001 Artistry
Artistry | PG-13 | EunHae | AU, Angst | Oneshot
Summary: "And all of a sudden, the pain consumes me."
Warning: Donghae-centric
1 ON DISPLAY
Kyuhyun is a stupid prick, I note, because he stares at the girls rather than the paintings. Though, of course, some of these girls are works of art using silicone and scalpels. He refuses to keep me company when I badly need it - when I am lost within the walls of the gallery, when I don’t know a single fucking person in this city other than him. He is a stupid prick, and he evaporates to thin air as I think these thoughts.
An uncomfortable, eerie silence engulfs me. All around me, people are silently pondering the paintings on the walls. The subtle music coming from the sound system is gradually fading, and I’m scared, suddenly - more scared than usual. Someone speaks, catching everyone’s attention, and they turn to the little stage near the large glass doors, where a man stands towering over the rest of them. I stare, because he’s fascinating.
I notice Kyuhyun whispering with a woman older than him, and I decide to let them be.
The fascinating, tall man is beaming, his animated gestures entertaining the hell out of the audience and they clap. He unveils a canvas beside him and out came a striking blend of colors - a contrast to the black and white of the rest of the paintings and the black and white sophistication of the guests.
He speaks, in behalf of the missing artist, and thanks everyone for coming and says the drinks are on him.
I think I imagine him looking towards my general direction as the applause dies down and more drinks are served. He steps off the stage and walks away, people shaking his hand here and there. Kyuhyun interrupts my observation when he tells me to take a cab alone later, since he met someone and they’re heading someplace else in a while. I nod, extending my neck to look for the fascinating creature again, but I can’t find him anymore. I sneer at Kyuhyun, because it’s his fault, only to see him gone with the wind, Donghae forgotten.
“Hi,” I look behind me and see the fascinating man I’ve been looking at beaming towards me with a perfect smile, his dimples showing. “Thank you for coming today.”
I take his extended hand and shake it. His grip is firm but his skin is soft. “You’re not the artist, but it’s my pleasure.”
He laughs, “No, I’m the manager.”
“A glorified babysitter,” I offer.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “I guess you could say that.”
A waiter passes by and he gets us drinks and he asks my name and I give it and his warm smile and excellent manners accompany me to see the rest of the artworks.
“You’re an artist?”
I give him a small smile, “Of a completely different kind.”
“A musician?”
“Performing arts,” I confess. “But there’s also singing involved, I guess.”
He examines my face, “You don’t seem fake to me.” He waves goodbye to some people who were leaving the venue. “Are you sure someone as genuine as you can act?”
I challenge him, “How do you know I’m not acting like a genuine person and doing a fucking good job at it?”
“You’re cute,” he responds and I take no offence.
--
Siwon - the fascinating man, invites me to dinner and I say yes. With all his face and money, I half-expected a five-star restaurant with an expensive undecipherable menu. Instead, he takes me to a pizza joint with rude waitresses but great food.
A remarkably blonde waitress takes our order but a brunette one serves them for us. Though, they look slightly alike, maybe the blonde girl had worn a wig or something.
“You seem distracted,” Siwon comments. “Are you surprised I took you to this place? You don’t eat peasant food?”
I get a slice of pizza, fold its thin crust and munch on it, “This is hardly peasant food, rich person.”
e smiles. He takes a sip of his coffee and grimaces. “Well, the coffee tastes like sock broth.”
I try to shush and laugh at the same time but am unsuccessful. He settles with bottled water and eats more pizza, shaking his head and smiling.
“You know what, you’re really cute,” he says. His handsome features aren’t lying - I get that a lot, but there’s something suggestive in the tone he’s using. I don’t know for sure what it is, but I might have a clue. “Are you sure you aren’t just acting? Because I’m afraid I’m starting to like you - or the one you’re portraying right now at least.”
“As far as I know this is the real Donghae. And I like you too, Mister Babysitter.”
2 MISPLACED
The rehearsals begin and I barely see Kyuhyun even if I’m currently residing on his couch and general living area. And I thought all geeks are antisocial. He works for this highly pretentious company that creates video games and the asshole is convinced his office is a slice of heaven, so he doesn’t go home. When he does, he’s on a date with a girl he met the other week - but it’s never the same girl twice, and goes back to his room to make out and/or have a good fuck.
On the rare occasions that he is home, he badgers me with exquisitely stupid Siwon questions. Where are you two going? Is he really exponentially rich? What gastronomic experience did you have today? Are you convinced he’s not gay? Have you met the introverted artist he’s keeping locked up in the dungeon of his palace? How about the other introverted artists in the other prison cells? Have you guys had sex yet? Did you just have sex in my kitchen?
I’m generally too tired to respond to him, because of the Romeo and Juliet production that I’m in. I’m not Romeo - but I don’t tell Kyuhyun and Siwon this. The casting director said I’m too short to be Romeo. I can’t even begin to comprehend his reasoning; I mean, he was the one who told me to take off the shoe lifts.
But, still Siwon has his way of knowing things - and he knew that I’m not playing Romeo and he’s convinced the director’s making some sort of a huge mistake because I’m the best Romeo there is in this city. I smile, of course.
Siwon ruffles my hair and says, “You’re cute.” We’re disrupted by a phone call, and he has to dash so he asks the waiter to wrap the food up to go and drops me off in front of Kyuhyun’s building.
With his car out of sight, I glance at my watch and notices it’s only 9pm, and that I’m not exactly as tired as I expect I would be.
look up and recognize Kyuyhun’s window right away - the lights are on, he’s probably with someone or enjoying his night alone, so I figured I should walk the city alone.
A bar seems inviting to me, so I went in. It wasn’t too crowded so I found a booth and a waitress without a nametag approached me to get my order. They serve burgers - making it a restaurant which happens to have a bar, so I got one with a bottle of beer. No harm in a bottle of beer, anyway, just bitterness.
The waitress returns a few minutes later as I was watching the local news on the TV. People were starting to crowd the place and it wasn’t long after I finish my burger and ordered another bottle when a man with a cup of coffee in his hand walked towards my booth, asking, “Can I share tables with you? All the others are full.”
I smile and nod, what’s too wrong with two guys sharing booths, anyway. He sat down and the same brunette waitress arrives with his order, strikingly the same order as I had half an hour ago. Maybe this place isn’t known for its diverse menu.
Because I have nothing else to do but drink my beer, I stare at the guy - who was pretty good-looking, by the way, as he devours his burger. His hair is jet black with subtle blue highlights; his skin is pale; his body’s too thin; his lips lack color. It seems as if a vampire sucked most of his blood away, leaving him sickly.
“Excuse me?” I ask, concerned. He turns to me and I continue, “I really think you should drink water rather than coffee or beer. And you should grab another order of that burger.”
His eyes turn glassy and I realize I might have said something that offended him. He put what remains of his burger down and gets something from his pocket - which is kind of freaky, honestly. “I don’t have cash with me,” he showed me a few dollar bills after he emptied his pockets. “So I’m just going to eat what I can afford, okay? Thanks, Mister.”
I am slightly taken aback but I volunteer, “I’d order you another, okay?”
“I don’t need your help, Mister. Please, if you’re done drinking that beer, you should go. Or just leave me fucking alone because that’s what people do, okay? We mind our own business.”
3 STARRY STARRY NIGHT
Siwon invites me to his house because, frankly, I’m still a little depressed about what happened a few days ago at the bar. He says he’d cook me dinner which is rather sweet, given that we’ve known each other for only a few weeks, and that his schedule is rather jam-packed because of this artist he’s managing.
“Come sit down,” he welcomes me at the door.
I’m instantaneously fascinated by the enormity of the space of his house. And it’s very white - almost too white, actually. But the ceiling was adorned with some kind of fresco of stars and constellations.
“It’s a perpetual night up there,” he says when he notices me straining my neck to look at the ceiling. “But it’s constantly bright in the house, so it’s a contrast.” He explains, “I like contrasts.”
“It’s amazing,” I tell him, because it really, really is. “Did you paint that?”
He chuckles, “I wish! But, no. It’s one of the first works of the artist I’m working with, actually. He’s a talented boy, really; I just wish he goes out with people other than me, you know.” He joins me in staring at the mural. “But, anyway, enough about work. Dinner will be served in five. Glass of wine?”
The happiness doesn’t last very long after the glass of wine because Siwon has to attend to another emergency, caused by his artist. He drives me home and I sleep with my headset on full volume because Kyuhyun’s partner for tonight is drastically loud in bed.
--
Another one bites the dust, I conclude, because Kyuhyun’s long-time girlfriend - yes he has a steady girlfriend aside from his fuck buddies, announced her arrival through a phone call and my friend practically shoved his whore out of the door.
He puts a fresh bed sheet to replace the one stained by all his sexcapades. He dashes around his apartment and grabs all clothes lying around - including his whores’ undies, and puts them on a black plastic bag. It has become, both figuratively and literally, a trash bag.
I’m put on kitchen duties, to wash a month’s worth of dishes. I proceeded to dispose of them than touch the grimy, moldy leftovers.
Seohyun is a lovely girl, Kyuhyun’s girlfriend. She doesn’t want me to ‘evacuate’ Kyuhyun’s living room now that she’s here. But I know I have to go - she has been doing volunteer work in Africa and South America for the past two years and they need privacy. I completely understand.
Kyuhyun is a behaved puppy when Seohyun is around. He glares at my direction when she’s not looking, warning me not to utter a single word about his Casanova lifestyle. I know how to keep my mouth shut. And how to mind my own business. Besides, Seohyun is good for Kyuhyun. I just wish she’d stop believing Kyuhyun’s darn lies for once.
--
Siwon saves me, then. He offers me his living room as replacement for Kyuhyun’s and I gladly agree. I just made it my philosophy to never miss any chance of seeing the mural again. I don’t tell him this, though - that I might be developing an obsession with his ceiling.
But, of course, a house this big has to have more than one room. Siwon helps me carry my few things to the room next to his - a guest room, and he serves lunch.
I don’t see him most of the time because he’s in the middle of promoting his artist’s next art show. And he tells me he’s planning on procuring his own gallery so the other works won’t be homeless. Despite the black and white theme of this artist, he sells like candy. At first, Siwon doesn’t understand why such morbidly-themed paintings will sell. But, in the end, black and white make a sophisticated product and people don’t always realize whatever they’re looking at.
Meanwhile, the production I’m working on has started showing. And I’m Romeo’s understudy. I’d be lying if I say I don’t wish for this Joongki guy to injure himself. I just want to be out there, instead of watching backstage and waiting for some props to fall on top of his head.
“Excuse me?” I turn to find the stranger from the bar. “Do you know where I can find Director Oh?”
4 BLOOM
Seohyun calls me one night, asking to meet up. Siwon’s kind enough to drive me to her own apartment at the upper side of the city. Her eyes are red and a box of tissue is atop the coffee table. She hugs me as Siwon drives back to his apartment.
There is sobbing, and a lot of crying involved in mending broken hearts, I get it.
It is a little strange, given that I’m originally Kyuhyun’s friend. Seohyun just happens to be his girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. But, now, it seems that we’re friends in our own right, as well.
“You’d be alright, Seo.”
When she calms down, she starts talking, “I feel betrayed. You guys don’t know how many guys I turned down back at the camp. I can’t believe I was waiting for nothing.”
“Honey…”
She smiles, “No, I kind of had a clue. I mean, Kyuhyun is a flirty prick.” I agree with her and she continues, “But I wanted to believe otherwise. I wanted to believe what we had. I wanted to believe the things he told me, the things he showed me. He could’ve broken off things with us before I left. Instead, he just led me on.”
I give her more tissues because she’s a lovely person and Kyuhyun just doesn’t deserve someone as pure as her. “He clearly doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
“And the girl in the picture is too pretty for him.”
“What picture?”
Seohyun cries again, “I found a picture he uses as bookmark in one of the books I sent him. They were very… intimate and… bare.”
“Shh…” I am killing Kyuhyun and his bitch. “He’s an asshole and he’s not even that good-looking. You’ll find someone better, I swear.”
--
Siwon picks me up for breakfast at four in the morning when Seohyun has finally calmed down and headed to bed. I hug him because he’s very nice and he didn’t have to do these things like an overprotective boyfriend. Because, well, obviously, he isn’t my boyfriend.
“He obviously wants to be,” Hara insists. She’s the Juliet understudy and we were chatting as the play goes on. She knows about Siwon because she keeps seeing him dropping me off or picking me up during rehearsals and shows. “Come on, he’s acting like a knight or something; he wants to get in your pants, dude.”
“Shut up.” I dismiss her weird ideas. Siwon is a very good friend who happens to be a very good person - this is the truth I believe in.
“I don’t get it,” she whines. “Why are you so intent on him being just a friend? Do you see how he looks at you?”
Shaking my head, I tell her, “Honey, there are two things in this world I don’t want for myself - heartbreak over sappy relationships, and heartbreak over assumptions.”
Exasperated, she gives up, eventually. “It’s either you’re not gay - which is such a lie I’m going to puke, or you’ve got someone else. I mean, if you really don’t like Siwon and all his riches and glory, you should introduce me to him. I’d make such a wonderful girlfriend.”
I roll my eyes at her and agree to introduce them next time.
“By the way,” she says. “Did you see that guy with the director the other night? I think I saw you two talking. Do you know each other?”
Ah, the restaurant guy. “No, he just asked me where the director was.”
She whispers, “They were so intimate I was going to bash my skull into something, I swear. I never thought Director Oh was interested in guys, ever. I mean, I thought she was asexual. There are rumors she turned down Joongki. Okay that stranger was hot, fine, but Joongki’s gorgeous raised to infinity.”
“Are we done talking about guys yet?”
She laughs. “God, sorry. I forget you’re a guy sometimes.”
--
“Hi,” I offer my hand to the stranger. “I’m Lee Donghae.”
The restaurant guy smiles and appears to have forgotten our encounter weeks ago, despite us being in the same but reversed predicament again. “Lee Hyukjae.” His grip is a tight and manly contrast to the softness of his skin. I look at our hands and his fingers were pale against the healthy tan of mine. His black nail polish also underscores his pallor. “Come sit down.”
5 FOR THE BETTER
Hyukjae is very nice - kind of like Siwon, but better. He’s better than Siwon because (1) he’s not my friend exactly so (2) he doesn’t have to help me with all my misfortunes and (3) he doesn’t act like he wants to get in my pants but pretends to not want to. Basically, he acts like he wants to get in my pants and tells me that exactly. At least, he doesn’t pretend otherwise.
This enrages Hara a little, because she’s mad that I get all the good-looking boys. I console her by inviting her to dinner with me and Siwon. Then I pretend to forget something and leave them to themselves.
It doesn’t go well because Hara is too forward and Siwon is too reserved. The following day, she complains about how boring and overrated he is.
I laugh it off because she finds Joongki overly attractive now, so she’s completely over me getting all the good-looking boys. And she proceeds to pretend last night’s failed date didn’t happen. She does move on quite fast.
Of course, Director Oh isn’t very happy with the turn of events, especially now that Hyukjae visits the set to hang out with me and Hara instead of her - well, with me, mostly. I’m a little scared she’d vent on me and kick me off the production - which was ending, by the way, but Hyukjae says he’d take care of her.
--
Siwon hugs me during the last night of promotions because Joongki and Hara came in late doing God-knows-what and I fill in for the first few scenes. I wear my shoe lifts against Director Oh’s orders because I refuse to look like a midget in my debut performance.
“I told you you’d make an amazing Romeo,” he whispers with a smile and a bouquet of flowers, and disappears in the crowd because people liked me and some people from the press were interviewing Joongki and me. And me.
--
Hara drags me to the restaurant where all of the cast and crew are celebrating. Towards the end of the night, Hyukjae arrives with a single rose for Director Oh and a bottle of wine for me. I can’t help but get confused and jealous at the same time. I don’t get his logic, really.
“You were stunning on stage,” he whispers when he sits down beside me. He raises a glass to me and he puts an arm around me. I shiver infinitesimally and pray he doesn’t sense it. The rose and wine confusion doesn’t bother me at all, now.
“Thanks,” I manage to mumble.
Hara’s eyes are daggers piercing at me and my self-worth. She mouths “whore” at me and I realize my head’s leaning on his shoulder and my whole body is inclined towards him. When I try sitting up, his hand restricts me, keeping me close to him. Her jaw drops because she has been watching us all the while. “Oh. My. Fucking. God,” I read her lips and don’t miss the stress she puts in each word.
--
I feel like singing a love song on top of my lungs now. He takes me to this restaurant with twenty fucking stars and an indoor fountain.
Okay so I have known him for a couple of weeks, if we count that unfortunate restaurant thing - two weeks if we don’t. This seems against all my philosophies in life of being separate from heartbreaks, I figure that. But, heck, I’m making a safe assumption that he likes me. And I’m investing my emotions faster than the speed of sound.
He starts with a spark somewhere near my chest when he comes close to me - near my ear if he whispers, and it spreads like wildfire to the gooseflesh in my arms, robs my knees of strength and warms up my groin in a rather delightful way.
“Donghae?” He calls my name and I’m ready to kick myself because I’m staring at him again. “Will you spend the night with me?”
‘Spend the night.’ It sounds ancient to me. Tell me, is this how Shakespeare fell in love because I don’t recognize the feelings. Cue the background music, please. With the amount of emotions stuck in my throat at the moment, I’m guessing I need an orchestra. I look at him and his hopeful eyes. How do you say no when he’s being this passionate? How does one say no to him, anyway?
I wonder. And he continues looking at me with his glistening eyes. He touches my face, then, his calloused fingertips gently moving from my temples down to my chin and up to my lips, prodding them open.
6 TRESPASS
His movements are fluid and tender; his touch sometimes tentative. He seems just as scared as I am, but I don’t know that for sure. He might have done this a million times for all I know, and he’s just being considerate. Either way, it makes me want this even more.
“Donghae, are you sure you’re okay with this?” He asks.
I nod, because I’m incapable of speaking at the moment. My words have been overtaken and trampled by the raging emotions I have for this person. To speak requires me to abandon some fibers of my body emotionless and I can’t afford that - not now. All I can do is feel.
“Open your eyes,” he says and I don’t even recall closing them. I look at him, watching his face - conscious of the littlest changes, mesmerized by the beauty and wonder that is all him. I swear I don’t need anything else in the world but this - this, with him, all the time.
He puts his lips on mine and the dance begins - breathing hitches, more touching ensues. This does not compare to all I’ve experienced before. He seems to be robbing me of oxygen but I’d be happy to die like this, strung out under him in excitement, harder than I’ve ever been in my life, and wanting so, so much.
--
Kyuhyun kicks me playfully and spitefully at the same time. “You dare go on a gay adventure when your best friend is sporting a broken heart? And you have Siwon hovering over your life, too, by the way.”
“Whoa,” I start to argue. “You look horrible, I see that, but this is how you always look - it’s not because you’re heartbroken. Besides, you’re not my best friend, Kyu. We’re not on that level.”
“Bastard,” he hisses.
I smile because I can still feel Hyukjae’s touch on my neck so I feel infinitely giddy. “Siwon is also a friend, Kyu. What makes you think he’s into me, anyway?”
“What make you think he isn’t?” He asks but he doesn’t wait for me to answer. “That guy likes you so much he’d be willing to kiss your smelly feet.”
“Shut up,” I reply, exasperated. Maybe I should tie Hara and Kyuhyun together in a warehouse and leave them there to rot and die starving. “Now, please, let’s move on to business. Have you talked to Seoyhun yet?”
He raises his hands in the air in surrender. “She doesn’t want to talk to me, Donghae. You know that. She talks to you.”
I roll my eyes. “At least you have to talk to her and apologize properly before she leaves for South America again. It’s better not to leave things unsaid, you know. She is a wonderful person and, no offence, she deserves so much more than what you gave her.”
--
Siwon hugs me when we meet for dinner. “Hey, stranger.”
Okay, so I’m now open to the possibility of him having a slight crush on me - based on the unnecessarily prolonged hug a couple of seconds ago.
“I heard from Director Oh that you have a boyfriend now?”
I sense the glare in his eyes that he tries to hide. “Uh, well, we haven’t actually labeled it as such, but yeah. I’m seeing someone now.”
He smiles and nods. “Wow. Okay.” A waiter serves the food and he says, “When can I meet the lucky guy, then?”
“Uh, well, I don’t really know his schedule so…”
“Okay. Okay.” He twirls the pasta with the fork and gets a bite. “But, see, I’m going to Tokyo to look for the materials for the gallery I told you about, do you remember?”
He tells me about the modern pieces he wants to acquire in Japan and the furniture he saw online that he wants to have for the lobby, and shows me the floor plan and photos of the site location of the gallery. He seems so into it - even planning to have his own office on the top floor and all that. He’s also looking into franchising a coffee shop so he can have one inside the gallery. Wow. I love how he’s so passionate about this.
“So, uh…” He starts placing the files back to the folders and into his bad. “Will you go to Japan with me?”
7 UNRAVELING
I so want to go to Tokyo with Siwon - it’s probably going to be the biggest thing that is going to happen in my sorry life, anyway. He buys us tickets and books hotel rooms and he’s going to pay for everything, “Think of it like you’re my personal assistant and we’re on a business trip.”
He gives me three days to prepare and I pack a small suitcase on the first day. It’s only for a week, he reminds me. And I think I forget to tell Hyukjae - or I don’t feel compelled to tell him because he doesn’t tell me his plans, either. I feel guilty, all of a sudden, when two days before the flight, he invites me over to his apartment.
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
“Uh, nothing, really,” I answer as honestly as I can, not sure on how to tell him I’m leaving for a week.
He smiles and hands me a glass of wine, “Great, come with me to Hong Kong, then, I’m thinking of unwinding and stuff.” I don’t respond so he continues, “Besides, my friends tell me about this cable car ride which lasts for about thirty minutes and I keep on wondering how nice it could be with you there.”
I swallow a thick, bitter lump in my throat. “Actually, I…”
Hyukjae’s hopeful eyes turn to a murky defeat and he says, “You have plans?”
So against my better judgment, I say, “No. I was going to say that I actually want to go to Kyoto or Okinawa with you but Hong Kong’s great, too.”
“Great, I’ll book us tickets.” He smiles and his eyes are shining brightly. Oh my god, I think I want him happy forever like this. But, also, oh my god, how do I break this to Siwon?
--
The better question is, “How do I manage to break Siwon’s heart so often?”
--
“Oh my goodness,” I exclaim when I step onto the cable car, because nobody mentioned the very obvious peril that the floor is fucking transparent. Hyukjae smiles and holds me close. “Is this glass sturdy enough, what if it breaks?”
I put up my feet onto the bench as the thing starts to move. Hyukjae holds out his hand to me from the other bench and he pulls me to him, making me walk the transparent distance to him.
“Holy fuck, I think I’m going to die here,” I manage to freak out because I’m so darn afraid of heights. I clench my eyes close and hold onto Hyukjae tightly, clasping to his clothes, wrinkling them.
He smiles, “You’re not going to die here. I swear.” He sits down on the transparent floor and he seems to be floating in air and he’s still holding me so I’m sitting down on the floor as well and I’m shaking so badly I want to kick him for making me do this.
There is a hand on my neck and he pries my face from his chest so he can look at me. He puts his lips on mine and I allow myself to be distracted, kissing back, opening up a sliver which he takes full advantage of. I feel his tongue slither in, my teeth graze at it gently. He doesn’t hold back, pushing me to the glass floor on my back, and I remember that we’re up in the air, with a body of water below us. I struggle to at least sit up, to allow for some perspective to chase the alienating feeling away.
He pushes me again, though, palms me through my jeans and rubs my stomach as he kisses me. I catch sight of the emerging forest that is below us when I angle my neck to give him better access and I don’t mind falling to the forest if the floor can’t handle what we’re doing - what he’s doing to me.
--
“Tell me something,” I whisper as we walk back to our hotel, his arm around my shoulder. “When you heard about that cable car, did you actually wonder how many times you can make me come while we’re high up in the air?”
He throws his head back slightly and laughs. “Actually, no. I was thinking whether it’s better to give you a blowjob or fuck you on the transparent floor.”
I laugh with him, “Well, I’m just flattered that you think of me so often - and in so many different ways.”
A kiss lands on my nose and he says, teasing back, “Well, if we hurry back, these thoughts will become things.”
8 DOWNHILL
“Who’s Siwon?” Hyukjae asks on our third and last day in Hong Kong. We don’t really see much because Hyukjae is not feeling so well. He compels to my childhood dreams, however, of visiting Disney Land to see the parade.
I continue packing his things into his bag as he folds them nicely. “Oh, he’s my friend. We met recently. I’m staying at his house.”
He nods as my phone stops flickering Siwon’s name. “You seem to be very close; he’s been trying to make an international call for the past half hour.”
“Well, uh, we’re close but not like us.”
“Not like us?” The words roll from his tongue and he smiles.
“Yeah, not like us.”
I finish placing the last of his clothes into the bag; he helps me zip it up. “We still have two hours to spare before we have to be at the airport,” he says as he pushes the bag out of the bed and he holds my wrist and pulls me up, about to kiss me. “So tell me, Donghae. What is us?”
--
Hyukjae proposes for me to come live with him, and gives me the whole plane ride home to decide. Apparently, this guy is a little jealous that I stay with some other guy.
At the airport, I call Siwon to tell him I’d be moving out. But it turns out, he’s not in the city but he says I can move out while he’s away. He doesn’t hide the hurt in his voice, at all. It makes me feel guilty - first, the canceled trip to Japan and now, this.
But, anyway.
I don’t need a moving truck because I don’t really have a lot, so Hyukjae proceeds to drive me to Siwon’s house so we can pick my things up. Obviously, things are moving faster than I had anticipated, but with Hyukjae, it’s all spontaneous trips to Hong Kong and moving in together.
Okay, so it hits me after a while. I’ll be living with the one person that I really, really like. At the same time, I don’t really know a thing about him other than his name.
This is against my better judgment, of course, but I’ll be living with a person that I don’t really know - the same and only person that I want to be with.
--
I notice Hyukjae observing the mural of the perpetual stars on Siwon’s ceiling. “It’s amazing, right? It looks majestic and grand.”
He turns to me and says, “It’s alright.”
“It’s amazing,” I insist. “It’s done by Siwon’s artist friend. I haven’t met him yet, though, but I’d really love to. Siwon says no because apparently, the guy’s extremely possessive of Siwon and might think I have a thing for him and all that.”
“Sounds creepy,” he says. “Anyway, get your things. I’d wait here for you.”
“It’ll only take about five minutes. Entertain yourself first,” I push a button on one of Siwon’s three remote controls and the TV beeps to life. Hyukjae sits down on a couch and I go to the guestroom to pack.
He lets me go only after a long kiss.
--
“Hey, I’m hurrying home, where are you?” Siwon’s voice is strained on the other end of the line. “My artist isn’t at the villa where he’s supposed to be and I think he’s on his way to the house. Are you still at the house?”
“Yes, I’m packing my things,” I reply lazily as I gather the toiletries from the bathroom. “Why do you sound so worried?”
I can hear cars honking on the other end, and Siwon says, “He’s a little haywire, remember? He’s got history to prove he isn’t very sane. I’m hoping you have your boyfriend with you there now?”
“He’s right outside.”
“Okay, I see. I’m about ten minutes away. Get out of the house as soon as you can, the two of you, okay?”
He hangs up before I can respond.
--
Siwon’s paranoia is passed onto me because when I look at the living area, Hyukjae isn’t there anymore.
“Hyukjae?” I try calming myself down by my second syllable breaks. If Siwon’s fucked up artist did anything - anything at all, to my Hyukjae, I don’t know what I’d be capable of doing. “Hyukjae?”
I gulp a lump down my throat when I heard clanking of utensils from the kitchen.
“Hyukjae?”
The silence is threatening to open my tear ducts. Where is Hyukjae?
“Hyukjae.”
9 CRIMSON
“How about we make love under a literal night sky?”
I sigh in relief, hurrying to Hyukjae with a glass of water on his hand. I proceed on kissing him, and he’s surprised by the spontaneity. “Hey.”
He chuckles, “Well. Someone misses me after ten minutes.” He puts the rim of the glass against my lips and says, “I just got myself a glass of water. Go on and drink.” I try shaking my head but he insists, so I drink water and kiss him again.
“Siwon told me we should get out of here as soon as possible.”
“What?” He sounds hurt, “Come on, what about my proposition? Making love under a literal night sky?”
“It’s not a literal night sky.”
“No, but we’ll be making love under this night sky, literally.”
--
He captures my lips with his and I try not to giggle like a little girl. I don’t argue with his words; there aren’t a lot when the touching commences, anyway.
Breathing hitches for a few moments before I take it all in - the scent of his clothes and his skin, the taste of his lips and the slight hint of coffee and the metallic blood that can either be his or mine, because of the biting. I smile and then I stop smiling right away, because his hands are busy taking off the layers that clothe me.
“Hyuk,” I try reasoning, “Not here, please.”
He chuckles, shaking his head and doesn’t allow of what I just told him. Instead, he quickens the undressing, until the cold air meets my skin. “You taste like coffee,” he argues. He kisses me more and coaxes me to the couch, but we don’t make it; so, he breaks our fall to the floor instead.
I cringe, “I don’t drink coffee.” Because it tastes like bitterness and looks like pee. “If I taste like unsweetened latte, you’re tasting yourself, silly.”
“Hmm. Kinky.”
He pushes me to the floor while gently setting my head down like a little child.
“You’re beautiful, Donghae,” he says while looking at my eyes and it’s embarrassing to an extent. I ignore the adoration that graces his expression because if I do, I’ll lose my mind and let him do things in here under the literal night sky, with the risk of Siwon walking in on us.
“Hyuk, room.”
He ignores this, lowering my jeans a few inches instead. It feels like he’s strumming invisible strings in my body but without rhythm - unrelenting and hard, rendering me aware of the littlest feelings brought by the touch of his fingertips, the tip of his tongue, the thrust of his hips.
I feel more intoxicated than usual. I can’t think straight and I allow him to do whatever with me; they’ll end up pleasuring me, too, anyway. “I really, really like you.”
He smiles as he takes his hand away from my hips and uses the other to crush our lips and tongues and teeth together, harder. “Shut up.”
I take a moment to breathe in when he says this, sighing in confusion, “What?”
Hyukjae draws a knife from behind him. He smirks and the confusion is suddenly back. In a flash, the knife vanishes from my sight and I feel it puncturing my left side. I don’t feel pain, because my confusion is bigger than my pain.
There is another stab, near the first wound, and this is when I realize I’m hurting.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?”
“No, Hyukjae…”
I try pleading, but I see unknown emotions on his familiar face behind the tears that cloud my eyes, and I know that for some reason, I’ve lost Hyukjae. And I’m going to die trying to stop his stabbing. I wonder what’s wrong. I wonder what wrong I’ve done for him to hurt me like this - for him to despise me like this.
“Hyuk, s…”
He stands, dropping the knife to the floor. He’s towering over me and my hand reaches out to him as my consciousness gradually falls to an infinite darkness. “I hate you,” his voice is clear and crisp; his words sincere.
And all of a sudden, the pain consumes me.