(no subject)
so in the past week... well after tomo died we all got together all friendly like and cried our asses off and generally became closer. sort of. anyway jess and andy got to know each other and now they're almost-dating(I say almost because jess is too scared to break it off with her old boyfriend 'cause she thinks he'll kill himself or something). this is all well and good 'cause her old boyfriend was an idiot waste of life who would amount to nothing ever. now that last part is all well and good but fuck it's lonely now. best friend a dies for no apparent fucking reason and best friend b gets his head stuck up a girl's ass.
tomo's death also made me appraise my own life a bit. like what I really want to do and crap. this didn't really help at all 'cause I still just want to research the paranormal and nothing else interests me in the slightest. it also made me realize that I have friends, but no one I really talk about the stuff I think is important with. I'm always doing what I can for my friends but no one ever seems to notice or care when I have a problem, and that's really frustrating. I'm always trying to be nice to people and I always get goddamn nothing in return.
I kept thinking about all these things and I just felt more distant from my friends and now I just feel really alone. in the end I wish that I had just one goddamn person who I could like discuss the paranormal with and who'd notice if I had a problem and do something about it. but those things are apparently too much to ask for, 'cause no one I meet shows either or. it sucks because I can watch an anime or read a book or whatever and these characters just get the perfect people handed to them on a silver platter and I sit here alone wishing for a fragment of a good person to talk to. I feel like I'm a character who's just a demonstration on irony.
I can't seem to make myself go to college either. like I know I really need to but I just think that I'm going to just go into english and teaching and get some crappy teaching job teaching idiots who don't care how to write over and over and life will be boring as fuck, so in the end I just sit here, bored as fuck, because I don't want to waste my life being bored as fuck. yes, I do suppose that I am a lesson on irony aren't I? goddamn it.
tomo's death also made me appraise my own life a bit. like what I really want to do and crap. this didn't really help at all 'cause I still just want to research the paranormal and nothing else interests me in the slightest. it also made me realize that I have friends, but no one I really talk about the stuff I think is important with. I'm always doing what I can for my friends but no one ever seems to notice or care when I have a problem, and that's really frustrating. I'm always trying to be nice to people and I always get goddamn nothing in return.
I kept thinking about all these things and I just felt more distant from my friends and now I just feel really alone. in the end I wish that I had just one goddamn person who I could like discuss the paranormal with and who'd notice if I had a problem and do something about it. but those things are apparently too much to ask for, 'cause no one I meet shows either or. it sucks because I can watch an anime or read a book or whatever and these characters just get the perfect people handed to them on a silver platter and I sit here alone wishing for a fragment of a good person to talk to. I feel like I'm a character who's just a demonstration on irony.
I can't seem to make myself go to college either. like I know I really need to but I just think that I'm going to just go into english and teaching and get some crappy teaching job teaching idiots who don't care how to write over and over and life will be boring as fuck, so in the end I just sit here, bored as fuck, because I don't want to waste my life being bored as fuck. yes, I do suppose that I am a lesson on irony aren't I? goddamn it.