A Word on the Lies of a Late Night Commercial.
I watch alot of late night television.
I don't know if you know this, but once it gets around 10 P.M. Central, stuff on TV gets gooey nasty.
Okay, yeah, you know that, but it's slowly gone away from "CALL HOT SINGLES NOW!" or "HOT COLLEGE GIRLS GET NAKED FOR YOU!" to out and out selling sex. We have websites that openly tell you to "C'mon aborad, we'll help you find someone to cheat on your wife or husband with." Dick pill commercials that can't find enough clever euphamisms to make it on TV around prime time slink on near the witching hour. At some point, once the 3-D TV wave hits and crashes, I expect 2 minute blocks of fully dimensional genitalia, engorged yet tastefully presented, placed on the screen selling sex, or maybe motorcycles, or possibly motorcycles created by lesbian god sex.
You think I pulled that last sentence out of my ass? Final Fantasy XIII has predicted the future!
Whatever your feelings on the sexualization of our culture, I'm not really here to talk about that; I do want to set forth the idea that sex is getting pushed to 10 and beyond while the underlying reality is hovering just below a 2. I'm here to talk about one commercial in particular, a Trojan vibrator commerical.
Trojan, in its never ending quest to remove the penis completely from the carnal act, has come up with a vibrator. It's got swirling action, multiple tips, and, in a pinch, you can use it to jackhammer cement. The first scene in the commercial involves ladies at a bridal shower. The bride-to-be receives three (as in the "1...2...3, there goes my Tootsie Pop variety") vibrators. Later, when she is talking with her fiancee, they have the following exchange:
Bride-to-be: Honey, remember that Trojan vibrator we talked about?
Fiancee: YEAH!
Bride-to-be: We got three!
Fiancee: SWEET! *slaps the table*
No. This commercial is completely disconnected from reality. That conversation does not happen that way. Things said simply do not match up with what has happened. Here's how reality plays out:
Bride-to-be: Honey, remember that Trojan vibrator we talked about?
Fiancee: Not really. I must have been watching the game or something; there's no way I'd talk to you about something that could in any way be a replacement for my penis.
Bride-to-be: We got three!
Fiancee: What the fuck, girl! You got some nasty ass whore friends. They can't buy you a nice shirt or a jewelry case, but they'll get you three battery powered dicks. That's fucked up. Hey, what exactly have you been telling them about my penis, and, really, how nasty are you for fucking accepting all three? You know what, fuck it, just fuck it; I'm going down to the basement and drinking myself into a blue ball coma. Good night, Miss Jameson.
That engagement needs a pre-nup and a weekend in Cabo... bad.
Thanks Trojan!
Peace be with you.
I don't know if you know this, but once it gets around 10 P.M. Central, stuff on TV gets gooey nasty.
Okay, yeah, you know that, but it's slowly gone away from "CALL HOT SINGLES NOW!" or "HOT COLLEGE GIRLS GET NAKED FOR YOU!" to out and out selling sex. We have websites that openly tell you to "C'mon aborad, we'll help you find someone to cheat on your wife or husband with." Dick pill commercials that can't find enough clever euphamisms to make it on TV around prime time slink on near the witching hour. At some point, once the 3-D TV wave hits and crashes, I expect 2 minute blocks of fully dimensional genitalia, engorged yet tastefully presented, placed on the screen selling sex, or maybe motorcycles, or possibly motorcycles created by lesbian god sex.
You think I pulled that last sentence out of my ass? Final Fantasy XIII has predicted the future!
Whatever your feelings on the sexualization of our culture, I'm not really here to talk about that; I do want to set forth the idea that sex is getting pushed to 10 and beyond while the underlying reality is hovering just below a 2. I'm here to talk about one commercial in particular, a Trojan vibrator commerical.
Trojan, in its never ending quest to remove the penis completely from the carnal act, has come up with a vibrator. It's got swirling action, multiple tips, and, in a pinch, you can use it to jackhammer cement. The first scene in the commercial involves ladies at a bridal shower. The bride-to-be receives three (as in the "1...2...3, there goes my Tootsie Pop variety") vibrators. Later, when she is talking with her fiancee, they have the following exchange:
Bride-to-be: Honey, remember that Trojan vibrator we talked about?
Fiancee: YEAH!
Bride-to-be: We got three!
Fiancee: SWEET! *slaps the table*
No. This commercial is completely disconnected from reality. That conversation does not happen that way. Things said simply do not match up with what has happened. Here's how reality plays out:
Bride-to-be: Honey, remember that Trojan vibrator we talked about?
Fiancee: Not really. I must have been watching the game or something; there's no way I'd talk to you about something that could in any way be a replacement for my penis.
Bride-to-be: We got three!
Fiancee: What the fuck, girl! You got some nasty ass whore friends. They can't buy you a nice shirt or a jewelry case, but they'll get you three battery powered dicks. That's fucked up. Hey, what exactly have you been telling them about my penis, and, really, how nasty are you for fucking accepting all three? You know what, fuck it, just fuck it; I'm going down to the basement and drinking myself into a blue ball coma. Good night, Miss Jameson.
That engagement needs a pre-nup and a weekend in Cabo... bad.
Thanks Trojan!
Peace be with you.