red
Title: red
Author: sakulette
Pairing: JunSeung
Rating: pg
Summary: none.
A/N: I only wrote this to vent how I've been feeling lately..
Every time his parents tell him that he’s not good enough, he cuts himself.
Every time he watches his friends go on with their lives without even thinking about him, he slides the blade slowly but harshly over his flesh.
Every time Junhyung turns away from him, Hyunseung watches the blood creep down his thin wrist.
Hyunseung often wonders to himself, watching everyone he knows having a good life, am I just unimportant? Would anyone here even notice if I caused harm to myself? Would they notice if I disappeared..?
Hyunseung finds these thoughts plaguing him so much more as BEAST gets more successful. He finds that even though the other members are becoming happier and happier, he seems to be falling deeper and deeper into the red pool of pain he lives in.
“Do I matter to you?” The question eats away at him. He had to ask. Junhyung simply stares at him.
“Hyunseung, what do you-”
Tears are silently falling. Hyunseung can only glance anywhere besides in front of him. Junhyung watches him. Junhyung watches him, to try and understand what the other is saying.
“Would you even care if I was gone one day?”
And Hyunseung stays still, tears continuing to drop.
“I know that this is so selfish of me to say, but I want to know that I mean something to you..” Hyunseung clenches and unclenches his fists. “I want to know that I mean something to somebody.”
And Junhyung frowns, before grabbing Hyunseung and pulling him to his chest. Hyunseung’s body is trembling.
“Idiot.. You mean the world to me.”
Hyunseung can only smile. They stay this way for a few minutes, before Hyunseung pulls away and turns his back on Junhyung.
“Thank you for lying.”
As he walks away, Hyunseung digs into his pocket and pulls out his small blade.
Junhyung frowns.
Junhyung knew Hyunseung was feeling insecure. He knew that Hyunseung was doubting everything good he had.
But Junhyung didn’t really know anything.
He never understood why Hyunseung would cut himself. He never understood why he’d do that to himself.
Hyunseung never wanted anyone to know, Junhyung especially. In his mind, he blamed everything on the bad things in his life - on failed dreams, on disappointing others, on feeling alone. But this wasn’t the real reason Hyunseung did what he did.
Every time he saw Junhyung, Hyunseung would think of things that could never be. Hyunseung wanted to hug Junhyung, to kiss Junhyung, and he sometimes even wanted Junhyung to make love to him.
But this was something he could never have.
It was painful.
And sometimes, it’s easier to forget the pain by bringing another pain to yourself.
Author: sakulette
Pairing: JunSeung
Rating: pg
Summary: none.
A/N: I only wrote this to vent how I've been feeling lately..
Every time his parents tell him that he’s not good enough, he cuts himself.
Every time he watches his friends go on with their lives without even thinking about him, he slides the blade slowly but harshly over his flesh.
Every time Junhyung turns away from him, Hyunseung watches the blood creep down his thin wrist.
Hyunseung often wonders to himself, watching everyone he knows having a good life, am I just unimportant? Would anyone here even notice if I caused harm to myself? Would they notice if I disappeared..?
Hyunseung finds these thoughts plaguing him so much more as BEAST gets more successful. He finds that even though the other members are becoming happier and happier, he seems to be falling deeper and deeper into the red pool of pain he lives in.
“Do I matter to you?” The question eats away at him. He had to ask. Junhyung simply stares at him.
“Hyunseung, what do you-”
Tears are silently falling. Hyunseung can only glance anywhere besides in front of him. Junhyung watches him. Junhyung watches him, to try and understand what the other is saying.
“Would you even care if I was gone one day?”
And Hyunseung stays still, tears continuing to drop.
“I know that this is so selfish of me to say, but I want to know that I mean something to you..” Hyunseung clenches and unclenches his fists. “I want to know that I mean something to somebody.”
And Junhyung frowns, before grabbing Hyunseung and pulling him to his chest. Hyunseung’s body is trembling.
“Idiot.. You mean the world to me.”
Hyunseung can only smile. They stay this way for a few minutes, before Hyunseung pulls away and turns his back on Junhyung.
“Thank you for lying.”
As he walks away, Hyunseung digs into his pocket and pulls out his small blade.
Junhyung frowns.
Junhyung knew Hyunseung was feeling insecure. He knew that Hyunseung was doubting everything good he had.
But Junhyung didn’t really know anything.
He never understood why Hyunseung would cut himself. He never understood why he’d do that to himself.
Hyunseung never wanted anyone to know, Junhyung especially. In his mind, he blamed everything on the bad things in his life - on failed dreams, on disappointing others, on feeling alone. But this wasn’t the real reason Hyunseung did what he did.
Every time he saw Junhyung, Hyunseung would think of things that could never be. Hyunseung wanted to hug Junhyung, to kiss Junhyung, and he sometimes even wanted Junhyung to make love to him.
But this was something he could never have.
It was painful.
And sometimes, it’s easier to forget the pain by bringing another pain to yourself.