Getting out of the room with Tim has really helped, but I hadn't realized exactly how traumatized I really am from that whole incident until just this Monday when I had to go back to school.
I realized that although I had read and studied over the spring break that I could not remember a single thing that I had done...
All I could think about was the sinking feeling that I have.
The last time I felt like this was just after I faced down several Thugs in LA in the late 80s, and very nearly was killed. At that time... I just self-medicated with Heroin and Speed to get rid of the feeling, but I distinctly remembered it after this incident.... Terror is the only way to describe it.
I am shocked that I am able to make it through the day or bring in passing grades in school.
What Tim did was incredibly disgusting and gratuitously malicious and I can see why you feel better being out of the room with him.
The knowledge from your studies will come back to you. You have simply mislaid the labels. Try playing with the ideas that you have been working with ... you may find yourself connecting to other parts of the memories and thus reconstructing the links. That sometimes works for me.
I have never been in a literal fight for my life against an intelligent enemy, so I can't say that I've ever gone through anything as scary as what you did in Los Angeles -- but I have nearly lost my life a couple of times by accident and a couple of other times saved the lives of others, so I do know what that sort of thing must feel like. What I usually find in these crises is utter rational calculation: external events slow to a crawl because I am thinking very rapidly, and I can do anything within my physical limits without consideration of effort or pain ... then, when the crisis is over and my adrenaline levels
( ... )
Comments 3
And by "faith" I mean "rational expectation," by the way. I'm not being mystical.
Your life is going to get a whole lot better.
Reply
I realized that although I had read and studied over the spring break that I could not remember a single thing that I had done...
All I could think about was the sinking feeling that I have.
The last time I felt like this was just after I faced down several Thugs in LA in the late 80s, and very nearly was killed. At that time... I just self-medicated with Heroin and Speed to get rid of the feeling, but I distinctly remembered it after this incident.... Terror is the only way to describe it.
I am shocked that I am able to make it through the day or bring in passing grades in school.
Reply
The knowledge from your studies will come back to you. You have simply mislaid the labels. Try playing with the ideas that you have been working with ... you may find yourself connecting to other parts of the memories and thus reconstructing the links. That sometimes works for me.
I have never been in a literal fight for my life against an intelligent enemy, so I can't say that I've ever gone through anything as scary as what you did in Los Angeles -- but I have nearly lost my life a couple of times by accident and a couple of other times saved the lives of others, so I do know what that sort of thing must feel like. What I usually find in these crises is utter rational calculation: external events slow to a crawl because I am thinking very rapidly, and I can do anything within my physical limits without consideration of effort or pain ... then, when the crisis is over and my adrenaline levels ( ... )
Reply
Leave a comment