Once invincible, now invisible

[salivar]

I remember when I didn't really know the difference between the words "invincible" and "invisible". They sounded the same to me. I just chose one when I had the chance to say one and hoped it was correct. (It usually wasn't

Comments

[seiryuu26]

You once wrote about finding beauty in something every day. Do you feel good when you find it? If so, is it the beauty of what you've found that makes you feel good, or is it achievement of your goal that makes you feel good? If it's goal achievement, you can use that to your advantage by setting realistic, frequent goals. Perhaps an example would be "made tzatziki sauce and used it on a cucumber pita sandwich for maximum deliciousness."

A frequent theme I see in your writing is that you're making an effort to become a better person. This is indicated in phrases like "get out there and make an impact." Do you know why this is important to you? Do you have specific ideas of what it means to "be a better man," of what you must achieve before you can consider yourself better?

[salivar]

Answering the second question first...

In becoming a better man, it really is a personal quest for me to do things that I don't look back on and say "I should have done something different" or to do things that I don't feel shameful about later. I feel that I've really relied on short term crutches to get me through some shit and that didn't really work out so I am trying to change things around for the better, long term, by doing things and acting differently in the long term. It's just a matter of "Am I still happy I did that?:

First question second: I feel good when I find something beautiful or nice because I can look at that one detail from an otherwise tough day and say "Well, at least you found/saw/noticed that thing before it all went to shit on you." It's my safety mechanism because I never really know when I'm going to feel all bent out of shape.

[seiryuu26]

I feel like we've dealt with/are dealing with a lot of the same issues.

To this day, I'll occasionally be reminded of something stupid I've done in the past and it'll make me shake my head around and exclaim "fuuuuuuuuck" or something of the sort. Thankfully, It doesn't manifest itself so dramatically when I'm not alone. However, I've been moderately successful at accepting those things from my past that I now see as "wrong" decisions by telling myself "at the time, it seemed like the right decision." or "there were no significant consequences," depending on what exactly happened. For me, one of these statements are true in almost all cases, and they are usually enough to allow me to move on beyond those harmful thoughts.

We are constantly changing - what you see as a correct decision now might make you go "ugh I was so young and so wrong" five years from now. I bet if I end up broke or in a shitty job I'll think to myself "I should have stayed at Real." I know I thought that when I had to work for Curran in 2009.