Comments | sakabatou_user: Permanent Constructive Criticism Entry

sakabatou_user

Permanent Constructive Criticism Entry

Mar 25, 2012 18:10

Hello. This is my journal entry for Constructive Criticism. (Or more colloquially, "How's My Driving?") Please BE constructive, and I'll do my best to address it. Thank you

Comments 6

obitastic April 17 2010, 01:02:08 UTC

I think your Kenshin is great. <3 But maybe if you dropped the awkward Japanese in your posts, he would be better. I know he uses the phrase "de gozaru" in canon, but in English it sound very strange.

sakabatou_user April 17 2010, 01:05:51 UTC

This is true, and your criticism is valid...but it is also a conscious decision to use the 'de gozaru'. Mostly because it's a phrase NOT easily translated into English. The Dub has done its best with 'This it is, that it is' etc, but it's still awkward. "Sessha" which Kenshin also uses, is more easily translated as "This one" or "this unworthy one"...

So I compromised, which I've done with him in LARP before. Thus, using 'this one' in place of 'sessha' (which also makes it more obvious with the "I" for Battousai...) but also using 'de gozaru' since it is NOT easily translated.

I do appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad to know I'm basically doing a good job. I know the 'de gozaru' is awkward...it's both meant to be, and yet I'm trying as writer to compromise on how to properly use it to convey the right spirit without overuse.

...feedback on this? Still objecting? *sweatdrop*

obitastic April 17 2010, 01:21:32 UTC

I still object. Because it sounds so very awkward and is non-sensical when translated into English. Like in Naruto (a canon I am much more familiar with), Naruto says 'dattebayo" very often at the end of a sentence. It is a meaningless form of 'desu,' that just is a more emphatic way to end a sentence. While the ending forms of sentences in Japanese show various aspects of a person's personality or how familiar they feel with you, it's something that isn't as easily translated into another language ( ... )

sakabatou_user April 17 2010, 01:28:45 UTC

My final argument would be that the faq for facility does mention that we are all now programmed to speak in English, and that it is doable but incredibly awkward and strange sounding to speak in the character's native language. So it might even be perfectly natural for him to drop it out of his speech because it simply feel strange to him now, no matter how ingrained.Also a very valid point, and you do make good points. I'm also highly familiar with the Naruto fandom (I've played Kakashi in a few communities...) and the dattebayo vs. 'believe it' so your point is definitely not lost ( ... )

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