How To: Hitch a Breeder - Step 12/15
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[ previous chapters ]
Step 12: Adjust Your Approach, If Needed / Not in Kansas Anymore
In his defense, Brian had known from the beginning that this was a stupid idea. It had been Ted’s idea, after all, and any idea of Ted’s outside the accounting/financing playfield tended to be stupid.
Justin was like a frightened animal, fidgeting, darting nervous looks in all directions. Most of Brian’s attempts to distract him had gone unfruitful, and he was getting tired of it. He’d known that Justin simply wasn’t ready for this. Babylon was too much. Brian himself had been scared shitless the first time he went.
Another guy was cruising Justin, and while Brian might have kind of enjoyed sending them off in the beginning, by now he was annoyed at having to rescue Justin from the big bad homos. Normally, Justin knew how to help himself, never shied away and was generally relaxed and confident. Brian hated that Justin felt so uncomfortable here.
“How about relaxing a bit?” he asked, leaning back against the bar next to Justin.
“I’m sorry, I’m just really not…”
“Jesus, Justin, you’re acting like all the men here will jump you. The meanings of the words no and fuck off are the same in Homo as they are in English, you know?”
“I’m being an idiot.”
Brian leaned in closer. “Dance with me.”
He saw Justin glance at the mass of half-naked bodies and bite his lip.
“Come on, princess.” Brian grabbed Justin by the hand and pulled him along. “Okay?” he asked, once he’d moved them to the center of the dance floor and had wrapped his arms around him.
Once again, Justin’s eyes started surveying left and right, mindful of the dancing men, obviously nervous about the physicality.
“Hey.” Justin didn’t react. “Hey,” Brian tried again with a little more insistence. Justin finally looked at him when Brian reached down for his hand. “You trust me?” Brian was surprised by how quickly the nod came. “Trust me to keep you safe then?” Only after they were out did Brian ponder the implication of his words. What the hell was he doing?
But Justin nodded, eyes big and full of… something.
Brian gulped down the unwelcome rush of responsibility and focused on the task at hand. He put an arm around Justin’s shoulders, the other around his waist and pulled him close, pressing two kisses to his neck. It smelled too good not to. “Just go with it,” he told, moving their bodies to the music.
Soon, Justin swayed and grinded without guidance and Brian celebrated by pressing himself closer and attacking Justin’s mouth. When Justin started kissing back, Brian felt it radiating to his knees. When he started pulling away, still nipping on that delicious upper lip, he felt Justin’s fingers tickling their way under his shirt. He enjoyed the warm shudder from the contact and grinned when Justin’s fingers moved more surely over his bare skin.
He wanted Justin. He had to have him. Again. After that first time and the stupidity that had followed, sex had been kind of off the table, it seemed. But now…
“I- I think I need some water.”
“Huh?” Why the fuck now? “C’mon,” Brian coerced, moving his hand to Justin’s ass. “We were just getting started.”
But Justin pushed. Not too much force, but still - he was pushing Brian away. “I’m sorry, but um.”
And if he would stop apologizing every fucking minute, Brian wouldn’t mind. “Yeah, whatever. Go find Ted and Emmett at the bar, I’ll be there in a minute.”
In Brian’s defense, he didn’t hang back to look actively for anything. These things just happened here. Hot guy, willing, with no emotional baggage or orientation issues, comes over, wants to dance, a couple of words are exchanged, hot and dirty, and a trip to the backroom is made.
Yes. It happened like it always did.
When Brian came back, he was informed that Justin had left. By Ted’s glare and Emmett’s snort he didn’t have to ask why.
Brian should have known that Justin would not be safe with him. People rarely were.
+
During the whole of the cab ride, he told himself that he would not start to cry. Not fucking again. Enough with the crying. His whole reality might have changed over just a few weeks, but that alone was no reason to turn into some weepy fairy.
Justin closed the door, hung up his jacket, and stood in front of the big mirror. There was still glitter on his arms, his skin was still damp, his right pocket still slightly tilted outwards from when he dug for those five bucks.
Justin felt disgusting.
He grabbed the rim of the much too tight shirt - what had he been thinking? - tore it up and over his head and threw it into the trash.
If this was supposed to be his new reality, he didn’t want it.
+
“Why is it that you always show up when I decide to walk to lunch and back every once in a blue fucking moon?”
Brian watched as Daphne took a deep breath. “Mr. Kinney,” she started.
“I think we’re past that, don’t you?”
“Alright then. Brian. What are you doing with him?”
“This is so very inappropriate, I don’t even know where to start.”
“As if you’d know the first thing about appropriate behavior.”
“Excuse me?” Brian stopped his walk right in the middle of the sidewalk.
“Taking him to a gay club and leaving him standing somewhere for a quick fuck? I thought you were going to help him feel comfortable. Treat him well. I thought you cared about h-”
“Look,” he interrupted. “I can’t be dealing with this shit. I’m not qualified. He… he ran off like the whole club was filled with homo-monsters that were after him.” Like Brian was one of them.
“He’s scared as hell, Brian. What would you do?”
“What I did was, I came to terms with the fact that I’m a fag and went to get fucked and sealed the deal. You know, I would have been damned lucky if that had happened with someone who actually gave a fuck about me.” Justin was fucking privileged on that count.
“You mean…”
“Look, Daphne, I’m sure that, besides the fact that you’re annoying and love butting in on business that clearly isn’t yours, you’re a nice girl. But I am not, not in the slightest, interested in being some fucking kindergarten teacher for new fags. I play with the big boys.”
Daphne blinked at him, her eyebrows knitting.
“I can’t-”
But Daphne turned around and left with big steps, the heels of her boots clicking against the pavement.
Well, it’s not like he’d ever kept the fact of him being an asshole a secret, right?
+
Woody’s was crowded for a weekday. Brian was almost glad when he spotted Ted and Emmett’s heads because it meant that they had a table. Now Brian wouldn’t have to stand up while getting shitfaced.
A blond guy temporarily blocked his path and Brian was instantly reminded of his anger for Justin. That fucking kid made him want to throw things. And his territorial hag? What a nightmare this whole thing had become.
Well, it probably hadn’t been all bad. Parts hadn’t been so nightmarish. Not at all.
Justin might have been completely inexperienced, but Brian couldn’t remember the last time it had been this intense. Some time yesterday, with his I’m-not-a-kindergarten-teacher speech still lingering in his mind, he’d even admitted it to himself. In the dark comfort of his bed, he’d admitted that he’d liked the thought of being Justin’s first everything.
If only Justin were fucking ready for it. If Justin were-… But he wasn’t. And Brian was not going to wait. Brian wasn’t ready for that. And he was not going to be the one to take the first leap. People like him never did.
No, these were exactly the thoughts he came here to forget. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of the proverbial ball lying in his field and Justin having taken his leap already.
Ironically enough, as it turned out, there was no bigger turnoff from getting drunk than watching Temmett’s embarrassing display of booze-induced insanity. They giggled and joked like high-school girls about the guys they used to have crushes on and made Brian get them equally ridiculous drinks.
Brian had only just finished his first beer and wondered for the tenth time why he didn’t just get up and leave, when Emmett decided to ring in a round of sharing profound observations.
“Isn’t it strange how one clings to some memories but at the same time, one forgets so many things almost instantly?”
“Like what?” Ted frowned.
“Like…” Emmett blinked. “I forgot! See?” That seemed to crack him up and after several seconds of contemplation, Ted cackled along.
“Jesus. I need to get out of here.”
“Where to, Bri?”
“Somewhere where he can get his dick sucked, of course!” Emmett provided.
“Ah, yes yes.” Ted clanked his glass against Brian’s abandoned beer bottle.
They got started on a different trail of wisdom and Brian watched in annoyed fascination. He should really fucking leave.
“Isn’t it strange,” Emmett started again, and Brian sighed. “How some people try so hard to remain the same, when change is actually exact-ly what they need?”
Ted frowned. “Like who?”
“Like… Brian!”
“Ah, yes, of course!”
They toasted again and Brian just stared, processing, and wondered if they even knew he was there. If they knew that it was his turn to leap.
+
The blotches seemed to be moving. The longer Brian looked at the big patches of grey and blue, the more he felt like they were slowly coming together, forming images.
He turned the other way as a streak of light shone through the window and cut through the room. It was gone again within seconds.
Justin’s fingers started moving on his stomach again, stroking the skin below his belly button. Brian hadn’t known before, but he loved being touched there. Justin had found the area an hour ago and Brian had been in a semi-aroused state since.
He felt so comfortable it was strange. Between the weird blotchy paintings adorning Justin’s walls, the smell of Justin’s hair and the fingers moving on the skin above his crotch, Brian thought he could lie here forev- …for quite some time.
Brian didn’t remember how he’d ended up here, just how Cynthia handed him the message she took from a Miss Chanders. Come talk to him, at least, you dick. 34 Stanton Ave, it had read and his first instinct was to throw it away.
Apparently, he hadn’t, however and found it in his pocket while leaving Woody’s.
Their shared apartment reminded Brian of his own college pad, with the exception that it was three times as large and had pretty amazing art work all over it. When Daphne ushered him into Justin’s room, sleek and dark and totally non-collegy, Brian had felt out of place. But when he saw Justin sitting on his bed, sketching intently on the pad in his lap, he felt that jolt of awe again. He was almost getting used to it.
Justin looked up after a while, surprise and uneasiness written all over his face. Brian went to him, nevertheless.
When their lips slid together, Brian knew that he’d never kissed anyone the way he kissed Justin. He always thought that he’d worn out every kiss there was, every touch. But nothing about Justin was worn out or routine. Justin made everything feel new and pure.
And for the first time in forever, Brian thought that maybe, maybe he could be new, too.
Over an hour later, he was still marveling at those realizations while Justin’s fingers moved on the skin where he’d pushed Brian’s shirt up a bit.
“You know,” Justin started. “I’m not so naïve as to think that you’d instantly want a relationship with me or anything. I mean, I’m very well aware that I’m new at this and that I have very little experience and…” He trailed off and closed his eyes. “I just… I guess I just want to spend some time with you.”
Brian lay there, holding his breath.
“Is that so bad?” Justin asked, a quiet afterthought.
Brian closed his eyes and concentrated on Justin’s thumb rubbing and stroking in the crease between his hip and thigh.
No, that didn’t seem so bad.
Not so bad at all.
[ Step 13 ]
[ previous chapters ]
Step 12: Adjust Your Approach, If Needed / Not in Kansas Anymore
In his defense, Brian had known from the beginning that this was a stupid idea. It had been Ted’s idea, after all, and any idea of Ted’s outside the accounting/financing playfield tended to be stupid.
Justin was like a frightened animal, fidgeting, darting nervous looks in all directions. Most of Brian’s attempts to distract him had gone unfruitful, and he was getting tired of it. He’d known that Justin simply wasn’t ready for this. Babylon was too much. Brian himself had been scared shitless the first time he went.
Another guy was cruising Justin, and while Brian might have kind of enjoyed sending them off in the beginning, by now he was annoyed at having to rescue Justin from the big bad homos. Normally, Justin knew how to help himself, never shied away and was generally relaxed and confident. Brian hated that Justin felt so uncomfortable here.
“How about relaxing a bit?” he asked, leaning back against the bar next to Justin.
“I’m sorry, I’m just really not…”
“Jesus, Justin, you’re acting like all the men here will jump you. The meanings of the words no and fuck off are the same in Homo as they are in English, you know?”
“I’m being an idiot.”
Brian leaned in closer. “Dance with me.”
He saw Justin glance at the mass of half-naked bodies and bite his lip.
“Come on, princess.” Brian grabbed Justin by the hand and pulled him along. “Okay?” he asked, once he’d moved them to the center of the dance floor and had wrapped his arms around him.
Once again, Justin’s eyes started surveying left and right, mindful of the dancing men, obviously nervous about the physicality.
“Hey.” Justin didn’t react. “Hey,” Brian tried again with a little more insistence. Justin finally looked at him when Brian reached down for his hand. “You trust me?” Brian was surprised by how quickly the nod came. “Trust me to keep you safe then?” Only after they were out did Brian ponder the implication of his words. What the hell was he doing?
But Justin nodded, eyes big and full of… something.
Brian gulped down the unwelcome rush of responsibility and focused on the task at hand. He put an arm around Justin’s shoulders, the other around his waist and pulled him close, pressing two kisses to his neck. It smelled too good not to. “Just go with it,” he told, moving their bodies to the music.
Soon, Justin swayed and grinded without guidance and Brian celebrated by pressing himself closer and attacking Justin’s mouth. When Justin started kissing back, Brian felt it radiating to his knees. When he started pulling away, still nipping on that delicious upper lip, he felt Justin’s fingers tickling their way under his shirt. He enjoyed the warm shudder from the contact and grinned when Justin’s fingers moved more surely over his bare skin.
He wanted Justin. He had to have him. Again. After that first time and the stupidity that had followed, sex had been kind of off the table, it seemed. But now…
“I- I think I need some water.”
“Huh?” Why the fuck now? “C’mon,” Brian coerced, moving his hand to Justin’s ass. “We were just getting started.”
But Justin pushed. Not too much force, but still - he was pushing Brian away. “I’m sorry, but um.”
And if he would stop apologizing every fucking minute, Brian wouldn’t mind. “Yeah, whatever. Go find Ted and Emmett at the bar, I’ll be there in a minute.”
In Brian’s defense, he didn’t hang back to look actively for anything. These things just happened here. Hot guy, willing, with no emotional baggage or orientation issues, comes over, wants to dance, a couple of words are exchanged, hot and dirty, and a trip to the backroom is made.
Yes. It happened like it always did.
When Brian came back, he was informed that Justin had left. By Ted’s glare and Emmett’s snort he didn’t have to ask why.
Brian should have known that Justin would not be safe with him. People rarely were.
+
During the whole of the cab ride, he told himself that he would not start to cry. Not fucking again. Enough with the crying. His whole reality might have changed over just a few weeks, but that alone was no reason to turn into some weepy fairy.
Justin closed the door, hung up his jacket, and stood in front of the big mirror. There was still glitter on his arms, his skin was still damp, his right pocket still slightly tilted outwards from when he dug for those five bucks.
Justin felt disgusting.
He grabbed the rim of the much too tight shirt - what had he been thinking? - tore it up and over his head and threw it into the trash.
If this was supposed to be his new reality, he didn’t want it.
+
“Why is it that you always show up when I decide to walk to lunch and back every once in a blue fucking moon?”
Brian watched as Daphne took a deep breath. “Mr. Kinney,” she started.
“I think we’re past that, don’t you?”
“Alright then. Brian. What are you doing with him?”
“This is so very inappropriate, I don’t even know where to start.”
“As if you’d know the first thing about appropriate behavior.”
“Excuse me?” Brian stopped his walk right in the middle of the sidewalk.
“Taking him to a gay club and leaving him standing somewhere for a quick fuck? I thought you were going to help him feel comfortable. Treat him well. I thought you cared about h-”
“Look,” he interrupted. “I can’t be dealing with this shit. I’m not qualified. He… he ran off like the whole club was filled with homo-monsters that were after him.” Like Brian was one of them.
“He’s scared as hell, Brian. What would you do?”
“What I did was, I came to terms with the fact that I’m a fag and went to get fucked and sealed the deal. You know, I would have been damned lucky if that had happened with someone who actually gave a fuck about me.” Justin was fucking privileged on that count.
“You mean…”
“Look, Daphne, I’m sure that, besides the fact that you’re annoying and love butting in on business that clearly isn’t yours, you’re a nice girl. But I am not, not in the slightest, interested in being some fucking kindergarten teacher for new fags. I play with the big boys.”
Daphne blinked at him, her eyebrows knitting.
“I can’t-”
But Daphne turned around and left with big steps, the heels of her boots clicking against the pavement.
Well, it’s not like he’d ever kept the fact of him being an asshole a secret, right?
+
Woody’s was crowded for a weekday. Brian was almost glad when he spotted Ted and Emmett’s heads because it meant that they had a table. Now Brian wouldn’t have to stand up while getting shitfaced.
A blond guy temporarily blocked his path and Brian was instantly reminded of his anger for Justin. That fucking kid made him want to throw things. And his territorial hag? What a nightmare this whole thing had become.
Well, it probably hadn’t been all bad. Parts hadn’t been so nightmarish. Not at all.
Justin might have been completely inexperienced, but Brian couldn’t remember the last time it had been this intense. Some time yesterday, with his I’m-not-a-kindergarten-teacher speech still lingering in his mind, he’d even admitted it to himself. In the dark comfort of his bed, he’d admitted that he’d liked the thought of being Justin’s first everything.
If only Justin were fucking ready for it. If Justin were-… But he wasn’t. And Brian was not going to wait. Brian wasn’t ready for that. And he was not going to be the one to take the first leap. People like him never did.
No, these were exactly the thoughts he came here to forget. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of the proverbial ball lying in his field and Justin having taken his leap already.
Ironically enough, as it turned out, there was no bigger turnoff from getting drunk than watching Temmett’s embarrassing display of booze-induced insanity. They giggled and joked like high-school girls about the guys they used to have crushes on and made Brian get them equally ridiculous drinks.
Brian had only just finished his first beer and wondered for the tenth time why he didn’t just get up and leave, when Emmett decided to ring in a round of sharing profound observations.
“Isn’t it strange how one clings to some memories but at the same time, one forgets so many things almost instantly?”
“Like what?” Ted frowned.
“Like…” Emmett blinked. “I forgot! See?” That seemed to crack him up and after several seconds of contemplation, Ted cackled along.
“Jesus. I need to get out of here.”
“Where to, Bri?”
“Somewhere where he can get his dick sucked, of course!” Emmett provided.
“Ah, yes yes.” Ted clanked his glass against Brian’s abandoned beer bottle.
They got started on a different trail of wisdom and Brian watched in annoyed fascination. He should really fucking leave.
“Isn’t it strange,” Emmett started again, and Brian sighed. “How some people try so hard to remain the same, when change is actually exact-ly what they need?”
Ted frowned. “Like who?”
“Like… Brian!”
“Ah, yes, of course!”
They toasted again and Brian just stared, processing, and wondered if they even knew he was there. If they knew that it was his turn to leap.
+
The blotches seemed to be moving. The longer Brian looked at the big patches of grey and blue, the more he felt like they were slowly coming together, forming images.
He turned the other way as a streak of light shone through the window and cut through the room. It was gone again within seconds.
Justin’s fingers started moving on his stomach again, stroking the skin below his belly button. Brian hadn’t known before, but he loved being touched there. Justin had found the area an hour ago and Brian had been in a semi-aroused state since.
He felt so comfortable it was strange. Between the weird blotchy paintings adorning Justin’s walls, the smell of Justin’s hair and the fingers moving on the skin above his crotch, Brian thought he could lie here forev- …for quite some time.
Brian didn’t remember how he’d ended up here, just how Cynthia handed him the message she took from a Miss Chanders. Come talk to him, at least, you dick. 34 Stanton Ave, it had read and his first instinct was to throw it away.
Apparently, he hadn’t, however and found it in his pocket while leaving Woody’s.
Their shared apartment reminded Brian of his own college pad, with the exception that it was three times as large and had pretty amazing art work all over it. When Daphne ushered him into Justin’s room, sleek and dark and totally non-collegy, Brian had felt out of place. But when he saw Justin sitting on his bed, sketching intently on the pad in his lap, he felt that jolt of awe again. He was almost getting used to it.
Justin looked up after a while, surprise and uneasiness written all over his face. Brian went to him, nevertheless.
When their lips slid together, Brian knew that he’d never kissed anyone the way he kissed Justin. He always thought that he’d worn out every kiss there was, every touch. But nothing about Justin was worn out or routine. Justin made everything feel new and pure.
And for the first time in forever, Brian thought that maybe, maybe he could be new, too.
Over an hour later, he was still marveling at those realizations while Justin’s fingers moved on the skin where he’d pushed Brian’s shirt up a bit.
“You know,” Justin started. “I’m not so naïve as to think that you’d instantly want a relationship with me or anything. I mean, I’m very well aware that I’m new at this and that I have very little experience and…” He trailed off and closed his eyes. “I just… I guess I just want to spend some time with you.”
Brian lay there, holding his breath.
“Is that so bad?” Justin asked, a quiet afterthought.
Brian closed his eyes and concentrated on Justin’s thumb rubbing and stroking in the crease between his hip and thigh.
No, that didn’t seem so bad.
Not so bad at all.
[ Step 13 ]