The Things I Meant To Say by Thomas Beechey
THE THINGS I MEANT TO SAY
(Thomas Beechey)
It seems that, lately, all I have spinning 'round my head,
Are all the itty bitty things I never ever said,
So many times I wanted to and countless times I tried,
But who knows why? It seems that I kept them locked inside,
Days turned to weeks,then months and years, soon a lifetime passed,
And what remains are endless tears instead of smiles to last,
Oh, I'd give everything I had for just another day,
To hold you close and whisper those things I meant to say.
I meant to say "Good morning" each time as you awoke; I meant to say "How are you" whenever we spoke,
I meant to say "You're special" when no one seemed to care; I meant to say "I thank you" for always being there,
I meant to say "I'll help you" no matter what the task; I meant to say "I'll listen" to each question you'd ask,
I meant to say "You helped me" for answers you'd give; I meant to say "Because of you" for reasons that I live.
So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way,
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard,
But they echo daily in my mind and so I find myself resigned,
To listen as my conscience sings these intended but unuttered things.
I meant to say "I'm sorry" when I knew I was wrong; I meant to say "Don't worry" when roads ahead seemed long,
I meant to say "I'll lead you" when you couldn't find the road; I meant to say "I'll take it" when you couldn't bear the load,
I meant to say nothing at all each time I'd complain; I meant to say "I'll shield you" from every drop of rain,
I meant to say "Forgive me" for each tear I made you cry; I meant to say "Please give me one more chance to tell you why."
So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way,
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard,
What was I thinking? Why'd I wait? I know it now but now's too late,
My heart lies bare with broken strings atop a mound of voiceless things.
I meant to say "I'll find it" when all you sought was time; I meant to say "I'll pull you" over each uphill climb,
I meant to say "Take my hand" as each road began to slant; I meant to say "Yes,you can" when you said you can't,
I meant to say "We did it" as we passed each test; I meant to say "It's over" when we'd find time to rest,
I meant to say "Here's the key" to secrets that I keep; I meant to say "Dream sweetly" as you closed your eyes to sleep.
So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way,
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard,
Except by me from the morning sun until the day is finally done,
Yes, now you're gone and each day brings to mind these never-spoken things.
It seems that, lately, all I have rolling through my brain,
Are all the teeny, weeny things I'll never say again,
The things I should have said to the one I was with,
And all those misspent moments that have faded into myth...
So many things I meant to say but something always got in the way,
Now no one's here to hear a word and so these things will not be heard,
Sometimes, at night,your name I'll call to a faded frame on a shaded wall ---
I meant to say "I love you,"
I meant to say "I love you,"
I meant to say "I love you..."
And that one hurts the most of all.