Back To Start
Title:Back To Start
Author: s0methingwick3d
Pairing:Jepha/Frank
Rating:PG-13-R
POV:Jepha's. first person
Summary: We were playing a game...
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except a computer and too many cds.
Author Note: Should I make this into a chaptered fic?
We were playing a game. Monopoly, or something like it, I think, something with dice and a board and little pieces. And Frankie refused to read the directions, he said he could figure it out on his own. Trial and error, he said.
You know, it's funny. Grief makes you feel weird all the time. Some days you wake up and all you can think is, "Shit. shit, fuck, shit, he's gone." And it hurts so bad you'll do anything to make it stop. It physical. Like you're filled with it, like a balloon, and you want so desperately to pop--it sounds ridiculous, I know. But you sit, and you shake, and your brain comes up with it, and that's all you can think about. Anything to get his voice out of your head. The shrink called it a defence mechanism. I told him that I didn't want to know what it was.
I started eating meat again. That's another thing greif makes you do--act strange. I remember staring at a wall, only it wasn't a wall, it was Frankie, and he was smiling. I threw a chair at the wall and then I went out and bought a hamburger. Burger King, isn't it odd what your brain chooses to remember? I just kept thinking, You're acting like an animal. You are an animal. So eat like one.
I threw up after.
The last things... God, the last things are enough to make you catatonic, when you realize you can't ever, ever have that again. The last time we made love...ohhh. It was like...fireworks. Magic. All that stuff you get in the movies, except it was real, and it was there, and it was Frank. I was wrapped up, emersed in him, in his body and soul...and it can never happen again. I didn't know it was possible to love so much. I didn't think anything could hurt this bad.
I know i should have died instead of him. I can't even get back in another car, since that night. I walked to the...the funeral.
"He's losing it," Quinn says to Branden one day. They think I'm asleep, but I never sleep anymore. "He can't go on like this... I'm scared."
Life is like that game-the one Frank and I were playing? You're not allowed to read the directions. There are little peices and dice, and...if you're really, really lucky, you get-get to play it with someone you love. And...well, all I've done is go back to Start.
end video
okay, so comments? questions? crittt??? 's all good to me ^_^ also, what if it wasn't a sequel??**ponders**
Author: s0methingwick3d
Pairing:Jepha/Frank
Rating:PG-13-R
POV:Jepha's. first person
Summary: We were playing a game...
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except a computer and too many cds.
Author Note: Should I make this into a chaptered fic?
We were playing a game. Monopoly, or something like it, I think, something with dice and a board and little pieces. And Frankie refused to read the directions, he said he could figure it out on his own. Trial and error, he said.
You know, it's funny. Grief makes you feel weird all the time. Some days you wake up and all you can think is, "Shit. shit, fuck, shit, he's gone." And it hurts so bad you'll do anything to make it stop. It physical. Like you're filled with it, like a balloon, and you want so desperately to pop--it sounds ridiculous, I know. But you sit, and you shake, and your brain comes up with it, and that's all you can think about. Anything to get his voice out of your head. The shrink called it a defence mechanism. I told him that I didn't want to know what it was.
I started eating meat again. That's another thing greif makes you do--act strange. I remember staring at a wall, only it wasn't a wall, it was Frankie, and he was smiling. I threw a chair at the wall and then I went out and bought a hamburger. Burger King, isn't it odd what your brain chooses to remember? I just kept thinking, You're acting like an animal. You are an animal. So eat like one.
I threw up after.
The last things... God, the last things are enough to make you catatonic, when you realize you can't ever, ever have that again. The last time we made love...ohhh. It was like...fireworks. Magic. All that stuff you get in the movies, except it was real, and it was there, and it was Frank. I was wrapped up, emersed in him, in his body and soul...and it can never happen again. I didn't know it was possible to love so much. I didn't think anything could hurt this bad.
I know i should have died instead of him. I can't even get back in another car, since that night. I walked to the...the funeral.
"He's losing it," Quinn says to Branden one day. They think I'm asleep, but I never sleep anymore. "He can't go on like this... I'm scared."
Life is like that game-the one Frank and I were playing? You're not allowed to read the directions. There are little peices and dice, and...if you're really, really lucky, you get-get to play it with someone you love. And...well, all I've done is go back to Start.
end video
okay, so comments? questions? crittt??? 's all good to me ^_^ also, what if it wasn't a sequel??**ponders**