way over his face. Ueda still hadn’t shown any of them that beautiful and adorable bright smile of his yet but it grew and shone just a little bit more today, and last night too. He had seemed much more upbeat and Ryo was beyond relieved that he was beginning to feel a little better.
“You ready to change your bandages?” Ueda smiled again and nodded.
Leading him through to the bathroom he sat him on the edge of the bathtub again, flipping open his phone, setting it beside the sink, and flipped off the over-head light, sitting before Ueda on a stool he had dragged in there.
While Ueda let every ounce of his concentration focus on Ryo’s hands against his skin, Ryo focused on what he could see of Ueda face as he changed the bandages. He carefully unwound the old, dirty bandages, lifting his hair as he pulled gently at them in case it snagged and pulled, he found himself smiling at the smooth, silky, almost liquid sensation of the soft copper locks falling lazily, magically over his fingers.
Sitting back in front of him he gently pried the tape off Ueda’s face, off his eyebrow bones and cheekbones, subconsciously running his thumb over the area of skin the tape peeled away from as it sprang easily back into place, not noticing the slight shiver that ran from the top of Ueda’s head all the way down his spine at the gentle touch.
When he took the old gauze away from Ueda’s eyes Ryo found himself staring at his face now that it was completely free of all gauze and bandages.
He looked almost like he was sleeping, dreaming, his eyes gently closed, head tipped ever so slightly forwards, his bangs falling over his forehead, teasing his closed eyelids, lips just a little bit parted. Ryo shook his head and snatched up the new, clean circles of gauze and the tiny strips of tape, carefully pressing them into place over Ueda’s eyes, the spell of the beautiful sleeping princess suddenly muffled by a white layer of protection.
Ueda’s fingers tightened around the edge of the bathtub. He found he loved Ryo’s gentle touch against his skin, around his eyes, but at the same time it terrified him. He didn’t think for a second that Ryo would hurt him, never on purpose and he was too careful to even hurt him by accident. But his eyes felt so weak and vulnerable that he couldn’t quite quell the fear that welled up when anyone’s hands, sometimes even his own, went anywhere near his eyes.
He remembered the examination performed on his eyes before he had left the hospital. The dimmed room he had been led to. Sitting on a stool in front of Mizushima-sensei as he unwound the bandages and pried away the gauze, the second it was gone he had been told to open his eyes just a little. At the time even that had hurt and when he had seen the undefined dark shapes of Mizushima-sensei’s hands looming toward his face he had flinched and ducked back, lowering his head until his bangs hid his face almost completely. He had closed his eyes and it had taken the better part of the next five minutes for the doctor to convince him he would be extremely careful and his eyes wouldn’t get hurt but Ueda had to let him examine them or he couldn’t help.
Without the usual light normally used during examinations of the eyes it had been somewhat difficult, but too much light would not only have stung it would have forced the irises to move suddenly and might have damaged them further.
At the time all he had been able to see were the unsettling undulating dark shapes that were Mizushima-sensei’s hands, a splash of murky white that must have been his lab coat and the rest of his very limited vision was split into very dim yellow that must have been the floor tiles and a kind of dirty blue that must have been the wall.
That had been the last thing he’d seen. Since then it was the inside of his eyelids and the blackness of his dreams, he could hardly see himself in those dreams, but they hurt. Ueda was quite sure you weren’t supposed to be able to feel physical pain in your dreams. Whoever said that was a lying scumbag and should be shot.
He jumped as he was suddenly brought back to his bathroom with a jolt.
“Okay! Done, you’re good to go, how’s it feel? Is it tight enough, or is it too tight?” Ueda managed a small smile.
“It’s fine, shall we go?”
Ryo stood up to turn on the light and glanced back at Ueda. He had heard from the rest of the band, a number of magazines and Ueda himself that he had a huge appetite because of the extensive training he did every day. Fair enough he had cut the ten mile run out of the regime for the time being as he’d probably end up kissing a tree, but he had said that under no circumstances was he completely giving up his training, or he’d go mental. He should, for the most part, still have the same appetite, four meals a day at least, but he hadn’t once been the one to bring up the subject of food.
Along with his eyesight, Ueda’s appetite had all but gone. Ryo could only hope that this too was temporary.
“Ueda, we haven’t eaten yet,”
“Oh. Oh yeah, I forgot,” he paused, grimaced “Do I have to?” Ryo laughed suddenly.
“You sound like such a child, come on, at least have some toast,” Ueda sighed and stood, leaning on the counter for support, before following Ryo slowly from the room.
Sitting at the kitchen table as Ryo quickly made them breakfast Ueda listened intently to the sound of the butter knife scraping repeatedly over the surface of the toast, the brief pause in which all he could hear were his own measured breaths before the scraping resumed, then some ceramic shuffling as Ryo placed their toast on plates and awkwardly clutched them both in one hand, leaving his other free to scoop up both mugs of tea which scraped harshly against the countertop as they were lifted, protesting at the uncomfortable way they were being carried.
In the slippers Ueda had loaned him Ryo made almost no sound walking across the short space of kitchen floor tile between the counter and the circular table in the middle of the room, but with his recently enhanced sense of hearing Ueda could still pick up the faint shuffle-slap with each brisk step before the plates and mugs landed sharply on the wooden table top with such suddenness it made Ueda jump slightly.
Besides the very quiet and soft sound of them both uttering the word ‘Itadakimasu’ all was quiet in the kitchen as they ate. Ueda listened to sound of them both chewing on the toast, sipping their tea, the clunking sound when they set the mugs back down, and somewhere in the walls or the floors or the ceilings, the sounds of various miscellaneous pipes.
When they were done Ryo wordlessly stood and took their plates and mugs to the sink, turning back he saw that Ueda had already risen from his seat and was standing facing him, as though waiting for him to take his hand and lead him from the apartment. Truth be told that was pretty much what Ryo had been intending to do and Ueda probably wasn’t even fully aware he was directly facing Ryo, but the sight of him, looking so much more confident and in control than he had for the past week, was enough to halt Ryo in his tracks and drift off into his own musings.
He was brought back to reality suddenly when Ueda spoke.
“Shall we go now Nishikido?”
Ryo jumped and blinked then stumbled into action, thoughtlessly taking Ueda’s hand and completely not registering Ueda’s sudden intake of breath as he led him from the kitchen.
“Yeah, let’s go,”
~~~
Despite his newfound confidence Ueda was still nervous as hell as Ryo drove them to work that morning, but throughout the day his worries slowly abated and were proven needless.
There wasn’t much he had to do as all dance practices had been put on temporary hold, he had to have a few more songs read to him, some of them older ones from the days before they had debuted that needed refreshing in his memory.
Once again, despite his major handicap he managed to memorise the desired lyrics much more quickly than Jin, but it was still frustrating having to have the lyrics read out to him as though he were illiterate. No matter how amusing it was to hear Kame mock scolding Jin and Jin whining that it wasn’t fair that he was being picked on so much.
Kame, Jin and Maru all had other personal projects to be working on, so for a large portion of the day before their last meeting in the evening Ueda sat with Koki and Junno feeling restless and useless but still, he felt much better, and apparently it showed as Junno and Koki repeatedly commented on how much brighter he seemed.
Though neither of them mentioned the insistent absence of his usual glowing smile.
They never voiced the worry the entire band nursed: that Ueda’s smile wouldn’t ever return to the way it once was.
~~~
The next day was as productive as the last and Ueda was feeling even more confident.
Once again, due to his lack of eyesight the work he could do was limited, which was frustrating to the point he found himself curling his hand into a fist against his leg, digging his knuckles into his thigh as he struggled to retain the lyrics of another old song as they were read to him.
He sighed and took a deep breath.
Kame, who was the one currently reading the lyrics to him, watched him nervously, chewing his lip as he waited for him to say anything.
Eventually Ueda slowly recited the verse of the song that he had been struggling over, hesitating on one or two words, but reaching the end of the stanza without a single mistake. Kame beamed and lightly punched his older band-mate’s shoulder.
“Perfect Uebo!” Ueda sighed in relief and smiled.
“Sorry about that Kame, I know it must be annoying having to read lyrics to me over and over,” Kame shoved him gently.
“Oh shut up, I’m just glad you’re getting better, you seem so much happier today, yesterday too, it’s good to see you cheering up a bit, we were all worried about you,”
“Sorry, I’m trying-” Kame shoved him again.
“Baka, quit apologising, just carry on getting better, you’re less than three weeks off getting those bandages removed for good,”
Ueda smiled and raised a hand gingerly to the bandage, remembering having it changed again this morning and Ryo’s comment that he looked much better today, less pale, more colour in his cheeks, the circles below his eyes much lighter.
Maybe he could really keep on getting better and better until the bandages off. Maybe he could completely overcome what had happened…
“Hey, Kame-chan, Uepi, let’s go get some lunch,” Junno suddenly called from somewhere in the general direction of the door.
Allowing Kame to help him from the couch to the lift Ueda followed his band-mates down to the cafeteria.
Waiting in line to be served Ueda felt almost as though everything were completely normal, as though he had simply closed his eyes for a moment. He could hear his senpais and kouhais laughing and talking, he could hear the clatter and shuffle of cutlery, plates and trays, he could catch some of the conversation between the members of TOKIO nearby, the happy chatter of Kanjani8 halfway across the room, the childlike laughter of some of the members of Hey!Say!JUMP behind them in the queue as they messed around. He smiled slightly as he heard Koki mock snapping at them for being so silly, but the smile on his face was more than evident in his voice.
Ueda had only the couple of seconds it took to wonder what it was HSJ were doing before something hard and cold collided painfully with his head, at the corner of his left eye and something in his head felt like it had snapped like a guitar string pulled too taught, but at the same time he could almost feeling his skull shattering and collapsing into a billion pieces.
His breath catching in his throat he sank to the floor, to his knees, one hand fisted against the linoleum floor, the other pressed protectively, desperately, over his eyes, over the bandage wound around his head.
He could hardly think of anything but the feel of whatever it had been colliding with his head so close to his eyes, thoughts of what might have happened. The cold and hauntingly solid sensation so close the his left eye wouldn’t go away. He had heard whatever the object was hit the ground and roll away but it felt as though it was being ground into his head.
The impact had hurt, like being caught in the right hook of someone much stronger than him, but more than that the impact had been almost as terrifying as the explosion that had rendered him sightless.
What if it hit my eye? What if it…? What if…? What if I became permanently blind? What if…? What if…?
Someone was shaking his shoulders and saying something to him, but the roaring in his ears and the screams of his own thoughts blocked his perception of his own language.
Dimly he sensed himself being helped off the floor and into a chair. He leant right down until his forehead touched his knees, the confused sounds of multiple voices around him still barely penetrating his brain.
I can’t stay in this darkness forever…I can’t…I can’t…I can’t…I can’t…
Ryo…I’m scared…
つづく
I am so sorry it's been so long since I last updates anything, but there's been so much going on, I came back to university a few weeks ago so I've had a lot to do, I actually still have some things that need to be taken care of. But still, sorry it's been so long (makes it sound like anyone's life was actually affected in any way by my multichap -_-)
Anyway, after much delay, here's the next chapter of Whisper in the Darkness, unfortunately I can't promise the next update will come any faster because I'll only be getting busier, but I will be tring to work on it whenever I can. I'll also be putting my entry fr the Pink Pyjamas challange up (finally) soon.
Anyway, I have to go now because my friends and flatmates are making cake -eye roll- lol