Comments | sage_quinlan: Look what I did!

sage_quinlan

Look what I did!

Mar 23, 2005 12:13

I've done it! I actually wrote a 15 minute ficlet that a) I like and b) has potential. So read it it you like...it's very short. I think it's the beginning of a murder story or something. And for God sakes, critique it if you read it!

( Terrycloth Robe )

Comments 7

zealpropht March 24 2005, 00:42:34 UTC

I like this a lot. I didn't get the sense that the narrator was going to kill Hal, but more like have an affair or something. It was very sad, but sounded so true to life. I could see a lonely wife, yearning for the love that her husband once showed her, fleeing into the arms of a man she doesn't really love, just so she can feel wanted again. Kinda cliched, I know, but so what?

Anyway, great job. I might have to sign up for these 15 Minute Ficlets group, myself.

A comment! sage_quinlan March 25 2005, 20:40:51 UTC

Thank you. I got the feeling it was a murder story about desperation. I don't think she's going to kill Hal, I think her not-yet-lover would kill Hal or visa versa. Maybe the death is an accident, a moment of madness. Yah know? I'm glad I got across the true issue at hand. Never having experienced it myself, I wasn't sure that's what it would be like. But if you believe me...

I talk alot. I like this cluelass1 March 24 2005, 08:13:52 UTC

I liked it alot. Really shows how life goes... what used to be fun becomes normality. I almost see this as the ending that starts the begginig... does that make sense? Have you ever seen fight club? if not go watch it. Thats the best way I can describe it. You have this opening scene and the filming is very dull and thats where it starts and then next thing you see is a bright color filled scene of how it go that way... but at the very end it replays that scene so dull in color compared to what the early days... then top it off, the ending, just about black and white... she does it... or whatever she does.. murderish stuff.... oo see the movie "Thirteen" as well... shows what I mean by filming differences... I talk alot.

We all talk alot sage_quinlan March 25 2005, 20:43:09 UTC

I'll be sure to rent those movies...That soumds awesome. I definetly saw this scene in shades of blue, you know. Bland, sad, only hinting at what once was. I'm glad you liked it too!*rolls up sleaves* Let's see where this goes, eh?

Damn typos! sage_quinlan March 25 2005, 20:44:23 UTC

SOUNDS awesome...that sound awesome.

diceandzombies March 26 2005, 08:55:30 UTC

You know I love this. It's got handfuls an' handfuls of plot, even if you don't know where it's going yet. (I think you should write it out and see--even if zombies come bursting through the door, or something equally insane, you'll still be moving.) That robe is wonderfully metaphoric. But you knew that. ♥

sage_quinlan March 29 2005, 02:25:37 UTC

I knew that? Really? You love this? The robe is metaphoric? *Grin* Ok, so I knew about the robe. It's the fact you love this that catches me off guard. But I think I will continue with Hal and whoever this woman married to him is. Even if it turns out mundane because the Hammersmith gang already took care of the zombies.