i really should be sleeping. lol.
so yeah....i havent been on as much....which means i am way behind on reading what everyone is writing, and i totally feel awful about it....cause i feel like you might think i dont care, so thats why i dont comment. but seriously, its NOT true.
life has been so shitty lately. it sucks. i had like a breakdown just a couple of days ago....i mean breakdown with the whole works. its actually quite stupid, and i am so embarrassed about it....but, whatever...i think it helped....cause i kinda cleared my head a little. sadly though....i wish i could just have like a day to think things better. with work and the mindless bull i do everyday...i live like a fucken robot. its all so mundane....so robotic. i barely have time to myself. and to be honest...that is driving me insane.
at least i have finally come down to making a decision in what i want to do with life. i just hope i can get financial aid to do it. graphics design and photography. i dont know.......i hope it works out.......i wish i wasnt so afraid. i dont mind putting my sob pathetic thoughts out there....but.....failing at something i want to do is like freaking....lol.....it scares me. i hate that because i am so scared i am willing to give up even before i try. its kinda what has been stopping the last two yrs....*sigh*
i really dont want to waste no more time. i will be 24 next month....and....*sigh*.....it just feels like at times.....it too late to start over. i know it isnt, and i know its the fear that is making me say that.....but.....where was this motivation when i was in my teens.....or early adult hood....i am in my mid-twenties....what the hell!?!??!
*rolls eyes*
well....anywho its offical now....i seriously dont want to eat meat or chicken anymore.....it just grosses me out so much. so.....veggie it is. lol.
yeah.....pointless and very boring blog/post.....but.....i needed to get some of it out.
XOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!!!!
life has been so shitty lately. it sucks. i had like a breakdown just a couple of days ago....i mean breakdown with the whole works. its actually quite stupid, and i am so embarrassed about it....but, whatever...i think it helped....cause i kinda cleared my head a little. sadly though....i wish i could just have like a day to think things better. with work and the mindless bull i do everyday...i live like a fucken robot. its all so mundane....so robotic. i barely have time to myself. and to be honest...that is driving me insane.
at least i have finally come down to making a decision in what i want to do with life. i just hope i can get financial aid to do it. graphics design and photography. i dont know.......i hope it works out.......i wish i wasnt so afraid. i dont mind putting my sob pathetic thoughts out there....but.....failing at something i want to do is like freaking....lol.....it scares me. i hate that because i am so scared i am willing to give up even before i try. its kinda what has been stopping the last two yrs....*sigh*
i really dont want to waste no more time. i will be 24 next month....and....*sigh*.....it just feels like at times.....it too late to start over. i know it isnt, and i know its the fear that is making me say that.....but.....where was this motivation when i was in my teens.....or early adult hood....i am in my mid-twenties....what the hell!?!??!
*rolls eyes*
well....anywho its offical now....i seriously dont want to eat meat or chicken anymore.....it just grosses me out so much. so.....veggie it is. lol.
yeah.....pointless and very boring blog/post.....but.....i needed to get some of it out.
XOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!!!!