Introduction and Day 1.
Kishimoto own them. I am just using them to entertain me.
Alright, this had not been the most brilliant idea that he had had in a long time but it had sounded good when he had originally thought it up over a few beers with Gai. Kakashi stared at the window into the classroom where Iruka taught. He wanted the chuunin, he needed the chuunin, and it seemed like a good idea to buy the thing and confess his love to Iruka but now he wasn’t so sure. The man seemed unreachable, unattainable like an angel that one could only marvel at their beauty and know that you could never touch something that pure with your bloodstained hands.
Kakashi stared at his hands, still seeing the blood that covered them no matter how many times he tried to scrub them. He couldn’t make it go away, the stains on them. He sighed, staring at the teacher again, maybe he should give him up as an impossible dream. His heart clenched at the thought that he would never see the chuunin again, to behold his smile that seemed to make the world a slightly better place. He sighed, he was pathetic. But when he raised his eyes he found Iruka staring back at him through the window. The chuunin smiled at him then, a warm smile that penetrated the chilled corners of Kakashi’s soul. He knew then that he had to try, because maybe if he was lucky than that angel would be his salvation. He waved at Iruka, a small move of his hand that only seemed to increase that smile. Iruka turned back to his class and Kakashi moved away, his heart hammering in his chest as if it was trying to fly away to the sensei. Kakashi clutched it in his hands and prayed that this would work. He had to try before he lost himself to the darkness of his soul forever.
Kakashi had only just realized how lonely he truly was when he walked into his apartment, the cold emptiness pressing down on him as he whispered ‘I’m home’ that the shadows didn’t reply too. He kicked off his shoes and tiredly fell on the couch. He was too tired to fight the depression or the single tear that slipped from a lone eye. He fell asleep, dreaming of chocolate haired angels who were just beyond his reach. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t quite catch them and they stared pityingly at him and the blood dripping from his outstretched hand. Kakashi awoke to the emptiness, hand outstretched toward the ceiling. He choked on his own sob, the loneliness depressing him to the point of tears.
He shuffled to his bed, the mission having drained him more than he realized. He fell down on it, ignoring the aches and blood splattered clothes. All he wanted was to escape, the dreams and the reality. He knew it was hopeless but he couldn’t help pulling it out of the drawer, holding it close to his heart. He had to believe that the sensei would say yes, would agree to be with him. That the sensei would look past the blood and pain to see the lonely man that begged him to ease his pain. He fell asleep clutching it, his traitorous mind showing him his hearts desire, the sensei in his arms whispering that he would be with Kakashi forever.
Kakashi awoke again, cursing his body for betraying him. He wanted nothing more than to remain in his dreams, where Iruka looked at him with love and kindness. He wanted the sensei more than he wanted his next breath. But even as he hoped he was hopeless. He dreamed but was dreamless. He could only pretend to believe that Iruka would say yes, but he knew the truth and it hurt more than any of the enemies’ knives ever did.
Kakashi, however, was lonely. And loneliness can oft times drive a man to madness.