[one-shot] Can't Let You Go
Title: Can’t let you go
Author: Saana
Pairing: Sakumiya, Matsumiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst with the touch of fluff/romance (you know, just the usual me XD)
Warning:
Disc.: it is a fanfiction, which means I’m a fan and this is fiction. The boys own themselves. Or each other…
Summary: Sometimes you have to let go to know if it’s yours at all… It was a lesson Sho hoped he'll never have to face but he had to learn eventually...
Nino jolted up in a sitting position in his - no, in their - bed. With the fragments of his dream still unusually clear in his mind he looked at the sleeping figure next to him. The guilty feeling deepened in his heart so much he couldn't bear stay next to him anymore. He got out of the bed and sped for the kitchen. It was way too early to get up - non-the-less it was their precious day off that miraculously happened to be the same day - but he felt too miserable to be able to lay there; to share the bed with him any longer. And it's never too early to prepare a nice breakfast for your man, right?...
“Ohayou, Kazu!”
A pair of strong arms encircled his waist, making the shorter guy jump a little in surprise and even after hearing his boyfriend's voice, he still remained somewhat tense in his arms.
“Ohayou, Sho-chan! Hungry? I just finished breakfast...” he said and true to his words he finished cutting the freshly made tamagoyaki and freed himself from Sho's embrace to put the plate on the table next to the others.
“What do I deserve the honor? I don't have birthday today...” the rapper asked turning after Nino to look at all the delicious looking food. “Not that I'm complaining... Wait, is there any new game out I should buy for you?” he asked frowning, trying to remember if Nino mentioned something like that earlier.
“No! It's nothing like that!” Nino protested a little too quickly. “Can't I make breakfast for you without any reason?” he asked forcing out a laugh but he avoided to look into Sho's eyes.
“Well, of course you can. As I said before: I'm not complaining” he repeated grinning and stole a piece of eggroll to pop into his mouth. “Umai! As always… Let's eat, ne?”
“Not hungry but you just eat. I go and take a shower...” the shorter singer said before escaped to kitchen - and Sho's company - oblivious to the worried and slightly suspicious glance that Sho sent after him...
“So, care to tell finally what's up with you?” Sho asked. He didn't sound angry, actually his tone was so indifferent that Nino had no idea what was going on in his head.
“Nothing. What makes you think something's up at all?” the shorter guy asked back, doing his best to sound nonchalant.
“I don't know. Maybe it was that you were out of bed before dawn on your day-off. Or that you're not looking me at all let alone kiss me since we woke up… Or the fact that you died in your game 15 minutes ago but you didn't even notice? Take your pick…” the rapper said and sat down next to him on the couch.
“Huh?” Nino looked at the TV screen and indeed the game over sign flashed there. “What the...?” he muttered under his breath.
Sho stared at him knowingly some more. Nino's reaction was practically a testimony that something was bothering him.
“So? Care to share? I might be able to help, you know…” he said gently, he didn't like to see his Nino bothered. “Kazu?”
“I'm sorry…” the shorter Arashi member mumbled lowering his head.
“For what?” Sho asked puzzled. He wasn't expecting an apology.
“I had a dream…”
“And you're sorry for that? That's not exactly something you have control over or should apologize for…” Sho said laughing but still pretty much confused by this conversation.
“But for this I have to!” Nino insisted, guilt written all over his face.
“Why?” Sho asked, the confused frown turning permanent on his forehead.
“I dreamt being on a date…”
“That's still not something you should apologize for...!” Sho said relieved and amused Nino's silly reasoning.
“With Jun! I dreamt dating Jun! That fluffy, romantic kind of date when all you do is laugh and smile and blush… and I wanted him to kiss me!” Nino blabbed desperately. “Oh my God! I cheated on you!” he cried out, tears welling up in his eyes uncharacteristically.
At first Sho had no idea he should laugh or get mad or what? First he thought it was kinda funny how much Nino worked up himself over a silly dream. It's not something you have control over, right? But in the same time, a part of him was jealous of course. Who would like the idea of their boyfriend dreaming kissing one of your best friends?... But again… Whose fault it was if not his?... The feeling of shame started to overflow his jealousy. Nino was tortured; he looked so miserable as he sat there on the couch; his head hung low and trembling slightly. And it was his entire fault...
Sho took Nino's hands in his and squeezed it gently.
“Hey, babe, look at me!” he said on a soft tone.
“I'm so sorry, Sho! Please, forgive me! I won't even look at him anymore! I promise!” the shorter singer said seriously but the fear of Sho's anger was still obvious in his eyes.
“Don't apologize, baby! You did nothing wrong. I should be the one to say sorry. I neglected you… Shooting Kazoku game and my new variety show, the promotions and News Zero... I was so caught up in my works that I had no time for you. I even thought that it was okay cause you had your own work with planning and shooting Nino-san and promoting Platina Data… I'm sorry. It's my fault that you felt insecure and you searched the love you deserve somewhere else…” the rapper said silently.
“But I didn't someone else’s love!” Nino wanted to protest to defend himself but Sho just shook his head a little.
“I'm not mad at you, babe” he repeated. “I could never be… But…” Sho hesitated for a second before took a deep breath to continue. “Maybe you should give it a chance…”
“What?” Nino asked almost in horror and unconsciously pulled his hands away from Sho's and scooted farther on the couch. 'This is just a bad dream, right? Sho is just joking, right?' he thought panicked. “Are you… Do you want to break up with me? After all these years…?” the short singer hated how weak his voice sounded. “Please, don't! Please, give me one more chance, Sho-chan! I’ll do anything!” Nino begged. He couldn’t care less if he was ridiculous or he was spoiling his snarky, bratty image. It all didn’t matter any more if he could not have Sho…
“No, I don't want to but… I want you to be happy, Kazu. And if it's not me but Jun who can give you the love and happiness you deserve then…” Sho had to swallow the lump in his throat to be able to finish his speech. He hated and didn't want to do it any better than he hoped Nino wanted but he also couldn't lie to himself. If he thought back the past months, he clearly remembered how much time Nino spent with their youngest member; how freely he could laugh as they teased each other or Aiba for a change. He could clearly see how happy Nino was with Jun… “Then I'm ready to let you go…” he finished on a firm tone even if it was just a lie. He knew he’ll never be ready to let him go but in the same time he loved him too much to hold him back if he wanted to go. And maybe he should go… for the better…
‘No, no, no...’ Nino thought in panic but the sounds didn't come out.
“I'll stay with Riidaa till you can make up your mind. Whatever you decide, I'll accept it cause I love you, Kazu and your happiness is the most important to me” the rapper said before leaned in and brushed his lips to the corner or Nino's mouth in a barely there kiss. ‘Maybe it’s the last…’ the thought flashed in his mind before he stood up.
Then it took only minutes till Sho packed some stuff and left their apartment. And during all this time Nino couldn't move a muscle. Both his heart and body was frozen…
More than two weeks passed and both Nino and Sho were close to state of a zombie. But of course only their band members saw it cause both of them were professionals and good enough actors that in front of the cameras or the staff members they acted as if everything was alright…
Then on the end of the fourth week it happened…
They were in their dressing room, waiting to start shooting the next episode of Arashi ni Shiyagare. The whole room was deadly silent. Even Aiba was too engrossed in his new manga to make any noise.
“Hey, you okay?” Jun asked sitting down next to Nino on the couch - on the place that was usually Sho’s seat but the rapper was now sitting on the farthest seat from the gamer, his nose buried in his news paper.
Nino was pressing the buttons on his DS but seemingly he worked on autopilot cause he stared at small screen with glassy eyes. The shorter man stirred at Jun’s voice and looked at him slowly.
“Huh?... Oh, yeah, of course…” he said automatically and even managed to force out a smile before he turned his head back to his game.
Jun leaned a little closer to him as if he’d wanted to see what he was playing - which he usually not interested in.
“You can talk to me, you know. You don’t have to put up this though act of yours if you’re with me. Let’s go out for dinner after shooting. Just the two of us” the younger suggested on a gentle but firm tone.
“N…” Nino looked up again to turn down the offer but he caught Sho watching them from behind Jun but as soon as their eyes met, the rapper turned away with an unreadable, cold face and went back reading his paper. ‘Maybe you should give it a chance…’ Sho’s words echoed in his ears like it did almost every day ever since… The gamer’s hazel eyes met Jun’s darker ones which showered him in the caring he just realized he was craving and missing for months now. “Okay, let’s do that…” he gave in on a whispered tone.
“Great!” Jun smiled back at him with a warm smile and quickly pecked his cheeks just before the door of their dressing room opened and the AD called them for stand-by.
Sho stared after the two youngest members with painful eyes. He knew it was his own idea and he still thought that Nino has to find out if he loved him or Jun but it still hurt to see them so close together. Even a blind man would not see that Jun does have special feelings for the gamer.
“Let’s go, Sho-kun…” Ohno patted his friend’s back to bring him back to reality. “Don’t worry, he’ll come back to you” the oldest member added with a soft smile before stepped to Aiba. “Come on, Masaki! Shooting is about to start…” he said reaching for his hand to drag him away from his manga.
“But I’m almost finished…!” the taller member whined but let his leader to drag him out the room.
Sho followed them without a sound. He could just hope that Riidaa was right…
“…And in the end it turned out they thought he was me!”
Nino burst out a fit giggle at the story Jun told him. The taller singer leant back in his seat with a small, satisfied smile on his lips. It was a stupid story and he wouldn’t even consider telling it to anyone except Nino. Also he managed to make Nino laugh. He would do anything to see him laugh, giggle or smile at least…
“You wanna take a walk?” Jun asked after paying for both of them.
“Sure, why not?” the gamer nodded and accepted his friend’s offered hand who lead him out the restaurant where they ate.
It was dark already while they headed to the park a few blocks away.
Suddenly Nino felt really conscious about their interlaced fingers and it made him somewhat tense and insecure. It definitely wasn’t the first time he held hands with Jun. They were Arashi after all; they did this kind of stuff - or even more - all the time. But there weren’t cameras around them now. There weren’t fans to amaze with fan-service. It was just the two of them and suddenly Nino was really aware of this fact but he still couldn’t actually make his mind up what he felt about this fact…
“Nino…” Jun spoke up after a few minutes of silence and squeezing the smaller singer’s hand stopping both of them. “I really enjoyed being with you tonight… I don’t know what is bothering you recently but you seem lighter, happier now… I would like to be the one who can always make you forget your problems…” he said seriously and cupping Nino’s face he moved closer for a kiss.
Nino felt his breath hitch as Jun leant in then his eyes fluttered closed as if they their own will as he felt hot breath fanning his thin lips…
But the first feather-light touch caused him enlightenment…
“Jun…” he whispered silently…
As soon as he arrived home, he pulled out his phone and dialed. He felt ages passed till his call was answered.
“Sho…” he said; his voice a little hoarse and wavering. “Can you come here now? To talk…” he asked closing his eyes as he waited, almost fearing the answer.
Long minutes passed.
“Sure. I’ll be there soon…” the rapper replied before hung up…
The gamer paced back and forth in the living room biting his nails in anxiety. It can be a hard talk. He knew what he has to tell him, he just didn't know how… And when he just thought he’ll go out of his mind, the doorbell rang. He practically ran to the door, almost tripping over his own legs and tore it opened when he reached it.
“So… you wanted to talk?” Sho started looking at the shorter man’s face anxiously but met the most beaming smile there.
“Welcome home, Sho-chan…” Nino breathed out before threw his arms around Sho’s neck pressing their lips together and when he felt the other’s strong arms around his waist he felt like both of them arrived home now. Finally they were complete again.
♥おわり♥
A/N: I feel kinda bad for Jun here but I still prefer Sakumiya over Matsumiya so I couldn't break Sho and Nino apart... also, for a while I considered not posting it ever while I was writing cause it's a bit personal. a few weeks back I actually had the dream that Nino had here and it bothered me so much I had to trun it into a story to be able to get rid off it. but it's just dreams, ne? it's not something we have control over... also, I totally blame it on the school pressure... XD anyway, I hope you liked it! ^-^
Author: Saana
Pairing: Sakumiya, Matsumiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst with the touch of fluff/romance (you know, just the usual me XD)
Warning:
Disc.: it is a fanfiction, which means I’m a fan and this is fiction. The boys own themselves. Or each other…
Summary: Sometimes you have to let go to know if it’s yours at all… It was a lesson Sho hoped he'll never have to face but he had to learn eventually...
Nino jolted up in a sitting position in his - no, in their - bed. With the fragments of his dream still unusually clear in his mind he looked at the sleeping figure next to him. The guilty feeling deepened in his heart so much he couldn't bear stay next to him anymore. He got out of the bed and sped for the kitchen. It was way too early to get up - non-the-less it was their precious day off that miraculously happened to be the same day - but he felt too miserable to be able to lay there; to share the bed with him any longer. And it's never too early to prepare a nice breakfast for your man, right?...
“Ohayou, Kazu!”
A pair of strong arms encircled his waist, making the shorter guy jump a little in surprise and even after hearing his boyfriend's voice, he still remained somewhat tense in his arms.
“Ohayou, Sho-chan! Hungry? I just finished breakfast...” he said and true to his words he finished cutting the freshly made tamagoyaki and freed himself from Sho's embrace to put the plate on the table next to the others.
“What do I deserve the honor? I don't have birthday today...” the rapper asked turning after Nino to look at all the delicious looking food. “Not that I'm complaining... Wait, is there any new game out I should buy for you?” he asked frowning, trying to remember if Nino mentioned something like that earlier.
“No! It's nothing like that!” Nino protested a little too quickly. “Can't I make breakfast for you without any reason?” he asked forcing out a laugh but he avoided to look into Sho's eyes.
“Well, of course you can. As I said before: I'm not complaining” he repeated grinning and stole a piece of eggroll to pop into his mouth. “Umai! As always… Let's eat, ne?”
“Not hungry but you just eat. I go and take a shower...” the shorter singer said before escaped to kitchen - and Sho's company - oblivious to the worried and slightly suspicious glance that Sho sent after him...
“So, care to tell finally what's up with you?” Sho asked. He didn't sound angry, actually his tone was so indifferent that Nino had no idea what was going on in his head.
“Nothing. What makes you think something's up at all?” the shorter guy asked back, doing his best to sound nonchalant.
“I don't know. Maybe it was that you were out of bed before dawn on your day-off. Or that you're not looking me at all let alone kiss me since we woke up… Or the fact that you died in your game 15 minutes ago but you didn't even notice? Take your pick…” the rapper said and sat down next to him on the couch.
“Huh?” Nino looked at the TV screen and indeed the game over sign flashed there. “What the...?” he muttered under his breath.
Sho stared at him knowingly some more. Nino's reaction was practically a testimony that something was bothering him.
“So? Care to share? I might be able to help, you know…” he said gently, he didn't like to see his Nino bothered. “Kazu?”
“I'm sorry…” the shorter Arashi member mumbled lowering his head.
“For what?” Sho asked puzzled. He wasn't expecting an apology.
“I had a dream…”
“And you're sorry for that? That's not exactly something you have control over or should apologize for…” Sho said laughing but still pretty much confused by this conversation.
“But for this I have to!” Nino insisted, guilt written all over his face.
“Why?” Sho asked, the confused frown turning permanent on his forehead.
“I dreamt being on a date…”
“That's still not something you should apologize for...!” Sho said relieved and amused Nino's silly reasoning.
“With Jun! I dreamt dating Jun! That fluffy, romantic kind of date when all you do is laugh and smile and blush… and I wanted him to kiss me!” Nino blabbed desperately. “Oh my God! I cheated on you!” he cried out, tears welling up in his eyes uncharacteristically.
At first Sho had no idea he should laugh or get mad or what? First he thought it was kinda funny how much Nino worked up himself over a silly dream. It's not something you have control over, right? But in the same time, a part of him was jealous of course. Who would like the idea of their boyfriend dreaming kissing one of your best friends?... But again… Whose fault it was if not his?... The feeling of shame started to overflow his jealousy. Nino was tortured; he looked so miserable as he sat there on the couch; his head hung low and trembling slightly. And it was his entire fault...
Sho took Nino's hands in his and squeezed it gently.
“Hey, babe, look at me!” he said on a soft tone.
“I'm so sorry, Sho! Please, forgive me! I won't even look at him anymore! I promise!” the shorter singer said seriously but the fear of Sho's anger was still obvious in his eyes.
“Don't apologize, baby! You did nothing wrong. I should be the one to say sorry. I neglected you… Shooting Kazoku game and my new variety show, the promotions and News Zero... I was so caught up in my works that I had no time for you. I even thought that it was okay cause you had your own work with planning and shooting Nino-san and promoting Platina Data… I'm sorry. It's my fault that you felt insecure and you searched the love you deserve somewhere else…” the rapper said silently.
“But I didn't someone else’s love!” Nino wanted to protest to defend himself but Sho just shook his head a little.
“I'm not mad at you, babe” he repeated. “I could never be… But…” Sho hesitated for a second before took a deep breath to continue. “Maybe you should give it a chance…”
“What?” Nino asked almost in horror and unconsciously pulled his hands away from Sho's and scooted farther on the couch. 'This is just a bad dream, right? Sho is just joking, right?' he thought panicked. “Are you… Do you want to break up with me? After all these years…?” the short singer hated how weak his voice sounded. “Please, don't! Please, give me one more chance, Sho-chan! I’ll do anything!” Nino begged. He couldn’t care less if he was ridiculous or he was spoiling his snarky, bratty image. It all didn’t matter any more if he could not have Sho…
“No, I don't want to but… I want you to be happy, Kazu. And if it's not me but Jun who can give you the love and happiness you deserve then…” Sho had to swallow the lump in his throat to be able to finish his speech. He hated and didn't want to do it any better than he hoped Nino wanted but he also couldn't lie to himself. If he thought back the past months, he clearly remembered how much time Nino spent with their youngest member; how freely he could laugh as they teased each other or Aiba for a change. He could clearly see how happy Nino was with Jun… “Then I'm ready to let you go…” he finished on a firm tone even if it was just a lie. He knew he’ll never be ready to let him go but in the same time he loved him too much to hold him back if he wanted to go. And maybe he should go… for the better…
‘No, no, no...’ Nino thought in panic but the sounds didn't come out.
“I'll stay with Riidaa till you can make up your mind. Whatever you decide, I'll accept it cause I love you, Kazu and your happiness is the most important to me” the rapper said before leaned in and brushed his lips to the corner or Nino's mouth in a barely there kiss. ‘Maybe it’s the last…’ the thought flashed in his mind before he stood up.
Then it took only minutes till Sho packed some stuff and left their apartment. And during all this time Nino couldn't move a muscle. Both his heart and body was frozen…
More than two weeks passed and both Nino and Sho were close to state of a zombie. But of course only their band members saw it cause both of them were professionals and good enough actors that in front of the cameras or the staff members they acted as if everything was alright…
Then on the end of the fourth week it happened…
They were in their dressing room, waiting to start shooting the next episode of Arashi ni Shiyagare. The whole room was deadly silent. Even Aiba was too engrossed in his new manga to make any noise.
“Hey, you okay?” Jun asked sitting down next to Nino on the couch - on the place that was usually Sho’s seat but the rapper was now sitting on the farthest seat from the gamer, his nose buried in his news paper.
Nino was pressing the buttons on his DS but seemingly he worked on autopilot cause he stared at small screen with glassy eyes. The shorter man stirred at Jun’s voice and looked at him slowly.
“Huh?... Oh, yeah, of course…” he said automatically and even managed to force out a smile before he turned his head back to his game.
Jun leaned a little closer to him as if he’d wanted to see what he was playing - which he usually not interested in.
“You can talk to me, you know. You don’t have to put up this though act of yours if you’re with me. Let’s go out for dinner after shooting. Just the two of us” the younger suggested on a gentle but firm tone.
“N…” Nino looked up again to turn down the offer but he caught Sho watching them from behind Jun but as soon as their eyes met, the rapper turned away with an unreadable, cold face and went back reading his paper. ‘Maybe you should give it a chance…’ Sho’s words echoed in his ears like it did almost every day ever since… The gamer’s hazel eyes met Jun’s darker ones which showered him in the caring he just realized he was craving and missing for months now. “Okay, let’s do that…” he gave in on a whispered tone.
“Great!” Jun smiled back at him with a warm smile and quickly pecked his cheeks just before the door of their dressing room opened and the AD called them for stand-by.
Sho stared after the two youngest members with painful eyes. He knew it was his own idea and he still thought that Nino has to find out if he loved him or Jun but it still hurt to see them so close together. Even a blind man would not see that Jun does have special feelings for the gamer.
“Let’s go, Sho-kun…” Ohno patted his friend’s back to bring him back to reality. “Don’t worry, he’ll come back to you” the oldest member added with a soft smile before stepped to Aiba. “Come on, Masaki! Shooting is about to start…” he said reaching for his hand to drag him away from his manga.
“But I’m almost finished…!” the taller member whined but let his leader to drag him out the room.
Sho followed them without a sound. He could just hope that Riidaa was right…
“…And in the end it turned out they thought he was me!”
Nino burst out a fit giggle at the story Jun told him. The taller singer leant back in his seat with a small, satisfied smile on his lips. It was a stupid story and he wouldn’t even consider telling it to anyone except Nino. Also he managed to make Nino laugh. He would do anything to see him laugh, giggle or smile at least…
“You wanna take a walk?” Jun asked after paying for both of them.
“Sure, why not?” the gamer nodded and accepted his friend’s offered hand who lead him out the restaurant where they ate.
It was dark already while they headed to the park a few blocks away.
Suddenly Nino felt really conscious about their interlaced fingers and it made him somewhat tense and insecure. It definitely wasn’t the first time he held hands with Jun. They were Arashi after all; they did this kind of stuff - or even more - all the time. But there weren’t cameras around them now. There weren’t fans to amaze with fan-service. It was just the two of them and suddenly Nino was really aware of this fact but he still couldn’t actually make his mind up what he felt about this fact…
“Nino…” Jun spoke up after a few minutes of silence and squeezing the smaller singer’s hand stopping both of them. “I really enjoyed being with you tonight… I don’t know what is bothering you recently but you seem lighter, happier now… I would like to be the one who can always make you forget your problems…” he said seriously and cupping Nino’s face he moved closer for a kiss.
Nino felt his breath hitch as Jun leant in then his eyes fluttered closed as if they their own will as he felt hot breath fanning his thin lips…
But the first feather-light touch caused him enlightenment…
“Jun…” he whispered silently…
As soon as he arrived home, he pulled out his phone and dialed. He felt ages passed till his call was answered.
“Sho…” he said; his voice a little hoarse and wavering. “Can you come here now? To talk…” he asked closing his eyes as he waited, almost fearing the answer.
Long minutes passed.
“Sure. I’ll be there soon…” the rapper replied before hung up…
The gamer paced back and forth in the living room biting his nails in anxiety. It can be a hard talk. He knew what he has to tell him, he just didn't know how… And when he just thought he’ll go out of his mind, the doorbell rang. He practically ran to the door, almost tripping over his own legs and tore it opened when he reached it.
“So… you wanted to talk?” Sho started looking at the shorter man’s face anxiously but met the most beaming smile there.
“Welcome home, Sho-chan…” Nino breathed out before threw his arms around Sho’s neck pressing their lips together and when he felt the other’s strong arms around his waist he felt like both of them arrived home now. Finally they were complete again.
♥おわり♥
A/N: I feel kinda bad for Jun here but I still prefer Sakumiya over Matsumiya so I couldn't break Sho and Nino apart... also, for a while I considered not posting it ever while I was writing cause it's a bit personal. a few weeks back I actually had the dream that Nino had here and it bothered me so much I had to trun it into a story to be able to get rid off it. but it's just dreams, ne? it's not something we have control over... also, I totally blame it on the school pressure... XD anyway, I hope you liked it! ^-^