one girl playing

[saffariah]

so i walk down the street by myself alone no escorts no staff no thirteen unhappy children teenagers shadows

Comments

[idlegypsy]

heyyy. it's yve.

[idlegypsy]

::pokes hesitantly::

::eats with spoon::

[saffariah]

(that was me, for the record)

[idlegypsy]

actually, i think sporks are more effective with yves.

Sarah

[anonymous]

What are you doing? I don't know what kind of emotional growth boarding school you went to, but I do know that no one can take away your heart. Your head may tell you your heart is gone but your head is a total liar. I don't know whether you went through insights or not but I would think at the fear your not letting go of...the harder the truth to tell the truer the friend who tells it...this is hard for me to say but you need to stop feeding into your negative thinking and you need to stop playing the victim because you know it gets you nowhere as it got me nowhere. I played all the same dramatic and attentiony games as you do so i am coming from understanding I know its hard and I know that the place I went was an exception to most boarding schools, but I also know how lost i could get in blaming the school when it really was all my stuff. However I am sure you learned good things and You know that your heart is very much alive and going strong. You are a beautiful woman, live with your shine and stop hanging out in the darkness

Re: Sarah

[saffariah]

that's the same therapy crap they threw at me for ten and a half months. i am saddened that you are already infected. i am not seeking attention. i am not playing the victim. i am not caught up in negative thinking. i do not want pity, yours or anyone's.

if you haven't even asked about my experience (drastically different from yours) don't expect me to welcome your criticism and attempts to repair me. a true friend listens.

i did not consent. you did. if you get back from hyde and realize that you've been moulded into a shape that isn't your own, drop me a line. if you want someone to listen, call me up. if you want to hear my story, ask me. if not, don't read it.

Re: Sarah

[saffariah]

waitaminute... you're not the person i thought you were.

remember the time i threw that orange and it hit you in the face? yeah. that was funny.

Re: Sarah

[princessisis]

Right that was hilarious...-.-..anyway I'm sorry I thought you went to an Emotional growth boarding school, not one of the horrific places, my mistake.

from the background, yr silent ally

[anonymous]

hope you've forgiven my cracking and dumping. i continue to regret and apologize once again. you are still in my heart daily and it's heartening to read that yr life goes on

btw, "Oh the Glory of it All" Sean Wilsey

[anonymous]

I know you don't read stuff like this but it's a memoir of bay area guy, who is one of those McSweeney type writers. He came from high society fam (narcissists exponentially) and went/escaped from a program (CEDU like, but same shit). I recommend it because from his writing, now in his early 30's I guess, he's seems like he is satisfied, sane, heartful, grounded and successful guy despite all of it (i mean life w/ his psycho fam. mostly) It's long but for me worth reading every bit. Besides lack of editorial knifing it's well written. Also he had a strange sort of "healing experience" at a "school" in Italy after he escaped. Parents thought it was another CEDU, but turned out to be sort of a convalescent scene for young adults, no abuse. A little cultish but way more good than harmful. Mostly, he was "seen" and lovingly encouraged to do what they "saw" he could do that no one had before - write well with joy (and attending agony, of course, but ya know about writing

[saffariah]

I felt a Cleaving in my Mind -
As if my Brain had split -
I tried to match it - Seam by Seam -
But could not make them fit.