Friends before the light wanes
Midtown
Dawn rose on Grey Town
The dawn revealed every freckle, every stray strand of reddish brown hair that framed that boyish face. Everything was crystal clear, even the pale blue eyes that stared blankly up, Grey Town skies reflected in their surface. Smallish ears, coated with grime that streaked down his slender neck, my thumbs still pressing on his Adam’s apple.
I leapt back, clasping both of my murderous hands to my mouth. What had I done? In my blind rage I had killed the Cymbal Speaker, a fellow gray man. His body didn’t disappear as QB and company had, popping out of existence under the Shade’s knives. It stayed to haunt me with its unseeing eyes.
I kept backpedaling until my back hit the cold metal of a dumpster. The same dumpster I’d plummeted into as an invalid. Gasping I looked down as my fully fleshed legs, extending them slowly, one by one as if I’d never seen them before. They were perfectly whole and I felt no pain. I slammed a hand against the side of the trash bin, hearing its hollow pang with normal ears.
Tears burned in my healthy eyes and I slid slowly down the painted brick. I buried my palms in my sockets and wept at the cruelty of it all. I’d never wept before in Grey Town. In Outertown, the skies cried for me, and even throughout the suffering, the other gray men kept me strong. But here, a lone cursed murderer, I wept like I could force the guilt out through my eyes. The true insidious nature of my curse had come full circle. Healing others killed me. Killing others made me whole. I was a doctor of death, not life. I was a thief, not a hero.
My chest heaved as I finished mourning for the gray man I once was. Shuffling over to the Cymbal Speaker, I took one final gaze at my victim. I wondered what his dreams were. Was he too seeking the Maker of Grey Town, or merely existing? Was his only desire to find another like himself? I’d never know, nor would he. Death’s hand crushes suffering and joy alike. Ultimately all of our curses lead back to the same road, the one to Death’s door.
I scooped up the gray man, his frame surprisingly light under my newly healed body. Placing him lightly in the dumpster he’d rescued me from, I closed his eyes with my fingers. His journey had ended and I carried whatever burden he had with the life he’d given me. It may have been my hands that had ended his life, but it was the Maker’s curses that had lead us both to this terrible end. He would have to answer for the Cymbal Speaker’s life as much as I did.
I gazed up at the roof of Windfall, wondering if my friends had escaped whatever we’d encountered. I squeezed through narrow alleyways, making my way back to where we’d ascended. I saw the rusted fire escape, much the same as it had been when Vino had noticed it. Astoundingly, the ladder we’d used was latched again, impossibly out of reach.
My heart was too broken for frustration. I stood for what seemed like hours, staring at the silent roof, begging the skies for a familiar face to peek over the edge. No one. They’d all gone and I was as I was in the beginning: alone and lost. I’d gained nothing. I was no closer to finding out where I was, who I was, what I should be doing. My body had been destroyed and rebuilt at the cost of another. I’d made friends and lost them. I’d saved lives and claimed them. All to bring me back to the same point. I finally realized why the Baker felt as he did when he felt the rains of Outertown again. Wasting time and going in circles only led to rage or hopelessness and my rage was spent.
“Come Shades. Take me! I am no longer afraid of death. I’m no longer afraid of you and your pathetic daggers. Come kill me, you freaks!” I shouted at the shadows like a madman. I told them all my secrets. “C’mon friends, you can’t forget me. It’s your dear ol’ Doc. I’m the genius that killed all of your ugly cousins. I’m a top notch killer, don’t you know it. I’ve killed the Cymbal Speaker. He never had a chance. He might have escaped you but not me. Wouldn’t you know it, part of me is actually grateful I killed him. I can see and hear and walk again. He’s the lucky one you know. I’m envious of his rest. He doesn’t have to walk these hideous streets like I do. He doesn’t have to stare up at these pointless skies. No he’s done. That is where you come in, Shades. You got to take me, as I took him.”
Nothing answered me. My own voice came hauntingly back to me, ripping through the Midtown silence like an unwanted intruder. I yelled at every building, every faded street sign, and every darkened lamppost.
“Come chase me Shades. I’ll be your sport! Catch and kill. You need the exercise.” I started to jog, hiking my knees. I picked up my pace, issuing my challenge at every block. I started to laugh, thinking of me leading a marathon of black coated Shades. A dark parade of death marching through the worthless city. I started to sprint, the silence of Midtown turned into a whipping wind. I couldn’t stop laughing, each exclamation sounding off in unison to my pounding feet. The blocks flashed by as I topped out on my speed, racing down the street.
I threw my head back and laughed at the angry skies. It was perfect. No more anxiety. I was free. I was good as dead. No one was here to hear or help. I laughed harder and harder, my breath coming to me in chokes. There was no sound but my feet on the pavement and my laughter in the air. Nothing to see other than the blurring gray skies. No existence beyond each footfall. This was death. This was freedom.
My ankle twisted on a chunk of stone and I went sprawling, my face grinding against the pavement. I got up slowly, spitting the gritty filth of Midtown mud out of my mouth. I knew that my mind was breaking, that I’d reached my limit. This solitude was more than I could bear. No doubt the Shades were watching, mocking me at every corner, not willing to give me an easy death. They’d rather I suffer with a pointless life.
The sound of falling stone caught my ear. It was the first sound I’d heard in Midtown today that I hadn’t caused. Not caring if it was friend or foe, I rushed around the corner to find its maker.
A pile of rubble greeted me. Though Grey Town seemed in a perpetual state of disrepair, I’d never yet seen a collapsed building. At the top of this heap of rubble stood none other than the tiny figure of NIV. I nearly cried again, so relieved I was to see a familiar face. The short gray men didn’t appear to notice me. He stooped down to pick up a fist sized stone and cast it straight in the air. He stood unflinching as the rock descending, smashing into his balding head. He tumbled down the hill of debris like a rag doll. I rushed over to him, hoping he hadn’t killed himself. Before I could reach him, however, he popped back onto his feet and clambered back up to the peak. He grasped a brick and hurled it in the air, repeating the process.
“NIV!” I cried, waving both arms frantically. The gray man blinked his eyes as if waking from a dream. Spotting me below, he broke into that familiar toothless grin, waving his hand in greeting. I winced as his projectile came back down on the back of his head, sending him bouncing again to my feet.
“NIV, are you alright?” I said, picking up the gray man under his arms and shaking him, “Can you hear me?”
“Your whole head is injured, your whole heart is afflicted,” said the NIV, rubbing the back of his bleeding head. I reached out to heal the gashes and hesitated. I was not eager to take upon that body of death again. I patted his shoulder, instead.
“You’ll be alright, NIV. I’m sure they’ll close up fine. You have no idea how glad I am to see you. Midtown is dangerous when you’re alone. I nearly lost it.”
The NIV nodded, frowning at the pile of stones as if he couldn’t remember why he’d been up there. Shrugging his shoulders, he smiled up again at me, waiting for me to make the first move. Not knowing what exactly to do I started off down another street.
“So NIV, I guess we’ve never had a chance to talk. Everyone assumes you’re not too bright. After seeing you throwing rocks at yourself I’m not sure myself.”
“I have a mind as well as you. I am not inferior to you.”
“I didn’t mean it as an insult, NIV I’m sure its hard just having to quote one book. It’s a nasty curse. I guess it’s just easier for you to keep quiet.”
“Be assured my words are not false; one perfect in knowledge is with you,” the NIV responded as he picked up his crumpled mitre from underneath a chunk of pavement. It sat crookedly on his dented head, crimson spots showing though the gray.
“Alright fair enough. You probably know more than me about such things. I mean look at what you did at the lighthouse. That was a stroke of genius for sure, reading that writing. And then you were a real warrior later. I was beside myself when you attacked the Shade. That sure was bold. I mean we all thought…”
“How then were your eyes opened?” the NIV interrupted, pointing at my face.
“Oh.” I stuttered. How would the NIV react, knowing the truth about my sinister recovery, “I’m not sure. I mean the Baker tossed me off the roof and I fell. Everything went black. I woke up and there I was! Maybe I died. Maybe not. Maybe everyone who dies just come back every dawn. Who knows? I’m just glad I can walk again, you know?”
The NIV nodded, becoming intensely interested in his shoes as we walked. I couldn’t tolerate the silence.
“So about yesterday, do you remember what happened on the roof? What did you see? What happened to everyone else? What was that Shadow? Where did it come from?”
“The land of deepest night, of deep shadow and disorder, where even the light is like darkness.”
I shuddered as he spoke, remembering the otherworldly feeling I got under the Shadow’s stare. Still he hadn’t quite answered the rest of my questions
“What else? Is there anything you remember? Did the Shadow say anything to you?” I asked, remembering how the Baker seemed to follow silent orders
“Said ‘I would scatter them and blot out their memory from mankind’,” the Niv replied, tears forming in his eyes.
“Well we sure are scattered. But we won’t give up, will we NIV? We’ll keep searching till we find everyone. At least we’ve found each other right? That has to count for something.”
“It is you,” the NIV said, squeezing my hand reassuringly, “A man like myself. My companion, my close friend.”
But he hardly knew the evil that my hands had caused. If I could kill an innocent stranger just to save my own life, how long before I killed a friend? I couldn’t descend into those thoughts again. I had to press onward. As light waned in Grey Town, at least I could say I wasn’t alone.
Dusk fell on Grey Town.
Med school has caused me to sift through the things I really want to do. I've set an indefinite facebook hiatus for myself, hoping to get rid of some of the pointless distractions in my life so I can invest more time in people. Read a good book, write a letter or two. Get out and enjoy the sunshine. I just finished 3 back to back exams, culminating in the pharm exam from Hell. That was week 2 of the summer semester. I never saw the abandon all hope ye who enter here at the white coat ceremony.
God has still provided so greatly for every exam. Despite the crushing worries that cripple most every med student, I can enjoy this weekend with Courtney without fretting over exam scores. She's been helping me organize the ragged pieces of my life in brightly colored folders so I don't stress out. Also I have more room on my shelves for photos of friends. I did manage to print out all my quality FB pics before I left so I could construct an undergrad/1st year of med school album.
Monday is hospital day and I couldn't be more excited. Finally something that relates to my future! I can't wait to see all of the hospitals strut around, flapping their feathers to entice me to sign up for my internship there. I'll keep you updated as to what I decide. The big 3 cities are Grand Rapids, Lansing, and Detroit Metro. We'll see how it goes.
Dawn rose on Grey Town
The dawn revealed every freckle, every stray strand of reddish brown hair that framed that boyish face. Everything was crystal clear, even the pale blue eyes that stared blankly up, Grey Town skies reflected in their surface. Smallish ears, coated with grime that streaked down his slender neck, my thumbs still pressing on his Adam’s apple.
I leapt back, clasping both of my murderous hands to my mouth. What had I done? In my blind rage I had killed the Cymbal Speaker, a fellow gray man. His body didn’t disappear as QB and company had, popping out of existence under the Shade’s knives. It stayed to haunt me with its unseeing eyes.
I kept backpedaling until my back hit the cold metal of a dumpster. The same dumpster I’d plummeted into as an invalid. Gasping I looked down as my fully fleshed legs, extending them slowly, one by one as if I’d never seen them before. They were perfectly whole and I felt no pain. I slammed a hand against the side of the trash bin, hearing its hollow pang with normal ears.
Tears burned in my healthy eyes and I slid slowly down the painted brick. I buried my palms in my sockets and wept at the cruelty of it all. I’d never wept before in Grey Town. In Outertown, the skies cried for me, and even throughout the suffering, the other gray men kept me strong. But here, a lone cursed murderer, I wept like I could force the guilt out through my eyes. The true insidious nature of my curse had come full circle. Healing others killed me. Killing others made me whole. I was a doctor of death, not life. I was a thief, not a hero.
My chest heaved as I finished mourning for the gray man I once was. Shuffling over to the Cymbal Speaker, I took one final gaze at my victim. I wondered what his dreams were. Was he too seeking the Maker of Grey Town, or merely existing? Was his only desire to find another like himself? I’d never know, nor would he. Death’s hand crushes suffering and joy alike. Ultimately all of our curses lead back to the same road, the one to Death’s door.
I scooped up the gray man, his frame surprisingly light under my newly healed body. Placing him lightly in the dumpster he’d rescued me from, I closed his eyes with my fingers. His journey had ended and I carried whatever burden he had with the life he’d given me. It may have been my hands that had ended his life, but it was the Maker’s curses that had lead us both to this terrible end. He would have to answer for the Cymbal Speaker’s life as much as I did.
I gazed up at the roof of Windfall, wondering if my friends had escaped whatever we’d encountered. I squeezed through narrow alleyways, making my way back to where we’d ascended. I saw the rusted fire escape, much the same as it had been when Vino had noticed it. Astoundingly, the ladder we’d used was latched again, impossibly out of reach.
My heart was too broken for frustration. I stood for what seemed like hours, staring at the silent roof, begging the skies for a familiar face to peek over the edge. No one. They’d all gone and I was as I was in the beginning: alone and lost. I’d gained nothing. I was no closer to finding out where I was, who I was, what I should be doing. My body had been destroyed and rebuilt at the cost of another. I’d made friends and lost them. I’d saved lives and claimed them. All to bring me back to the same point. I finally realized why the Baker felt as he did when he felt the rains of Outertown again. Wasting time and going in circles only led to rage or hopelessness and my rage was spent.
“Come Shades. Take me! I am no longer afraid of death. I’m no longer afraid of you and your pathetic daggers. Come kill me, you freaks!” I shouted at the shadows like a madman. I told them all my secrets. “C’mon friends, you can’t forget me. It’s your dear ol’ Doc. I’m the genius that killed all of your ugly cousins. I’m a top notch killer, don’t you know it. I’ve killed the Cymbal Speaker. He never had a chance. He might have escaped you but not me. Wouldn’t you know it, part of me is actually grateful I killed him. I can see and hear and walk again. He’s the lucky one you know. I’m envious of his rest. He doesn’t have to walk these hideous streets like I do. He doesn’t have to stare up at these pointless skies. No he’s done. That is where you come in, Shades. You got to take me, as I took him.”
Nothing answered me. My own voice came hauntingly back to me, ripping through the Midtown silence like an unwanted intruder. I yelled at every building, every faded street sign, and every darkened lamppost.
“Come chase me Shades. I’ll be your sport! Catch and kill. You need the exercise.” I started to jog, hiking my knees. I picked up my pace, issuing my challenge at every block. I started to laugh, thinking of me leading a marathon of black coated Shades. A dark parade of death marching through the worthless city. I started to sprint, the silence of Midtown turned into a whipping wind. I couldn’t stop laughing, each exclamation sounding off in unison to my pounding feet. The blocks flashed by as I topped out on my speed, racing down the street.
I threw my head back and laughed at the angry skies. It was perfect. No more anxiety. I was free. I was good as dead. No one was here to hear or help. I laughed harder and harder, my breath coming to me in chokes. There was no sound but my feet on the pavement and my laughter in the air. Nothing to see other than the blurring gray skies. No existence beyond each footfall. This was death. This was freedom.
My ankle twisted on a chunk of stone and I went sprawling, my face grinding against the pavement. I got up slowly, spitting the gritty filth of Midtown mud out of my mouth. I knew that my mind was breaking, that I’d reached my limit. This solitude was more than I could bear. No doubt the Shades were watching, mocking me at every corner, not willing to give me an easy death. They’d rather I suffer with a pointless life.
The sound of falling stone caught my ear. It was the first sound I’d heard in Midtown today that I hadn’t caused. Not caring if it was friend or foe, I rushed around the corner to find its maker.
A pile of rubble greeted me. Though Grey Town seemed in a perpetual state of disrepair, I’d never yet seen a collapsed building. At the top of this heap of rubble stood none other than the tiny figure of NIV. I nearly cried again, so relieved I was to see a familiar face. The short gray men didn’t appear to notice me. He stooped down to pick up a fist sized stone and cast it straight in the air. He stood unflinching as the rock descending, smashing into his balding head. He tumbled down the hill of debris like a rag doll. I rushed over to him, hoping he hadn’t killed himself. Before I could reach him, however, he popped back onto his feet and clambered back up to the peak. He grasped a brick and hurled it in the air, repeating the process.
“NIV!” I cried, waving both arms frantically. The gray man blinked his eyes as if waking from a dream. Spotting me below, he broke into that familiar toothless grin, waving his hand in greeting. I winced as his projectile came back down on the back of his head, sending him bouncing again to my feet.
“NIV, are you alright?” I said, picking up the gray man under his arms and shaking him, “Can you hear me?”
“Your whole head is injured, your whole heart is afflicted,” said the NIV, rubbing the back of his bleeding head. I reached out to heal the gashes and hesitated. I was not eager to take upon that body of death again. I patted his shoulder, instead.
“You’ll be alright, NIV. I’m sure they’ll close up fine. You have no idea how glad I am to see you. Midtown is dangerous when you’re alone. I nearly lost it.”
The NIV nodded, frowning at the pile of stones as if he couldn’t remember why he’d been up there. Shrugging his shoulders, he smiled up again at me, waiting for me to make the first move. Not knowing what exactly to do I started off down another street.
“So NIV, I guess we’ve never had a chance to talk. Everyone assumes you’re not too bright. After seeing you throwing rocks at yourself I’m not sure myself.”
“I have a mind as well as you. I am not inferior to you.”
“I didn’t mean it as an insult, NIV I’m sure its hard just having to quote one book. It’s a nasty curse. I guess it’s just easier for you to keep quiet.”
“Be assured my words are not false; one perfect in knowledge is with you,” the NIV responded as he picked up his crumpled mitre from underneath a chunk of pavement. It sat crookedly on his dented head, crimson spots showing though the gray.
“Alright fair enough. You probably know more than me about such things. I mean look at what you did at the lighthouse. That was a stroke of genius for sure, reading that writing. And then you were a real warrior later. I was beside myself when you attacked the Shade. That sure was bold. I mean we all thought…”
“How then were your eyes opened?” the NIV interrupted, pointing at my face.
“Oh.” I stuttered. How would the NIV react, knowing the truth about my sinister recovery, “I’m not sure. I mean the Baker tossed me off the roof and I fell. Everything went black. I woke up and there I was! Maybe I died. Maybe not. Maybe everyone who dies just come back every dawn. Who knows? I’m just glad I can walk again, you know?”
The NIV nodded, becoming intensely interested in his shoes as we walked. I couldn’t tolerate the silence.
“So about yesterday, do you remember what happened on the roof? What did you see? What happened to everyone else? What was that Shadow? Where did it come from?”
“The land of deepest night, of deep shadow and disorder, where even the light is like darkness.”
I shuddered as he spoke, remembering the otherworldly feeling I got under the Shadow’s stare. Still he hadn’t quite answered the rest of my questions
“What else? Is there anything you remember? Did the Shadow say anything to you?” I asked, remembering how the Baker seemed to follow silent orders
“Said ‘I would scatter them and blot out their memory from mankind’,” the Niv replied, tears forming in his eyes.
“Well we sure are scattered. But we won’t give up, will we NIV? We’ll keep searching till we find everyone. At least we’ve found each other right? That has to count for something.”
“It is you,” the NIV said, squeezing my hand reassuringly, “A man like myself. My companion, my close friend.”
But he hardly knew the evil that my hands had caused. If I could kill an innocent stranger just to save my own life, how long before I killed a friend? I couldn’t descend into those thoughts again. I had to press onward. As light waned in Grey Town, at least I could say I wasn’t alone.
Dusk fell on Grey Town.
Med school has caused me to sift through the things I really want to do. I've set an indefinite facebook hiatus for myself, hoping to get rid of some of the pointless distractions in my life so I can invest more time in people. Read a good book, write a letter or two. Get out and enjoy the sunshine. I just finished 3 back to back exams, culminating in the pharm exam from Hell. That was week 2 of the summer semester. I never saw the abandon all hope ye who enter here at the white coat ceremony.
God has still provided so greatly for every exam. Despite the crushing worries that cripple most every med student, I can enjoy this weekend with Courtney without fretting over exam scores. She's been helping me organize the ragged pieces of my life in brightly colored folders so I don't stress out. Also I have more room on my shelves for photos of friends. I did manage to print out all my quality FB pics before I left so I could construct an undergrad/1st year of med school album.
Monday is hospital day and I couldn't be more excited. Finally something that relates to my future! I can't wait to see all of the hospitals strut around, flapping their feathers to entice me to sign up for my internship there. I'll keep you updated as to what I decide. The big 3 cities are Grand Rapids, Lansing, and Detroit Metro. We'll see how it goes.