qaf_giftxchnge 2011 repost (i'm done now, sorry for spamming. but hey, it's fic!)
Title: Heartbeats
to: brianslave from: sakesushimaki
Brian/Justin | 510-centric | drama, angst | 2x200+4x100 words
Notes: brianslave wanted a fic dealing with Brian’s thoughts as he hears of the bombing. I hope this isn’t too terribly far off from what you had in mind. Very Merry Christmas to you!
Heartbeats
by sakesushimaki
This will be the best trip of his life. He is cancer-free, obligation-free, boyfriend-free - life is great.
Brian rubs his hands together, trying to warm them up. Sure, he could’ve worn thicker clothes, more layers. But the point is that he won’t need them in Down-Under.
Have a nice vacation, boss. I’m glad you’re okay. Brian huffs at the text before putting his phone away.
Thanks, Theodore.
They are all down at Babylon, partying for a good cause. Justin seemed kind of disappointed that he wouldn’t be there. Not that he gives a fuck what Justin feels. Justin clinked himself out, Justin was the one who decided. Justin should know better than to expect him there. He does, probably. Brian and good causes? They repel each other. This time, the force is strong enough to catapult Brian to the other side of the globe.
Brian shakes his head and unfolds the newspaper. As of five minutes ago, he’s on vacation. Nothing will ruin this.
“There’s been an explosion at Babylon, a local gay club…There are many injuries, possibly fatalities…”
“Turn around,” Brian says right before his chest constricts, sucks all air in, and then releases slowly, in one painful throb.
One heartbeat.
Brian shudders at the force. It’s painful and so unbearably slow. And true to each fucking cliché, everything is forever away.
Brian tells the driver to go faster, but his voice is distorted by the horrible slow-motion that curses through everything but his mind.
Taking out the phone, pressing speed dial, it all takes a lifetime, but his body won’t move faster.
“The number you have dialled can’t be reached at the moment. Please-” The third try leaves him with the same result.
Please. Please, he begs, with no one in particular.
Brian is a fucking liar.
Two heartbeats.
When Justin left, that last time, it hit him out of nowhere. They were good, they were feeling right and Brian was fucking enjoying waking up with Justin every day.
Of course there were stupid remarks, idiotic actions and the failure to follow through with what he decided while riding a bike back home from Canada.
But all that counted was that Justin was back, had returned from glamorous Hollywood to Pittsburgh, to Brian. And Brian would learn. He would change. Brian meant it when he said that he wanted Justin around.
He figured he’d have more time.
Three heartbeats.
His chest clenches extra hard this time and Brian can barely breathe.
He has always been an action guy, a don’t-try-do! person, operating in imperatives, in the now. With Justin he has always been the biggest procrastinator.
It wasn’t one of those on-first-sight things people love so much. But despite what he said, despite what he did, he’s known for a long time. You don’t grow up a Kinney and not know, when something is big and so good that you don’t know what to do with it.
But he never followed through.
Brian is a fucking coward.
Four heartbeats.
All his friends, his family, are there. He should’ve been there, too. If anything, he should be the one to go down with Babylon, like the captain and his ship.
Why are he and Michael even fighting? Because they want different things in life? Because blaming Mikey, his lifestyle, his influence on Justin, seemed like the easiest way out? Because Justin ran to him when he was looking for safety?
It is all so fucking stupid.
What if Debbie got hurt? What about Mel and Lindsay? What would happen to Gus? What if…
What if Justin doesn’t know?
Five heartbeats.
The driver tells him they’re here and Brian feels his heartbeat slow into suspension. His brain tells him that this has been a five-minute ride. His heart is silent.
The car is slowing down and emergency lights roam the interior. The blue fills Brian. It almost swallows him up, until he breaks free and into action.
He reaches for the door handle and tries to breathe through the pain in his chest, unrelenting, hard and immobile.
Please, he thinks, don’t let anything happen to him. It’s become a mantra.
The air outside is cold, charged, but Brian can’t really breathe anyway, can’t think. There are noises, voices, more lights, but none of them tell him where Justin is.
He scans the crowd, panic setting in.
Jennifer! She’s a link to Justin.
Justin, inside, is all that registers. In his mind he flies inside, in reality everything is still unbearably slow.
He shouts for him, his voice not his anymore.
Brian’s chest aches with the silent pain he can’t describe, the smoke, the stench of burnt flesh is paralyzing.
Then, a streak of light, a moment, and he grabs at it. He pulls Justin in his arms.
Six heartbeats.
to: brianslave from: sakesushimaki
Brian/Justin | 510-centric | drama, angst | 2x200+4x100 words
Notes: brianslave wanted a fic dealing with Brian’s thoughts as he hears of the bombing. I hope this isn’t too terribly far off from what you had in mind. Very Merry Christmas to you!
Heartbeats
by sakesushimaki
This will be the best trip of his life. He is cancer-free, obligation-free, boyfriend-free - life is great.
Brian rubs his hands together, trying to warm them up. Sure, he could’ve worn thicker clothes, more layers. But the point is that he won’t need them in Down-Under.
Have a nice vacation, boss. I’m glad you’re okay. Brian huffs at the text before putting his phone away.
Thanks, Theodore.
They are all down at Babylon, partying for a good cause. Justin seemed kind of disappointed that he wouldn’t be there. Not that he gives a fuck what Justin feels. Justin clinked himself out, Justin was the one who decided. Justin should know better than to expect him there. He does, probably. Brian and good causes? They repel each other. This time, the force is strong enough to catapult Brian to the other side of the globe.
Brian shakes his head and unfolds the newspaper. As of five minutes ago, he’s on vacation. Nothing will ruin this.
“There’s been an explosion at Babylon, a local gay club…There are many injuries, possibly fatalities…”
“Turn around,” Brian says right before his chest constricts, sucks all air in, and then releases slowly, in one painful throb.
One heartbeat.
Brian shudders at the force. It’s painful and so unbearably slow. And true to each fucking cliché, everything is forever away.
Brian tells the driver to go faster, but his voice is distorted by the horrible slow-motion that curses through everything but his mind.
Taking out the phone, pressing speed dial, it all takes a lifetime, but his body won’t move faster.
“The number you have dialled can’t be reached at the moment. Please-” The third try leaves him with the same result.
Please. Please, he begs, with no one in particular.
Brian is a fucking liar.
Two heartbeats.
When Justin left, that last time, it hit him out of nowhere. They were good, they were feeling right and Brian was fucking enjoying waking up with Justin every day.
Of course there were stupid remarks, idiotic actions and the failure to follow through with what he decided while riding a bike back home from Canada.
But all that counted was that Justin was back, had returned from glamorous Hollywood to Pittsburgh, to Brian. And Brian would learn. He would change. Brian meant it when he said that he wanted Justin around.
He figured he’d have more time.
Three heartbeats.
His chest clenches extra hard this time and Brian can barely breathe.
He has always been an action guy, a don’t-try-do! person, operating in imperatives, in the now. With Justin he has always been the biggest procrastinator.
It wasn’t one of those on-first-sight things people love so much. But despite what he said, despite what he did, he’s known for a long time. You don’t grow up a Kinney and not know, when something is big and so good that you don’t know what to do with it.
But he never followed through.
Brian is a fucking coward.
Four heartbeats.
All his friends, his family, are there. He should’ve been there, too. If anything, he should be the one to go down with Babylon, like the captain and his ship.
Why are he and Michael even fighting? Because they want different things in life? Because blaming Mikey, his lifestyle, his influence on Justin, seemed like the easiest way out? Because Justin ran to him when he was looking for safety?
It is all so fucking stupid.
What if Debbie got hurt? What about Mel and Lindsay? What would happen to Gus? What if…
What if Justin doesn’t know?
Five heartbeats.
The driver tells him they’re here and Brian feels his heartbeat slow into suspension. His brain tells him that this has been a five-minute ride. His heart is silent.
The car is slowing down and emergency lights roam the interior. The blue fills Brian. It almost swallows him up, until he breaks free and into action.
He reaches for the door handle and tries to breathe through the pain in his chest, unrelenting, hard and immobile.
Please, he thinks, don’t let anything happen to him. It’s become a mantra.
The air outside is cold, charged, but Brian can’t really breathe anyway, can’t think. There are noises, voices, more lights, but none of them tell him where Justin is.
He scans the crowd, panic setting in.
Jennifer! She’s a link to Justin.
Justin, inside, is all that registers. In his mind he flies inside, in reality everything is still unbearably slow.
He shouts for him, his voice not his anymore.
Brian’s chest aches with the silent pain he can’t describe, the smoke, the stench of burnt flesh is paralyzing.
Then, a streak of light, a moment, and he grabs at it. He pulls Justin in his arms.
Six heartbeats.