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[mustangholly]

Yesterday I made an "apointment" for sex with my fav acting out partner for next week. Today a long lost program friend called, she wants to return to meetings and would like me to join her tonight for support.

Posted via LjBeetle

Comments

[dasenergi]

So did you go? How'd it feel?

[mustangholly]

It was pretty bad. I remember why I stopped going to that meeting. It was nice to see everyone again. Especially to see Marissa, haven't seen her in over a year. Hopefully we will be able to do not meeting things together.

[dasenergi]

Yay for not meetings things!

How bad was bad?

[mustangholly]

Everyone was the same. 4 guys who have been there since before I started and 2 girls who started coming after me. I noticed things my sponsor used to point out. There is no recovery in that room. Or very little. At least half do not have sponsors. Last night two chips were given out. 1 day sobriety and 6 months sobriety. I have seen those 2 men earn those 2 chips I don't know how many times. Yes, I am being judgmental, but shouldn't there be some recovery in the room. Of all the people in the room I had the most sobriaty and I haven't been to a meeting in 4.5 months. As you know I've been depressed for a few weeks, I came out of that meeting feeling worse. Everyone was (as always) very negative and showed little courage strength or hope. My journaling became very angry. To ignore the anger I started imagining inappropriate things about the man next to me