I really want to love him
Title: I really want to love him
Author: happyyoyo
Pairing: Hyunseong/Jeongmin
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 907
Summary: Jeongmin really want to love Hyunseong.
A/N: Inspired by the song (I really want to love him) by JJ Lin. Two idols have sang this song before, female and male version ~ You might want to consider listening to it while reading it. Happy Chinese New Year !!
It was a raining day and Jeongmin had to use his jacket to shelter himself and make his way back to the company for dance practice. A couple sharing an umbrella caught his eye from afar. They seem familiar. After taking another good look, he realized it was Hyunseong and Bora sharing that umbrella. His feet stopped at the very spot, looking at how his hyung sheltered her through the rain.
Hyunseong just so happened to turn his head towards where Jeongmin was standing and their eyes met. The way the older one looked at him was unexplainable. However the expression on Jeongmin was clearly disappointment and depressed.
He always thought his love for Hyunseong might be reciprocated.
But he was wrong.
“What’s wrong?” Bora asked after noticing that he was not listening to her.
“Nothing.” Hyunseong turned back to her and replied with a fake smile.
Nothing at all…
I just hurt him.
Sorry, Lee Jeongmin.
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“I am with bora now.” Hyunseong told Jeongmin.
“I know, I saw the both of you together that day.” The younger one acted like nothing big had happened and continued on revising for his schoolwork.
Hyunseong was a little disappointed, he thought Jeongmin will get jealous and question him. Their relationship had always been ambiguous, the things they did make people often wonder if they were actually dating.
“What do you think about me and her dating?” Hyunseong continued on pressing on, unable to believe he meant nothing important to him.
“Great! She is so pretty, two of you are very compatible.” Jeongmin answered with his head facing the stack of textbook in front of him.
“You really think I am compatible with her?”
“Of course, it is like a perfect match. Hyung, can you leave me alone to study? I have a test tomorrow.”
Hyunseong left the room without another word and slam the door shut behind him. Jeongmin dropped his pen and his hands were covering his mouth. Actually he did not dare to look at Hyunseong is because he do not want him to see the tears that he held back.
He did not want Hyunseong to know what he was actually in love with him and what he did was hurting him.
He did not want to come in between them.
Bora is a nice person, he cannot do that to her.
Everything will become complicated if he chose to be the third party.
Things will be much simpler like this if Jeongmin’s love for Hyunseong was kept deep in his heart.
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“Jeongmin hyung, are you okay?” Youngmin asked his hyung feeling worried.
He had been sitting by the window for quite some time. The despondent look on his face made it worse and obviously he was not in a good mood. Ever since Hyunseong announced to the members that he and Bora were dating, the world seems to collapse in front of him. Every single thing seems to fall apart, including his heart.
Jeongmin faked a smile and replied, “I am okay, just feeling tired.”
Tired of falling in love with Hyunseong hyung…
“Hyung, you love Hyunseong hyung?” Youngmin questioned his hyung.
Yes, I love him.
“What are you saying? We both are guys! Do you think I am gay?” Jeongmin was really good at hiding his inner feelings.
The original expression he had on his face was already gone and replaced with a smile.
However the smile was not the same as the one he had when he was with Hyunseong.
“You are right, I have been reading too much stories recently. Hyung if you are tired, you should rest early.” Youngmin smiled at his hyung and left him in the room alone.
The younger one laughed at his absurd assumption. It was impossible for Jeongmin hyung to like Hyunseong hyung.
He was right, Jeongmin do not like Hyunseong.
He loved him.
With all his heart.
Youngmin had naively believed his hyung. Jeongmin almost wanted to give himself a prize for his excellent acting skills. He really wished that his acting could deceive himself too.
Maybe his heart would not hurt so much.
__________________________________________________________________________________
“Jeongmin, we need to talk.” Hyunseong pulled him back by his wrist, preventing him from running away again.
“I don’t think we need to.” The younger one tried to break free from the grip but he could not do it.
Hyunseong forcefully pulled him into his arms and wrapped his arms tightly around him. No matter how the brunette struggle out from his grip, it did not succeed. The older one was holding on to him very tightly. Hyunseong was afraid that if he were to let go of him, he will lose him forever. He knew he was selfish. He was already dating with Bora but yet he still loves Jeongmin.
They both knew that there they can never end up with a happy ending.
Their love is doomed to be a tragedy.
__________________________________________________________________________________
“Please, let me selfish for one more time.”
Hyunseong did not give any warning and started kissing him on the lips. His arms were placed around his waist, not allowing him to escape. Jeongmin wanted to push him away at first but he gave up on the idea. Since it is going to be the last time, there was no reason for him to reject him.
This is the last time.
Last time for Jeongmin to show Hyunseong how much he loved him.