[PG] - Oneshot - What He Doesn't Know
Title: What He Doesn't Know
Length: 1630 words
Author: sahbeL
Rating: PG
Genre: fluff? i guess...
Summary: What Yunho doesn't know...
Author's note: Have I posted this before? Probably on in:com, but yeah...one of my first shots ever.. :)
--x-
When I first saw him, it was like a light had been switched on within my existence.
It was 2 weeks later before I met him.
The first sound of his voice made the light in my existence shine brighter and warm my heart.
His Hi, I’m Jung Yunho was more like will you be mine forever??
It took a second for me to notice him.
Another 29 before I was mesmerised by him.
And just a single minute for me to love him - without question; with all that was inside me and with all of my soul.
The first time I met him, it was love at first sight.
He didn’t know that.
But, on my side, it was love at first sight.
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The first time I saw him dance, it was like I was staring into the warm and dancing flames of an open fire.
He didn’t know I watched him.
No-one knew that I watched him.
But my eyes were uncontrollably drawn to the fluid movements of tight sinew and muscle. The smooth shifting of light footed steps. The intense concentration on a ruggedly handsome face.
He danced like it was the most natural thing to do for him. He danced with everything inside him. He danced with everything he was made of.
Just like that, I’d fallen for him all over again.
He didn’t know it.
But on my side, I’d fallen for him all over again.
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It is almost an automatic decision to nominate him as leader.
At first, he is hesitant, but when we all insist, he graciously accepts the challenge of this new position.
Being the Jung Yunho that he is, he promises to work to the best of his abilities. He promises to watch out for his members as much as he can. He promises to be a good leader who listens to the other members.
He promises to take care of us.
He didn’t know it because I didn’t say it out loud.
But I was already proud of him.
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We are the best of friends.
It has come to the point where, no matter how many things come between us, no matter how much time passes through us, I am still the oldest and he is still the leader.
That is how things are supposed to be. That is how things should be. That is how things will always be.
Through the good times and the bad times, he speaks to us - the members of the band. Also during the good times and the bad times, he speaks to me - JaeJoong. His confidante, his friend, his everlasting support and the soul mate who silently loves him with all his heart.
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“Joongie, will you make me something to eat?” he asks with a pleading look on his face.
6 straight hours of dance practice has reduced us all to mush, even Junsu, who is usually always full of bubbly energy and bounce.
Despite my overwhelming need for a warm bed, comfortable pyjamas and sleep, I cannot refuse this wonderful leader who has a hold on my heart.
I give him a warm smile and drop my bag by the couch, at the same time making my way to the kitchen.
“Hey!” Changmin frowns.
The youngest doesn’t need to make another sound because the look I give him tells him that I already know - to make enough food to serve more than one and less than six.
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He doesn’t know this…
But during the times when having a packed schedule has taken its toll on him and his body gives in to the sneezes and the coughs, I am worried most.
Not because I am the Umma, but because he is my love.
While he tries his best to sleep it off, wrapped in blankets that healthy people don’t need and breathing breaths that sound more like heavy construction machinery, I watch over him.
I watch over him with a hand to his forehead and a damp cloth in my other hand. I watch over him with a soft tug on his blankets so he’s just that little bit warmer and I watch over him through long and sleepless nights, where the slightest hint of a cough is all it takes for me to snap out of a micro-sleep and check on him again.
He doesn’t know this…
But when his stuffy nose feels just that little bit clearer, it is because of the eucalyptus oil I rub just behind his ears and on that spot just under his throat, sometimes even down to his chest, just to ease the tightness the flu brings to one’s lungs every time.
He doesn’t know this…
But when his sleep is interrupted by restlessness and the uncomfortableness of being sick, it’s me who smooths the frown from his brow, and me who murmurs the soothing ramblings that sick people always need to hear.
Shhh…it’s okay…
I’m here…I’ve got you…
You’re okay…just breathe…
Sleep…I‘ll be here…
He doesn’t know this…
But when he finally wakes from the sleep he announced 2 days ago, I am filled with relief that it’s not something more serious.
He asks why I look so tired and pale.
He wonders why I’m falling asleep every time I rest my head.
You better go rest, Joongie, I don’t want you to come down with what I had…
I give him another once over, reassuring myself of his health, before I nod tiredly and gladly accept his suggestion.
I don’t mind that he has no idea…
To me, it is enough that he is healthy again.
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It is a shock to me when I see him with HeeChul-hyung so touchy-feely.
I am fighting my own jealous reaction when I see him laughing with Xmas during the shooting of Super Viking.
It’s not a nice feeling.
To watch him with others while knowing that I’m the one who can love him best.
No-one else.
He doesn’t know why I turn away from him when he approaches.
He doesn’t know why I can’t look at him, afraid he’ll see everything that I’ve been trying to hide.
He doesn’t know why I’m suddenly snappy at him and quick to anger.
I am starting to mind that he doesn’t know anything. It is no longer enough for me to know something that he doesn‘t know.
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“Did I do something wrong? Why are you so mad at me…”
“I’m not mad. It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure? Because, you know you can tell me anything, right?”
“Anything?”
“Of course, Jae! Anything!”
“Well, okay…there is ---”
“--- Yah, Hyung! Manager-hyung wants to talk to you…”
“Hold that thought, Joongie! I’ll be right back…”
I sigh.
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“Remember, when you said I can tell you anything?”
“Mmm…what is it, Joongie?”
“Well…I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long that ---”
“--- HYUNG!!! Changmin set fire to the kitchennn!!”
“WHAT!”
“MY KITCHEN!”
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“Hey Jae, we never finished that conversation we were having the other day…”
“Huh? What conversation…”
“You we’re going to tell me something?”
“Oh! Well…we’re about to walk into a party, I don’t think now’s the time…”
“It’s okay, just say it.”
“Yunho, no. not now…”
“But ---”
“---Yunho! JaeJoong! It’s about time you got here!”
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I watch as he stands outside our apartment, his arms braced against the balcony, head tilted up to the night sky.
It doesn’t matter how many times or how many ways I’ve seen him, every moment still manages to make my heart beat just that little bit faster, make my skin prickle with the pleasure of his presence and take my breathe away with just one single glance.
It isn’t often that we are left alone in the apartment. The rest of my ’children’ are asleep.
I don’t have to plan this or schedule this…I just know, without a doubt, that now is the time.
He glances at me as I open the sliding doors and approach him.
“I didn’t forget about our unfinished conversation…” he murmurs softly before turning back to look at the stars.
“I can still tell you anything…?”
“Of course. That’s never changed through the years I’ve known you…”
I pause.
Suddenly I’m not so sure.
Through all these years, why should I tell him now?
What if I were right all along?
What if it’s better to keep this beautiful feeling a secret?
“Joongie? I won’t refuse you…”
“What?”
“Say it. I won’t refuse you…”
He doesn’t know…does he?
How could he have known and not told me he knew!
All this time…
“Yunho-ah…I love you. From the first moment I saw you, until now…I love you.”
I watch him smile a small, content smile as he looks down from the stars.
“I knew everything that you thought I didn’t know,” he murmurs simply. “since I first saw you, until now, I knew it all…I was just waiting for you to say it.”
I blink at him in stunned surprise, and then something inside me bursts and fills me with a warmth that I’ve been keeping so tightly locked away.
“…You were waiting?”
“Because I wanted you to feel it first. How good it feels to finally say it out loud - I wanted you to feel it first…”
“But…all this time?”
He simply gives me a confirming nod before murmuring softly.
“I knew it all.”
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He knows.
He knows that it was love at first sight.
He knows how many times I fell for him all over again.
He knows all about my pride, my worry, my jealousy and my love.
He knows it all.
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