30 day football challenge, day nineteen
Day 19 - Are there any teams you hate with a passion?
England NT …
Precisely because I have to support them, unconditionally, out of cultural obligation and my own principles going against me; but I will not go quietly. Country of birth (though no longer residence), aside I have no logical reason to like England. I’ve seen [almost] every member of the squad play against Saints, so it’s hard to make that shift of logic that I’m supposed to like them, their failings are well documented that I don’t actually like most of the players, there is no coherent style or human interest to engage you with the play itself, it’s made quite clear in every competition that pretty much everyone else is better than them. I mean they played San Marino; statistically the worst team in the world (it’s an island the size of my living room with a population of about 40 people and a herd of sheep, none of the players are actually professionals, my dad could get into the San Marino NT) … and England still made it look difficult. Against anyone better it’s 90 minutes of that bit in a horror film where the blonde with big tits is about to answer the door. I end up supporting the other teams so that England won’t progress far enough through a tournament, because if they lost to Spain/Germany/C.Ron’s ugly face I could not live with the shame.
So precisely because I have to support them I watch the games, and have to hear about their general progress, and carefully nurture my inexplicable inordinate attachment to Steven Gerrard (and appreciation of Joe Hart’s arse in shorts). I really genuinely do want them to do well right deep down in my soul where it matters; because it’s my home and land and I believe in those hymns, that we used to be good and have to think that our time can come again, even if they are an utter humiliation and shame on my country and a general blight on international sport. And yet if any one of my fucking smug deluded short memory real life friends talks about them, I have to defend their honour because otherwise it’s like a slight on me (uh and my defecting glory hunting self). Following the England NT in any capacity is a one sided emotionally abusive relationship.
Manchester United …
It’s just a kind of cultural thing. In England, you’re either a man-u fan or you support whoever the fuck is playing against them [yes even Portsmouth have gunned for us in the FA cup]. Now there is a lot about the EPL that is shitty, players in other clubs that are douchebags, the omg-wtf-eww sex scandals are across the board, there are massive egos that make no sense given how shite they are that why England never wins a raffle; but MU is kind of the symbol it all (or has been, historically). I mean they signed Robin Van Persie the season after he became captain at Arsenal. So he’s going from struggling fourth to bumped down to second, from the club that kept him on through injury and poor form, for no reason but a crap ton of money … now no, that doesn’t make you ‘ambitious’ or ‘focused’ that makes you a bit of a nob. The only redeeming thing about them is Alex Ferguson’s loyalty and vision to keep them doing so well, he’s a lot of an ass a lot of the time but full credit for the achievements; but now he’s retired so even that’s not a factor.
That and most of their fans have never been to a game or even the city at all (who the fuck wants to go to Manchester anyway), but they’re the first to kick off over any gossip, and can’t even just enjoy their team winning without being shitty towards the other fans. They’re also appallingly bad at losing. The fact they don’t understand why we then don’t respect them is probably the saddest part.
That and poking your head over the parapet does somewhat increase your risk of coming across someone that says they find Wayne Rooney attractive … no irony or sarcasm or any appropriate qualifiers, just as is. Can’t put sense where sense won’t go.
Real Madrid …
Well to be fair I have some respect and disproportionate attachment to the Spanish players, we’re buds. So if it was just like ‘FC hot la roja dudes’ then I could live with that; but eh apparently not. So as an institution they just sum up everything that is wrong with football and Spanish politics. When you have to do the talk on religious tolerance then I’m fairly sure my future offspring will get their wires crossed and believe Florentio Perez is actually Satan. I miss the days when we spanked them out 5-0; but then knowing they can’t beat us over 90 minutes in a fair fight is why they resort to mind-fuckery to the press, kicking the shit out of people, and look so scared when Messi has the ball. I used to get really angry about it, and feel concerned about our chances; but now I just can’t take them quite so seriously when the biggest threat to Real Madrid is Real Madrid. You can only mind your own, if Barca do well it’s because Barca did well. Mou having a big tantrum doesn’t take away from that, any more than C.Ron fucking up a pelopina and putting the ball out himself would enhance a Madrid derby. So I try to be the bigger person, but when that fails it’s less of a sharp landing.
Now I don’t honestly believe that every Madridista is a bad person, I know they’re not; but it gets way out of context. They are the first and loudest to kick off over any gossip; and apparently have this need to take the high road only over things they do all the fucking time (because I’m fairly sure pointing out a strong gust of wind is enough to put Busi on the deck doesn’t negate Di Maria’s torrid love affair with the ground). Honestly I like it better when it’s clasico stuff because then it makes sense for them to posture, and at least they’re unified with it. But to lose a couple of games then half of them start demanding the head of your captain. You are not a real fan of a club if you talk shit about your captain; even Chelsea fans don’t do that. Never fucking mind that your captain is the only one in the line-up out of your cantera and bleeds for the club and won the world cup and is the most supportive adorable dork ever … so maybe that’s why you can’t have nice things. Saddest part is I know more Madridistas who talk smack about Iker than fans from any other club ever would, I mean as a grand total.
Incidentally I don’t know how much of the internal drama is actually true, but it seems pretty telling that they have it stirred up but you don’t hear that about Barca.
So yeah, just to watch them brings out the ugly angry side of me that nobody should, and that goes beyond Cule. But I try to take the high road, and be gracious, and back things up with statistical facts, and support a better team … because that’s a superior class of trolling.
Chelsea, purely in its current incarnation.
They just don’t seem to have any souls. It’s all about big money and winning trophies. They hired Mou, and then fired him for not being a lapdog, the rehired him because they are desperate for a trophy, I mean how’s that for a summary. I don’t know anything much about their football because there isn’t anything much to discuss; so they throw money at the problem and if that doesn’t work they fire somebody and bring another more expensive replacement who might be more biddable as Roman’s lap dog (or not, I mean Benetez, how desperate were you). There are players in the squad I genuinely dislike because I find their actions on and/or off the pitch suggest they may be despicable human beings (though I’m kind of impressed that Drogba managed to injury himself in the process of pretending to have been injured). I’m not unduly bothered that John Terry is on occasion a good footballer, when you are the captain you also have a duty to behave in a way that doesn’t make your country an international joke. To be fair there are also players I feel very positively about as people/professionals, and it hurts my heart seeing their thankless slog in such a toxic environment.
By rights I should also hate Pompey from the obvious geography induced rivalry; and the simple facts they’re nowhere near as good a club as they think they are, have a tiny crappy stadium, and their management has questionable people skills. Watching their freefall from grace has been interesting viewing. But deep down I can’t muster true ill feeling. I mean to have a proper rivalry they have to be a threat and well they’re just not considering we’re very rarely in the same division. Having been through administration issues with my club then wouldn’t wish that on any fans; but Portsmouth as a club get away with so much and have no real incentive not to keep their appalling business model. The people at the top deserve to suffer; but they won’t, it just hurts those down the totem pole (the kit people, catering staff, program sellers, etc).
England NT …
Precisely because I have to support them, unconditionally, out of cultural obligation and my own principles going against me; but I will not go quietly. Country of birth (though no longer residence), aside I have no logical reason to like England. I’ve seen [almost] every member of the squad play against Saints, so it’s hard to make that shift of logic that I’m supposed to like them, their failings are well documented that I don’t actually like most of the players, there is no coherent style or human interest to engage you with the play itself, it’s made quite clear in every competition that pretty much everyone else is better than them. I mean they played San Marino; statistically the worst team in the world (it’s an island the size of my living room with a population of about 40 people and a herd of sheep, none of the players are actually professionals, my dad could get into the San Marino NT) … and England still made it look difficult. Against anyone better it’s 90 minutes of that bit in a horror film where the blonde with big tits is about to answer the door. I end up supporting the other teams so that England won’t progress far enough through a tournament, because if they lost to Spain/Germany/C.Ron’s ugly face I could not live with the shame.
So precisely because I have to support them I watch the games, and have to hear about their general progress, and carefully nurture my inexplicable inordinate attachment to Steven Gerrard (and appreciation of Joe Hart’s arse in shorts). I really genuinely do want them to do well right deep down in my soul where it matters; because it’s my home and land and I believe in those hymns, that we used to be good and have to think that our time can come again, even if they are an utter humiliation and shame on my country and a general blight on international sport. And yet if any one of my fucking smug deluded short memory real life friends talks about them, I have to defend their honour because otherwise it’s like a slight on me (uh and my defecting glory hunting self). Following the England NT in any capacity is a one sided emotionally abusive relationship.
Manchester United …
It’s just a kind of cultural thing. In England, you’re either a man-u fan or you support whoever the fuck is playing against them [yes even Portsmouth have gunned for us in the FA cup]. Now there is a lot about the EPL that is shitty, players in other clubs that are douchebags, the omg-wtf-eww sex scandals are across the board, there are massive egos that make no sense given how shite they are that why England never wins a raffle; but MU is kind of the symbol it all (or has been, historically). I mean they signed Robin Van Persie the season after he became captain at Arsenal. So he’s going from struggling fourth to bumped down to second, from the club that kept him on through injury and poor form, for no reason but a crap ton of money … now no, that doesn’t make you ‘ambitious’ or ‘focused’ that makes you a bit of a nob. The only redeeming thing about them is Alex Ferguson’s loyalty and vision to keep them doing so well, he’s a lot of an ass a lot of the time but full credit for the achievements; but now he’s retired so even that’s not a factor.
That and most of their fans have never been to a game or even the city at all (who the fuck wants to go to Manchester anyway), but they’re the first to kick off over any gossip, and can’t even just enjoy their team winning without being shitty towards the other fans. They’re also appallingly bad at losing. The fact they don’t understand why we then don’t respect them is probably the saddest part.
That and poking your head over the parapet does somewhat increase your risk of coming across someone that says they find Wayne Rooney attractive … no irony or sarcasm or any appropriate qualifiers, just as is. Can’t put sense where sense won’t go.
Real Madrid …
Well to be fair I have some respect and disproportionate attachment to the Spanish players, we’re buds. So if it was just like ‘FC hot la roja dudes’ then I could live with that; but eh apparently not. So as an institution they just sum up everything that is wrong with football and Spanish politics. When you have to do the talk on religious tolerance then I’m fairly sure my future offspring will get their wires crossed and believe Florentio Perez is actually Satan. I miss the days when we spanked them out 5-0; but then knowing they can’t beat us over 90 minutes in a fair fight is why they resort to mind-fuckery to the press, kicking the shit out of people, and look so scared when Messi has the ball. I used to get really angry about it, and feel concerned about our chances; but now I just can’t take them quite so seriously when the biggest threat to Real Madrid is Real Madrid. You can only mind your own, if Barca do well it’s because Barca did well. Mou having a big tantrum doesn’t take away from that, any more than C.Ron fucking up a pelopina and putting the ball out himself would enhance a Madrid derby. So I try to be the bigger person, but when that fails it’s less of a sharp landing.
Now I don’t honestly believe that every Madridista is a bad person, I know they’re not; but it gets way out of context. They are the first and loudest to kick off over any gossip; and apparently have this need to take the high road only over things they do all the fucking time (because I’m fairly sure pointing out a strong gust of wind is enough to put Busi on the deck doesn’t negate Di Maria’s torrid love affair with the ground). Honestly I like it better when it’s clasico stuff because then it makes sense for them to posture, and at least they’re unified with it. But to lose a couple of games then half of them start demanding the head of your captain. You are not a real fan of a club if you talk shit about your captain; even Chelsea fans don’t do that. Never fucking mind that your captain is the only one in the line-up out of your cantera and bleeds for the club and won the world cup and is the most supportive adorable dork ever … so maybe that’s why you can’t have nice things. Saddest part is I know more Madridistas who talk smack about Iker than fans from any other club ever would, I mean as a grand total.
Incidentally I don’t know how much of the internal drama is actually true, but it seems pretty telling that they have it stirred up but you don’t hear that about Barca.
So yeah, just to watch them brings out the ugly angry side of me that nobody should, and that goes beyond Cule. But I try to take the high road, and be gracious, and back things up with statistical facts, and support a better team … because that’s a superior class of trolling.
Chelsea, purely in its current incarnation.
They just don’t seem to have any souls. It’s all about big money and winning trophies. They hired Mou, and then fired him for not being a lapdog, the rehired him because they are desperate for a trophy, I mean how’s that for a summary. I don’t know anything much about their football because there isn’t anything much to discuss; so they throw money at the problem and if that doesn’t work they fire somebody and bring another more expensive replacement who might be more biddable as Roman’s lap dog (or not, I mean Benetez, how desperate were you). There are players in the squad I genuinely dislike because I find their actions on and/or off the pitch suggest they may be despicable human beings (though I’m kind of impressed that Drogba managed to injury himself in the process of pretending to have been injured). I’m not unduly bothered that John Terry is on occasion a good footballer, when you are the captain you also have a duty to behave in a way that doesn’t make your country an international joke. To be fair there are also players I feel very positively about as people/professionals, and it hurts my heart seeing their thankless slog in such a toxic environment.
By rights I should also hate Pompey from the obvious geography induced rivalry; and the simple facts they’re nowhere near as good a club as they think they are, have a tiny crappy stadium, and their management has questionable people skills. Watching their freefall from grace has been interesting viewing. But deep down I can’t muster true ill feeling. I mean to have a proper rivalry they have to be a threat and well they’re just not considering we’re very rarely in the same division. Having been through administration issues with my club then wouldn’t wish that on any fans; but Portsmouth as a club get away with so much and have no real incentive not to keep their appalling business model. The people at the top deserve to suffer; but they won’t, it just hurts those down the totem pole (the kit people, catering staff, program sellers, etc).