Re: I'm Sorry...salamanderiJanuary 16 2005, 10:24:30 UTC
Ry, It's ok and I understand what you are going through. I think we have all been pretty damn frustrated around here. We have all been mad but ofcourse we can work together to get through this cause we are family. Shit has been so crazy lately. I have felt a little lost myself to tell you the truth. It's just because this all happened so quickly. HOnestly Ry, I know tat Mom and Dad are stressed that you don't have a job yet and it seems as though you are not trying very hard bt I guess you really are in your own way. Impatience is what is getting to everyone. We all want immediate satisfaction and that is not going to happen. Another thing I know is that Mom, Dad and I are not fod of Chris at all, oh not to mention Suray. I know tat he is your fiend and you do not want to and probably are not going to listen to us but, we all really think that he is one of the contributing factors to all of this drama. He knows that you don't need to be out partying every night yet he still does it with you. Why can't he just tell you "no t would be
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Re: I'm Sorry...dis_illusionJanuary 16 2005, 13:36:30 UTC
I'm not really sure why it is that you have so much hate for me but I know that hate is a product of fear. I feel that you fear that I am trying to pull something away from you and yours. Which I can understand but I think that you misunderstand. Many comments you have made are "don't let chris do this or that" "don't let him tell you this or that" While you tell him this and that I stay nutral as I always have. Ryan is a good friend of mine and I will have respect him no matter what choices he makes, He knows that. I've offered my advice when needed and pushed my views never. I feel if I have acted the way people have acted towards me then you would really have something to fear. I don't know what you really expect me to be. I'm not an angel that will make everthing perfect by yesterday. I'm someone who is not too far off, someone who gives out what he hopes to recieve, someone whos stands by who stands by him. I'm not at the high point in my life anymore but this is the focal point and the only place to go is up. Ryans my ninja.
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That's an awesome quote Sheila. And thank you by the way. Yeah writing is not an easy task. That's one of the few stories I have actually finished. Much Love- Kenna
okay about everything thats been going on, i think its all bullshit. ryan, you need to seriously stop hanging out with that person who is controling your life and u know that they are. i know that you are going through a hard time right now, that i do understand, but what i coulnt understand was why treat us, the people who love you the most like shit? you know what, i dont even care about the past because that would only get us no where, i just want you to find yourself and do things for youeself and not other people. about us, you know that i love you with all my heart and no one will ever change that, just you can do that. and yeah i have been going through alot and no you havent been there for me, not once but thats okay iam not going to hold a gruge against you becasue you know i've always said, "TWO WORNGS DONT MAKE A RIGHT",
and also, if you really want to talk to me about something, you should do it. i miss you like crazy as well, i may not show it, but i do. i try to just forget about you and make the pain go away, but when you call me for whatever reason, i get all happy thinking that your just going to say," im sooo sorry for everything and i love you". but no we always end up in a fight or we end up saying bad words to eachother or just anything stupid that can ever come to mind WE DO IT! so if your really changed or what to change then we'll see what happens. iam happy that you've finally come to some realization ryan,because seriously i dont know if you really noticed or not, but you are hurting alot of people, not just me but your family the ones that should mean the most to you in the whole wide world. thats all i have to say about this, and plus i just woke up from a deep sleep, so i dont even think i make sence. but i know you'll understand what im talking about. love you both muah, suray
The only people that are trying to control his life are you and erica. You are the ones playing games, bringing people down. How many negative comments have you made? Do you really think I tell him not to do......anything? I have become a scapegoat. Just because I hang out with him doesn't mean I tell him who to hang out or talk to......unlike someone else I know...... These little cheap shots at a little fun are more like leverage....just sticking the knife in deeper. Another reason to attack. GODDAMN it's annoying.
I have only said what I have truly felt. No games. No bull. I have been straight up without any intention of making cheap shots. I have never tried to control Ryan's life and he knows that. He knows that I love him with all of my heart and that I only aim at DIRECTING him. Not controlling him. Only he can hold the reigns. I just give him a little nudge from time to time. Ryan understands this about me. That is all that matters to me.
Fuck This BULLSHIT!nothankstoherJanuary 17 2005, 06:48:02 UTC
This shit is mother fuckin insane... Look, fuck all of this bullshit... I make my own mother fuckin decisions... No one... NO ONE has power over me... AT ALL... Suray, you know that I love you and that's that... Erica, you know I love you and THAT is that... Chris, you my hommie and THAT... IS... THAT! I don't want to hear about this shit anymore... You people can't be friends and get along... Why do you waste your time arguing? You are not gonna get anywhere... It only gets worse... I open an LJ entry and its life fire burns my eyebrows... It's mad fucked up... Noo one is going to tell me who to hang out with or what to do, because I don't do that to you guys... If I do... You still don't give a fuck, so why should I... Chris maybe an evil manipulator to you guys, but damn... I am not like you... I didn't judge Chris in a heartbeat.. I took the fuckin time to get to know him... He has never tried to convince me to turn on either of you... He has never tried to make me side... He has never tried to tell me what to do or how to do...
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"Pain is key to the pen"
just a qoute I thought you'd like.
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Much Love- Kenna
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