When they want you to believe you're worthy...... and they treat you like shit.....
I am so God damn pissed right now........ Every single word uttered from certain ppl is nothing but lies...... If I make a promise, or clearly say that I will think about some things, I am expected to keep my word....... The others have NO SUCH OBLIGATION, apparently.......
And right now I am really pissed (to tears) with my cousin.........
So. the past few days my cousin Evgenia and I made a decision to meet after her work and go swimming. For this weekend, we had arranged to go swimming after a relative's visit, around 11am. Evdenia wanted to go to Derveni for the weekend, but I didn't want to, I was not emotionally prepared to leave for the weekend on such a short notice..... i just started wanting to go out and have fun, you can't expect someone who practically never left home to go on a last minute weekend trip.... You can't expect a baby that just started walking to run the marathon...... So we said we'd talk about it after shopping.
I went downtown to buy some stuff and when I got back, no car..... I immediately got a clue as to what had happened..... i called her.... She was on her way to Derveni.... A "last minute decision" after she got pissed with her children..... "They expect from me money and stuff, but they don't want to do their mother a favor and go to Derveni with me"..... So, "what about me" I asked her.... "Well, you said you didn't want to go to Derveni". But we never said "either we go to Derveni together or Evgenia goes there alone". It was more of a "We'll see what we'll do after I come back". When would she tell me of her decision? It was a decision taken 5 minutes before leaving......
It is not the first time this happens..... Last year a relative had to leave unexpectedly abroad and gave her tickets for a play at Epidaurus, on a Friday night.... Her daughter didn't want to go, so she started making plans with me, and after the play, we will go to Derveni for the weekend, etc..... And then she started changing the plans, saying that she thought to take Alekos, her cousin, along, since he had been recently fired, and was not feeling well, etc..... And when he said "no", she returned to her previous choice, me...... And, of course, after plans and plans, she told me she was going with her daughter!!!!! And they had the nerve to ask me to babysit the dog!!!, the fish-tank!!!!! and my niece asked me to borrow my usb wifi modem, to use for the weekend!!!!! Like, "OK, WE made plans, but I found better deal, so I'm canceling all, and, oh,by the way, since MY PLANS still stand, do ME a favor and do this chores while I'm away"!!!!!!!!! I told them since I was not going to go along, I would go to meet a friend, so I couldn't look after the dog at the moment, and as for the moden, "I didn't know where it was".
They have a key to my house, so they told me they would go and get the dog chain I keep as an extra, to take the dog along.... And my niece, she spotted my laptop case, opened it and "borrowed" my usb wifi modem!!!!!!!!!!! Without asking!!!!!!!!!!! She just called me later to ask me to get her a pre-paid internet card....... Why? because "while looking for the chain, I spotted your laptop case and thought maybe you have the modem there!! And I was right!!!!!" she announced to me happily..... I didn't bother ti get her a card.......
Evgenia got so PISSED when I complained about that last minute change of plans...... "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT????? OF COURSE I WOULD FIRST TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!"........ And I complained about opening my stuff and getting the modem, OK, I went a bit far and said sth like "what if sth else got lost or missing". "IT WAS ON PLAIN SIGHT!!!! SHE DIDN"T GO THROUGH YOUR STUFF!!!!!! I'LL GO AND BUY HER HER OWN SO WE WILL NOT BOTHER YOU AND YOU WILL NOT NEED TO FEAR FOR YOUR STUFF. AND I WILL GIVE YOU BACK YOUR KEY, SO IF ANYTHING GETS LOST WE WILL NOT BE ACCUSED!!!!!!!".......
Am I missing something here? Am I making a mistake?????? I feel like the joker of a playing deck...... If things change, well, they changed, we take advantage of them...... And the joker???? Well, that's the last card, useful only to patch the holes..... If things go our way, who gives a sh*t about the joker......
Evgenia keeps telling me that I have value, that I matter........ but her actions prove the exact opposite...... My family seems to view me as a joker....... Useful for many things, but not for respect...... otherwise, I would have been considered to at least get a stupid call informing me that she was leaving...... I have a life..... It is not great, but it is one...... I make plans...... Not major ones but still plans....... I am left to believe that some think of me as good enough to go out and pay their bills, lend them money, buy them cigarettes (and never getting paid back), shop instead of them, etc, etc, etc.....
In other words, I feel some view me as a servant and a joker....... or an asshole....... whatever you feel is more descriptive........
And right now I am really pissed (to tears) with my cousin.........
So. the past few days my cousin Evgenia and I made a decision to meet after her work and go swimming. For this weekend, we had arranged to go swimming after a relative's visit, around 11am. Evdenia wanted to go to Derveni for the weekend, but I didn't want to, I was not emotionally prepared to leave for the weekend on such a short notice..... i just started wanting to go out and have fun, you can't expect someone who practically never left home to go on a last minute weekend trip.... You can't expect a baby that just started walking to run the marathon...... So we said we'd talk about it after shopping.
I went downtown to buy some stuff and when I got back, no car..... I immediately got a clue as to what had happened..... i called her.... She was on her way to Derveni.... A "last minute decision" after she got pissed with her children..... "They expect from me money and stuff, but they don't want to do their mother a favor and go to Derveni with me"..... So, "what about me" I asked her.... "Well, you said you didn't want to go to Derveni". But we never said "either we go to Derveni together or Evgenia goes there alone". It was more of a "We'll see what we'll do after I come back". When would she tell me of her decision? It was a decision taken 5 minutes before leaving......
It is not the first time this happens..... Last year a relative had to leave unexpectedly abroad and gave her tickets for a play at Epidaurus, on a Friday night.... Her daughter didn't want to go, so she started making plans with me, and after the play, we will go to Derveni for the weekend, etc..... And then she started changing the plans, saying that she thought to take Alekos, her cousin, along, since he had been recently fired, and was not feeling well, etc..... And when he said "no", she returned to her previous choice, me...... And, of course, after plans and plans, she told me she was going with her daughter!!!!! And they had the nerve to ask me to babysit the dog!!!, the fish-tank!!!!! and my niece asked me to borrow my usb wifi modem, to use for the weekend!!!!! Like, "OK, WE made plans, but I found better deal, so I'm canceling all, and, oh,by the way, since MY PLANS still stand, do ME a favor and do this chores while I'm away"!!!!!!!!! I told them since I was not going to go along, I would go to meet a friend, so I couldn't look after the dog at the moment, and as for the moden, "I didn't know where it was".
They have a key to my house, so they told me they would go and get the dog chain I keep as an extra, to take the dog along.... And my niece, she spotted my laptop case, opened it and "borrowed" my usb wifi modem!!!!!!!!!!! Without asking!!!!!!!!!!! She just called me later to ask me to get her a pre-paid internet card....... Why? because "while looking for the chain, I spotted your laptop case and thought maybe you have the modem there!! And I was right!!!!!" she announced to me happily..... I didn't bother ti get her a card.......
Evgenia got so PISSED when I complained about that last minute change of plans...... "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT????? OF COURSE I WOULD FIRST TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!"........ And I complained about opening my stuff and getting the modem, OK, I went a bit far and said sth like "what if sth else got lost or missing". "IT WAS ON PLAIN SIGHT!!!! SHE DIDN"T GO THROUGH YOUR STUFF!!!!!! I'LL GO AND BUY HER HER OWN SO WE WILL NOT BOTHER YOU AND YOU WILL NOT NEED TO FEAR FOR YOUR STUFF. AND I WILL GIVE YOU BACK YOUR KEY, SO IF ANYTHING GETS LOST WE WILL NOT BE ACCUSED!!!!!!!".......
Am I missing something here? Am I making a mistake?????? I feel like the joker of a playing deck...... If things change, well, they changed, we take advantage of them...... And the joker???? Well, that's the last card, useful only to patch the holes..... If things go our way, who gives a sh*t about the joker......
Evgenia keeps telling me that I have value, that I matter........ but her actions prove the exact opposite...... My family seems to view me as a joker....... Useful for many things, but not for respect...... otherwise, I would have been considered to at least get a stupid call informing me that she was leaving...... I have a life..... It is not great, but it is one...... I make plans...... Not major ones but still plans....... I am left to believe that some think of me as good enough to go out and pay their bills, lend them money, buy them cigarettes (and never getting paid back), shop instead of them, etc, etc, etc.....
In other words, I feel some view me as a servant and a joker....... or an asshole....... whatever you feel is more descriptive........