(no subject)
The fact that I'm actually doing this is evidence of how cripplingly bored I'm feeling right now. Guild Wars II should arrive tomorrow so hopefully I can sink some time into that but until then my F5 button is getting a serious workout.
Right, where to start? Well, honestly, there's not all that much new to report. My life has changed very little since I first started living at home again (well over three years ago now). I have achieved very little on a meaningful level, at best just ticking over and at worst getting arguably worse in some areas.
Big news now though: I'm moving out. No, I'm not getting a job or anything nearly adult like that. There's still no way in hell my headspace could handle that. But I will be moving to Oxford to live with people I actually know rather than sitting at home with the parents. Yeah, it's not a job. Yeah, I'm still going to be living on tax payers money (actually, will be living heavily on parents money, at least initially). And yeah, in all liklihood I'll still be spending a lot of time sitting in my room in the depths of the night staring and a computer screen. But, for me, this is huge. It's a step towards actually fixing myself and for me that step is a colossal one.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't more than a little nervous. If this goes wrong, if I find I can't cope, it'll likely set me back a damn long way. Frankly, if this doesn't work, I'm not sure if I'll ever manage to get better. My headspace is still very far from stable. But friends, parents and medical professionals are all in support of me going ahead with it. I need to take a step forward or I'll never get anywhere. The plan, at least initially, will be to pop back home fairly regularly. I want to be living there full time as soon as possible, but mum would much rather ease me into things at a slower pace and given that she's covering the first few months rent (to save me going through the living hell that is dealing with the benefits people if the whole thing is going to go tits up anyway) I'm inclined to listen to her. We'll see how it goes though: if I am coping well then there'll be less need to. There's also the fact that once I'm living there full time I will need to find a new doctor, something I am NOT looking forward to in the slightest. My current GP is an absolute wonder, the prospect of starting again from ground level with a complete stranger was almost enough to put me off the move by itself.
So yeah, that's the big news. The plan is to move up there the weekend after Maelstrom 4. Massively nervous, but if it works it a monumental step forward for me. And I'm going to be living with awesome people who know my headspace fairly well, so hopefully it will all work out. If not... well, we'll just have to deal with that if it happens. Visitations and such, people coming round to encourage me to leave my room, will be very much appreciated!
What else? Lessee... after over a month (back in July) of my brain deciding it didn't want to take it's medication, I am now back to taking it regularly again. I am on a fairly high does, going without it seriously messed me up. I won't be trying that again in a hurry! (I hope. My brain goes through a no-med phase every now and again but hopefully after feeling so truly awful last time it will think twice before doing it again).
ODC was...eventful. Managed to get rather nasty heat exhaustion on Saturday and had a severe attack of Bad Headspace on Friday after time in (the first intrusion of mental stuff I've had whilst IC in a very long time, and indeed the worst low mood i've had in a very long while. Which really threw me: LARP is usually a relatively safe zone for headspace shit). As a result, had a fairly shitty event. That said, the RP stuff when I wasn't feeling like death was absolutely awesome. Also, now I know the signs I strongly suspect that this is not the first time I've had heat exhaustion at a PD event. I almost ALWAYS end up feeling bad at some point over the weekend, now I've had it explained to me I suspect it's probably the same thing (though this time was far worse than previously). I really need to start taking better care of myself. Please, please, PLEASE remind me to eat at events and crucially to keep my salt levels up. I'm fine with drinking water. Don't like asking for help, but I'm clearly incapable of properly taking care of myself without adequate prompting.
Think that's it really. As I say, my life is rather uninteresting apart from the one major bit of news. Hopefully I may have more of a social life once I get to Oxford.
Oh yes, one more thing. I have been extremely bad lately at keeping in contact with the people that matter to me. I've never been great at communication (comes in no small part from having so little to say) but I've been especially remiss lately. There are one or two people in particular for whom I care a great deal but have barely spoken to lately, if at all. For some reason, the more I want/need to speak to someone, the harder I find it. For that, I'm sorry. I will try to make a concerted effort to be a more social Pete. I'm usually better at conversations if someone else makes the step to initiate them though (at least in theory), and I have next to nothing to do with myself right now so any attempt to be social at me will really make my day :)