1 thru 12
For those of you who may not know several months ago (November 04') I started writing poetry that was based on a concept character (with no name). I have completed 12 of 14 parts to the story of this characters life.
Here they are in order:
----------
Part 1
----------
"Cough Drops & Cigarettes"
I lied once again today, to hide all my misery. To live the life that I feel has escaped, I live it vicariously.
Your existence will consume you, when you aren't sure if you really existed after all this time. What is it that time will tell, if we will make it out alive?
I never wanted out until I made it in, I should have been dead years ago if that's the wage of sin.
I know I've done my share of wrongs, I doubt you'd forgive me anyway. We've both known this all along, so my apologies will have to wait.
Your the only one who stops and stares, when your heart makes you trip and fall. It's hard not to stand above yourself, when you are the underdog.
It's so easy to be the prophet when you predict the inevitable, I know I won't be by myself forever, because I'll meet you all in hell.
----------
Part 2
----------
"Venetian Eyes"
Your watching the reality that's rehearsed on your television screen, There is nothing more obscene than un-originality.
What the hell do you have to complain about, did you get grounded from driving the family car and now you can't go out? You try to fake the rebellion, but you even 2nd guess your own doubts.
So stop trying to play the victim or you may very well become the prey and stop pretending that you have all the answers, when you don't know a f*cking thing.
What do you have to be so depressed about, did Daddy forget to hand the allowance out? Did yesterdays fashion expire today, did the teachers pet just get spade?
Now go eat the trend at Abercrombie & Fitch, dry your bullsh*t tears because I've heard your same old moaning and your still the same old b*tch. It's time to learn a new song and dance, your the new sucker of an old circumstance.
What the hell do you have to frown about, did you finally have to sell out? Did your personal tragedy become exposed as your own personal complete distortion of the facts? You could have had at least the courtesy of stabbing your friends in the chest before you stabbed them in the back.
----------
Part 3
----------
"Cartoons & Coffee"
Good morning world allow me to greet you with a smile, so when I devise your destruction I can at least say that I tried. Is it so impossible to live the life I dream? I don't want to punch this time card to have the things I need.
All I've got are these sticks and these worn out drums, so let the f*cking music play from these hands and when I die that's how you'll know I'm done.
Good afternoon world seems we've made it in this far, today has been better than the last because I'm just now opening my 3rd pack of cigarettes and left before happy hour at the bar. Is it so impossible to be nice and finish first? But there is no pride if you win the race in the back of a hearse.
All I've got are these notebooks and these empty pens, so let the prophecies reach the masses and let the legacy begin.
Good night world I've made it through another day, I'm out here smoking my last cigarette while the others pray. Is it so impossible to fall asleep one night without this frown? Maybe it isn't you, but the one thing that I had lost and haven't found, that made this all worthwhile.
See you in the morning world to greet you with a...
----------
Part 4
----------
"Exit sign"
Tired of being stuck here but I have nowhere else to
go, the address that hangs above my door has become my head stone. Now I'm buried here with these memories of mistrust and discord, if there is a plan for everyone
then what the hell am I here for?
Tired of being no one and wanting to have it all,
tired of people saying the higher I reach for that
star the further I will fall. How long am I supposed
to keep my feet on the ground as my life passes me by?
It's hard to keep moving forward when you've been left
behind.
Tired of walking this life alone, what is there left
to share? Who would want this anyway, I guess these
questions would matter if I wasn't the only one who
cares. You can always have the night but not everyone
gets to hold the dark, I never wanted to disfigure
those things which are seen as perfect through the
eyes of my heart.
----------
Part 5
----------
"Six Fifty Three"
The last song before the new year filled the air with rage and Love, it feels like I'm coming home again.
Who'd of thought we'd survive another year, to see the clock strike midnight and watch the last years memories explode in the air?
I found something inside of me that I didn't know was there. Forget me not while your away, hoping you were wondering how my lips taste at midnight on new years eve.
Try to understand that I'm not crazy, I'm only trying to find my way back home. That place in my heart that I use to know, where I could be anything and where dreams meet reality.
I can't explain why I already feel the way I do, this isn't quite like me, but then again there is no one quite like you.
And I'm not sure if you feel the same, but if you won't let it come between us, these miles won't be in our way.
We can find some how, the way we'll work it out, just give me half a chance to prove myself. And save the other half for when its cold outside, I'll be there when you need me, I won't be far behind.
Try to understand that I'm not crazy, I'm only trying to find my way back home. That place in my heart that I use to know, where I could be anything and where dreams meet reality.
The first song of the new year filled the air with rage and Love, it feels like I'm coming home again.
----------
Part 6
----------
"Note to myself" (Dear me)
Dear Me,
Watching this thunderstorm moving through, while I'm standing outside thumping ashes from the last half of a cigarette.
These tears are from the straight line winds blowing the smoke back into my eyes and not because of her, if I tell myself just one more time I just might be convinced.
Powers out and the maglite is missing one battery, and the spark of hope is burning out inside of me.
The stinging on my fingers is letting me know I am finished with this cigarette, now I'm headed back inside to navigate in the dark this cemetery of possessions that aren't even mine.
Who's insanity seems so logical,
- You
----------
Part 7
----------
"See"
I woke-up dead this morning...I'm sorry I didn't survive long enough to see this through, can you understand I died to win, because I was born to lose?
This wasn't the way that I had hoped for it to end, now through these ghost eyes I see, there was nothing wrong with you and nothing right with me.
I apologized so much that there was nothing left to say, I know that you would have let me hold on for as long as I needed, but I always let go of your hand and fell away.
This wasn't the way that you had hoped for it to end, but now through some one else's eyes I see, there was nothing that you could have done, because I couldn't be anyone but me.
I got so caught up inside my own reality, that while I saw you standing there, I didn't make any room for you in my dreams. Each crystal tragedy that rolled down your face, held its own memories of the times that we shared that you cannot erase.
This wasn't the way that I had hoped for it to end, now through your eyes I see, there is so much left for you here, because there was nothing left for me.
Now through my eyes you see, you were everything I could have ever wanted, but all you got was me.
----------
Part 8
----------
"Chord of Nine"
How do I keep from hating you when I know where you have been, heard of what you've done, never seen what you have saw, never had what you did?
I send this to you, a masquerade smile, a Trojan sent with a hand shake, filled with my contempt for the hurt you have caused and you have never seen my face, you have never heard my name.
I know you better than I fake it.
For your sake may we never cross path's any further than it has been taken. And for mine, I wish you gone until these bones turn to dust and are carried off by the winds that signal the end of time.
With this mental chord of nine and with these six words I am about to speak into existence, may fate be your tomb and may I gain the wisdom to know how to bury this pain.
Renich Tasa Uberaca Biasa Icar Reficul.
----------
Part 9
----------
"Hinge"
This isn't me, this...jealousy. It's the heart of another man with the same history. Do you realize what it's done through out these past seven years?
It's not the thought, it's not the lies, it's the shadow of a doubt you cursed me with inside.
This isn't me, this...false accuser. It's the revenge of the naive notions trying to finding retribution. Do you realize what I've done these past seven years?
It's not their fault, it's not the ideas, it's the ghost you've unleashed to haunt me that is exclusive to the thoughts in my head.
This isn't me, this...premeditated prophet that I have become. It's the visions of another time that's past. Do you realize what you've done through out these past seven years?
It's not the questions, it's not the way it hides, it's everything I've ever been through that has made this my life.
This isn't me, this...reaper of shadows that you cast on the wall in the light of truth. Do you realize what I've done to me these past seven years?
It's not the lies, it's not the idea, it's not the way it hides, it's staring into a two way mirror looking out at the reflection of yourself that will never understand.
This isn't me, this...
----------
Part 10
----------
"If It Isn't Now"
I've known Love and I've known misery, friends of mine all my life, the perfect company.
One and the same, just two different names just like destiny and fate. So if it isn't now then we'll figure out, that if it isn't now then I wanna go home.
I've known what it means to cry and I've had my share of smiles, friends of mine all my life that made it all worth while.
2 of a kind but not the same, like being crazy or being insane. So if it isn't now then we'll figure out, that if it isn't now then I wanna go home.
I've known what it's like to live and I've witness suicide, friends of their's all their lives, but there are only so many scars you can hide behind.
Same old songs but with a different dance, with the same rhythms but with different steps. So if it isn't now then we'll figure out, that if it isn't now then I wanna go home.
If it isn't now, then we'll figure out, that if it isn't now, then do I wanna go home?
----------
Part 11
----------
"Maker" (Especially for you)
These are the things that I make.
The things that I make are these.
These things that I make are mine, all mine.
Each thing made for each of you.
I made each thing especially for you.
These are the things that I have made.
The things that I made have had.
These things I have made are mine, all mine.
Each thing I've made for you to have.
I have made especially for you, these things I make.
These are the things that were made.
The things that were made these are.
These were the things made that are mine, all mine.
Each thing were made especially for you to have.
I have made each thing that were made for you.
I am the things that you make.
The things that you make I am.
This thing that you made is yours, all yours.
Each thing made for each of you.
You've made us especially for you.
----------
Part 12
----------
"So"
Elbow impressions on the window sill... your looking out at the world,
that you won't let in. At this hour, there is nothing for you to do,
but to capture the moon with your eyes, and wonder where you came
from, that strange feeling that you can't quite understand...
Time goes faster, for no one but you, living minute by minute, so the
days slow down for no one but you. You live out your whole life in a
days time, its nothing new for you to see, where you think you went
wrong 13 years ago, and me...
And me, I've worn a heart on my sleeve, followed by the trail of blood
it leaves, ...I can't dream fast enough to catch up to the ones I've
left behind. Time goes side ways for no one but me, living week by
week, so the days get straight, for no one but me. I live out my whole
life in a seconds time, its nothing new for me to see, that I've seen
nothing at all, unlike you...
And you, carry the sins of the world between your lips and you hold
your nose to keep from drowning in your thoughts, and we...
And we are immortal in our hearts, but so persecuted in these times,
so destined to the world, and you, so absolved in my eyes.
And you, so destined to my heart... so cherished in these times, you
are... And you so grieving in your mind, are you... And you so
breathtaking in my eyes, so promised in this world, you are... so
absolved in my heart.
You are...
S -