This is my confession, just take my hand and fly.
This is going to be my first real entry since, oh I don't know, June? Maybe before that? I'm going to try and cover the bases, including things like Otakon, Alex, work, my mother, and new/old friends. I hope you're ready, it's gonna be a really obnoxiously long ride. ;____;
Okay, first thing first, since it's been taking up a vast majority of my life recently, WORK. When I first started back in January, I had no idea what the FUCK I was doing, and I got sick so much so I didn't really feel like I was really a part of it, if that makes sense? But when I started getting sick less, became more acquainted with the job and the protocalls, I started thinking why the fuck am I still here? I mean, I'd NEVER liked kids or gotten along with them before, I'm not really good at discipline or sticking to rules, and I'm hardly a good influence, but recently I've started to feel a little more... included.
I guess the main thing that helps it is that there are some teachers who I feel have finally accepted me and acknowledged me. When I started, no one really liked me at all so I had to work twice as hard, but now I just sort of blend in. It's comfortable, and quite nice to hear people telling me that I'm doing a good job. Also, starting this new school year (next week) I'm going to have a permanent slot and time schedule! Which is good, because I always hated being a floater, since you never really know where to go and you just feel kind of useless when there's no where they need you. But now I'm actually going to be needed, which is good.
ALSO, I GOT A RAISE!!!! In less than a year, which apparently never happens. D: But I do a damn good job, I'm always working my ass off and doing extra stuff that they don't really ask me to. I don't know, I just feel like I deserve it. I mean, it's only 0.26 BUT it'll add up. I get paid every 2 weeks, so that's almost $20.00 more in each paycheck. Not much, of course, but I'll take what I can.
I'm kind of sad though. A lot of my favorite kids won't be there next year. :( I want to speak Chinese with Alex and Bryan, and I want to stick up for Ian when the other teachers get angry at him because he's misunderstood. But I guess I'll just find new favorites in the next group. I should have gotten more pictures of the older kids while I had the chance.
FRIENDS: There isn't really a lot to talk about here. I still rarely talk to Mikey, Julie's still a flip flop and constantly being either clingy or distant, and Ina is still on the verge of becoming my best friend. But there's also new things!
I'm talking to Sean again, a friend from a few years ago who I stopped talking to because a lot of shit happened and we were just fucked up. But right now, our friendship is good. We can joke around about the past, he still doesn't get angry when I punch him, and we can still spend hours doing nothing but hanging out watching anime and playing video games and talking. I think he's starting to like me again though, so I'm gonna have to keep my guard up.
For the first time in my entire life, my cell phone bill has been going over because I've been talking on the phone too much. o___o;; I blame it on Ina, since we'll be on the phone for three hours at a time, and eventually wind up at our computers looking at shit together online. It's kind of sad, kind of strange, but I enjoy it.
Alex. Most of you probably don't remember, but he's this guy I was crazy about a while ago. I'm not going to get into everything, because it sounds fucking stupid when I say it out loud, but basically shit hit the fan, I cut myself two times because of him, and in the end I realized I never really cared about him as deeply as I thought I did. There's this one quote that I'm pretty much living by for the rest of my life, "If you want to know if you love someone, watch them while they're sleeping." Well, that's not the exact quote, but you get the idea. And it's so true. Alex and I shared a room at Otakon, and when I saw him sleeping.... I felt nothing. And thus, I realized that everything about him that had driven me so crazy was mostly just friendship and lust. Insane lust that I've never really experienced before, hence the confusion. But it's okay now, I haven't talked to him since Otakon ended and I'm fine with that. I'll still be able to smile the next time I see him, which is what I want.
Also, there's Matt. Who I am kind of interested in, but more so in a curious way because it's never going to happen since he's still in love with Kate, who I can't stand. But since we shared a hotel room we got to talk a lot more, I discovered how much he loved cars, we shared a bit of our music, and I found out that he's planning on going to FINLAND next year because he has a friend who lives there. WHAT THE HELL. And I played him Chisu, and he LIKED IT. Seriously, I really wish he wasn't emotionally attached right now. But at the same time, I think it's more so just... appreciation that someone can be so cool without being as fucked up as me.
Okay, the newest thing. A person of interest, as he would call it. *blush* There's this guy, Will. I met him in April at the Otakon regional meeting, the one where we went to Dave & Busters. He kicked my ass at air hockey, played House of the Dead 3 with me until we reached the boss that looked like Vincent Valentine where we both ran out of money, and just generally had a damn good time with him. Then I didn't talk to him again, until Otakon. On the last day, I ran into him in the Staff Pool room, and we talked until he had to go on duty. Then I get to the Lost and Found area (where I am stationed) and lo and behold, there he is. It was right around the time I realized that I didn't like Alex that much, so when I realized that my brain went "ooohhhh" it wasn't just because I liked his shirt. XD But long story shirt, he went back to DE/PA with us in our van, went with me Julie and Alex for food and just walking around before we left, and kahdgkjhsdg. He's awesome. And then at the last meeting, I spent 80% of my time hanging out with him and playing video games together. Guys, we played Dissidia 012 together. For hours. My win ratio right now is like, 80% or something against him lmao but just. He's freaking awesome. And when I talked to him one time, I mentioned how I'm getting over Alex because he's too self involved, and how right now there's someone I'm kind of interested in but not crazily, and he coined the term for his own self. Right now, he is a "person of interest" and damn, am I interested. I'm actually planning on going to the next Otakon meeting just to meet with him again otl.
Ugh I know I said I was going to talk about my mother but.... I don't think I can right now. It pisses me off too much. She's "friends" with a married man, a man who has been married longer than I've been alive, he hates his wife and is crazy about my mother, she's crazy about him. He did our fence, put up a new one so that our dog can go out without being attacked by a pitt bull who could jump our old fence, and now he's finding all these projects to do, like fixing up the porch and just. I don't like the situation, I don't want my mother getting hurt, and I hate how she's trying to pretend nothing's wrong with this. She invites him for dinner, has him sit next to me while we eat pizza, and then buys me a fancy new house key with Paul Frank on it, as if I wouldn't notice that the bag said 3 and she obviously got one to give to him. Really, she thinks she can just distract me with shit like that and swipe it all under the rug, even though she knows how much I hate this situation. Pisses me off.
AND NOW THE BEST OF THE BEST: OTAKON!
Okay, so Wednesday. I went over Ina's place around noon, we hung out for a while and then went to Chinatown where we went to Hmart and got a ton of asian food goodies, we found out that the women who work at that Shiseido store are bitches even though I knew that she was talking on the phone about how her niece had run away from home with her boyfriend when we first got there. :) And we almost had Korean BBQ before shit hit the fan and we had to leave, but other than that the night was kind of uneventful.
We left Thursday morning, got there and checked in. I decided to be a smartass and put on heels, because I figured I could go back to the hotel room and change before I had to start working. Wrong. We had about a two hour meeting before the pre-registration opened where we all had to stand, then we went to set everything up and immediately after started working. So yeah I was wearing those heels, standing, for about.... I want to say 10 hours? Yeah, I wore flip flops the rest of the time and I still have a scar from the huge ass blister that appeared on my foot.
Friday was kind of uneventful, except for the fact that I WENT SWIMMING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 12 YEARS~!!
Saturday and Sunday were uneventful too, blah. The weekend really just consisted of me working my ass off and walking around the convention center taking pictures when I had time, and of course swimming. ♥ I EVEN RAN DOWN THE HALLWAY IN MY HEELS ON FRIDAY, CHASING AFTER SOMEONE DRESSED AS ZABUZA. I HAD TO.
I will make another post soon (tomorrow?) with the pictures I took from Otakon. I might even make labels for my friends and put them on the pictures, and make captions at the bottom. Teehee.
AND THEN MONDAY CAME. Which was a fucking amazing day. I was initially going to go to a really fancy meat place with Ina, John, Matt, and everyone else because I didn't want to be around Alex, but Julie bugged me until I went with them. We went to a sushi place, where the three of us shared two bento trays and I had THE MOST AMAZING COFFEE MILKSHAKE EVER. Then Will met up with us and we went walking around the Baltimore harbor. I was whining about getting sunburned because I was already getting tan from work, so Will let me carry around his BADASS BLEACH SWORD UMBRELLA (SERIOUSLY CLICK THAT IT'S SO AMAZING) and I would have dragged them into the Aquarium if we weren't going to leave in a few hours, so instead we just all went to Borders. Julie grabbed the Post Secret books, I grabbed the ones she didn't grab, Will raided the manga section and we all just sat around reading for about an hour or two. I took a ton of pictures of the structure because it was awesome, and just generally acted like a kid in a candy store. Then we all headed back, I got dropped off first, and voila. That's the end of that.
NOW THAT I HAVE FINALLY UPDATED YOU GUYS ABOUT MY LIFE, I feel a little less guilty about being so distant. And thus I will try to write, and I will stay up all night to watch Music Core, and I will generally try to have a good fucking time without worrying so much tonight. If I don't write, I'll do it tomorrow. Tonight will be good. I fucking deserve it, yes?
Okay, first thing first, since it's been taking up a vast majority of my life recently, WORK. When I first started back in January, I had no idea what the FUCK I was doing, and I got sick so much so I didn't really feel like I was really a part of it, if that makes sense? But when I started getting sick less, became more acquainted with the job and the protocalls, I started thinking why the fuck am I still here? I mean, I'd NEVER liked kids or gotten along with them before, I'm not really good at discipline or sticking to rules, and I'm hardly a good influence, but recently I've started to feel a little more... included.
I guess the main thing that helps it is that there are some teachers who I feel have finally accepted me and acknowledged me. When I started, no one really liked me at all so I had to work twice as hard, but now I just sort of blend in. It's comfortable, and quite nice to hear people telling me that I'm doing a good job. Also, starting this new school year (next week) I'm going to have a permanent slot and time schedule! Which is good, because I always hated being a floater, since you never really know where to go and you just feel kind of useless when there's no where they need you. But now I'm actually going to be needed, which is good.
ALSO, I GOT A RAISE!!!! In less than a year, which apparently never happens. D: But I do a damn good job, I'm always working my ass off and doing extra stuff that they don't really ask me to. I don't know, I just feel like I deserve it. I mean, it's only 0.26 BUT it'll add up. I get paid every 2 weeks, so that's almost $20.00 more in each paycheck. Not much, of course, but I'll take what I can.
I'm kind of sad though. A lot of my favorite kids won't be there next year. :( I want to speak Chinese with Alex and Bryan, and I want to stick up for Ian when the other teachers get angry at him because he's misunderstood. But I guess I'll just find new favorites in the next group. I should have gotten more pictures of the older kids while I had the chance.
FRIENDS: There isn't really a lot to talk about here. I still rarely talk to Mikey, Julie's still a flip flop and constantly being either clingy or distant, and Ina is still on the verge of becoming my best friend. But there's also new things!
I'm talking to Sean again, a friend from a few years ago who I stopped talking to because a lot of shit happened and we were just fucked up. But right now, our friendship is good. We can joke around about the past, he still doesn't get angry when I punch him, and we can still spend hours doing nothing but hanging out watching anime and playing video games and talking. I think he's starting to like me again though, so I'm gonna have to keep my guard up.
For the first time in my entire life, my cell phone bill has been going over because I've been talking on the phone too much. o___o;; I blame it on Ina, since we'll be on the phone for three hours at a time, and eventually wind up at our computers looking at shit together online. It's kind of sad, kind of strange, but I enjoy it.
Alex. Most of you probably don't remember, but he's this guy I was crazy about a while ago. I'm not going to get into everything, because it sounds fucking stupid when I say it out loud, but basically shit hit the fan, I cut myself two times because of him, and in the end I realized I never really cared about him as deeply as I thought I did. There's this one quote that I'm pretty much living by for the rest of my life, "If you want to know if you love someone, watch them while they're sleeping." Well, that's not the exact quote, but you get the idea. And it's so true. Alex and I shared a room at Otakon, and when I saw him sleeping.... I felt nothing. And thus, I realized that everything about him that had driven me so crazy was mostly just friendship and lust. Insane lust that I've never really experienced before, hence the confusion. But it's okay now, I haven't talked to him since Otakon ended and I'm fine with that. I'll still be able to smile the next time I see him, which is what I want.
Also, there's Matt. Who I am kind of interested in, but more so in a curious way because it's never going to happen since he's still in love with Kate, who I can't stand. But since we shared a hotel room we got to talk a lot more, I discovered how much he loved cars, we shared a bit of our music, and I found out that he's planning on going to FINLAND next year because he has a friend who lives there. WHAT THE HELL. And I played him Chisu, and he LIKED IT. Seriously, I really wish he wasn't emotionally attached right now. But at the same time, I think it's more so just... appreciation that someone can be so cool without being as fucked up as me.
Okay, the newest thing. A person of interest, as he would call it. *blush* There's this guy, Will. I met him in April at the Otakon regional meeting, the one where we went to Dave & Busters. He kicked my ass at air hockey, played House of the Dead 3 with me until we reached the boss that looked like Vincent Valentine where we both ran out of money, and just generally had a damn good time with him. Then I didn't talk to him again, until Otakon. On the last day, I ran into him in the Staff Pool room, and we talked until he had to go on duty. Then I get to the Lost and Found area (where I am stationed) and lo and behold, there he is. It was right around the time I realized that I didn't like Alex that much, so when I realized that my brain went "ooohhhh" it wasn't just because I liked his shirt. XD But long story shirt, he went back to DE/PA with us in our van, went with me Julie and Alex for food and just walking around before we left, and kahdgkjhsdg. He's awesome. And then at the last meeting, I spent 80% of my time hanging out with him and playing video games together. Guys, we played Dissidia 012 together. For hours. My win ratio right now is like, 80% or something against him lmao but just. He's freaking awesome. And when I talked to him one time, I mentioned how I'm getting over Alex because he's too self involved, and how right now there's someone I'm kind of interested in but not crazily, and he coined the term for his own self. Right now, he is a "person of interest" and damn, am I interested. I'm actually planning on going to the next Otakon meeting just to meet with him again otl.
Ugh I know I said I was going to talk about my mother but.... I don't think I can right now. It pisses me off too much. She's "friends" with a married man, a man who has been married longer than I've been alive, he hates his wife and is crazy about my mother, she's crazy about him. He did our fence, put up a new one so that our dog can go out without being attacked by a pitt bull who could jump our old fence, and now he's finding all these projects to do, like fixing up the porch and just. I don't like the situation, I don't want my mother getting hurt, and I hate how she's trying to pretend nothing's wrong with this. She invites him for dinner, has him sit next to me while we eat pizza, and then buys me a fancy new house key with Paul Frank on it, as if I wouldn't notice that the bag said 3 and she obviously got one to give to him. Really, she thinks she can just distract me with shit like that and swipe it all under the rug, even though she knows how much I hate this situation. Pisses me off.
AND NOW THE BEST OF THE BEST: OTAKON!
Okay, so Wednesday. I went over Ina's place around noon, we hung out for a while and then went to Chinatown where we went to Hmart and got a ton of asian food goodies, we found out that the women who work at that Shiseido store are bitches even though I knew that she was talking on the phone about how her niece had run away from home with her boyfriend when we first got there. :) And we almost had Korean BBQ before shit hit the fan and we had to leave, but other than that the night was kind of uneventful.
We left Thursday morning, got there and checked in. I decided to be a smartass and put on heels, because I figured I could go back to the hotel room and change before I had to start working. Wrong. We had about a two hour meeting before the pre-registration opened where we all had to stand, then we went to set everything up and immediately after started working. So yeah I was wearing those heels, standing, for about.... I want to say 10 hours? Yeah, I wore flip flops the rest of the time and I still have a scar from the huge ass blister that appeared on my foot.
Friday was kind of uneventful, except for the fact that I WENT SWIMMING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 12 YEARS~!!
Saturday and Sunday were uneventful too, blah. The weekend really just consisted of me working my ass off and walking around the convention center taking pictures when I had time, and of course swimming. ♥ I EVEN RAN DOWN THE HALLWAY IN MY HEELS ON FRIDAY, CHASING AFTER SOMEONE DRESSED AS ZABUZA. I HAD TO.
I will make another post soon (tomorrow?) with the pictures I took from Otakon. I might even make labels for my friends and put them on the pictures, and make captions at the bottom. Teehee.
AND THEN MONDAY CAME. Which was a fucking amazing day. I was initially going to go to a really fancy meat place with Ina, John, Matt, and everyone else because I didn't want to be around Alex, but Julie bugged me until I went with them. We went to a sushi place, where the three of us shared two bento trays and I had THE MOST AMAZING COFFEE MILKSHAKE EVER. Then Will met up with us and we went walking around the Baltimore harbor. I was whining about getting sunburned because I was already getting tan from work, so Will let me carry around his BADASS BLEACH SWORD UMBRELLA (SERIOUSLY CLICK THAT IT'S SO AMAZING) and I would have dragged them into the Aquarium if we weren't going to leave in a few hours, so instead we just all went to Borders. Julie grabbed the Post Secret books, I grabbed the ones she didn't grab, Will raided the manga section and we all just sat around reading for about an hour or two. I took a ton of pictures of the structure because it was awesome, and just generally acted like a kid in a candy store. Then we all headed back, I got dropped off first, and voila. That's the end of that.
NOW THAT I HAVE FINALLY UPDATED YOU GUYS ABOUT MY LIFE, I feel a little less guilty about being so distant. And thus I will try to write, and I will stay up all night to watch Music Core, and I will generally try to have a good fucking time without worrying so much tonight. If I don't write, I'll do it tomorrow. Tonight will be good. I fucking deserve it, yes?