The pre-30 Weed-Out
Some people may already know what the
title means. For those who don't... as one
ages and experiences life, it seems your
teens-20's are all about finding out who
you are. As most get closer to 30, once
the self has been established, the rest
comes - others.
Friend or Foe?
For or against?
The pre-30 weed-out is pretty much sorting out your priorities.
If not already established in your 20's what you'll be doing for the rest
of your life as a career, usually the closer one gets to 30, the better
the idea they at least have of it. The other half is setting priorities in
an according manner. No, this isn't about "well, I guess it's time to
grow the fuck up now and not have fun anymore...". For a lot of people,
they knocked someone up and have a kid in their life... and hopefully
when that happened, they realized this child is the most important
thing in their life. So, everything has to be planned around career and
family if there are both (career is, hopefully, a given).
For me, this epiphany has come about because
of the other part of the equation... "friends".
Mostly in your teens and 20's, your big concern, right along with "Who am
I?" is partly who you choose to surround yourself with, for whatever reason.
Some people you form a very close bond with that it feels will last forever.
Sometimes those bonds hold for life... and more commonly, they fade; even
out of nowhere and without reason. Sometimes over time you just grow apart.
Whatever the reason, I've found myself lately wondering, who really are my friends?
Who is worth the effort?
Is the effort returned?
Why the friendship in the first place?
Here are some of my own examples.
Moriah
I have to admit she is the most certain thing in my life right now.
Some would call that foolish and hopelessly romantic, and doomed to fail... just
like all my past relationships. What I say to that is at least I'm consistent in how
much attention and devotion and fair chance I give to my lovers; unlike those who
begin taking each one down the line more and more for granted. With Moriah, I
finally wasn't looking for a reward, nor had any negative ulterior motive. It just hap-
pened between us, naturally. We actually, simply, make each other happy. The
more we're around each other, the more we grow and regain what others have
taken from us. She supports me and my needs, and I reciprocate.
Therefore, most things will naturally revolve around her in my world.
Job
A job, no matter how shitty, like WalMart, is a job; it makes money, and is
necessary and must be worked around. One day I'll be required to do more
when I am finally employed doing something I actually want to and have the
potential to do. And something is most certainly in the works.
Friends
Following the obvious and moving on to the friends, there are my very best
friends, Sunny and Liz. We've all known each other since high school. We've
really been there for each other. I was one of the best men at their wedding.
We've helped each other out thick and thin, and I don't see that changing.
Thom... nearly the longest-standing of the friends I still talk to... met in 6th
grade...he used to be a really good, dependable friend. I guess he can still
have those qualities, but he himself has changed. He's allowed life to make
him a cantankerous man before his time. He claims to know everything, and
tries to regularly convince others that his way is the right and only way. While
he was there for me to pick me up from the bus station when I returned to FL,
and he has helped me with his expertise on the computer project and various
automotive projects of the past, he's become more of a fair-weather friend. He
claims to truly value our friendship, but hardly initiates conversation or makes
effort to get together like we used to. Every time I post an opinion publically,
he challenges and argues it, not being pleased unless he has someone's full
agreement and praise. He puts me down about many of my decisions, not
giving me credit that I've learned from my experiences. And to top it off, he
simply refuses to accept the concept that I WILL be happier somewhere
that isn't FL/the southeast... and only for his own selfish reasons.
His reasons, when I once asked him why I was so important to him, were
as follows : "You listen..." that's the only actual compliment. Following this
was a list of all the faults of his other friends and how little he can trust them.
Sounds pretty damn selfish a reason to want to keep someone around when
you KNOW they are miserable where they live. When I invited him to visit me
in my future home any time he wanted, he expressed no interest at all in so
much as considering leaving his beloved, flat, angry, over-developed, humid,
tourist-trap of a wannabe-tropical hell hole, when I'm willing to visit him.
Gloria... we dated in high school. Nothing serious, as we never saw each other
outside of high school until quite some time later. She used to be a very real
and warm person. Ever since I moved back from TX the first time, she's been
different, making bad life choices that don't get her any further ahead. She
used to be the one contacting me all the time, wanting to hang out, do a
photo shoot, or just get out somewhere. Now, I never hear from her. Now she
treats me like a back-up friend when her "girls" or b/f aren't around or b/f is starting
to ignore her and she's hungry for man-attention. When she wants my attention, it's
usually after she's found some new guy-friend-toy to parade around me, even with
random visits to where I work with said penis patrol. Only recently, after months of not
hearing a single word, and probably realizing I took her off my FB friends, she makes
a half-hearted attempt at a quick-fix "hi, how've you been? Sorry for not talking sooner
..." message. This, on top of so many times standing me up (as a friend-only to hang
out), without even a single word's warning; being a gigantic flake, I think I've had it. I
can clearly see if I actually meant anything at all to her as she claims, she would
have taken the time to just say hi... or even respond to my attempts to just say hi,
and at least let me KNOW she couldn't make it... instead of just making me wait
and wonder... and just as friends to hang out.
She's just become the typical girl I love to hate. The plastic, "oh, it's girl-time!",
"Boys are toys" "can't tell anyone what's going on" "take a hint/read my mind
for me" type that will never realize the err of her ways. When I finally show her
what it's like to be ignored, she, for some reason, gets upity and only then tries
to save the friendship. When I don't reply to her message, she goes right to co-
mplimenting and commenting on Moriah's pictures. Yep, strong sign of a manip-
ulator who doesn't really want my friendship, but the pseudo-control she thinks it
gives her. Any real friend would tell you they miss you; not try a path of lesser
resistance and attempt to show kind, caring qualities to one's significant other
hoping they convince me to take her friendship back. Douche. I just can't unde-
rstand why someone wants me around so badly just to ignore me.
Fuck that, and keep the change.
Cynthia and Ahnaf...
These two are awesome and truly exceptional for their age.
I may not be the first or second friend they turn to whenever something
happens in their lives... but they still pass it on to me when it's important.
Vixxen...
I very much respect her and value our friendship. I may not hear from her
very often, but I'm well aware she likes her privacy, which she's entitled to.
When I was in CO last, she's the one I saw the most when I let her know I
was there. She was the one who helped me mail my shit out when I was
moving out of Zac's, along with being an awesome person to hang out with.
What I'm asking for...
I'm not asking for that much from my friends.
I'm not asking for some unreasonable kind of ultra-devoted committment.
I know we all have our own lives and priorities, and can easily accept
that I'm not always one of them when a greater one comes along that
takes precedence.
I just believe that if someone is important to you, they should be worth
at least saying "hi" to on a semi-regular basis. Don't like something about me
and only want me in small(er) doses? Fine, just be up-front about it instead of
that passive-aggressive southern-trademark nice-to-your-face-stab-you-in-the-back
bullshit where you just let something linger. As a wise person once said, "Real
friends stab you from the front". I may have displayed public anger in the past at
being pissed at someone for betraying my friendship and trust, but if you're just
straight with me, you won't have any worry as to slander or blackening your
name. Why waste time and effort further on it if it's just understood mutually?
I completely get it as well, that sometimes, people just drift apart without
giving a detailed status report. Usually, when people stop talking to me in
the usual increment, I back off as well, alotting for perhaps something they
are going through. I usually tell them I'm here if they need to talk. If they
don't, hey, it's not going to crush my world.
I do get the feeling that what I consider a regular amount of contact and
updating and asking how a friend is doing might be a little intense for the
liking of some. I am letting myself learn how to back off and simply let
others I care about the most their own freedom to come to me when they
feel it's right. I am now reminded that friendship is about acceptance; not
always asking for the latest relations report as if we're the U.N.; just to be
there for them when the time is right on both ends. As in the law of physics,
in equal and opposite reactions, when you push too much, what you apply
too much force to often moves further away from you.
All I'm saying is if you're going to tell me I mean something, or a lot, to you,
then I assume that means you'd like to rely on me when you need a friend,
and that you'll at least care to ask how I'm doing and catch up once in a
while. Now, of course, this doesn't mean the sarcastic, plastic response of
careful wording to act like you care and ask me all about my life. The worst
sign of a failed friendship is crocodile tears of concern. Actions speak much
louder than words anyway. Words are shit unless you can prove something,
but words are good to exchange, and do show an effort.
Acquaintances
You know, those people you have a fondness for, and either see
once in a while, talk to online, or share thoughts on something random.
Whatever your exchange, it's a person with whom it's more of a casual
exchange, not really a friend who you trust with your life, or don't know
very much about.
These are fine... so long as they don't go inviting themselves into your life
without your invitation to do so. Maybe you'll meet one day and have fun,
but know it's best in small doses... or maybe you do already see each
other, or even work together... but again, small doses is the comfort zone.
The voices... make them stop!
Are you ever that person?
You know, the one who often feels like there is some huge
sign on your forehead in neon lights that says "COUNSELOR"?
I still wonder if it's more a blessing or a curse, but either way, I have it.
It's when, you're not really certain why they pick you, but they do. Be it
a co-worker, a random person you bump into, a new acquaintance you
make at work or online... they just seem to almost instantly trust you,
revealing all their secrets and seemingly every question to the life and
universe to you.
While it does feel good knowing many people often see this quality in
you, to trust you, it can easily be abused. People will naturally assume
just because you're more passive, it means they can vent to you, and ON
you, whenever they want. They become highly dependent on you for this,
and when you've had enough and want to make some distance, they act
like it's some personal offense, and as if you've betrayed them.
I wish I knew of a solid way to avoid this, but I suppose so long as I am
accepting, mostly unbiased, and display having a decent, understanding
and open mind, it's one of many crosses I shall bear.
Room for new friends?
While this entry may be mainly about ties being distanced, all hope is not lost
on making new friends. I will admit it's become much harder to open myself
to new people I know little to nothing about. It gets harder to trust new people,
unsure if they only want your company to use you for something, then drop
you dry of energy or whatever else you have to offer.
So far, I've been gifted with making quite a few new friends. Mainly through
Moriah, since the only place I seem to get to go out and be active socially
is when I visit her. Well, aside from whenever Sunny visits here and I just
became friends more or less with Julian. I enjoy all manner of new company,
will welcome anyone to my presence of comradery and support the notion
of "the more the merrier". However, developing it into a real friendship, that
takes time... just as it should.
While I do try to keep an open mind, and while there are exceptions... I
guess another part of my willingness to accept new people in my life has
begun making an age cut-off point. And by this I mean below a certain age.
I don't know what it is... I've just been finding it exceedingly difficult to tolerate
natural immaturity; especially when it comes to emotional drama. Again, I
really don't mind lending an ear and a shoulder, but hearing the same age-
-old stories of heartbreak, betrayal, and the classic "I'll never love again!",
it does grind the nerves a bit raw (especially occular, from rolling around
in my skull followed by radial with a face-palm :P). The only other time it
really gets bad is, I think it's called Nightingale Syndrome; where the
wounded becomes enamoured with the one who nursed them back to
health or vice-versa. This can be very dangerous. The untamed, undis-
ciplined power of young emotions can be an extremely scary ordeal ;>_>
Though it may be annoying, just because it feels like so long ago I learned
how easy it can be to get over such betrayal, I won't treat someone new to
it like an idiot for feeling what they do. Afterall, I've gained something I need
to pass on - patience. Advice is a form of nostalgia - dispensing it is a way
to pass on your own lessons learned to a future generation without actually
having children :P
Fluctuation
It's natural that friendships won't always be certain.
Sometimes you feel closer, sometimes you'll feel more distant. Neither behalf
is really to blame, so I don't bother getting upset over it. Again, everyone has
their own lives to live, and I may not always be the person they feel like talking
to. What kills it most of the time is assuming that because there's been a change
in how often you do things together or talk, that they have something against you.
People are always in a state of coming or going.
Sometimes a friendship is meant to be profound for a very short time, even like a
lot of modern relationships... and then it ends. It may grow into a friendship (or a
stronger one), or it may fizzle and fade. Maybe it'll come back later. Who knows.
Summary
If a friendship must come to an end... whatever you do, don't go and blatantly
blame me for some bullshit you either know I wasn't a part of, or claim to know
my reason behind doing something at the word of someone, uhm, NOT me. I
won't bullshit you. Time is of the essence, and I don't want to waste it anymore.
I have a direction to go in, and we can cross paths along it so long as we respect
each others destination.
I will fully admit, I'm not perfect, nor the perfect friend.
I forget a lot of things, as I know everyone does. Other things take priorities
sometimes. Sure, I may get a little mad when I feel ignored... but then, of
course foolish, when I realize there was one more place I should have looked
to know what's going on. I know sometimes I could make more of an effort,
and others not so much effort, practically pushing away with my sometimes
over-extending kindness which can smother. This is why I try to be very laid
back about people coming and going in my life and not holding anything against
them - unless they're repeat offenders like Thom and Gloria, or just one big
offender like Zac.
As a final thought, I always tell those who mean something at all to me two
main truths about knowing me - I always give credit where due (meaning I
don't believe in flattery, but rather honesty), and that my door is always open,
even if they choose to lock it from the other side. I really try not to burn bridges
unless it's necessary... but I have been seeing the need for demolition lately.
title means. For those who don't... as one
ages and experiences life, it seems your
teens-20's are all about finding out who
you are. As most get closer to 30, once
the self has been established, the rest
comes - others.
Friend or Foe?
For or against?
The pre-30 weed-out is pretty much sorting out your priorities.
If not already established in your 20's what you'll be doing for the rest
of your life as a career, usually the closer one gets to 30, the better
the idea they at least have of it. The other half is setting priorities in
an according manner. No, this isn't about "well, I guess it's time to
grow the fuck up now and not have fun anymore...". For a lot of people,
they knocked someone up and have a kid in their life... and hopefully
when that happened, they realized this child is the most important
thing in their life. So, everything has to be planned around career and
family if there are both (career is, hopefully, a given).
For me, this epiphany has come about because
of the other part of the equation... "friends".
Mostly in your teens and 20's, your big concern, right along with "Who am
I?" is partly who you choose to surround yourself with, for whatever reason.
Some people you form a very close bond with that it feels will last forever.
Sometimes those bonds hold for life... and more commonly, they fade; even
out of nowhere and without reason. Sometimes over time you just grow apart.
Whatever the reason, I've found myself lately wondering, who really are my friends?
Who is worth the effort?
Is the effort returned?
Why the friendship in the first place?
Here are some of my own examples.
Moriah
I have to admit she is the most certain thing in my life right now.
Some would call that foolish and hopelessly romantic, and doomed to fail... just
like all my past relationships. What I say to that is at least I'm consistent in how
much attention and devotion and fair chance I give to my lovers; unlike those who
begin taking each one down the line more and more for granted. With Moriah, I
finally wasn't looking for a reward, nor had any negative ulterior motive. It just hap-
pened between us, naturally. We actually, simply, make each other happy. The
more we're around each other, the more we grow and regain what others have
taken from us. She supports me and my needs, and I reciprocate.
Therefore, most things will naturally revolve around her in my world.
Job
A job, no matter how shitty, like WalMart, is a job; it makes money, and is
necessary and must be worked around. One day I'll be required to do more
when I am finally employed doing something I actually want to and have the
potential to do. And something is most certainly in the works.
Friends
Following the obvious and moving on to the friends, there are my very best
friends, Sunny and Liz. We've all known each other since high school. We've
really been there for each other. I was one of the best men at their wedding.
We've helped each other out thick and thin, and I don't see that changing.
Thom... nearly the longest-standing of the friends I still talk to... met in 6th
grade...he used to be a really good, dependable friend. I guess he can still
have those qualities, but he himself has changed. He's allowed life to make
him a cantankerous man before his time. He claims to know everything, and
tries to regularly convince others that his way is the right and only way. While
he was there for me to pick me up from the bus station when I returned to FL,
and he has helped me with his expertise on the computer project and various
automotive projects of the past, he's become more of a fair-weather friend. He
claims to truly value our friendship, but hardly initiates conversation or makes
effort to get together like we used to. Every time I post an opinion publically,
he challenges and argues it, not being pleased unless he has someone's full
agreement and praise. He puts me down about many of my decisions, not
giving me credit that I've learned from my experiences. And to top it off, he
simply refuses to accept the concept that I WILL be happier somewhere
that isn't FL/the southeast... and only for his own selfish reasons.
His reasons, when I once asked him why I was so important to him, were
as follows : "You listen..." that's the only actual compliment. Following this
was a list of all the faults of his other friends and how little he can trust them.
Sounds pretty damn selfish a reason to want to keep someone around when
you KNOW they are miserable where they live. When I invited him to visit me
in my future home any time he wanted, he expressed no interest at all in so
much as considering leaving his beloved, flat, angry, over-developed, humid,
tourist-trap of a wannabe-tropical hell hole, when I'm willing to visit him.
Gloria... we dated in high school. Nothing serious, as we never saw each other
outside of high school until quite some time later. She used to be a very real
and warm person. Ever since I moved back from TX the first time, she's been
different, making bad life choices that don't get her any further ahead. She
used to be the one contacting me all the time, wanting to hang out, do a
photo shoot, or just get out somewhere. Now, I never hear from her. Now she
treats me like a back-up friend when her "girls" or b/f aren't around or b/f is starting
to ignore her and she's hungry for man-attention. When she wants my attention, it's
usually after she's found some new guy-friend-toy to parade around me, even with
random visits to where I work with said penis patrol. Only recently, after months of not
hearing a single word, and probably realizing I took her off my FB friends, she makes
a half-hearted attempt at a quick-fix "hi, how've you been? Sorry for not talking sooner
..." message. This, on top of so many times standing me up (as a friend-only to hang
out), without even a single word's warning; being a gigantic flake, I think I've had it. I
can clearly see if I actually meant anything at all to her as she claims, she would
have taken the time to just say hi... or even respond to my attempts to just say hi,
and at least let me KNOW she couldn't make it... instead of just making me wait
and wonder... and just as friends to hang out.
She's just become the typical girl I love to hate. The plastic, "oh, it's girl-time!",
"Boys are toys" "can't tell anyone what's going on" "take a hint/read my mind
for me" type that will never realize the err of her ways. When I finally show her
what it's like to be ignored, she, for some reason, gets upity and only then tries
to save the friendship. When I don't reply to her message, she goes right to co-
mplimenting and commenting on Moriah's pictures. Yep, strong sign of a manip-
ulator who doesn't really want my friendship, but the pseudo-control she thinks it
gives her. Any real friend would tell you they miss you; not try a path of lesser
resistance and attempt to show kind, caring qualities to one's significant other
hoping they convince me to take her friendship back. Douche. I just can't unde-
rstand why someone wants me around so badly just to ignore me.
Fuck that, and keep the change.
Cynthia and Ahnaf...
These two are awesome and truly exceptional for their age.
I may not be the first or second friend they turn to whenever something
happens in their lives... but they still pass it on to me when it's important.
Vixxen...
I very much respect her and value our friendship. I may not hear from her
very often, but I'm well aware she likes her privacy, which she's entitled to.
When I was in CO last, she's the one I saw the most when I let her know I
was there. She was the one who helped me mail my shit out when I was
moving out of Zac's, along with being an awesome person to hang out with.
What I'm asking for...
I'm not asking for that much from my friends.
I'm not asking for some unreasonable kind of ultra-devoted committment.
I know we all have our own lives and priorities, and can easily accept
that I'm not always one of them when a greater one comes along that
takes precedence.
I just believe that if someone is important to you, they should be worth
at least saying "hi" to on a semi-regular basis. Don't like something about me
and only want me in small(er) doses? Fine, just be up-front about it instead of
that passive-aggressive southern-trademark nice-to-your-face-stab-you-in-the-back
bullshit where you just let something linger. As a wise person once said, "Real
friends stab you from the front". I may have displayed public anger in the past at
being pissed at someone for betraying my friendship and trust, but if you're just
straight with me, you won't have any worry as to slander or blackening your
name. Why waste time and effort further on it if it's just understood mutually?
I completely get it as well, that sometimes, people just drift apart without
giving a detailed status report. Usually, when people stop talking to me in
the usual increment, I back off as well, alotting for perhaps something they
are going through. I usually tell them I'm here if they need to talk. If they
don't, hey, it's not going to crush my world.
I do get the feeling that what I consider a regular amount of contact and
updating and asking how a friend is doing might be a little intense for the
liking of some. I am letting myself learn how to back off and simply let
others I care about the most their own freedom to come to me when they
feel it's right. I am now reminded that friendship is about acceptance; not
always asking for the latest relations report as if we're the U.N.; just to be
there for them when the time is right on both ends. As in the law of physics,
in equal and opposite reactions, when you push too much, what you apply
too much force to often moves further away from you.
All I'm saying is if you're going to tell me I mean something, or a lot, to you,
then I assume that means you'd like to rely on me when you need a friend,
and that you'll at least care to ask how I'm doing and catch up once in a
while. Now, of course, this doesn't mean the sarcastic, plastic response of
careful wording to act like you care and ask me all about my life. The worst
sign of a failed friendship is crocodile tears of concern. Actions speak much
louder than words anyway. Words are shit unless you can prove something,
but words are good to exchange, and do show an effort.
Acquaintances
You know, those people you have a fondness for, and either see
once in a while, talk to online, or share thoughts on something random.
Whatever your exchange, it's a person with whom it's more of a casual
exchange, not really a friend who you trust with your life, or don't know
very much about.
These are fine... so long as they don't go inviting themselves into your life
without your invitation to do so. Maybe you'll meet one day and have fun,
but know it's best in small doses... or maybe you do already see each
other, or even work together... but again, small doses is the comfort zone.
The voices... make them stop!
Are you ever that person?
You know, the one who often feels like there is some huge
sign on your forehead in neon lights that says "COUNSELOR"?
I still wonder if it's more a blessing or a curse, but either way, I have it.
It's when, you're not really certain why they pick you, but they do. Be it
a co-worker, a random person you bump into, a new acquaintance you
make at work or online... they just seem to almost instantly trust you,
revealing all their secrets and seemingly every question to the life and
universe to you.
While it does feel good knowing many people often see this quality in
you, to trust you, it can easily be abused. People will naturally assume
just because you're more passive, it means they can vent to you, and ON
you, whenever they want. They become highly dependent on you for this,
and when you've had enough and want to make some distance, they act
like it's some personal offense, and as if you've betrayed them.
I wish I knew of a solid way to avoid this, but I suppose so long as I am
accepting, mostly unbiased, and display having a decent, understanding
and open mind, it's one of many crosses I shall bear.
Room for new friends?
While this entry may be mainly about ties being distanced, all hope is not lost
on making new friends. I will admit it's become much harder to open myself
to new people I know little to nothing about. It gets harder to trust new people,
unsure if they only want your company to use you for something, then drop
you dry of energy or whatever else you have to offer.
So far, I've been gifted with making quite a few new friends. Mainly through
Moriah, since the only place I seem to get to go out and be active socially
is when I visit her. Well, aside from whenever Sunny visits here and I just
became friends more or less with Julian. I enjoy all manner of new company,
will welcome anyone to my presence of comradery and support the notion
of "the more the merrier". However, developing it into a real friendship, that
takes time... just as it should.
While I do try to keep an open mind, and while there are exceptions... I
guess another part of my willingness to accept new people in my life has
begun making an age cut-off point. And by this I mean below a certain age.
I don't know what it is... I've just been finding it exceedingly difficult to tolerate
natural immaturity; especially when it comes to emotional drama. Again, I
really don't mind lending an ear and a shoulder, but hearing the same age-
-old stories of heartbreak, betrayal, and the classic "I'll never love again!",
it does grind the nerves a bit raw (especially occular, from rolling around
in my skull followed by radial with a face-palm :P). The only other time it
really gets bad is, I think it's called Nightingale Syndrome; where the
wounded becomes enamoured with the one who nursed them back to
health or vice-versa. This can be very dangerous. The untamed, undis-
ciplined power of young emotions can be an extremely scary ordeal ;>_>
Though it may be annoying, just because it feels like so long ago I learned
how easy it can be to get over such betrayal, I won't treat someone new to
it like an idiot for feeling what they do. Afterall, I've gained something I need
to pass on - patience. Advice is a form of nostalgia - dispensing it is a way
to pass on your own lessons learned to a future generation without actually
having children :P
Fluctuation
It's natural that friendships won't always be certain.
Sometimes you feel closer, sometimes you'll feel more distant. Neither behalf
is really to blame, so I don't bother getting upset over it. Again, everyone has
their own lives to live, and I may not always be the person they feel like talking
to. What kills it most of the time is assuming that because there's been a change
in how often you do things together or talk, that they have something against you.
People are always in a state of coming or going.
Sometimes a friendship is meant to be profound for a very short time, even like a
lot of modern relationships... and then it ends. It may grow into a friendship (or a
stronger one), or it may fizzle and fade. Maybe it'll come back later. Who knows.
Summary
If a friendship must come to an end... whatever you do, don't go and blatantly
blame me for some bullshit you either know I wasn't a part of, or claim to know
my reason behind doing something at the word of someone, uhm, NOT me. I
won't bullshit you. Time is of the essence, and I don't want to waste it anymore.
I have a direction to go in, and we can cross paths along it so long as we respect
each others destination.
I will fully admit, I'm not perfect, nor the perfect friend.
I forget a lot of things, as I know everyone does. Other things take priorities
sometimes. Sure, I may get a little mad when I feel ignored... but then, of
course foolish, when I realize there was one more place I should have looked
to know what's going on. I know sometimes I could make more of an effort,
and others not so much effort, practically pushing away with my sometimes
over-extending kindness which can smother. This is why I try to be very laid
back about people coming and going in my life and not holding anything against
them - unless they're repeat offenders like Thom and Gloria, or just one big
offender like Zac.
As a final thought, I always tell those who mean something at all to me two
main truths about knowing me - I always give credit where due (meaning I
don't believe in flattery, but rather honesty), and that my door is always open,
even if they choose to lock it from the other side. I really try not to burn bridges
unless it's necessary... but I have been seeing the need for demolition lately.