Whisper in the Darkness Ch4

[ryunuka]

FINALLY!!!!!! It's taken me way too long to write this! -bows apologetically- Sumimasen!
Ja, douzo:
 
WHISPER IN THE DARKNESS - CHAPTER 4

Ueda flinched as the sound of about three or four poppers assaulted his ears without warning. Having his sight taken from him only enhanced his other senses, to make up for the absence of his eye-sight, and over the past few days he had been able to hear a hell of a lot more clearly than he used to, plus when he was brought his food he was beginning to be able to tell the difference between who had cooked it. He had also been startled that morning to find that he could tell how many people were walking into the room and who they were by what deodorant or aftershave they were wearing.

“Congratulations on your release Tat-chan!” suddenly Jin was by his side and had wrapped his arms around his former leader’s neck, hugging him tightly. Too tightly.

“J-Jin, I can’t breathe,” Ueda muttered hoarsely trying to pry his band-mate off his neck.

As suddenly has he had latched on Jin lurched away. Ueda smiled wearily, massaging his throat.

“Thanks Kame,” he muttered. There was a brief silence.

“How’d you know…” Kame sounded utterly perplexed.

“You’re the only one wearing boots that make that sound, and you and Jin use the same deodorant,” he was uncomfortably aware of his friends’ gazes on him and he squirmed where he sat, lowering his head.

“That’s amazing Uepi!” Junno suddenly bounced to his side.

“Where’d you learn that Uebo, that’s so cool, is that because you can’t see?” Ueda slowly raised his head.

“Yeah, I guess, when you lose one sense the others get stronger to compensate,” he mumbled, wishing he hadn’t brought it up. Being able to tell people apart from what they put in their hair or what deodorant they used, or by what shoes they wore and the way they walked, was all well and good, but Ueda couldn’t help feeling that he’d give almost anything to see again. He wanted to see the smiles his friends wore when they discovered he was being released from hospital.

“Ne, ne, Tat-chan, when is Nishikido coming to get you?” at Koki’s words Ueda felt a wave of heat creeping up his face and he ducked his head slightly, letting his hair fall over his face.

“He has recordings until one so he said he’d be here by two,” he mumbled.

Ryo had been visiting Ueda every other day while he had been here and when he had come to see him the previous day he had promised to be there to take Ueda home. He bit his lip, feeling the heat on his cheeks increase as he remembered their conversation yesterday.

“There’re letting you go? That’s great!” Ueda smiled as Ryo took his hand in both of his.

“Mizushima-sensei said I need to come back so he can keep tabs on my eyes for about a month or so, but other than that I’m free to go back to work,” obviously he couldn’t see Ryo’s face, but somehow he sensed that the other man was smiling at him, and he couldn’t help but smile back, returning the grip Ryo had on his hand.

“Listen,” Ryo said suddenly “I have recordings until about one o’clock tomorrow but I’ll come here to get you as soon as I’m done, I shouldn’t be any later than two okay?” Ueda tipped his head onto one side.

“If you have to work it’s okay Nishikido, I can get Yuichi or Jin to give me a lift home,”

“No, no, no, I promised you I’d take care of you while you’re healing, so I’ll come get you,” Ueda smiled, feeling something in his chest swell like a balloon.

“Thanks Nishikido,” neither of them had let go of the other’s hand yet.

Ueda was yanked back to the present time as he heard Nakamaru suddenly speak.

“Is it me or did he start spacing out more than usual when his eyes were covered in bandages?”

Ueda said nothing as Koki and Junno laughed, but reached over to his bedside table and picked up what felt like an apple, throwing it in the direction Maru’s voice had come from, and from the surprised yelp he discerned he had more or less found his target, and was unable to stop the smirk that crossed his features as the other four fell apart laughing.

Maru retrieved the apple from where it had rolled into a corner and brought it back to the table. He tapped Ueda lightly on the head, mindful of the wound and smiled fondly as Ueda ducked his head at the contact, grinning childishly.

He glanced at Kame where he leant against the window sill, his arms folded. Kame returned his gaze and they both glanced at Ueda who was still smiling, his hand on his head. It still wasn’t the bright and happy smile they were used to seeing, the one that lit up the air around him better than any electric light, the one that stopped people in their tracks and quickened heartbeats. It was still duller and not as wide and felt slightly strained. Maru and Kame could tell they were each thinking the same thing: what was it going to take to bring back that smile?

Maru was startled suddenly by Ueda’s hand on his arm. He looked down to see Ueda’s face turned up towards him, a gentle smile on his lips.

“Quit worrying about me,” he said and Maru blinked down at him, speechless. Ueda tightened his grip slightly.

“Seriously, stop, you’ll age even faster,” Maru cuffed his head again.

“Cheeky son of a-!” Jin and Junno laughed again.

Suddenly the door to Ueda’s room slid open.

“Ah! Ryo-chan! That was quick; it’s only half past one!” Ueda felt himself smile again.

That morning he had awoken stupidly early and instead of staying where he was like he would most likely be advised to do, he had managed to find his way to the bag sitting on one of the chairs that Maru had brought him several days ago when he insisted in deadpan tones that there was no way he was spending his time in his room in a hospital gown. He felt through and found a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and what felt like a long hooded jumper that zipped up at the front.

At around nine a nurse had come to his room to ask if he wanted breakfast, which he declined and he asked her what colour his t-shirt was. For a moment there was no response.

“It’s white, it has English writing on it, but I can’t read it, your hoodie is grey by the way,” he smiled and thanked her; relieved he had managed to dress himself without making any stupid mistakes. This sort of disproves the theory that dressing in the dark begets fashion disasters, he thought with a slight smirk.

Maru had also brought him his iPod, since he obviously couldn’t bring him books and all week Ueda had sorely missed the simple ability to read. The Mouse Peace band had also been in to see him, which had made him extremely happy, since he hadn’t been able to see as much of them since the concert as he would have liked. Until his band-mates had arrived barely an hour ago he had sat on his bed with his knees drawn up and his headphones plugged in, trying and failing to convince himself that he wasn’t waiting for Ryo.

“Yo, Ueda, how you doing?” Ueda could feel his friends exchanging glances and made a valiant effort to ignore the feeling of being smirked at by five people at once.

“I’m okay,” he said, smiling.

“You ready to go?” he nodded decisively and slowly got up off the bed, making sure he wasn’t going to walk in to anything or anyone. Over the past week he had managed to get fairly confident at walking, he was still slower than usual, but he didn’t need to walk with his hands out in front of him all the time and he had learnt the space within this room so he didn’t walk into anything. But as he reached for his bag he heard it being picked up by someone else.

“I’ll get it, don’t worry,” Ryo said. Ueda smiled.

Maru linked his arm through his for the walk to the elevator and down to the reception desk, as Ueda hadn’t yet walked that far on his own. Ryo put his hand on his shoulder once they got there.

“I’ll go put your bag in the car while you sign the paperwork,” Ueda nodded wordlessly, wondering how he was expected to do that when he couldn’t see. He placed his hands on the desk.

“Uh, excuse me,”

“Yes? May I help you?” the woman behind the desk sounded older than him, but younger than, say, his mother.

“Um, I’m being discharged today,”

“Your name?”

“U-Ueda Tatsuya,” there was a split second of silence before a rustle of paper could be heard.

“Here you are Ueda-san, I’ll go call Mizushima-sensei for you,” once Mizushima-sensei was there he clapped a hand on Ueda’s shoulder, making him flinch.

“You’re looking well Ueda-san, take care of yourself okay? Take it easy on this arm and have someone help you change the bandage on your eyes properly, every day, don’t skip a day okay? I’ll call you for a check-up within the next week or so,” Ueda smiled and nodded.

“Okay, I understand…uh, sensei…how am I supposed to sign myself out if I can’t see? Can one of my friends do it for me?”

“We can’t allow anyone but you to do it, legal reasons,” the doctor seemed to think for a moment, but before he could say anything further Kame, who seemed to have materialised by Ueda’s side spoke up.

“One of us can guide his hand so he can use his seal himself, how about that?”

“That will work, thank you Kamenashi-san,”

Ueda struggled to hold back a fretful sigh as Kame guided his hand over the discharge paperwork so he could press his family seal wherever necessary. Bowing dutifully to the woman on the reception desk and Mizushima-sensei, he let Maru slip his arm through his again as they headed out to the car park to find Ryo.

“Ryo-chan, don’t be mean to Uebo while you’re taking care of him!” Jin said cheekily, Ueda smirked slightly, hearing the grin in his friends voice.

“What do you take me for Bakanishi?” Ryo said sulkily, reaching out to take Ueda’s hand, which caused the latter to jump slightly, obviously unable to see the knowing grins passed around his band-mates.

“Take good care of him Nishikido, we’re counting on you,” Koki called as they all headed to their own cars. Ryo tutted and sighed, suddenly turning to Ueda.

“Do you trust me to take care of you?” he asked. Ueda turned to him in surprise, not answering for a moment before nodding hesitantly.

“Yes, I trust you,”

“Good, I’m glad one of you does,” and Ueda could hear the return of his smile in the younger man’s voice.

~~~

“Which one of these is the key for the front door?” Ryo asked distractedly. Ueda smirked.

“Want me to do it?” he asked, amused. There were quite a few keys on there, he had forgotten what a couple of them were for but on there were the keys to his apartment, his car keys, keys to room in the Jimusho…

Ryo sent him a look he felt right through the bandage.

“No, I’m taking care of you remember-ah! Finally!” Ueda managed a smile as he heard his apartment door swing open. Ryo fingers found his and he led him inside, pausing inside the door and pushing it shut while Ueda toed off his sneakers, hand braced against the wall beside the hooks wear his coats hung. He let Ryo take his hoodie off him and hang it up before leading him down the short hallway to the living room.

I know my own apartment don’t I? The living room with the sofa and the armchair and the Tv and the kitchen id on the left through the archway, and the bathroom, bedroom and piano room are all on the other side…right…?

If he knew his own apartment so well, why did he feel like he was wandering through a vast empty black space? His hands started to shake and he felt the black emptiness that drew itself around him like a cloak, crushing against him, sticking to his skin, weighing on his chest until he could barely feel Ryo’s hand anymore.

As he felt that he couldn’t handle it anymore he felt Ryo tug on his hand a little.

“You look kind of pale, are you okay? Do you want to lie down for a while?” unable to coax his voice out of hiding he gave a shuddering nod and felt Ryo pull gently on his hand again, leading him from the living room into his bedroom. Once they were there Ryo stopped and suddenly Ueda felt him turn toward him and…

Ryo dropped his hand.

“Hang on a sec, I’ll be right back,” but Ueda barely heard him.

Ueda’s hands froze in place for a moment before he slowly drew then back and clasped them against his mouth and slowly began to tilt forwards, his shaking intensifying as his knees began to bend, threatening to buckle.

“R-Ryo…” his voice cracked, coming out as a pitiful broken whisper as his hair slipped forwards around his face like a veil. He tried again, but all his produced this time was a strained and broken half-breath, but his mind was screaming like a banshee.

Ryo! Ryo! Ryo!

“Ssh, Ueda, it’s alright,” and suddenly arms were wrapping gently around his shoulders and squeezing him, pulling him back against a hard, warm chest and he felt soft, feather-like hair against his ear/

“R-Ryo?”

“Relax, it’s alright, I’m here?” neither of them noticed the sudden switch to Ryo’s given name.

After a moment Ueda stopped shivering and sighed, lowering his hands from his mouth. Ryo’s arms loosened and he straightened up, lifting one hand to his head, threading his fingers through his hair and sighing softly, half turning to Ryo’s presence behind him.

“I’m okay, sorry,” then Ryo’s hand was on his arm again and the hand in his hair stilled in surprise.

“Baka Hime, don’t apologise,” Ueda lifted his head fully, directing his face towards Ryo, even if he couldn’t see him.

“Nishikido…?” keeping one hand on his arm Ryo took Ueda’s hand in his.

“It’s scary, right?” Ueda’s mouth dropped open slightly.

“Now being able to see, not being able to do simple things on your own, not knowing what your surroundings are, not knowing where people are, it must be really scary like that,” Ueda bit his lip and lowered his head, letting his hands fall to his sides.

“I…I’m…fine, I’m okay,” he turned away from Ryo, keeping his head lowered.

“I’m just a little tired, I’ll just lie down for a bit, and then I’ll be fine,” Ryo said nothing for a moment, then there was a soft rustling sound and he could hear his light footsteps over the thick carpet and the sound of something being set in front of the chest of drawers.

“Your bag is right by the chest of drawers if there’s anything you need from it,” he paused and seemed to be contemplating something for a moment and Ueda heard him sigh.

“Do you…do you want me to stay while you rest, or do you want me to leave? I…I don’t mind staying, if that’s what you want but…” Ueda raised one hand to his hair again nervously, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Can…can you stay? I can’t…I can’t move around the apartment yet…I don’t…I can’t tell…where everything is…” Ryo was silent for a moment but seemed to understand.

It was his apartment of course, and he was more than used to it, but it wasn’t a habit of his to walk around with his eyes closed, so even if he could remember what was in each room and where, when walking around blind it was uncertain what was in front of him and how far it was between two points. Plus, Ryo realised with a wry smile, cooking was out of the question if he couldn’t see.

“No problem, get some rest and don’t worry,” Ueda nodded shakily, pulling off his hoodie and taking tiny, uncertain steps forwards until his knees hit the bed. He lowered his hands to the duvet and crawled up and over the bed, reaching out one hand to feel for the pillows.

Ryo watched him with a fond smile, rolling his eyes when Ueda seemed like he was getting too close to the edge of the bed. He moved forwards, pulling back the duvet and reaching for Ueda’s arm, guiding him to a safe distance from the edge so he could manoeuvre his way beneath the covers without falling. Ueda sat cross legged, tugging the duvet over his knees, and blushed, lowering his head.

“Th-thanks,” he muttered. Ryo poked his forehead suddenly, making him twitch.

“Ask for help when you need it stupid,” he said, his smile evident in his voice and Ueda smiled, lowering his head further.

“I’ll leave you to get some rest okay?” Ueda nodded.

“Feel free to get something to eat or drink or whatever,” he mumbled. Ryo squeezed his shoulder briefly before leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him.

He head into the kitchen and opened the fridge scanning over everything in it with curiosity - Ueda sure ate a hell of a lot of fruit and vegetables - before pulling out a bottle of water and wandering back into the living room. He sat heavily on the couch and swigged from the bottle before tipping his head back and closing his eyes.

What was it really like, not being able to see? He imagined it was scary, people take eye sight for granted, it’s something they always have and they’re always using it, whatever they’re doing. It was one of the biggest factors of human life, but to have it suddenly snatched away…

Wasn’t that terrifying?

Was Ueda scared?

He had seemed like he was. Every time Ryo had visited him in the hospital over the past week and a bit Ueda had greeted him with a smile and talked relatively happily with him, but his smile was smaller and there was a dullness to his voice, and every so often, if there was a momentary lag in the flow of conversation, his smile might disappear altogether , and sometimes he would drift away completely in his thoughts, his face becoming pale, his mouth tightening into a thin line and it would take Ryo several tries of calling his name before he came back.

Earlier, when he had led him into his room his hands hand been shaking and when he came back from fetching his bag he had been bent almost double and shaking like a leaf, until he had held him and assured him he was safe he had seemed like he might cry, or collapse or both.

Even when he was settled in his bed and smiling at him, his hands were still shaking a little.

I don’t want him to be scared…

Ryo sighed, and opened his eyes. The urge to protect Ueda had flared up like a forest fire when he had seen the man’s state the first time in the hospital, but of course he knew, it had stemmed from something much older, something he had brown much more familiar with over the last few months…

Ryo was startled out of his reverie by the phone ringing from the kitchen. Venturing in he found the phone hanging on the wall near the door and answered it quickly, straining his ears to listen for any movement from Ueda’s room. Hearing nothing he put the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Ryo-chan?”

“Jin? What’s up?”

“We wanted to check up on Uebo, how’s he doing?”

“We?”

“Me, Kazu and Pi,”

“Oh, well, he’s resting right now; he seemed kind of shaken so he’s taking a nap,”

“Oh, okay, is he alright Ryo-chan?”

“I hope so; he says he’s fine but…”

“You noticed it too?” suddenly Kame’s voice was coming over the line. Ryo sighed.

“Yeah, baka Hime, why keep pretending to be alright when…?”

“I know, no-one would be completely alright in that situation, but Tat-chan is the type to put on a brave face for the sake of others,” Ryo frowned.

“Screw others this time!” he muttered.

“I know Nishikido but that’s how he is,”

“I get it, I get it, anyway, I’m staying until he wakes up, then I’ll fix him something to eat,” Jin took the phone back from Kame.

“Are you staying over Ryo-chan?” there was a certain lilt to his voice and Ryo could tell he was smirking.

“Bakanishi, think like a responsible adult for a moment, and don’t worry about the Hime for now, I’m taking care of him, I promise,” there was the sound of the phone changing hands again.

“Ryo-chan? Don’t leave him, never mind what he says, and ignore Jin, I think you should stay over with him, Nakamaru-kun told me the doctors said something about him having nightmares,” Ryo froze.

Nightmares…?

He turned slowly to look over at the closed door of Ueda’s bedroom.

“It’s pretty common for people who’ve been in an accident like that, especially when they end up injured, being blinded will probably make it worse,”

“Got it, I’ll stay with him,”

“Good,” Kame had taken the phone again.

“Call me or Jin tomorrow okay?” Ryo smiled. You have really caring friends Princess.

“Sure, when is he expected back at work?” there was a pause.

“We were all for him taking a few more days off but he said he wanted to come back as soon as possible, so he’ll probably insist on coming in tomorrow, the manager said it was alright, but…” Ryo sighed, it was just like Ueda to insist on getting back to work as if nothing was wrong. But then sitting around at home unable to see, and therefore unable to do much, would drive anyone crazy. Being at work and surrounded by his friends and band-mates would be a hundred times more productive.

“Okay, talk to you guys later,”

“Mm, take care of him Nishikido,” Ryo rolled his eyes.

“Trust me a little already!” Kame laughed.

“Alright, see you,”

Ryo hung up the phone and glanced over at Ueda’s door again. I’ll take care of you, I promised didn’t I? I’ll definitely take care of you…

つづく

A/N This took way too long to update, things are going a little crazy right now so updates will be a little slower in coming but I’m working on everything as much as I can, and the next chapters should be done soon (I hope).