Love The Way You Lie - One Shot (Songfic)
Title: Love The Way You Lie
Fandom(s): U-KISS
Pairing(s): Kemaru
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst (?), Twisted Love (?)
Word Count: 7,030 words
Warnings: Awful!English, Drug Abuse, Domestic(?) Abuse, Use of Fire
Author's Notes: I am sadist. I had fun writing this, sort of. Heh, comments are super appreciated. I’m beginning to like dark themes a little too much.
Kibum’s breath was ragged, as if he took part in a marathon before reaching Kevin. He stared at Kevin’s hazy eyes, the younger man not once blinking. He dropped the teddy bear he was holding, giving Kevin one last look.
He sighed.
Kibum stopped himself from nudging Kevin, walking away before giving the door a slam, directing his uncontrollable anger at the door instead.
A groan as the heart clenched, attempting to force the tears to dry up before they could fall.
Please, only numbness, no more pain.
Kevin jerked awake from his temporary trance, finding a light weight pressing against his toes. He picked the familiar teddy bear, smiling faintly. He clutched it close and trembled unnoticeably, wailing loudly.
He gasped.
Kevin caught himself from thinking further about the overflowing emotions, with every pair contradicting each other, pushing the negative ones away tentatively.
A tight shut of eyes, trying to will away the ability to feel.
Please, no more, not any more.
-
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
-
Kevin smiled brightly and took in the white powder in his hands, before washing it down with alcohol that still burned his throat. He sighed dreamily, leaning back against the wall and left the bottle of alcohol on the table with a small packet emptied.
He closed his eyes and felt happy, laughing for no reason at all. He smiled at the air, chuckled at the sofa and rolled over laughing at the floor. Kibum unlocked the front door and frowned at the noises Kevin was making, looking around for Kevin.
“Damn it! Have you been taking drugs again?!” Kibum snarled, pulling Kevin towards him before throwing him back against the wall, kneeing the younger’s stomach. “I told you to stop that addiction!”
“Shut up.” Kevin giggled, eyes dangerous as he sent a tight slap across Kibum’s face. “I saw you with him. Oh, how gentle you were.”
Kibum rolled his eyes and grabbed Kevin’s wrists, pinning them beside his head. “What the fuck are you talking about? And when I say stop with the addiction, listen! Or else.”
“Or else what, you’ll hit me again?” Kevin laughed harder, words nonchalant as he trembled in Kibum’s grasp.
“Drugs are bad for you.” Kibum squeezed the younger’s slim wrist and made Kevin wince from the pain that was intensified by the drug.
Kevin grinned, head raised up to look into Kibum’s serious and fiery eyes.
“Do you care?”
-
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
-
Kibum gritted his teeth and slammed Kevin’s body on the coffee table, turning his body so they could stare at each other while Kibum choked the younger boy.
“I SAID LISTEN!” Kibum yelled, while Kevin’s eyes watered with a fake smile unfaltering. “Or I’ll kill you before you ruin yourself further.”
Kevin slightly shrugged, hands easily slipping out from between Kibum’s thighs. He placed them on Kibum’s thighs and slid it up his thighs, drawing circles on the older man’s inner thighs. As if unaffected by the suffocating Kibum was doing, he unbuttoned Kibum’s jeans and pulled the zip down, reaching in to stroke Kibum’s member.
Kibum’s grasp weakened, all his anger disappeared with the arrival of Kevin’s gentle touches. They had been together too long, Kibum lamented, thus Kevin knew all his weak points. He stopped Kevin’s hands and leaned down swiftly to bite on Kevin’s lips, while Kevin smirked and moaned the way Kibum told him to the first time they had their first time.
Kevin turned the both of them around and grabbed Kibum’s neck with both hands, pressing down to choke the older man.
“I love you, darling, but I hate you when you go to him.”
-
High of a love, drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I‘m about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it
-
“Who the hell is he?” Kibum’s face contorted with pain, but like Kevin, he never struggled. There was a slight gasp for air before he returned to smiling that smile that never reached his eyes.
“The guy you wrapped your arms around in that freaking bar. I saw you, darling, I saw you.” Kevin whispered against Kibum’s ear, nibbling it as his tongue licked the area in between his lips.
“You’re hallucinating.” Kibum growled. “I told you drugs do you no good!”
Kevin slapped Kibum twice, once on each cheek with a glare. “I’m not hallucinating, I saw you. You had sex with him on our bed, didn’t you?”
Kevin didn’t bother hearing Kibum’s answer, grabbing Kibum’s head by his ears and crashed his head against the table, each time with more force. Kibum screamed in pain and dug his fingernails into Kevin’s wrist, stopping the younger’s movement effectively.
-
Wait, where you going, I'm leaving you
No you ain't, come back
We're running right back, here we go again
It's so insane, cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane but when it's bad, it's awful
-
Kevin wrung his wrists out of Kibum’s hands and headed towards the door.
“Wait, where’re you going?” Kibum frowned, rolling off the table and finding his balance on the floor.
“I’m leaving you.” Kevin said, eyes rolling while thinking that his actions were probably more than obvious.
“No you aren’t, come back.” Kibum sternly growled, running and pulling Kevin back in his arms, devouring his lips as he held the younger man in his arms.
Kevin’s tears fell from his eyes, and Kibum tried to ignore the wetness against his cheeks. Lips trailing down Kevin’s pale neck, he sucked obscenely at the flesh near Kevin’s collarbone, biting down as he did. Kevin whimpered and clutched Kibum’s sides, his own hips buckling up willingly against Kibum’s as he ground both their erections together.
Kibum groaned and kissed Kevin forcefully again, loving the way Kevin rubbed against him. Kevin kneeled down suddenly, pulling Kibum’s pants down swiftly. He licked the sensitive area that was hidden behind Kibum’s boxers, hands holding onto Kibum’s thighs. Kevin nuzzled the bulge before pushing the boxers down with his chin, tongue tracing patterns on the exposed length.
Both needs were unsatisfied, but Kevin sped out with his shoes in one hand after stripping Kibum’s lower body.
-
I feel so ashamed, I snap
Who's that dude, I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
-
Kevin hadn’t returned home for two days, and Kibum started getting worried. His phone was switched off, so Kibum had to go to where he suspected Kevin to be seeking shelter at.
He drove to the usual pub Kevin visited, where the younger man purchased his drugs. It was pretty early in the morning, but the pub was already opened, loud music and dark environment as if it was night time. Kibum frowned and looked around at the small crowd, eyes finding Kevin within seconds.
A man was feeling Kevin up, placing light kisses on his face. Kevin, unaffected, continued dancing against the two men sandwiching him. He giggled when the second man whispered something in his ears, slapping the same man the next second, glaring at him. He bounced to find someone else to play with, eyes squinting when he spotted Kibum’s figure.
Kevin almost lost his balance as he made his way to the older man. He placed both hands on Kibum’s shoulders and kissed his neck, smiling widely. “What’s your name?”
Kibum stared deadly at the younger man, turning the glare to the man who had previously been slapped by Kevin. The man missed the death glare, walking towards Kevin and snaking his arm around the pretty boy’s waist.
“Don’t find another man, I’ll be enough.” He smirked, and Kibum felt his jealousy take over his actions, pulling Kevin to his side before kicking the man to the floor. “What the-”
Kibum grabbed the collar of the man’s shirt and punched the other’s stomach, only stopping when Kevin screamed for him to stop. He gave the man’s private part a good kick and a vulgar warning, before throwing him to a side. The bartenders took a glance at each other and shrugged.
“Fights are common, no point making a fuss.” He heard a distant voice.
Kibum then turned around and glared at Kevin. The younger quickly look away, eyes shut tightly. Kibum slapped Kevin and sent him lying on the floor, causing blood to slightly trickle out from his mouth. He stared at his palm for a moment and brushed away the thought of slapping Kevin too hard, picking the younger man up. Kevin tried to wiggle himself out, unwilling to follow Kibum home.
-
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
-
Kibum ended up dragging Kevin back home, bruising the younger's small wrist with his death grip. Kevin tried to wring them out, only further bruising himself. He whined cutely and screamed hysterically, but Kibum didn't even flinch as he drove full speed home, rope around the younger’s wrists in a series of dead knots since he had to drive. Kibum was still holding on to the younger's arm because it was possible that Kevin would jump out of a car speeding at 140km/h, very possible.
Yet Kibum wasn't going to let Kevin escape again.
Kevin started sobbing, drawing his knees up to his chest and placing his knees in between the space formed by his tied wrists. Kibum ignored the cries, too used to Kevin in different extreme emotions to care.
"You're gonna hit me again." Kevin sobbed, shifting his hands to reach into his pocket. There was a small packet of powder, and only Kevin of the two could tell it was different from the last one he had taken before Kibum.
"Fuck you!" Kibum cursed, car swerving away from the lane he was driving on before he took control of it again and returned it to the original lane. He grabbed Kevin's hands while trying to snatch the packet, punching Kevin's face when he hid it away from Kibum. "I told you to stop with the drugs!"
Kevin quickly emptied the contents into his mouth despite Kibum, swallowing it in a second and smiling. "Hit me all you want, I don't care."
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" Kibum yelled, stepping on the pedal to go even faster.
"I can't feel pain, it's all numbness." Kevin giggled, resting his head on his knees. "You introduced me to this drug, darling. They told me it takes away pain and I'm sick of your abuse."
Kibum growled and slapped Kevin's back with full force, stepping on the brakes suddenly when Kevin didn't flinch. Kevin's body flew forward and down into the space originally for his legs, head banging against the compartment. He looked up lazily and smiled, unaffected.
"Damn it, the drug is effective." Kibum rolled his eyes and drove the remaining distance home.
-
You can barely breathe when you're with them
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em
-
Kibum carried Kevin out of his car and slammed the car door, locking his car a second later. Kevin was still sleeping, head natural falling onto Kibum's shoulder, a heart-wrenching scene for the older man. Their relationship was less abusive two years ago, when Kevin hadn't known the different names for the different drugs.
Then, Kevin was beautiful and free of ugly bruises flawing his pale skin.
Then, Kevin was as peaceful as right now, not once doubting Kibum's love for him because he never hallucinated.
Then, they were perfect.
He still remembered how he lost his thoughts when Kevin turned around to smile at him then. That innocent smile that appeared whenever the younger man had a sweet treat, when something happy happens.
But then was over and now took place.
Now, Kevin had sleepless nights from the side effects of the drug, skipping meals because he loses appetite.
Now, Kevin looked so thin and fragile Kibum was sincerely afraid the younger would break.
Yet he can’t stop himself from trying to knock some sense into Kevin. The gentle way didn’t work, Kibum settled for violence.
-
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom
And these words when you spit 'em
-
Kibum sighed at his thoughts, but couldn't stop himself from dropping Kevin on the bed, cutting the rope and crashing their lips together. Kevin stirred awake and returned the fiery passion, arms circling around Kibum's neck.
Kibum's tongue darted into Kevin's mouth as the younger moaned, hands tugging Kevin's soft caramel-coloured hair. With his tongue desperately tasting the flavour of the younger's mouth, he pulled away when he licked leftover powder in the corner of his mouth.
"Damn it, drugs." Kibum groaned and threw a punch across Kevin's swelling cheek, ready to walk away. “Kevin, you’re seriously disgusting.”
“You aren’t any better, you almost killed that man back there.” Kevin reached out for Kibum’s wrist and jerked the older man towards him. He lazily kissed Kibum’s forehead and cupped the older’s face.
Kibum pulled away, still infuriated by the presence of drugs in the mouth he was kissing. “Well, then maybe I shouldn’t care that he’s trying to get you in bed, fucking brainless idiot.”
“Irritating violent bastard.” Kevin smiled. He dragged Kibum's shirt up along with his roaming hands, scratching Kibum's smooth skin with his untrimmed fingernails. Kibum gritted his teeth at Kevin's petty revenge, tearing the younger's shirt off the smaller build and causing the buttons to fall messily onto the ground.
Kevin instinctively covered his bare chest, turning his body to hide himself. Kibum cupped both sides of Kevin's head and kissed the younger hungrily while Kevin tried to free himself.
"Why are you hidng yourself?" Kibum muttered against Kevin's lips, fingernail digging into the tender flesh along Kevin's jawline, down to his chest. "Did you let someone else touch you?"
-
You push, pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in 'em
-
Kevin kept quiet, pulling Kibum's shirt over his head. Kibum grabbed the shirt and twisted it around Kevin's neck, where a red streak was starting to form on.
"Who is it." Kibum quietly asked, which was more frightening than screaming at the younger boy.
Kevin coughed violently as Kibum twisted it more, the younger man's eyes looking away,
"I thought you can't feel pain?" Kibum glared coldly down, unaffected as Kevin turned pale.
"I...can't...breathe." Kevin coughed out, hands now desperately flailing. Kibum loosened his grip and allowed the shirt to untwist itself, before Kevin tugged it off and sat up to catch his breath.
"Who-"
"I don't know. I saw him once, he drugged me, I woke up in pain." Kevin mumbled softly, wishing Kibum hadn't heard him.
But he did.
Kibum held onto a fistful of Kevin's hair and threw him onto the floor, kicking the younger's numb body. "What did I tell you about drugs? Why don't you ever listen?!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Kevin screamed, more from the guiltiness of betraying (though unwilling) than the numbed pain. He flew back up on the bed, lower body becoming bare which made him cry harder.
"Don't, don't-"
Kibum alternated between punches and kisses, abusing the younger's face. His lips trailed down and sucked on the skin, teeth biting down hard. He shifted a little and wanted to mark another spot when he saw a hickie he definitely didn't make. "Fuck, he bit you."
Kevin couldn't stop his growing erection despite knowing Kibum was at the peak of his anger. He wanted to struggle free, but some part of him missed having Kibum in him. Kibum dug his nails into Kevin's back as he marked him with all his might, cursing and promising himself to erase the mark away from his property.
Kibum opened his mouth and placed his teeth on Kevin's body, dragging himself down while scratching Kevin. His hands were on either side of Kevin's hips, holding them down while he teased the younger's nipple roughly. He continued his way down, making a trail of sloppy kisses before reaching to his target and blowing lightly at the standing erection.
Kevin moaned wantonly, hips buckling up and almost touching Kibum's lips. His hands found their way into Kibum's hair, and when pushing his head down failed, he pulled the older man up for a much needed kiss. He tugged limply on the clothes that were still on Kibum's body, turning both of them around so Kibum was below him.
"I didn't." Kevin said, licking Kibum's jawline up to his ear, nibbling gently. "Want to." He continued, darting downwards to unbutton Kibum's jeans with his hand, biting on the zip with his teeth and jerking it down. Brushing against Kibum's bulging erection once, Kevin decided to repeat the "accident" a few more times just to hear Kibum whimper softly. "Betray you."
"It doesn't matter, I'm going on with fucking you dry." Kibum growled, ridding himself of the remaining clothes. He grabbed Kevin's head and shoved the younger man down towards his erection, which unlike Kibum, took it in within a second. Kevin didn't mind the quick and deep thrust Kibum made, tongue swirling patterns on the length in the remaining space in his mouth.
Kibum suddenly pulled out and kicked Kevin towards the wall, wasting no time in entering the younger boy while hoisting the smaller man up. Kevin screamed, the pain could slightly be felt over the drug, digging his nails into Kibum's heated chest as if to transfer his pain. Kibum winced at that, concentrating more on the thrusts, smirking when Kevin arched his back and leaned forward with a loud cry.
"Hyung." Kevin gasped breathlessly, while Kibum took away his chance to speak by covering his mouth with a rough kiss. Kibum grabbed Kevin's length and squeezed it, fiddling with the erection after he heard enough of Kevin's desperate mewls.
The friction between Kevin and his own length in the younger boy was somehow exhilarating, as he continued to enter and exit Kevin. It had always been easy on them both, but the heat generated made Kibum high. Kevin's breaths were of shorter intervals as they both inched towards their climaxes, before Kevin screamed, cum shooting up onto Kibum's body. Kevin adjusted himself and darted his head down to taste himself, teasing the older man's nipples as he made his way up to Kibum's lips. Kibum forced Kevin's head back against the wall, devouring the younger's lips and sneaking his tongue in to taste the younger man. He bit down on Kevin's bottom lip as he released his load in Kevin, both sighing in exhaustion as Kibum pulled himself out.
Kibum then placed Kevin down on the comparatively soft bed, his own body sprawled out on the same bed. Too tired to register anything else, he didn’t notice when Kevin stealthily snuggled up to him, arm around Kibum’s thicker waist.
-
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today, that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records, playin' over
-
“Why don’t you leave him?” Soohyun asked.
Kevin sighed, making do with the little ingredient in the fridge to make breakfast.
“Hyung, you don’t have to deal with his addiction.” Kiseop shook his head.
Kibum stumbled out of their room clumsily, smiling unconsciously at the aroma from the kitchen.
“You can do better without these patches on your face.” Alexander frowned.
Kevin wished it was a good day, leaning comfortable against the body that had pressed up against him.
“Send him to a drug rehabilitation centre.” Eli suggested.
Kibum wrapped his two arms around Kevin’s slim waist tightly, head resting on Kevin’s shoulder.
“Is he still worth it?” Dongho smiled, facing them both.
“Breakfast will be done soon.” Kevin whispered, not wanting to be too loud for Kibum that had just woken up. He felt Kibum nod, smiling faintly as he transferred the food that was ready onto a clean plate. “Go wash up.”
“Forget it.” Kibum mumbled. “It’s fine.”
Kevin pouted cutely, tugging Kibum’s shirt. “What do you say about us going into the shower together?”
Kibum smirked, giving the food a quick glance. “I never resist temptation, baby. We shall settle for food that turned cold.”
-
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
-
“Kibummie-hyung…” Kevin whimpered, clutching desperately on the older man with jerky sobs. “I’m-I’m need…needy…”
Kibum widened his eyes at the trembling boy in his arms.
“I need the- the drug.” Kevin cried, hugging Kibum tighter after his confession. “Let me-let me take some- some- I need-”
The older man frowned and kissed Kevin harshly, pressing his body against the younger one to provide him with warmth and comfort. Kevin shook uncontrollably, lips shivering.
Kibum gritted his teeth and pulled away. “All right, I’ll help you quit it. You can take some, but we’ll slowly cut off the dosage.”
Kevin let out a sigh of relief and reached into his pocket for a packet of powder. His hands shook wildly as he poured the contents into his mouth, giving himself yet another overdose. He dropped the packet from his hands and swallowed the drug dry, steadying his irregular breathing.
Kibum growled and concluded Kevin did it on purpose, kicking Kevin continuously and pulling his head up by his hair. Kevin screamed and tried to stop Kibum’s attacks, yelling out what Kibum just said to assure the younger boy.
“You took the whole packet!” Kibum shouted back, grabbing Kevin’s face and shaking it as if to wake him up. “You’re only going to get worse!”
Kevin pushed Kibum and defended himself with a kick towards Kibum’s leg, successfully causing the man to fall to the floor. He gasped for air before turning to the door and running out.
Kibum could only watch Kevin’s running figure from the floor.
-
Now I know we said things, did things
That we didn't mean and we fall back
Into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love, you're just as blinded
-
He groaned at his leg, reminding himself that this was the only time Kevin attacked him back properly. The pain only told him the other violent acts he had done on the younger boy were far worse.
He walked limply along his neighbourhood, figuring Kevin wouldn’t run too far in the night. He saw a blur figure running and crashing into people as he headed towards the bar, and Kibum knew that was the person he was looking for.
Kevin downed two bottles of alcohol within the short span of time that he was there, clothes drenched from the alcohol that overfilled his mouth and leaked down his neck. Kibum grabbed the bottle away from Kevin and tried to pull him out of the bar to talk to Kevin without having to shout over the music. Kevin resisted, eyes cold when looking into Kibum’s eyes.
Kibum eventually got Kevin out to talk to him with his fingers intertwined with Kevin’s, though Kevin refused to give up the bottle of alcohol in his other hand.
“Kevin-” Kibum tried starting, but didn’t know what he wanted to say.
Kevin smirked, taking his shirt off and turning Kibum around to face him. “Look at what you did to me, you bastard.”
Kibum blinked and unconsciously raised his hand to tap the bruises, frowning when Kevin flinched. “I…used too much strength.”
“I’m sick of this.” Kevin aimed the glass bottle at the nearby lamppost, breaking it with the impact of swinging it against the post. He used the sharp edges and scratched Kibum’s arm. “I’m taking revenge.”
Kibum bit his lower lip and let Kevin cut his arm. When Kevin thought he had enough of the revenge, he swung the glass bottle towards a random direction and screamed. He ran, crying, into Kibum’s arms and kissed the older man fiercely, then toning down as time went pass.
Kevin let go of Kibum’s neck and slapped the older man. “Why did you let me do that to you?”
“Same reason why you put up with me.” Kibum muttered, blood dripping down from his wound to his fingertip, leading to the ground.
-
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
-
“I’m sick of this.” Kevin whispered, nibbling Kibum’s ear while putting pressure on the bleeding wound, half-heartedly trying to stop the blood. “Let’s break up.”
Kibum put his hand over Kevin’s, lowering his head to Kevin’s neck. He licked the skin softly and pushed Kevin with his hips towards the lamppost, tongue swirling its way up to Kevin’s lips. “No.”
“Kibummie-hyung…” Kevin moaned, reciprocating Kibum’s teasing with sloppy kisses. “Let’s break up.”
“No.” Kibum sternly repeated, eyes softening as he saw desire on Kevin’s face. “Why?”
“I make you angry. Always.” Kevin removed his hand from Kibum’s arm and stared at his bloodied hand. “Is it pain? What am I talking about? Of course-”
Kibum forced his tongue into Kevin’s mouth and battled Kevin’s tongue. He groaned as Kevin grinded their bodies together, though his focus never left Kevin’s mouth, wanting to transfer his passion clearly to the younger boy. He held Kevin’s head to stop it from being pressed against the cold, hard lamppost, only stopping when he starts to feel giddy from the lack of oxygen reaching his head.
“It wasn’t you, baby. You know it, I know it, it was me.” Kibum shook his head and clutched Kevin’s arms, as if holding him in place in case he runs away. “Maybe if I lessen my hate for drugs…”
“That’s not right, isn’t it?” Kevin smiled weakly. “But I love the way you lie.”
“Kevin, don’t leave me.” Kibum muttered against Kevin’s ear, desperation clear in his soft voice.
“This love is crazy.” Kevin whispered back, suddenly breaking down. “You hit me, I hit you, we fight all day and we yell all night, but we wake up the next day suddenly on good terms. Sometimes, sometimes I don’t even know if I’m still alive or just a dying soul in this tortured body, emotionally and physically. I don’t even-even know what to think if we stop and look back. The repeated process is just crazy and we put up with it as if it’s normal! Kibummie-hyung, I don’t know when I’ll just break down…”
“So you’re giving up?” Kibum tightened his grip around Kevin’s arms, slightly blocking the blood flow towards Kevin’s hands. “You’re leaving me?”
“Hyung…” Kevin writhed in pain. “You’re doing it again-”
“Kevin, answer me.” Kibum stood like a block, though hands still exerting strength.
“I don’t know!” Kevin screamed. “I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t-”
Kibum pressed his lips against Kevin’s, both roughly crashing their mouths together. Kibum dropped his hands and wrapped his arms around Kevin, needing more of the body contact. Kevin didn’t know if the wetness he felt was his own tears, the raindrops, or Kibum’s. He pressed himself closer and hugged Kibum tightly, not bothering when the slight drizzle came pouring down as a heavy rain on them.
Kevin pulled away and buried his head in Kibum’s chest, trembling from the cold and his confusion on what to do with their abnormal relationship. He felt the arms around him shaking, reminding him of the fact that Kibum loved him despite his violent actions.
“We’re too headstrong on our own points…” Kibum mumbled, gasping for air as he tried to gain control of his emotions. “But I can’t live without you.”
-
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the dry wall
-
Kibum led Kevin home with their fingers overlapping each other’s. Kevin would be pulled in front of Kibum when it was a narrow lane, causing the two to walk as one. The actions were as if to prove his point that he cannot live if Kevin was gone, so Kibum held on to Kevin’s hand, not wanting to let it go even for a second.
Kibum almost forgot to stop at the traffic lights, which Kevin did him a favour by tugging his arm and kissing the older man as distraction. Kevin himself couldn’t remember when exactly did Kibum started the make-out session, as the both stumbled clumsily into their shared house and slammed the door shut, despite the door still unlocked.
Kevin’s clothes were lazily taken off, as Kibum collapsed on him and hugged his smaller frame. Kevin sleepily smiled, taking off Kibum’s suffocating shirt for him. The older man never wore a shirt to bed, causing Kevin to start the same habit.
The older man possessively wrapped his arms around the other man who was unable to sleep. Kevin arranged Kibum’s hair and tried to chase the endless thoughts away. Thoughts of staying, thoughts of leaving; thoughts of their past, thoughts of their unknown future. Kevin preferred not to think, but he knew there would be a problem one day, and one day might be as soon as the next day.
It was true. Kevin had always been a quietly stubborn person. He may act as if he agreed with a point, but tries to get the person to see his viewpoint and ultimately support him.
It was true. Kibum was a straightforward man who never liked contradictions. If he dislikes the way one thinks, he tells the person straight and expects him to change it.
Kevin dozed off, as he dreamt of their first meeting.
-
Kevin woke up from a nightmare and wriggled out of Kibum’s loose embrace. He wiped his cold sweat away and gasped when he saw Kibum stirred. In his nightmare, Kibum murdered him to keep his body by the older man. Kevin wasn’t afraid of death, he was just afraid of Kibum. He could die, but not in Kibum’s hands.
He didn’t even know why he would dream of such things.
But he wasn’t ready to die in the hands of a man he loved. It’s just ironic, and Kevin wanted to keep the few beliefs in love he still had. That love is about protecting the one you love, that no matter what the other do, it’s hopefully for the best.
Dying, Kevin wasn’t ready, yet Kibum stated his point clear. He wasn’t going to live without Kevin, and Kibum never lied. The dependency that grew as they stayed close by each other for years. The dependency that made the both of them not want to send the other into a rehabilitation centre, even if it’s for the better future.
Kevin didn’t feel safe any longer.
He never told Kibum, but he was starting to hurt all over. He had a hunch that his insides were damaged badly, but he never consulted a doctor because he never wanted to know. All the drama he sees when one finds out they were going to die, he rather drop dead.
He frantically threw a few dear clothes into a plastic bag and his collection of drugs before running out in full speed, kneeing the coffee table in his rush and slamming the sofa against the wall due to the small gap for walking.
Kibum groaned as he woke up to all the noise, realizing what the noise might have meant. His world was spinning as he ran out shirtless, catching hold of Kevin’s makeshift luggage bag before throwing it towards their home’s front door. Kevin never looked back and instead sped up, but a random neighbour blocked his way as he watered his plants. Kevin cursed as he made a sharp turn, slowing him down and making Kibum reach his side the next second.
“Kevin.” Kibum growled, hands making sure Kevin couldn’t run away. “Fuck, you’re giving me a migraine early in the morning.”
“Let me go and I won’t cause you a headache anymore.” Kevin begged, dropping to his knees. Their nosy neighbour paused in his actions and tried eavesdropping, but Kibum’s glare made him mind his own business.
“Kevin, fuck this whole thing.” Kibum cursed. “I told you it’s all my fault, what were you trying to do?”
“I can’t do this!” Kevin’s breath hitched as he struggled with his emotions, wringing his wrists out of Kibum’s grasps. “Just because you say everything’s your fault, will everything be fine?! We’ll go back to routine! I don’t want to do this, I can’t do this-”
“Look at me.” Kibum quietly said, eyes showing the burning anger he refused to let out in his voice.
Kevin stilled but kept his head down, aware of Kibum’s intense glare.
“Kevin, look at me.” Kibum shook Kevin and lowered his head to stare into Kevin’s eyes. “Next time, I’ll punch a wall, I’ll kick the cabinets, but I won’t hurt you.”
-
Next time, there will be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
-
“Next time?” Kevin chuckled bitterly. “I don’t dare to give you a next time to try. Kibummie-hyung, I’ve been through this for two years. You think I’m a five-year-old kid, easy to trick and all?”
“I’m sorry.” Kibum apologised and released his grip so Kevin’s hands could feel the air. “I’m sorry. Whatever I did, forgive me. You know I just want you back with me. Kevin, I love you so much I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”
Kevin smiled sadly and easily slipped his hands out of Kibum’s slightly bigger ones, caressing Kibum’s cheeks. He placed a soft kiss at the side of Kibum’s lips and pushed the older away swiftly, turning to run.
He caused Kibum’s resolve to crumble into pieces.
He indirectly caused himself harm as Kibum caught hold of him and slammed him against the closest thing, knocking him unconscious.
-
Kevin didn’t waste a second collecting his thoughts, widening his eyes the moment he became conscious. He found himself back on the familiar bed and tried to sit up, quickly jerking back into the position he was in. He screamed, more for Kibum to appear than help.
“You’re awake.” Kibum stated emotionlessly, strolling in as if it was the most normal thing to do.
“Let me go…” Kevin pleaded. “Kibummie-hyung, it hurts!”
Kibum stared into Kevin’s eyes and knelt down beside the bed, picking up the stray strand of hair and tucking it behind the younger’s ear. Kevin reached for the dried-up wound from the day before and scratched it cruelly, causing it to start bleeding again.
Kibum smiled, shaking his head. “You knew my answer, why try?”
“What are you trying to do?” Kevin frowned faintly, tugging his limbs towards him and emphasizing on the metal handcuffs.
“Do you want a glass of water?” Kibum questioned randomly, looking out of the window. Without waiting for an answer, he stood up and got Kevin a full glass of water, where he poured half of its content on Kevin’s face.
Kevin shook his face to get the water away and glared at Kibum, who placed the glass of water gently on the side table. “I didn’t ask for it.”
“I never asked for you to leave me either.” Kibum shrugged, finding a lighter from his pocket and lighting it up for no apparent reason.
“You don’t smoke.” Kevin’s eyes twitched, finding the situation nerve-wracking.
“You don’t really know, do you?” Kibum stroked Kevin’s cheeks gently, tapping the plush lips twice.
“Let me go.” Kevin said in a small voice, knowing Kibum probably became insane. The Kibum he knew wouldn’t allow Kevin to say he smoked, because Kibum hated things like cigarettes and drugs.
Kibum scratched the trail made by the tear that slipped out of Kevin’s left eye. “Don’t cry. You shouldn’t cry when you’re the one that made this decision. Oh, let’s see if you can get this question right. Is this cup half full, or half empty?”
“I’m in no mood for games.” Kevin suddenly growled, kicking and punching the air in a futile attempt to break the handcuffs.
“Answer it.” Kibum smirked as he slapped Kevin. “Answer it, you brainless idiot!”
“It’s nothing! Its importance is equivalent to zero in a situation where I don’t know what awaits me!”
“Wrong answer, baby.” Kibum whispered, stroking the area he slapped gently. “Have you smelled something weird?
Kevin sniffed the air cautiously, forehead etched on his beautiful face. It was so familiar, but he couldn’t place a name to the smell.
“That’s right, I surrounded the bed with petroleum, right out to the door and the whole of the house.”
Kevin widened his eyes and shook his head unconsciously. He struggled harder, tugging his arms in hopes of being stronger than the metal alloy - the handcuffs.
“Struggle no more, for it doesn’t work.” Kibum pressed a kiss against Kevin’s protesting mouth, before Kevin realised Kibum was slightly wet and had a very strong smell on him. “And don’t even try pleading, my mind is set.”
“You’re drenched…with petroleum.” Kevin blinked, gasping when Kibum brought out his lighter.
“You guessed right, your prize is now waiting for you in heaven.” Kibum lighted his lighter and wasted no time in setting the wet blanket on fire. The fire spread along the trail of petroleum unknown to Kevin, and there were flames dangerously licking Kevin’s limbs, flames existing along the scorched bed posts. Kevin looked around, panicky, to find the room devoured by the searing heat.
He looked out to the door and saw the television exploding, before the parts of the door frame detached itself from the actual structure weakened by the burst of flames. They were surrounded by inferno, at industrial furnace temperature.
Kibum raised the glass of water from the burning side table, his facial expression unchanged though his pants were on fire. “Does this glass of water look different?”
Kevin screamed as he felt the pain on his skin. He couldn’t feel the heat; it just felt awfully painful, and Kevin instinctively tugged harder. The harsh actions scrapped the skin around his ankle, and Kevin could only cry as the bedposts stayed strong against the violent fire.
“Don’t kill me-” Kevin begged, reaching out unconsciously for the glass of water. His inner self told him the glass of water wouldn't help at all, but his survival instincts said anything would do.
Kibum smiled, placing the glass of water against his lips before drinking the water slowly. He twitched when the fire bit him harder and harder with every passing second, but he finished the glass of water and threw the glass to the furthest corner, stepping back to the wall and staring as Kevin tried everything to break free.
“I love you.” Kevin whispered, tear stained face slowly forming into a calm smile. He relaxed and concentrated on the destroyed ceiling threatening to collapse on him.
The older man fiddled with an unknown object in his burning pocket, forcing a smile. “I love the way you lie, baby. But I know you don’t, and that’s why you chose to leave.”
“My last words are not a lie.” Kevin shook his head, shutting his eyes and mouthing the same three words repeatedly.
-
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
-
The house crumbled as the crowd outside yelled insanely. Adults, men and women. Children, boys and girls. A mother of two children covered both their eyes and hushed them as they cried, feeling the heat reach their sensitive skin. The area around the previously standing structure was scorched, with a nearby tree that fell from the incident. The place is now an unrecognisable pile of ash and debris. A loud fire-fighter truck came, and civilians could only pray there was no one at home when the fire took the house down.
-
Yeah, wanted to give you guys an angsty Valentine's present :X Who said Valentine's Day was for fluff, anyway? XD!
Fandom(s): U-KISS
Pairing(s): Kemaru
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst (?), Twisted Love (?)
Word Count: 7,030 words
Warnings: Awful!English, Drug Abuse, Domestic(?) Abuse, Use of Fire
Author's Notes: I am sadist. I had fun writing this, sort of. Heh, comments are super appreciated. I’m beginning to like dark themes a little too much.
Kibum’s breath was ragged, as if he took part in a marathon before reaching Kevin. He stared at Kevin’s hazy eyes, the younger man not once blinking. He dropped the teddy bear he was holding, giving Kevin one last look.
He sighed.
Kibum stopped himself from nudging Kevin, walking away before giving the door a slam, directing his uncontrollable anger at the door instead.
A groan as the heart clenched, attempting to force the tears to dry up before they could fall.
Please, only numbness, no more pain.
Kevin jerked awake from his temporary trance, finding a light weight pressing against his toes. He picked the familiar teddy bear, smiling faintly. He clutched it close and trembled unnoticeably, wailing loudly.
He gasped.
Kevin caught himself from thinking further about the overflowing emotions, with every pair contradicting each other, pushing the negative ones away tentatively.
A tight shut of eyes, trying to will away the ability to feel.
Please, no more, not any more.
-
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
-
Kevin smiled brightly and took in the white powder in his hands, before washing it down with alcohol that still burned his throat. He sighed dreamily, leaning back against the wall and left the bottle of alcohol on the table with a small packet emptied.
He closed his eyes and felt happy, laughing for no reason at all. He smiled at the air, chuckled at the sofa and rolled over laughing at the floor. Kibum unlocked the front door and frowned at the noises Kevin was making, looking around for Kevin.
“Damn it! Have you been taking drugs again?!” Kibum snarled, pulling Kevin towards him before throwing him back against the wall, kneeing the younger’s stomach. “I told you to stop that addiction!”
“Shut up.” Kevin giggled, eyes dangerous as he sent a tight slap across Kibum’s face. “I saw you with him. Oh, how gentle you were.”
Kibum rolled his eyes and grabbed Kevin’s wrists, pinning them beside his head. “What the fuck are you talking about? And when I say stop with the addiction, listen! Or else.”
“Or else what, you’ll hit me again?” Kevin laughed harder, words nonchalant as he trembled in Kibum’s grasp.
“Drugs are bad for you.” Kibum squeezed the younger’s slim wrist and made Kevin wince from the pain that was intensified by the drug.
Kevin grinned, head raised up to look into Kibum’s serious and fiery eyes.
“Do you care?”
-
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
-
Kibum gritted his teeth and slammed Kevin’s body on the coffee table, turning his body so they could stare at each other while Kibum choked the younger boy.
“I SAID LISTEN!” Kibum yelled, while Kevin’s eyes watered with a fake smile unfaltering. “Or I’ll kill you before you ruin yourself further.”
Kevin slightly shrugged, hands easily slipping out from between Kibum’s thighs. He placed them on Kibum’s thighs and slid it up his thighs, drawing circles on the older man’s inner thighs. As if unaffected by the suffocating Kibum was doing, he unbuttoned Kibum’s jeans and pulled the zip down, reaching in to stroke Kibum’s member.
Kibum’s grasp weakened, all his anger disappeared with the arrival of Kevin’s gentle touches. They had been together too long, Kibum lamented, thus Kevin knew all his weak points. He stopped Kevin’s hands and leaned down swiftly to bite on Kevin’s lips, while Kevin smirked and moaned the way Kibum told him to the first time they had their first time.
Kevin turned the both of them around and grabbed Kibum’s neck with both hands, pressing down to choke the older man.
“I love you, darling, but I hate you when you go to him.”
-
High of a love, drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I‘m about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it
-
“Who the hell is he?” Kibum’s face contorted with pain, but like Kevin, he never struggled. There was a slight gasp for air before he returned to smiling that smile that never reached his eyes.
“The guy you wrapped your arms around in that freaking bar. I saw you, darling, I saw you.” Kevin whispered against Kibum’s ear, nibbling it as his tongue licked the area in between his lips.
“You’re hallucinating.” Kibum growled. “I told you drugs do you no good!”
Kevin slapped Kibum twice, once on each cheek with a glare. “I’m not hallucinating, I saw you. You had sex with him on our bed, didn’t you?”
Kevin didn’t bother hearing Kibum’s answer, grabbing Kibum’s head by his ears and crashed his head against the table, each time with more force. Kibum screamed in pain and dug his fingernails into Kevin’s wrist, stopping the younger’s movement effectively.
-
Wait, where you going, I'm leaving you
No you ain't, come back
We're running right back, here we go again
It's so insane, cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane but when it's bad, it's awful
-
Kevin wrung his wrists out of Kibum’s hands and headed towards the door.
“Wait, where’re you going?” Kibum frowned, rolling off the table and finding his balance on the floor.
“I’m leaving you.” Kevin said, eyes rolling while thinking that his actions were probably more than obvious.
“No you aren’t, come back.” Kibum sternly growled, running and pulling Kevin back in his arms, devouring his lips as he held the younger man in his arms.
Kevin’s tears fell from his eyes, and Kibum tried to ignore the wetness against his cheeks. Lips trailing down Kevin’s pale neck, he sucked obscenely at the flesh near Kevin’s collarbone, biting down as he did. Kevin whimpered and clutched Kibum’s sides, his own hips buckling up willingly against Kibum’s as he ground both their erections together.
Kibum groaned and kissed Kevin forcefully again, loving the way Kevin rubbed against him. Kevin kneeled down suddenly, pulling Kibum’s pants down swiftly. He licked the sensitive area that was hidden behind Kibum’s boxers, hands holding onto Kibum’s thighs. Kevin nuzzled the bulge before pushing the boxers down with his chin, tongue tracing patterns on the exposed length.
Both needs were unsatisfied, but Kevin sped out with his shoes in one hand after stripping Kibum’s lower body.
-
I feel so ashamed, I snap
Who's that dude, I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
-
Kevin hadn’t returned home for two days, and Kibum started getting worried. His phone was switched off, so Kibum had to go to where he suspected Kevin to be seeking shelter at.
He drove to the usual pub Kevin visited, where the younger man purchased his drugs. It was pretty early in the morning, but the pub was already opened, loud music and dark environment as if it was night time. Kibum frowned and looked around at the small crowd, eyes finding Kevin within seconds.
A man was feeling Kevin up, placing light kisses on his face. Kevin, unaffected, continued dancing against the two men sandwiching him. He giggled when the second man whispered something in his ears, slapping the same man the next second, glaring at him. He bounced to find someone else to play with, eyes squinting when he spotted Kibum’s figure.
Kevin almost lost his balance as he made his way to the older man. He placed both hands on Kibum’s shoulders and kissed his neck, smiling widely. “What’s your name?”
Kibum stared deadly at the younger man, turning the glare to the man who had previously been slapped by Kevin. The man missed the death glare, walking towards Kevin and snaking his arm around the pretty boy’s waist.
“Don’t find another man, I’ll be enough.” He smirked, and Kibum felt his jealousy take over his actions, pulling Kevin to his side before kicking the man to the floor. “What the-”
Kibum grabbed the collar of the man’s shirt and punched the other’s stomach, only stopping when Kevin screamed for him to stop. He gave the man’s private part a good kick and a vulgar warning, before throwing him to a side. The bartenders took a glance at each other and shrugged.
“Fights are common, no point making a fuss.” He heard a distant voice.
Kibum then turned around and glared at Kevin. The younger quickly look away, eyes shut tightly. Kibum slapped Kevin and sent him lying on the floor, causing blood to slightly trickle out from his mouth. He stared at his palm for a moment and brushed away the thought of slapping Kevin too hard, picking the younger man up. Kevin tried to wiggle himself out, unwilling to follow Kibum home.
-
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
-
Kibum ended up dragging Kevin back home, bruising the younger's small wrist with his death grip. Kevin tried to wring them out, only further bruising himself. He whined cutely and screamed hysterically, but Kibum didn't even flinch as he drove full speed home, rope around the younger’s wrists in a series of dead knots since he had to drive. Kibum was still holding on to the younger's arm because it was possible that Kevin would jump out of a car speeding at 140km/h, very possible.
Yet Kibum wasn't going to let Kevin escape again.
Kevin started sobbing, drawing his knees up to his chest and placing his knees in between the space formed by his tied wrists. Kibum ignored the cries, too used to Kevin in different extreme emotions to care.
"You're gonna hit me again." Kevin sobbed, shifting his hands to reach into his pocket. There was a small packet of powder, and only Kevin of the two could tell it was different from the last one he had taken before Kibum.
"Fuck you!" Kibum cursed, car swerving away from the lane he was driving on before he took control of it again and returned it to the original lane. He grabbed Kevin's hands while trying to snatch the packet, punching Kevin's face when he hid it away from Kibum. "I told you to stop with the drugs!"
Kevin quickly emptied the contents into his mouth despite Kibum, swallowing it in a second and smiling. "Hit me all you want, I don't care."
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" Kibum yelled, stepping on the pedal to go even faster.
"I can't feel pain, it's all numbness." Kevin giggled, resting his head on his knees. "You introduced me to this drug, darling. They told me it takes away pain and I'm sick of your abuse."
Kibum growled and slapped Kevin's back with full force, stepping on the brakes suddenly when Kevin didn't flinch. Kevin's body flew forward and down into the space originally for his legs, head banging against the compartment. He looked up lazily and smiled, unaffected.
"Damn it, the drug is effective." Kibum rolled his eyes and drove the remaining distance home.
-
You can barely breathe when you're with them
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em
-
Kibum carried Kevin out of his car and slammed the car door, locking his car a second later. Kevin was still sleeping, head natural falling onto Kibum's shoulder, a heart-wrenching scene for the older man. Their relationship was less abusive two years ago, when Kevin hadn't known the different names for the different drugs.
Then, Kevin was beautiful and free of ugly bruises flawing his pale skin.
Then, Kevin was as peaceful as right now, not once doubting Kibum's love for him because he never hallucinated.
Then, they were perfect.
He still remembered how he lost his thoughts when Kevin turned around to smile at him then. That innocent smile that appeared whenever the younger man had a sweet treat, when something happy happens.
But then was over and now took place.
Now, Kevin had sleepless nights from the side effects of the drug, skipping meals because he loses appetite.
Now, Kevin looked so thin and fragile Kibum was sincerely afraid the younger would break.
Yet he can’t stop himself from trying to knock some sense into Kevin. The gentle way didn’t work, Kibum settled for violence.
-
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom
And these words when you spit 'em
-
Kibum sighed at his thoughts, but couldn't stop himself from dropping Kevin on the bed, cutting the rope and crashing their lips together. Kevin stirred awake and returned the fiery passion, arms circling around Kibum's neck.
Kibum's tongue darted into Kevin's mouth as the younger moaned, hands tugging Kevin's soft caramel-coloured hair. With his tongue desperately tasting the flavour of the younger's mouth, he pulled away when he licked leftover powder in the corner of his mouth.
"Damn it, drugs." Kibum groaned and threw a punch across Kevin's swelling cheek, ready to walk away. “Kevin, you’re seriously disgusting.”
“You aren’t any better, you almost killed that man back there.” Kevin reached out for Kibum’s wrist and jerked the older man towards him. He lazily kissed Kibum’s forehead and cupped the older’s face.
Kibum pulled away, still infuriated by the presence of drugs in the mouth he was kissing. “Well, then maybe I shouldn’t care that he’s trying to get you in bed, fucking brainless idiot.”
“Irritating violent bastard.” Kevin smiled. He dragged Kibum's shirt up along with his roaming hands, scratching Kibum's smooth skin with his untrimmed fingernails. Kibum gritted his teeth at Kevin's petty revenge, tearing the younger's shirt off the smaller build and causing the buttons to fall messily onto the ground.
Kevin instinctively covered his bare chest, turning his body to hide himself. Kibum cupped both sides of Kevin's head and kissed the younger hungrily while Kevin tried to free himself.
"Why are you hidng yourself?" Kibum muttered against Kevin's lips, fingernail digging into the tender flesh along Kevin's jawline, down to his chest. "Did you let someone else touch you?"
-
You push, pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in 'em
-
Kevin kept quiet, pulling Kibum's shirt over his head. Kibum grabbed the shirt and twisted it around Kevin's neck, where a red streak was starting to form on.
"Who is it." Kibum quietly asked, which was more frightening than screaming at the younger boy.
Kevin coughed violently as Kibum twisted it more, the younger man's eyes looking away,
"I thought you can't feel pain?" Kibum glared coldly down, unaffected as Kevin turned pale.
"I...can't...breathe." Kevin coughed out, hands now desperately flailing. Kibum loosened his grip and allowed the shirt to untwist itself, before Kevin tugged it off and sat up to catch his breath.
"Who-"
"I don't know. I saw him once, he drugged me, I woke up in pain." Kevin mumbled softly, wishing Kibum hadn't heard him.
But he did.
Kibum held onto a fistful of Kevin's hair and threw him onto the floor, kicking the younger's numb body. "What did I tell you about drugs? Why don't you ever listen?!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Kevin screamed, more from the guiltiness of betraying (though unwilling) than the numbed pain. He flew back up on the bed, lower body becoming bare which made him cry harder.
"Don't, don't-"
Kibum alternated between punches and kisses, abusing the younger's face. His lips trailed down and sucked on the skin, teeth biting down hard. He shifted a little and wanted to mark another spot when he saw a hickie he definitely didn't make. "Fuck, he bit you."
Kevin couldn't stop his growing erection despite knowing Kibum was at the peak of his anger. He wanted to struggle free, but some part of him missed having Kibum in him. Kibum dug his nails into Kevin's back as he marked him with all his might, cursing and promising himself to erase the mark away from his property.
Kibum opened his mouth and placed his teeth on Kevin's body, dragging himself down while scratching Kevin. His hands were on either side of Kevin's hips, holding them down while he teased the younger's nipple roughly. He continued his way down, making a trail of sloppy kisses before reaching to his target and blowing lightly at the standing erection.
Kevin moaned wantonly, hips buckling up and almost touching Kibum's lips. His hands found their way into Kibum's hair, and when pushing his head down failed, he pulled the older man up for a much needed kiss. He tugged limply on the clothes that were still on Kibum's body, turning both of them around so Kibum was below him.
"I didn't." Kevin said, licking Kibum's jawline up to his ear, nibbling gently. "Want to." He continued, darting downwards to unbutton Kibum's jeans with his hand, biting on the zip with his teeth and jerking it down. Brushing against Kibum's bulging erection once, Kevin decided to repeat the "accident" a few more times just to hear Kibum whimper softly. "Betray you."
"It doesn't matter, I'm going on with fucking you dry." Kibum growled, ridding himself of the remaining clothes. He grabbed Kevin's head and shoved the younger man down towards his erection, which unlike Kibum, took it in within a second. Kevin didn't mind the quick and deep thrust Kibum made, tongue swirling patterns on the length in the remaining space in his mouth.
Kibum suddenly pulled out and kicked Kevin towards the wall, wasting no time in entering the younger boy while hoisting the smaller man up. Kevin screamed, the pain could slightly be felt over the drug, digging his nails into Kibum's heated chest as if to transfer his pain. Kibum winced at that, concentrating more on the thrusts, smirking when Kevin arched his back and leaned forward with a loud cry.
"Hyung." Kevin gasped breathlessly, while Kibum took away his chance to speak by covering his mouth with a rough kiss. Kibum grabbed Kevin's length and squeezed it, fiddling with the erection after he heard enough of Kevin's desperate mewls.
The friction between Kevin and his own length in the younger boy was somehow exhilarating, as he continued to enter and exit Kevin. It had always been easy on them both, but the heat generated made Kibum high. Kevin's breaths were of shorter intervals as they both inched towards their climaxes, before Kevin screamed, cum shooting up onto Kibum's body. Kevin adjusted himself and darted his head down to taste himself, teasing the older man's nipples as he made his way up to Kibum's lips. Kibum forced Kevin's head back against the wall, devouring the younger's lips and sneaking his tongue in to taste the younger man. He bit down on Kevin's bottom lip as he released his load in Kevin, both sighing in exhaustion as Kibum pulled himself out.
Kibum then placed Kevin down on the comparatively soft bed, his own body sprawled out on the same bed. Too tired to register anything else, he didn’t notice when Kevin stealthily snuggled up to him, arm around Kibum’s thicker waist.
-
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today, that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records, playin' over
-
“Why don’t you leave him?” Soohyun asked.
Kevin sighed, making do with the little ingredient in the fridge to make breakfast.
“Hyung, you don’t have to deal with his addiction.” Kiseop shook his head.
Kibum stumbled out of their room clumsily, smiling unconsciously at the aroma from the kitchen.
“You can do better without these patches on your face.” Alexander frowned.
Kevin wished it was a good day, leaning comfortable against the body that had pressed up against him.
“Send him to a drug rehabilitation centre.” Eli suggested.
Kibum wrapped his two arms around Kevin’s slim waist tightly, head resting on Kevin’s shoulder.
“Is he still worth it?” Dongho smiled, facing them both.
“Breakfast will be done soon.” Kevin whispered, not wanting to be too loud for Kibum that had just woken up. He felt Kibum nod, smiling faintly as he transferred the food that was ready onto a clean plate. “Go wash up.”
“Forget it.” Kibum mumbled. “It’s fine.”
Kevin pouted cutely, tugging Kibum’s shirt. “What do you say about us going into the shower together?”
Kibum smirked, giving the food a quick glance. “I never resist temptation, baby. We shall settle for food that turned cold.”
-
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
-
“Kibummie-hyung…” Kevin whimpered, clutching desperately on the older man with jerky sobs. “I’m-I’m need…needy…”
Kibum widened his eyes at the trembling boy in his arms.
“I need the- the drug.” Kevin cried, hugging Kibum tighter after his confession. “Let me-let me take some- some- I need-”
The older man frowned and kissed Kevin harshly, pressing his body against the younger one to provide him with warmth and comfort. Kevin shook uncontrollably, lips shivering.
Kibum gritted his teeth and pulled away. “All right, I’ll help you quit it. You can take some, but we’ll slowly cut off the dosage.”
Kevin let out a sigh of relief and reached into his pocket for a packet of powder. His hands shook wildly as he poured the contents into his mouth, giving himself yet another overdose. He dropped the packet from his hands and swallowed the drug dry, steadying his irregular breathing.
Kibum growled and concluded Kevin did it on purpose, kicking Kevin continuously and pulling his head up by his hair. Kevin screamed and tried to stop Kibum’s attacks, yelling out what Kibum just said to assure the younger boy.
“You took the whole packet!” Kibum shouted back, grabbing Kevin’s face and shaking it as if to wake him up. “You’re only going to get worse!”
Kevin pushed Kibum and defended himself with a kick towards Kibum’s leg, successfully causing the man to fall to the floor. He gasped for air before turning to the door and running out.
Kibum could only watch Kevin’s running figure from the floor.
-
Now I know we said things, did things
That we didn't mean and we fall back
Into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love, you're just as blinded
-
He groaned at his leg, reminding himself that this was the only time Kevin attacked him back properly. The pain only told him the other violent acts he had done on the younger boy were far worse.
He walked limply along his neighbourhood, figuring Kevin wouldn’t run too far in the night. He saw a blur figure running and crashing into people as he headed towards the bar, and Kibum knew that was the person he was looking for.
Kevin downed two bottles of alcohol within the short span of time that he was there, clothes drenched from the alcohol that overfilled his mouth and leaked down his neck. Kibum grabbed the bottle away from Kevin and tried to pull him out of the bar to talk to Kevin without having to shout over the music. Kevin resisted, eyes cold when looking into Kibum’s eyes.
Kibum eventually got Kevin out to talk to him with his fingers intertwined with Kevin’s, though Kevin refused to give up the bottle of alcohol in his other hand.
“Kevin-” Kibum tried starting, but didn’t know what he wanted to say.
Kevin smirked, taking his shirt off and turning Kibum around to face him. “Look at what you did to me, you bastard.”
Kibum blinked and unconsciously raised his hand to tap the bruises, frowning when Kevin flinched. “I…used too much strength.”
“I’m sick of this.” Kevin aimed the glass bottle at the nearby lamppost, breaking it with the impact of swinging it against the post. He used the sharp edges and scratched Kibum’s arm. “I’m taking revenge.”
Kibum bit his lower lip and let Kevin cut his arm. When Kevin thought he had enough of the revenge, he swung the glass bottle towards a random direction and screamed. He ran, crying, into Kibum’s arms and kissed the older man fiercely, then toning down as time went pass.
Kevin let go of Kibum’s neck and slapped the older man. “Why did you let me do that to you?”
“Same reason why you put up with me.” Kibum muttered, blood dripping down from his wound to his fingertip, leading to the ground.
-
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
-
“I’m sick of this.” Kevin whispered, nibbling Kibum’s ear while putting pressure on the bleeding wound, half-heartedly trying to stop the blood. “Let’s break up.”
Kibum put his hand over Kevin’s, lowering his head to Kevin’s neck. He licked the skin softly and pushed Kevin with his hips towards the lamppost, tongue swirling its way up to Kevin’s lips. “No.”
“Kibummie-hyung…” Kevin moaned, reciprocating Kibum’s teasing with sloppy kisses. “Let’s break up.”
“No.” Kibum sternly repeated, eyes softening as he saw desire on Kevin’s face. “Why?”
“I make you angry. Always.” Kevin removed his hand from Kibum’s arm and stared at his bloodied hand. “Is it pain? What am I talking about? Of course-”
Kibum forced his tongue into Kevin’s mouth and battled Kevin’s tongue. He groaned as Kevin grinded their bodies together, though his focus never left Kevin’s mouth, wanting to transfer his passion clearly to the younger boy. He held Kevin’s head to stop it from being pressed against the cold, hard lamppost, only stopping when he starts to feel giddy from the lack of oxygen reaching his head.
“It wasn’t you, baby. You know it, I know it, it was me.” Kibum shook his head and clutched Kevin’s arms, as if holding him in place in case he runs away. “Maybe if I lessen my hate for drugs…”
“That’s not right, isn’t it?” Kevin smiled weakly. “But I love the way you lie.”
“Kevin, don’t leave me.” Kibum muttered against Kevin’s ear, desperation clear in his soft voice.
“This love is crazy.” Kevin whispered back, suddenly breaking down. “You hit me, I hit you, we fight all day and we yell all night, but we wake up the next day suddenly on good terms. Sometimes, sometimes I don’t even know if I’m still alive or just a dying soul in this tortured body, emotionally and physically. I don’t even-even know what to think if we stop and look back. The repeated process is just crazy and we put up with it as if it’s normal! Kibummie-hyung, I don’t know when I’ll just break down…”
“So you’re giving up?” Kibum tightened his grip around Kevin’s arms, slightly blocking the blood flow towards Kevin’s hands. “You’re leaving me?”
“Hyung…” Kevin writhed in pain. “You’re doing it again-”
“Kevin, answer me.” Kibum stood like a block, though hands still exerting strength.
“I don’t know!” Kevin screamed. “I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t-”
Kibum pressed his lips against Kevin’s, both roughly crashing their mouths together. Kibum dropped his hands and wrapped his arms around Kevin, needing more of the body contact. Kevin didn’t know if the wetness he felt was his own tears, the raindrops, or Kibum’s. He pressed himself closer and hugged Kibum tightly, not bothering when the slight drizzle came pouring down as a heavy rain on them.
Kevin pulled away and buried his head in Kibum’s chest, trembling from the cold and his confusion on what to do with their abnormal relationship. He felt the arms around him shaking, reminding him of the fact that Kibum loved him despite his violent actions.
“We’re too headstrong on our own points…” Kibum mumbled, gasping for air as he tried to gain control of his emotions. “But I can’t live without you.”
-
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the dry wall
-
Kibum led Kevin home with their fingers overlapping each other’s. Kevin would be pulled in front of Kibum when it was a narrow lane, causing the two to walk as one. The actions were as if to prove his point that he cannot live if Kevin was gone, so Kibum held on to Kevin’s hand, not wanting to let it go even for a second.
Kibum almost forgot to stop at the traffic lights, which Kevin did him a favour by tugging his arm and kissing the older man as distraction. Kevin himself couldn’t remember when exactly did Kibum started the make-out session, as the both stumbled clumsily into their shared house and slammed the door shut, despite the door still unlocked.
Kevin’s clothes were lazily taken off, as Kibum collapsed on him and hugged his smaller frame. Kevin sleepily smiled, taking off Kibum’s suffocating shirt for him. The older man never wore a shirt to bed, causing Kevin to start the same habit.
The older man possessively wrapped his arms around the other man who was unable to sleep. Kevin arranged Kibum’s hair and tried to chase the endless thoughts away. Thoughts of staying, thoughts of leaving; thoughts of their past, thoughts of their unknown future. Kevin preferred not to think, but he knew there would be a problem one day, and one day might be as soon as the next day.
It was true. Kevin had always been a quietly stubborn person. He may act as if he agreed with a point, but tries to get the person to see his viewpoint and ultimately support him.
It was true. Kibum was a straightforward man who never liked contradictions. If he dislikes the way one thinks, he tells the person straight and expects him to change it.
Kevin dozed off, as he dreamt of their first meeting.
-
Kevin woke up from a nightmare and wriggled out of Kibum’s loose embrace. He wiped his cold sweat away and gasped when he saw Kibum stirred. In his nightmare, Kibum murdered him to keep his body by the older man. Kevin wasn’t afraid of death, he was just afraid of Kibum. He could die, but not in Kibum’s hands.
He didn’t even know why he would dream of such things.
But he wasn’t ready to die in the hands of a man he loved. It’s just ironic, and Kevin wanted to keep the few beliefs in love he still had. That love is about protecting the one you love, that no matter what the other do, it’s hopefully for the best.
Dying, Kevin wasn’t ready, yet Kibum stated his point clear. He wasn’t going to live without Kevin, and Kibum never lied. The dependency that grew as they stayed close by each other for years. The dependency that made the both of them not want to send the other into a rehabilitation centre, even if it’s for the better future.
Kevin didn’t feel safe any longer.
He never told Kibum, but he was starting to hurt all over. He had a hunch that his insides were damaged badly, but he never consulted a doctor because he never wanted to know. All the drama he sees when one finds out they were going to die, he rather drop dead.
He frantically threw a few dear clothes into a plastic bag and his collection of drugs before running out in full speed, kneeing the coffee table in his rush and slamming the sofa against the wall due to the small gap for walking.
Kibum groaned as he woke up to all the noise, realizing what the noise might have meant. His world was spinning as he ran out shirtless, catching hold of Kevin’s makeshift luggage bag before throwing it towards their home’s front door. Kevin never looked back and instead sped up, but a random neighbour blocked his way as he watered his plants. Kevin cursed as he made a sharp turn, slowing him down and making Kibum reach his side the next second.
“Kevin.” Kibum growled, hands making sure Kevin couldn’t run away. “Fuck, you’re giving me a migraine early in the morning.”
“Let me go and I won’t cause you a headache anymore.” Kevin begged, dropping to his knees. Their nosy neighbour paused in his actions and tried eavesdropping, but Kibum’s glare made him mind his own business.
“Kevin, fuck this whole thing.” Kibum cursed. “I told you it’s all my fault, what were you trying to do?”
“I can’t do this!” Kevin’s breath hitched as he struggled with his emotions, wringing his wrists out of Kibum’s grasps. “Just because you say everything’s your fault, will everything be fine?! We’ll go back to routine! I don’t want to do this, I can’t do this-”
“Look at me.” Kibum quietly said, eyes showing the burning anger he refused to let out in his voice.
Kevin stilled but kept his head down, aware of Kibum’s intense glare.
“Kevin, look at me.” Kibum shook Kevin and lowered his head to stare into Kevin’s eyes. “Next time, I’ll punch a wall, I’ll kick the cabinets, but I won’t hurt you.”
-
Next time, there will be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
-
“Next time?” Kevin chuckled bitterly. “I don’t dare to give you a next time to try. Kibummie-hyung, I’ve been through this for two years. You think I’m a five-year-old kid, easy to trick and all?”
“I’m sorry.” Kibum apologised and released his grip so Kevin’s hands could feel the air. “I’m sorry. Whatever I did, forgive me. You know I just want you back with me. Kevin, I love you so much I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”
Kevin smiled sadly and easily slipped his hands out of Kibum’s slightly bigger ones, caressing Kibum’s cheeks. He placed a soft kiss at the side of Kibum’s lips and pushed the older away swiftly, turning to run.
He caused Kibum’s resolve to crumble into pieces.
He indirectly caused himself harm as Kibum caught hold of him and slammed him against the closest thing, knocking him unconscious.
-
Kevin didn’t waste a second collecting his thoughts, widening his eyes the moment he became conscious. He found himself back on the familiar bed and tried to sit up, quickly jerking back into the position he was in. He screamed, more for Kibum to appear than help.
“You’re awake.” Kibum stated emotionlessly, strolling in as if it was the most normal thing to do.
“Let me go…” Kevin pleaded. “Kibummie-hyung, it hurts!”
Kibum stared into Kevin’s eyes and knelt down beside the bed, picking up the stray strand of hair and tucking it behind the younger’s ear. Kevin reached for the dried-up wound from the day before and scratched it cruelly, causing it to start bleeding again.
Kibum smiled, shaking his head. “You knew my answer, why try?”
“What are you trying to do?” Kevin frowned faintly, tugging his limbs towards him and emphasizing on the metal handcuffs.
“Do you want a glass of water?” Kibum questioned randomly, looking out of the window. Without waiting for an answer, he stood up and got Kevin a full glass of water, where he poured half of its content on Kevin’s face.
Kevin shook his face to get the water away and glared at Kibum, who placed the glass of water gently on the side table. “I didn’t ask for it.”
“I never asked for you to leave me either.” Kibum shrugged, finding a lighter from his pocket and lighting it up for no apparent reason.
“You don’t smoke.” Kevin’s eyes twitched, finding the situation nerve-wracking.
“You don’t really know, do you?” Kibum stroked Kevin’s cheeks gently, tapping the plush lips twice.
“Let me go.” Kevin said in a small voice, knowing Kibum probably became insane. The Kibum he knew wouldn’t allow Kevin to say he smoked, because Kibum hated things like cigarettes and drugs.
Kibum scratched the trail made by the tear that slipped out of Kevin’s left eye. “Don’t cry. You shouldn’t cry when you’re the one that made this decision. Oh, let’s see if you can get this question right. Is this cup half full, or half empty?”
“I’m in no mood for games.” Kevin suddenly growled, kicking and punching the air in a futile attempt to break the handcuffs.
“Answer it.” Kibum smirked as he slapped Kevin. “Answer it, you brainless idiot!”
“It’s nothing! Its importance is equivalent to zero in a situation where I don’t know what awaits me!”
“Wrong answer, baby.” Kibum whispered, stroking the area he slapped gently. “Have you smelled something weird?
Kevin sniffed the air cautiously, forehead etched on his beautiful face. It was so familiar, but he couldn’t place a name to the smell.
“That’s right, I surrounded the bed with petroleum, right out to the door and the whole of the house.”
Kevin widened his eyes and shook his head unconsciously. He struggled harder, tugging his arms in hopes of being stronger than the metal alloy - the handcuffs.
“Struggle no more, for it doesn’t work.” Kibum pressed a kiss against Kevin’s protesting mouth, before Kevin realised Kibum was slightly wet and had a very strong smell on him. “And don’t even try pleading, my mind is set.”
“You’re drenched…with petroleum.” Kevin blinked, gasping when Kibum brought out his lighter.
“You guessed right, your prize is now waiting for you in heaven.” Kibum lighted his lighter and wasted no time in setting the wet blanket on fire. The fire spread along the trail of petroleum unknown to Kevin, and there were flames dangerously licking Kevin’s limbs, flames existing along the scorched bed posts. Kevin looked around, panicky, to find the room devoured by the searing heat.
He looked out to the door and saw the television exploding, before the parts of the door frame detached itself from the actual structure weakened by the burst of flames. They were surrounded by inferno, at industrial furnace temperature.
Kibum raised the glass of water from the burning side table, his facial expression unchanged though his pants were on fire. “Does this glass of water look different?”
Kevin screamed as he felt the pain on his skin. He couldn’t feel the heat; it just felt awfully painful, and Kevin instinctively tugged harder. The harsh actions scrapped the skin around his ankle, and Kevin could only cry as the bedposts stayed strong against the violent fire.
“Don’t kill me-” Kevin begged, reaching out unconsciously for the glass of water. His inner self told him the glass of water wouldn't help at all, but his survival instincts said anything would do.
Kibum smiled, placing the glass of water against his lips before drinking the water slowly. He twitched when the fire bit him harder and harder with every passing second, but he finished the glass of water and threw the glass to the furthest corner, stepping back to the wall and staring as Kevin tried everything to break free.
“I love you.” Kevin whispered, tear stained face slowly forming into a calm smile. He relaxed and concentrated on the destroyed ceiling threatening to collapse on him.
The older man fiddled with an unknown object in his burning pocket, forcing a smile. “I love the way you lie, baby. But I know you don’t, and that’s why you chose to leave.”
“My last words are not a lie.” Kevin shook his head, shutting his eyes and mouthing the same three words repeatedly.
-
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
-
The house crumbled as the crowd outside yelled insanely. Adults, men and women. Children, boys and girls. A mother of two children covered both their eyes and hushed them as they cried, feeling the heat reach their sensitive skin. The area around the previously standing structure was scorched, with a nearby tree that fell from the incident. The place is now an unrecognisable pile of ash and debris. A loud fire-fighter truck came, and civilians could only pray there was no one at home when the fire took the house down.
-
Yeah, wanted to give you guys an angsty Valentine's present :X Who said Valentine's Day was for fluff, anyway? XD!