TM 184: Change
[ooc: Sam has a conversation with Kara is his head (so she's not the real Kara). Post the episode Maelstrom though spoilers are ambiguous.]
Curt: We set out to change the world and ended up...just changing ourselves.
Arthur: What's wrong with that?
Curt: Nothing!...If you don't look at the world.
(Todd Haynes, Velvet Goldmine)
Why are you doing this?
What?
This. Trying to be me.
I'm not trying to be you.
Trying to prove something to me then.
Maybe I'm trying to prove something to me.
Same thing I think.
I don't.
You didn't answer.
I don't know. It seemed the thing to do.
That's not good enough.
Why the frak not?
It's not a real answer.
Says the Queen of sidestepping.
We're not talking about me.
Why not?
I'm not actually here. You wouldn't get any real answers.
I hate you.
No you don't.
Yes, I really do.
So that's why you're doing this? Because you hate me.
Maybe.
That's pretty dumb.
I'm a pretty dumb guy.
Yup.
Frak you.
Was I supposed to argue?
Be nice if you were on my side. Ever.
I'm always on your side.
Now who's lying?
Still you. I'm not me so you are just lying to yourself. Pretty frakked up, Sam.
Shut up.
Know what I think? I think this has nothing to do with lil ol' me.
You would know.
You liked who you were on Caprica. You liked who you were on New Caprica. You like fighting.
No I don't. I like playing ball.
And fighting.
No. I don't.
It's okay to. I like fighting.
I'm not you.
You like being a hero. Making a difference. Changing the world. You could be the poster boy for the fleet you want it so frakking much.
No, Kara, that's you.
Nah. I just point and shoot. I was made this way - you want it.
You know what I really want?
Me?
An identity.
You have an identity. You're Sam.
I had an identity. Growing up? I knew exactly who I was and who I was going to be. And it wasn't this.
Stuff happens. Get over it.
More advice you should give yourself.
No one wants a whiner Sam.
I wasn't whining. You asked, I answered. I'm doing this because I can't be who I was and I have to be somebody.
Still. You like it. The new you. The changed you.
Get out of my head.
I like it here. So roomy without all the brains getting in the way.
I really, really hate you.
Nah, you love me. Everybody loves me.
Everybody hates you, too.
Yeah. I can live with it.
I miss you.
She didn't answer. Sam opened his eyes. She wasn't there.
Muse: Samuel T. Anders
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Word Count: 401
Curt: We set out to change the world and ended up...just changing ourselves.
Arthur: What's wrong with that?
Curt: Nothing!...If you don't look at the world.
(Todd Haynes, Velvet Goldmine)
Why are you doing this?
What?
This. Trying to be me.
I'm not trying to be you.
Trying to prove something to me then.
Maybe I'm trying to prove something to me.
Same thing I think.
I don't.
You didn't answer.
I don't know. It seemed the thing to do.
That's not good enough.
Why the frak not?
It's not a real answer.
Says the Queen of sidestepping.
We're not talking about me.
Why not?
I'm not actually here. You wouldn't get any real answers.
I hate you.
No you don't.
Yes, I really do.
So that's why you're doing this? Because you hate me.
Maybe.
That's pretty dumb.
I'm a pretty dumb guy.
Yup.
Frak you.
Was I supposed to argue?
Be nice if you were on my side. Ever.
I'm always on your side.
Now who's lying?
Still you. I'm not me so you are just lying to yourself. Pretty frakked up, Sam.
Shut up.
Know what I think? I think this has nothing to do with lil ol' me.
You would know.
You liked who you were on Caprica. You liked who you were on New Caprica. You like fighting.
No I don't. I like playing ball.
And fighting.
No. I don't.
It's okay to. I like fighting.
I'm not you.
You like being a hero. Making a difference. Changing the world. You could be the poster boy for the fleet you want it so frakking much.
No, Kara, that's you.
Nah. I just point and shoot. I was made this way - you want it.
You know what I really want?
Me?
An identity.
You have an identity. You're Sam.
I had an identity. Growing up? I knew exactly who I was and who I was going to be. And it wasn't this.
Stuff happens. Get over it.
More advice you should give yourself.
No one wants a whiner Sam.
I wasn't whining. You asked, I answered. I'm doing this because I can't be who I was and I have to be somebody.
Still. You like it. The new you. The changed you.
Get out of my head.
I like it here. So roomy without all the brains getting in the way.
I really, really hate you.
Nah, you love me. Everybody loves me.
Everybody hates you, too.
Yeah. I can live with it.
I miss you.
She didn't answer. Sam opened his eyes. She wasn't there.
Muse: Samuel T. Anders
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Word Count: 401