On the Up and Up
The title, for once, is not one of my
classic tongue-in-cheek sarcastic
play on words... it's actually
sincere... for once.
... Realization...
It is quite a profound feeling when one realizes how much they have
changed. Whether positive or negative, or somewhere in between, it
is still a very profound feeling.
I just got back in the door from a trip to Sunny and Liz's now former
apartment to pick up a few belongings I had forgotten when I moved
out back in March. CarShare is awesome, by the way ;)
From the moment I turned down the street leading to the complex,
driving into it, parking, walking around the back to the entrance,
entering, grabbing my things, standing there to look around for a
few moments, and to the moment of my departure... it truly hit me.
Standing in that living room, looking around at floor impressions of
where furniture once was while letting my memory fill in the rest,
I couldn't believe in those moments how much went through my mind.
We may have experienced good times, bad times, and otherwise
memorable times living together, but they are all precious memories.
Even as far back in August of 2010 when I helped Sunny drive the
moving truck from FL to CO, the way I felt then, to the way I felt
when I first moved in... it all felt so very far away now. It may have
only been two months short of a year's time since I moved here, and
I may not have lived with them for only about 4-5 months now...
however, it feels as if five to ten years have passed in the interim.
Different job, different outlook, different people in my life...
... different me...
...different life altogether.
Saturn return
As Danielle Christine would often say, "this is your Saturn return".
It's Astrology on a level I didn't know existed beyond reading your
horoscope, or knowing the influences your Sun, Moon, and Rising
signs mean.
The Saturn Return pretty much means the position of Saturn from
between the time you were born, and when it comes back to that
position, and its affect on your life.
Everyone has their beliefs... honestly, while I don't claim one
religious or spiritual practice, I do feel Astrology makes more
sense than any load of religious Dogma.
Anyway, it could be either a good thing or a bad thing...
not depending on forces beyond our control, but the way we
channel our self awareness and conduct ourselves and the
benefits we reap from those efforts; whether we ride the
wave, or allow it to drown us.
For more emphasis :
Saturn Return
For a while now I've felt a change in my life was due.
Whether it's due to astral phenomena or simply the circle of
life, I've felt for a while that something had to give, and it did.
The catalyst, while at first inspiring despair, was a blessing in
disguise. Since taking charge of my life, looking at things without
emotional influence or other images of grandeur or utter failure, I
took action. I thought a lot about what was important, what wasn't
working, what needed to change... and I took that leap of an
educated guess, and haven't looked back.
While I may still have yet further to go, I can't help but appreciate
and celebrate what I have accomplished, as well as to move on
from the past, shedding my emotional molting from young adult to
adult, and am now learning to fly for the first time... freed from the
bindings of my own imprisonment from going through life seemingly
with my eyes closed.
Fruition is finally feasible.
Since Danielle, my life really has felt like it is going in the right direction.
Before I go any further, I know many of my speeches when concerning
a romantic partner in the past have been these profound experiences that
I really believed would change everything (and mostly ended up making
things worse); this time, I actually feel I am the one taking charge, as
opposed to blindly sacrificing myself for a pipe dream that was never
meant to be.
While I do cherish the good memories shared with others, it IS the past.
Since her, and since no longer working for White Trash Inc (WalMart),
while there have been proverbial speed bumps, I have come out further
ahead than I have in any other endeavor I've made. I am now on the
way to a successful career doing a job that I actually enjoy and can
see myself sticking with for a while. I feel my roots are finally taking
place in the right spot.
My relationship truly feels like the first as a cooperational responsible
adult relationship. We live together, we share living expenses, I am
actually cooking at least 2-3 times a week making meals for us. We
go out places together and enjoy the whole experience, making the
most of it (rather than many relationships in the past where one or
the other could not be happy or complain about aspects of it). We
do have our own personal problems like everyone else, but we try
our best to be understanding, trusting, accepting, and at the end of
the day, we are civil, cuddle, and spend most of our time laughing
and generally being happy around each other.
We have a decent grasp enough on who each other are, yet with
just enough room for questioning to keep things interesting.
As a person, I feel I am finally grasping fully the many skills I have
been acquiring throughout my first 28 years in this life. For all my
efforts and refining myself, I feel like a better man because of it,
yet while retaining enough of my inner child to appreciate a naive
curiosity about life to keep the spark of enchantment alive in all
I see and experience.
... "a better man because of it" ...
This is actually a phrase that has instilled in me something that
has resounded since its first utterance at my new job. A work
colleague named Ian who has been helping train me said it to
me while delivering to-be-expected trainer's pressure of fire-
-under-ass to break a wild stallion in order to help it reach its
full potential and flourish; the riding crop his experience and
direction toward my winning the race of my new job and
being accepted and voted on to stay.
Fair enough policy.
Since he said that, I have put forth more of an effort than I thought
myself capable... I have conquered, reached and even pushed
beyond their expectations... and I have to say, I DO feel like a
better man because of it. Not just in relation to work, but to my
entire outlook of life, and how I live it, and those things I now
make my priorities.
I have been through hell and high water, and it was excruciating
in many instances, but I emerged from it, because of it, intact and
more the wiser, reforged and with a broader vision. I have been
given a chance to refine the skills I began... and whether I care
or not to be a part of the industry my skill-set has paved for me,
it is what I have, and I will make the most of it while living my
other dreams as time and circumstance permit.
No one person will ever have all the answers, but it certainly is
enough, at least for me, to know enough answers to my own
life-long questions... to know the road ahead, to know the way
in which it is best traveled, and to look forward to all the
adventures along the way.
I am glad to know who I am.
Many may think of me in a more positive or negative
light... but the only ones second to myself to know me
as well as I do are those who have stood by me, who
have reciprocated my giving, who have not been afraid
to put me in my place or raise me up.
For their impact, I thank them.
Midnight City
In closing, I present my new favorite song-obsession...
since I first heard it recently, the sound of it, and now
especially the way the music video makes me feel, it
has become quite the vehicle for channeling all the
aspects of my unique astrology, over-coming all
obstacles, and becoming something greater...
something not just for me, but all those with whom
I share my life, and all I aspire to give them as
they give me appreciation and hope.
classic tongue-in-cheek sarcastic
play on words... it's actually
sincere... for once.
... Realization...
It is quite a profound feeling when one realizes how much they have
changed. Whether positive or negative, or somewhere in between, it
is still a very profound feeling.
I just got back in the door from a trip to Sunny and Liz's now former
apartment to pick up a few belongings I had forgotten when I moved
out back in March. CarShare is awesome, by the way ;)
From the moment I turned down the street leading to the complex,
driving into it, parking, walking around the back to the entrance,
entering, grabbing my things, standing there to look around for a
few moments, and to the moment of my departure... it truly hit me.
Standing in that living room, looking around at floor impressions of
where furniture once was while letting my memory fill in the rest,
I couldn't believe in those moments how much went through my mind.
We may have experienced good times, bad times, and otherwise
memorable times living together, but they are all precious memories.
Even as far back in August of 2010 when I helped Sunny drive the
moving truck from FL to CO, the way I felt then, to the way I felt
when I first moved in... it all felt so very far away now. It may have
only been two months short of a year's time since I moved here, and
I may not have lived with them for only about 4-5 months now...
however, it feels as if five to ten years have passed in the interim.
Different job, different outlook, different people in my life...
... different me...
...different life altogether.
Saturn return
As Danielle Christine would often say, "this is your Saturn return".
It's Astrology on a level I didn't know existed beyond reading your
horoscope, or knowing the influences your Sun, Moon, and Rising
signs mean.
The Saturn Return pretty much means the position of Saturn from
between the time you were born, and when it comes back to that
position, and its affect on your life.
Everyone has their beliefs... honestly, while I don't claim one
religious or spiritual practice, I do feel Astrology makes more
sense than any load of religious Dogma.
Anyway, it could be either a good thing or a bad thing...
not depending on forces beyond our control, but the way we
channel our self awareness and conduct ourselves and the
benefits we reap from those efforts; whether we ride the
wave, or allow it to drown us.
For more emphasis :
Saturn Return
For a while now I've felt a change in my life was due.
Whether it's due to astral phenomena or simply the circle of
life, I've felt for a while that something had to give, and it did.
The catalyst, while at first inspiring despair, was a blessing in
disguise. Since taking charge of my life, looking at things without
emotional influence or other images of grandeur or utter failure, I
took action. I thought a lot about what was important, what wasn't
working, what needed to change... and I took that leap of an
educated guess, and haven't looked back.
While I may still have yet further to go, I can't help but appreciate
and celebrate what I have accomplished, as well as to move on
from the past, shedding my emotional molting from young adult to
adult, and am now learning to fly for the first time... freed from the
bindings of my own imprisonment from going through life seemingly
with my eyes closed.
Fruition is finally feasible.
Since Danielle, my life really has felt like it is going in the right direction.
Before I go any further, I know many of my speeches when concerning
a romantic partner in the past have been these profound experiences that
I really believed would change everything (and mostly ended up making
things worse); this time, I actually feel I am the one taking charge, as
opposed to blindly sacrificing myself for a pipe dream that was never
meant to be.
While I do cherish the good memories shared with others, it IS the past.
Since her, and since no longer working for White Trash Inc (WalMart),
while there have been proverbial speed bumps, I have come out further
ahead than I have in any other endeavor I've made. I am now on the
way to a successful career doing a job that I actually enjoy and can
see myself sticking with for a while. I feel my roots are finally taking
place in the right spot.
My relationship truly feels like the first as a cooperational responsible
adult relationship. We live together, we share living expenses, I am
actually cooking at least 2-3 times a week making meals for us. We
go out places together and enjoy the whole experience, making the
most of it (rather than many relationships in the past where one or
the other could not be happy or complain about aspects of it). We
do have our own personal problems like everyone else, but we try
our best to be understanding, trusting, accepting, and at the end of
the day, we are civil, cuddle, and spend most of our time laughing
and generally being happy around each other.
We have a decent grasp enough on who each other are, yet with
just enough room for questioning to keep things interesting.
As a person, I feel I am finally grasping fully the many skills I have
been acquiring throughout my first 28 years in this life. For all my
efforts and refining myself, I feel like a better man because of it,
yet while retaining enough of my inner child to appreciate a naive
curiosity about life to keep the spark of enchantment alive in all
I see and experience.
... "a better man because of it" ...
This is actually a phrase that has instilled in me something that
has resounded since its first utterance at my new job. A work
colleague named Ian who has been helping train me said it to
me while delivering to-be-expected trainer's pressure of fire-
-under-ass to break a wild stallion in order to help it reach its
full potential and flourish; the riding crop his experience and
direction toward my winning the race of my new job and
being accepted and voted on to stay.
Fair enough policy.
Since he said that, I have put forth more of an effort than I thought
myself capable... I have conquered, reached and even pushed
beyond their expectations... and I have to say, I DO feel like a
better man because of it. Not just in relation to work, but to my
entire outlook of life, and how I live it, and those things I now
make my priorities.
I have been through hell and high water, and it was excruciating
in many instances, but I emerged from it, because of it, intact and
more the wiser, reforged and with a broader vision. I have been
given a chance to refine the skills I began... and whether I care
or not to be a part of the industry my skill-set has paved for me,
it is what I have, and I will make the most of it while living my
other dreams as time and circumstance permit.
No one person will ever have all the answers, but it certainly is
enough, at least for me, to know enough answers to my own
life-long questions... to know the road ahead, to know the way
in which it is best traveled, and to look forward to all the
adventures along the way.
I am glad to know who I am.
Many may think of me in a more positive or negative
light... but the only ones second to myself to know me
as well as I do are those who have stood by me, who
have reciprocated my giving, who have not been afraid
to put me in my place or raise me up.
For their impact, I thank them.
Midnight City
In closing, I present my new favorite song-obsession...
since I first heard it recently, the sound of it, and now
especially the way the music video makes me feel, it
has become quite the vehicle for channeling all the
aspects of my unique astrology, over-coming all
obstacles, and becoming something greater...
something not just for me, but all those with whom
I share my life, and all I aspire to give them as
they give me appreciation and hope.
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