"Az'heni - 2/2" by aurora_novarum
Title: Az'heni
Author: aurora_novarum
Rating/Warning: PG, warning for mild language
Spoilers: Very Early Season 3 (pre-"Seth"; post Sam's promotion)
Your recipient: Sel, seldear
Request details: Wants: Jacob(&Selmak), Sam's team-mates, a
white fluffy scarf.
Doesn't want: flashbacks to Sam's childhood, a depressing ending
XXXXX
Before she could worry about going to the tel'tak, Sam first had to worry about her guard duty with Kandok. In some perverse way, she was looking forward to it. Since her time blended with Jolinar, flashes of insight would come to her: dreams while she was sleeping. As much as she knew the information was important, many times she felt like Jolinar was still possessing her, and she had to fight to keep herself. Perhaps interaction with Kandok could give her the insight needed--interaction without her teammates hovering nearby, and without the security cameras of the SGC later recording every cough and blink. This was something she needed to figure out for herself in privacy.
But she knew better than to take anything Kandok would say at face value. Tok'ra or Goa'uld, Kandok would be manipulative, and it was in his best interests to exploit any avenues available to him. She had already witnessed it in their interrogation earlier that day.
And of course, she had firsthand knowledge of how manipulative the Tok'ra could be. She could feel Jolinar's desperation and fear when she pulled the pin on the grenade in the Gate room, trying to bluff her way out. Even Sam could not tell if the symbiote's instinct of self-preservation or fear of capture would win out as Sam screamed in her mind for Jolinar to stop before the sedatives finally took effect.
Then there was how she treated the team. Jolinar saw through O'Neill's bravado as easily as Sam had...perhaps because of Sam. It also knew of Kawalsky from Sam's tormented memories and fears she would meet the major's fate and played on that when interacting with the colonel. As Jaffa, Teal'c was a more familiar personality. Though Jolinar could not fully accept that Teal'c had become shol'va, the symbiote at least knew his culture and could relate to his call of freedom, and thus used it to its own ends to get home. And poor Daniel could not even look Sam in the eyes. His pain was acute when he finally did look directly at her to tell her he was sorry. Sam remembered Sha're, and thus gave Jolinar yet another weapon with which to manipulate her friends.
Because of all this manipulation, Sam doubted Jolinar when the symbiote assured her it would leave her mind if possible once it had reached home. Sam was comforted but wondered if those assurances were merely to quell her protests. No one was more shocked than she was when Jolinar sacrificed herself to save Sam.
But Jolinar in some ways never truly died. These dreams and flashes of memory haunted her. Through them Sam gained a better understanding of the symbiote, but at times she felt like Jolinar still possessed pieces of her, like her accidental discovery she could use Goa'uld technology with limited success, or her now constant queasy feeling any time she was near Teal'c.
As she entered, the same queasy feeling returned, and it was one she would endure for the extent of her shift. She exchanged nods with Teal'c. With a warning glare to Kandok, Teal'c departed. Sam settled herself in so that she could keep an alert eye on both prisoner and points of entry.
Now in the supposed Tok'ra's presence, she was uncertain if she wanted to speak to him. She mulled it over in her mind, when Kandok spoke instead with an expression of surprise.
"You were blended."
Sam gritted her teeth and gave a curt nod.
"I thought I was only sensing the Jaffa, I was caught by such surprise. But it was you as well." He gave her an assessing look. "How did you escape?"
"Why do you presume I did?"
"Goa'uld do not leave previous hosts alive if they switch, and the host does not live if the symbiote dies within him."
Sam had not heard that before. "Really?"
"Yes, unless....you were host to Tok'ra? Jolinar. You mentioned Jolinar." Kandok grew excited. "Then you must understand. You know I must leave. You must already know me..."
Sam interrupted. "I know that you know some Tok'ra names and have taken over a native's body, not the behavior of the "truly symbiotic" relationship the Tok'ra describe." She left out her personal history for the moment.
"You must know that was by necessity, not choice. What will it take to convince you?"
Sam suppressed a shudder. Her memory of Jolinar speaking those words was too close to the surface. Sam was not aware of her desire until she spoke it herself. "Let me speak to the host."
Kandok scoffed. "He doesn't understand Tok'ra or what has happened to him, despite my assurances. He does not even understand your language."
"He should know it now. Tok'ra share knowledge with their hosts, right? You could allow him to understand me. Like I'm certain he understands our conversation right now. He's begging for you to let him out and let him speak, isn't he? Do it." She baited him.
Kandok studied her for a moment, then lowered his head. When it came up, the expression was that of a frightened man. He started speaking quickly in a strange tongue, permeated with vowel sounds.
"Sshh. Shh. It's okay. We know what's happened to you. You're safe." Sam soothed. Now that she was speaking to the host, she did not know what to say. And in the back of her mind, she remembered how easily the Goa'uld could take on the persona of the host. It didn't matter though, the host would at least hear her, and she wouldn't say anything the symbiote wouldn't already know or easily figure out. "Do you understand me?"
Miaachi nodded. "Yes." He frowned at the expression, as if testing its strangeness. "How is this possible?"
Sam shook her head. "It doesn't matter. My name is Samantha Carter. I understand what you're going through. It happened to me last year. But I'm fine now." Well, relatively speaking she was. "We're going to try to help you. How do you...", Sam sought for a word that could encompass what she knew he was feeling. "Are you in pain?"
"No. Not now." He moved his fingers experimentally, his hands still tied. "I couldn't be in control. Strange images... Is my family all right?"
"They're all fine."
"It was a demon...it came at me when I entered its strange house. Please, kill me. I don't want to live like this."
"You may not have to." Sam gave a confident expression that served doubly as a warning to the symbiote. "The Tok'ra only remain in willing hosts. If the...creature that possesses you is as he claims, he will leave. We'll make certain he does."
"Do it now."
Sam sighed. "It's not possible, yet. There is no place for it to go, except another person, and it will be unwilling to leave you otherwise. But we will keep you safe. You will not harm anybody."
"But I don't want to live like this. I would rather die."
Sam vowed, "if its people are not reached, or it proves to be telling us lies, I promise you, I will not make you live like this, even if I have to kill you myself." Even if the Tok'ra couldn't be reached, Miaachi was suffering enough without worrying about NID or others. Sam would not let this man go through another hell.
With a head bow, Kandok returned and studied her. "Would you really kill me, Samantha Carter?"
Sam's voice was calm and cold with finality. "If you don't leave him when asked, you better believe it."
The rest of her shift went by in silent staring.
The villagers were right. By mid-morning, the snow and wind had died down. There was a good foot of snow on the ground, but it did not make travel impassable, especially when the villagers lent some sturdy and small snowshoes, which Sam always thought looked like tennis rackets on people's feet. However, they were surprisingly effective once the colonel explained how best to walk in them. The day was clear. Teal'c was good company during the trek out to the probable crash site because his silence let her be alone with her thoughts. The hunters treated her with an uncomfortable respect, augmented by Nama insisting she wear the white fluffy scarf.
Even with the fresh snow, it was obvious there had been some recent damage to some of the trees and brush. The hunters started slowing down and pointing, obviously wanting her and Teal'c to take the lead. Her teammate raised an eyebrow. "We appear to be approaching the crash site, Major Carter." Sam nodded and held her own weapon at ready.
The cargo ship had definitely seen better days when they finally reached it. Sam doubted it would ever fly out of the atmosphere with all the hull damage. As they moved inside, Sam doubted it would ever lift off. Apparently Kandok had had enough respect to take care of his former host's body, because although some blood could be seen on some of the equipment, no body was found. Some pieces of equipment still worked, but a lot of the primary systems were destroyed. Teal'c agreed with her assessment by the way his eyebrow raised at the damage. He turned to her and shook his head.
Sam checked out some of the crystal cells, and noticed power was active for one control display. She moved over to it, finding it somewhat familiar. "Teal'c, do you know what this is?"
Teal'c joined her at the console. "It appears to be a communication device."
Sam's eyes widened. "Kandok apparently got it active after all. Do you think it's sending a signal?"
"It is not the standard distress call for this type of ship, but that is very likely."
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Sam moved back to turn off the power at its source. But before she reached the crystals, a beep could be heard. She and Teal'c exchanged worried expressions.
"It is a coded sequence, Major Carter. Perhaps it is the Tok'ra."
"Yeah, but how do we respond?"
"That I do not know. There is no audio communication, only the code."
Sam returned to studying the device, her hand moving over the console. The receiver repeated the sequence. As her hand moved across the display, her fingers moved automatically to some of the controls, like remembering how to play an old song. She pressed the sequence and paused before the transmit key.
"Major Carter?"
"I don't know, Teal'c. It just seems...familiar."
Teal'c nodded, and Sam transmitted her response. An instant later, a voice could be heard through the communicator, speaking in the recognizable echo of a Goa'uld. Sam's memories of Jolinar had its limits. Goa'uld language was gibberish to her. She looked at Teal'c blankly.
"He is asking for Kandok. It appears your code was correct."
"Which means our guy is Tok'ra. How should we respond?"
The Tok'ra repeated his request more impatiently this time. Teal'c keyed the vocal transmitter and spoke quickly in Goa'uld.
"What did you say?"
"That Kandok was unavailable, and we were friends."
The Tok'ra spoke again, his tone of voice more questioning. Sam and Teal'c exchanged looks again. Sam shook her head, then thought of something. "Maybe if we..." Sam's voice trailed off as she noted Teal'c had already keyed the microphone. Her eyes widened.
But her surprise at realizing her voice had transmitted was nothing to the shock she heard at the response.
"Sam?!?" The echoing timbre of the Tok'ra had transformed into her father's voice.
"Dad?", she replied, barely able to breathe.
"What the hell are you doing there? Where's Kandok?"
"I...he..." Sam swallowed. "He's in a village nearby with Daniel and Colonel O'Neill...where are you?"
"Just entering the system. We've been on search and rescue for him. Is he okay?"
"Well...I'm sorry, Dad. Marzan is dead. Kandok...switched hosts into a native hunter who happened by."
There was a pregnant pause before the communicator crackled again. This time it was again Selmak's voice heard. "I will triangulate on your signal and arrive shortly."
"Understood." Sam shut off their transmitter and was surprised to note her hand trembling.
Teal'c had already keyed the radio on his vest. "O'Neill."
After a pause, the colonel's voice came tinnily through the radio speaker. "Go ahead."
Teal'c continued. "The Tok'ra have responded to a distress call from the ship."
"The Tok'ra? The fun just keeps coming. You're sure it's them?"
"Indeed. Jacob Carter should be here shortly."
"Carter's dad?" The surprise came through even through the radio speaker. "Well, that is good news. Daniel, did you catch that?"
Daniel's voice came over the radio. "Got it. I've just reached the DHD. I'll let General Hammond know."
"Well, I guess we sit tight and wait for the calvary. O'Neill out."
Trying to explain to the hunters that another vessel was coming down that would not be dangerous was proving more difficult than they expected. Finally, Sam was able to convince them to return to the village. It seemed the simplest route by that point. She and Teal'c returned to the shelter of the tel'tak to await her father's arrival.
Feeling an exhaustion that was disproportional to the activity, Sam leaned against the wall and sank to the floor. Teal'c stood in his normal stoic pose in silence. In the meantime, she tried to get over the shock of her father's impending arrival. She had been wishing for his presence ever since they encountered Kandok, and now her wish was fulfilled. But hearing Selmak's voice made her stomach roil in self-doubt.
Running a hand through her hair, she finally decided to speak up. "Teal'c, may I ask you something?"
Teal'c turned to her and inclined his head slightly.
"Um, your symbiote. I know you're Jaffa, but do you ever, interact with it, communicate with it?"
"I do not." Teal'c replied placidly. "The primta is aware of my body's needs, and I of its. But that is all. I believe Doctor Fraiser referred to it as performing an autonomic function."
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Sam tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice, but from the way Teal'c looked at her, she knew she hadn't succeeded. Sighing, she continued. "No, I mean, I'm glad you're not subjected to the Goa'uld's thoughts at all, but I guess I was just wondering if you were aware of its personality and...I dunno, suppressed it." Why she even voiced the thought even she could not explain. Neither Daniel's wife nor brother-in-law or even Kawalsky could do much against the Goa'uld in them. Sam had fought as hard as she could against Jolinar's control and was just as helpless.
Teal'c studied her. "You think of your father."
Leave it to Teal'c to summarize her maelstrom of thoughts in a simple sentence. She grimaced. "I guess this whole thing has made me have my doubts. I convinced the SGC to let him go to them. I convinced him to take on Selmak. What if Jolinar was still influencing my subconscious, what if their motives..."
"The Tok'ra are an anathema to the Goa'uld. Unlike rivals, they are unmentionables to the system lords, like shol'va. If I as Jaffa can turn against their ways, I have hope that perhaps some of them also can forsake the domination of the Goa'uld."
"I suppose."
"Major Carter, if I did not believe Garshaw and the Tok'ra to be honorable, I would have advised O'Neill and General Hammond so." He looked at her somberly. "And I would never have allowed another loved one of my friends to be blended with a symbiote. You chose to do what you felt was necessary...and you chose well."
Sam took a shuddering breath, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. Teal'c was saying exactly what she needed to hear, and because it was Teal'c, she did not doubt he meant every word. She was taken aback at his next statement, however.
"And if Jacob Carter is anything like his daughter, the Tok'ra have a formidable and wise warrior amongst them."
"I...thank you, Teal'c." Sam smiled at her friend and furtively wiped her eyes.
The recognizable whine of a tel'tak sounded above them, and Sam and Teal'c left the wreckage to meet up in the field with her father. Sam was a bit startled to see he was not alone, but had another Tok'ra with him.
The first thing her father did was hug Sam close in a tight embrace. "It's good to see you, kid." He released his tight embrace slightly and turned to acknowledge the others. "This is Paleck. He's a good friend of Kandok's."
Teal'c bowed slightly and Sam gave the other Tok'ra a short nod.
"Paleck, this is my daughter, Samantha, and Teal'c."
"It is an honor to meet you both. I have heard good things about the Tau'ri and the shol'va who joined them."
Sam's smile was thin in response.
"How is Kandok?"
"Physically fine, but he will need a new host."
Sam's dad held her a bit tighter around the waist. "Sam, he was coming back from a very important mission with vital intelligence. If he switched hosts, it had to have been because he had no other choice." Jacob bowed his head and Selmak's eyes flashed.
"I knew Marzan and Kandok, Captain Carter. I am certain the decision was not one taken lightly."
"I'm sure." Sam's voice was noncommittal, and she hoped neither her father nor his symbiote picked up on her stiffening when Selmak took over. She broke away from her dad, and started towards the village. "Unless you want to go to the shipwreck first, Kandok is this way."
"That'll be fine." The familiar tone of her father's voice was clear again, and she caught him giving a warning look to Paleck. She recognized the look instantly as the one that promised trouble if Jacob Carter was crossed. Paleck seemed to interpret the expression correctly, because he stayed silent and kept further back.
They walked in silence for a few minutes. Finally her father spoke up, lightly, almost cautiously. "This doesn't seem standard Air Force issue...?" He fingered the soft scarf trailing from her neck.
"Oh," Sam blushed. "Long story."
"Major Carter saved the life of a young girl. The villagers have been showing their appreciation."
"It was a group effort," Sam demurred, annoyed that Teal'c picked now of all times to be overly talkative. "I really didn't..."
Her father reached around and squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sure you played your part. And it's "Major Carter" now, is it? I'm not surprised, I knew you were on the list, but I'm glad it's official. I never had any doubts at all, and that was before I knew how you really earned that Air Medal."
Sam blushed even more. "I just do my job, Dad."
"Yeah." The smirk that accompanied the response and proud twinkle told a lot about how her father really felt.
As they continued walking, Sam kept stealing glances over. If it was not Jacob Carter that walked by her side, she would not know the difference. Everything about the man screamed "Dad", and she could not find much trace of the woman she knew as Selmak/Saroosh before her father's blending.
Soon, they came to the village. "Az'heni, Az'heni! Teal'c, Az'heni!", the children of the village seemed to act as town crier. Daniel was walking back from the direction of the Stargate and smiled in greeting. Another group of children surrounded him.
Greetings were exchanged between Daniel and the Tok'ra , before leading them to Kandok and Colonel O'Neill. Once his identity was confirmed, the tension in the air lessened considerably, though Kandok still seemed to show a bit of resentment. Some harsh words by Selmak in Goa'uld quelled his coldness. Teal'c and Daniel raised their eyebrows, but neither translated.
Eventually things worked out between the parties, and with Daniel and Selmak working with Kandok, they explained what had happened and how Miaachi would leave for a time, but should come back restored to them. Nama and the other village elders kept looking to Sam and the colonel for reassurance, but eventually they were convinced that Miaachi would be returned to them whole. Kandok also let slip about the trinium deposit he had discovered.
"Hey, hey. I think we have first dibs on that. After all we have been doing the negotiating with the natives. They certainly have a say in what happens, and let's face it, right now, your credibility with them sucks," said the colonel.
Paleck glanced at his companions, then carefully replied. "I am certain we can hopefully come to an arrangement, in the interests of forming an ongoing alliance."
With that, Daniel took on a diplomatic role to try to mediate a temporary negotiation. When things seemed to be settling into something fairly amicable, Sam noticed her father beckon her to one side.
"Since things are going pretty smoothly, I thought we could take a few minutes and chat before I had to leave."
"Chat?" Sam raised her eyebrows. Her father was not known for casual conversation.
Her father shrugged. "I haven't talked to you for a while. And I think, all considered, we're due for a little chat."
Sam made a face and nodded. They moved over to the hearth and sat.
"You know, Selmak knew Jolinar well when she was hosted by Rosha. I'm sure she would rather have died than remain in an unwilling host."
"Yeah."
"Kandok has vowed to leave Miaachi, even at the risk of his own life. The Tok'ra feel strongly-- very strongly--that both partners are equal. It is what is abhorrent about the Goa'uld."
"Are you an equal partner, Dad? Really?"
"Well, it's taken some getting used to being treated as a youngster, but considering Selmak's pushing 2,000...I've gotten glimpses of Selmak's past, Sam. There's a lot we can learn from them."
"I just...I worry I made a mistake. You were dying...I didn't want to lose you, and I offered you this...this Faustian bargain. And then I haven't seen you..."
"This was in no way a deal with the devil. I'm not going to lie, it's been a bit strange, and both Selmak and I have gone through a bit of a settling-in phase. But we're working it out. I am still your father, Sammie. That did not change because I'm carrying around an alien passenger. I'm not saying the experience hasn't changed me. I think Selmak's smoothing out some of my rough edges, but hey, that can only be a good thing, right?"
"I suppose." Sam gave her father a weak smile.
"Um, Sel wants to say something, but he wanted me to ask if it would be okay first."
"Well, um...wait, 'he'?"
Her father shrugged. "Well, apparently Selmak's not been too fussy about male or female hosts over two millennia, so he's not sensitive to the pronoun. I prefer to go with "he" to protect my macho image."
That comment fit her sardonic father so much that Sam laughed. "I think I'd like to talk with Selmak for a few minutes."
Her father touched her face in a loving gesture before bowing his head.
"Major Carter, I wanted personally to apologize again for the ordeal you went through. Blending in such a manner is traumatic for both symbiote and host, and it truly is not our way, and not Jolinar's."
"I know Jolinar tried to reassure me at the time, at least in her way. And I'm sorry for doubting you, but..."
"But for someone experienced only with the Goa'uld, our ways are suspicious. And seeing it repeated by Kandok would of course give you more doubts. Be assured, such a transfer without even asking permission has been done so rarely, and only when the intelligence to be passed is vital. Often the host agrees to remain blended."
"I just happen to be one of the lucky ones who wasn't agreeable." Sam tried to keep her voice from sounding too bitter.
Selmak patted her hand in a manner so unlike her father's that Sam could almost picture Saroosh was sitting there beside her.
"The Tok'ra have not experienced humans independent of the Goa'uld. Your ways are very foreign to us...as is your direct attitude in fighting them. It is only upon my blending with Jacob that I see how much you value your freedom and independent thought. I understand your aversion to blending. I try to explain it to my brethren, but the concept is still quite foreign to us. We have existed as a..."fifth column" for so long, change is not easy for us either. But we try to understand. Being blended with Jacob has given me an added vitality I have not experienced in decades. I do not regret learning about the Tau'ri, Samantha, and I am honored to be blended with your father."
The grip on her hand tightened and when Sam looked back, she knew in an instant that Jacob Carter had regained control of the body.
"Sammie, I'm not saying this body time share thing doesn't have its disadvantages, but holy hannah! The places I've seen. It's been a dream come true for me. Do not regret this decision, Sam. I don't. It is really me."
Sam's eyes filled with tears, and she candidly expressed, "I'm just glad to see you, Dad."
"Yeah, me too, kid. Hey, I'm the liaison to Earth right? I think that qualifies me to visit a bit more often. Now that Selmak's gotten to know me a bit better, we've been working out the...", he smiled in almost a private joke, and Sam wondered if he was communicating with Selmak in his head, but the pause was a mere moment. "...kinks. I think we'll convince the Tok'ra that more frequent communications with Earth would be useful."
"I'd like that."
The negotiations were apparently over. The group was breaking up and relieved expressions appeared on everyone's faces. Nama stepped outside to announce things to the others. While the door was open, Ailee came into the room. "Az'heni! Sssam." She proceeded to present Sam with a delicate shape made out of the snow.
"By the way, what is 'az-heni'?", her father queried.
Daniel was unfortunately close enough by then to hear.
"Roughly translated, it means 'angel'. The villagers view Sam as a kind of protector."
Sam shot Daniel a threatening look which he only waved off with a smile. She could feel herself blushing.
Jacob Carter looked at his daughter with interest. "Really? Promotion to major AND heavenly being. Moving up in the world, or should I say the galaxy now?" He nudged her. "I can't argue with the villagers, Sam. You certainly have been my angel."
Sam blinked, surprised at her father's sentimental comment. "Dad."
Her father smiled. "Yeah, don't worry. I'm not going to get much sappier. Selmak may have softened me, but I'm still the same crotchety old coot you know and love." He fingered the scarf. "But I am proud of you, Sammie."
Sam smiled back at her father, and at least at this moment, with her father alive and well and with a vitality she hadn't seen in years, the ghosts of Jolinar and the knowledge she gave Sam seemed more blessing than albatross.
Fin.
Author: aurora_novarum
Rating/Warning: PG, warning for mild language
Spoilers: Very Early Season 3 (pre-"Seth"; post Sam's promotion)
Your recipient: Sel, seldear
Request details: Wants: Jacob(&Selmak), Sam's team-mates, a
white fluffy scarf.
Doesn't want: flashbacks to Sam's childhood, a depressing ending
XXXXX
Before she could worry about going to the tel'tak, Sam first had to worry about her guard duty with Kandok. In some perverse way, she was looking forward to it. Since her time blended with Jolinar, flashes of insight would come to her: dreams while she was sleeping. As much as she knew the information was important, many times she felt like Jolinar was still possessing her, and she had to fight to keep herself. Perhaps interaction with Kandok could give her the insight needed--interaction without her teammates hovering nearby, and without the security cameras of the SGC later recording every cough and blink. This was something she needed to figure out for herself in privacy.
But she knew better than to take anything Kandok would say at face value. Tok'ra or Goa'uld, Kandok would be manipulative, and it was in his best interests to exploit any avenues available to him. She had already witnessed it in their interrogation earlier that day.
And of course, she had firsthand knowledge of how manipulative the Tok'ra could be. She could feel Jolinar's desperation and fear when she pulled the pin on the grenade in the Gate room, trying to bluff her way out. Even Sam could not tell if the symbiote's instinct of self-preservation or fear of capture would win out as Sam screamed in her mind for Jolinar to stop before the sedatives finally took effect.
Then there was how she treated the team. Jolinar saw through O'Neill's bravado as easily as Sam had...perhaps because of Sam. It also knew of Kawalsky from Sam's tormented memories and fears she would meet the major's fate and played on that when interacting with the colonel. As Jaffa, Teal'c was a more familiar personality. Though Jolinar could not fully accept that Teal'c had become shol'va, the symbiote at least knew his culture and could relate to his call of freedom, and thus used it to its own ends to get home. And poor Daniel could not even look Sam in the eyes. His pain was acute when he finally did look directly at her to tell her he was sorry. Sam remembered Sha're, and thus gave Jolinar yet another weapon with which to manipulate her friends.
Because of all this manipulation, Sam doubted Jolinar when the symbiote assured her it would leave her mind if possible once it had reached home. Sam was comforted but wondered if those assurances were merely to quell her protests. No one was more shocked than she was when Jolinar sacrificed herself to save Sam.
But Jolinar in some ways never truly died. These dreams and flashes of memory haunted her. Through them Sam gained a better understanding of the symbiote, but at times she felt like Jolinar still possessed pieces of her, like her accidental discovery she could use Goa'uld technology with limited success, or her now constant queasy feeling any time she was near Teal'c.
As she entered, the same queasy feeling returned, and it was one she would endure for the extent of her shift. She exchanged nods with Teal'c. With a warning glare to Kandok, Teal'c departed. Sam settled herself in so that she could keep an alert eye on both prisoner and points of entry.
Now in the supposed Tok'ra's presence, she was uncertain if she wanted to speak to him. She mulled it over in her mind, when Kandok spoke instead with an expression of surprise.
"You were blended."
Sam gritted her teeth and gave a curt nod.
"I thought I was only sensing the Jaffa, I was caught by such surprise. But it was you as well." He gave her an assessing look. "How did you escape?"
"Why do you presume I did?"
"Goa'uld do not leave previous hosts alive if they switch, and the host does not live if the symbiote dies within him."
Sam had not heard that before. "Really?"
"Yes, unless....you were host to Tok'ra? Jolinar. You mentioned Jolinar." Kandok grew excited. "Then you must understand. You know I must leave. You must already know me..."
Sam interrupted. "I know that you know some Tok'ra names and have taken over a native's body, not the behavior of the "truly symbiotic" relationship the Tok'ra describe." She left out her personal history for the moment.
"You must know that was by necessity, not choice. What will it take to convince you?"
Sam suppressed a shudder. Her memory of Jolinar speaking those words was too close to the surface. Sam was not aware of her desire until she spoke it herself. "Let me speak to the host."
Kandok scoffed. "He doesn't understand Tok'ra or what has happened to him, despite my assurances. He does not even understand your language."
"He should know it now. Tok'ra share knowledge with their hosts, right? You could allow him to understand me. Like I'm certain he understands our conversation right now. He's begging for you to let him out and let him speak, isn't he? Do it." She baited him.
Kandok studied her for a moment, then lowered his head. When it came up, the expression was that of a frightened man. He started speaking quickly in a strange tongue, permeated with vowel sounds.
"Sshh. Shh. It's okay. We know what's happened to you. You're safe." Sam soothed. Now that she was speaking to the host, she did not know what to say. And in the back of her mind, she remembered how easily the Goa'uld could take on the persona of the host. It didn't matter though, the host would at least hear her, and she wouldn't say anything the symbiote wouldn't already know or easily figure out. "Do you understand me?"
Miaachi nodded. "Yes." He frowned at the expression, as if testing its strangeness. "How is this possible?"
Sam shook her head. "It doesn't matter. My name is Samantha Carter. I understand what you're going through. It happened to me last year. But I'm fine now." Well, relatively speaking she was. "We're going to try to help you. How do you...", Sam sought for a word that could encompass what she knew he was feeling. "Are you in pain?"
"No. Not now." He moved his fingers experimentally, his hands still tied. "I couldn't be in control. Strange images... Is my family all right?"
"They're all fine."
"It was a demon...it came at me when I entered its strange house. Please, kill me. I don't want to live like this."
"You may not have to." Sam gave a confident expression that served doubly as a warning to the symbiote. "The Tok'ra only remain in willing hosts. If the...creature that possesses you is as he claims, he will leave. We'll make certain he does."
"Do it now."
Sam sighed. "It's not possible, yet. There is no place for it to go, except another person, and it will be unwilling to leave you otherwise. But we will keep you safe. You will not harm anybody."
"But I don't want to live like this. I would rather die."
Sam vowed, "if its people are not reached, or it proves to be telling us lies, I promise you, I will not make you live like this, even if I have to kill you myself." Even if the Tok'ra couldn't be reached, Miaachi was suffering enough without worrying about NID or others. Sam would not let this man go through another hell.
With a head bow, Kandok returned and studied her. "Would you really kill me, Samantha Carter?"
Sam's voice was calm and cold with finality. "If you don't leave him when asked, you better believe it."
The rest of her shift went by in silent staring.
The villagers were right. By mid-morning, the snow and wind had died down. There was a good foot of snow on the ground, but it did not make travel impassable, especially when the villagers lent some sturdy and small snowshoes, which Sam always thought looked like tennis rackets on people's feet. However, they were surprisingly effective once the colonel explained how best to walk in them. The day was clear. Teal'c was good company during the trek out to the probable crash site because his silence let her be alone with her thoughts. The hunters treated her with an uncomfortable respect, augmented by Nama insisting she wear the white fluffy scarf.
Even with the fresh snow, it was obvious there had been some recent damage to some of the trees and brush. The hunters started slowing down and pointing, obviously wanting her and Teal'c to take the lead. Her teammate raised an eyebrow. "We appear to be approaching the crash site, Major Carter." Sam nodded and held her own weapon at ready.
The cargo ship had definitely seen better days when they finally reached it. Sam doubted it would ever fly out of the atmosphere with all the hull damage. As they moved inside, Sam doubted it would ever lift off. Apparently Kandok had had enough respect to take care of his former host's body, because although some blood could be seen on some of the equipment, no body was found. Some pieces of equipment still worked, but a lot of the primary systems were destroyed. Teal'c agreed with her assessment by the way his eyebrow raised at the damage. He turned to her and shook his head.
Sam checked out some of the crystal cells, and noticed power was active for one control display. She moved over to it, finding it somewhat familiar. "Teal'c, do you know what this is?"
Teal'c joined her at the console. "It appears to be a communication device."
Sam's eyes widened. "Kandok apparently got it active after all. Do you think it's sending a signal?"
"It is not the standard distress call for this type of ship, but that is very likely."
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Sam moved back to turn off the power at its source. But before she reached the crystals, a beep could be heard. She and Teal'c exchanged worried expressions.
"It is a coded sequence, Major Carter. Perhaps it is the Tok'ra."
"Yeah, but how do we respond?"
"That I do not know. There is no audio communication, only the code."
Sam returned to studying the device, her hand moving over the console. The receiver repeated the sequence. As her hand moved across the display, her fingers moved automatically to some of the controls, like remembering how to play an old song. She pressed the sequence and paused before the transmit key.
"Major Carter?"
"I don't know, Teal'c. It just seems...familiar."
Teal'c nodded, and Sam transmitted her response. An instant later, a voice could be heard through the communicator, speaking in the recognizable echo of a Goa'uld. Sam's memories of Jolinar had its limits. Goa'uld language was gibberish to her. She looked at Teal'c blankly.
"He is asking for Kandok. It appears your code was correct."
"Which means our guy is Tok'ra. How should we respond?"
The Tok'ra repeated his request more impatiently this time. Teal'c keyed the vocal transmitter and spoke quickly in Goa'uld.
"What did you say?"
"That Kandok was unavailable, and we were friends."
The Tok'ra spoke again, his tone of voice more questioning. Sam and Teal'c exchanged looks again. Sam shook her head, then thought of something. "Maybe if we..." Sam's voice trailed off as she noted Teal'c had already keyed the microphone. Her eyes widened.
But her surprise at realizing her voice had transmitted was nothing to the shock she heard at the response.
"Sam?!?" The echoing timbre of the Tok'ra had transformed into her father's voice.
"Dad?", she replied, barely able to breathe.
"What the hell are you doing there? Where's Kandok?"
"I...he..." Sam swallowed. "He's in a village nearby with Daniel and Colonel O'Neill...where are you?"
"Just entering the system. We've been on search and rescue for him. Is he okay?"
"Well...I'm sorry, Dad. Marzan is dead. Kandok...switched hosts into a native hunter who happened by."
There was a pregnant pause before the communicator crackled again. This time it was again Selmak's voice heard. "I will triangulate on your signal and arrive shortly."
"Understood." Sam shut off their transmitter and was surprised to note her hand trembling.
Teal'c had already keyed the radio on his vest. "O'Neill."
After a pause, the colonel's voice came tinnily through the radio speaker. "Go ahead."
Teal'c continued. "The Tok'ra have responded to a distress call from the ship."
"The Tok'ra? The fun just keeps coming. You're sure it's them?"
"Indeed. Jacob Carter should be here shortly."
"Carter's dad?" The surprise came through even through the radio speaker. "Well, that is good news. Daniel, did you catch that?"
Daniel's voice came over the radio. "Got it. I've just reached the DHD. I'll let General Hammond know."
"Well, I guess we sit tight and wait for the calvary. O'Neill out."
Trying to explain to the hunters that another vessel was coming down that would not be dangerous was proving more difficult than they expected. Finally, Sam was able to convince them to return to the village. It seemed the simplest route by that point. She and Teal'c returned to the shelter of the tel'tak to await her father's arrival.
Feeling an exhaustion that was disproportional to the activity, Sam leaned against the wall and sank to the floor. Teal'c stood in his normal stoic pose in silence. In the meantime, she tried to get over the shock of her father's impending arrival. She had been wishing for his presence ever since they encountered Kandok, and now her wish was fulfilled. But hearing Selmak's voice made her stomach roil in self-doubt.
Running a hand through her hair, she finally decided to speak up. "Teal'c, may I ask you something?"
Teal'c turned to her and inclined his head slightly.
"Um, your symbiote. I know you're Jaffa, but do you ever, interact with it, communicate with it?"
"I do not." Teal'c replied placidly. "The primta is aware of my body's needs, and I of its. But that is all. I believe Doctor Fraiser referred to it as performing an autonomic function."
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Sam tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice, but from the way Teal'c looked at her, she knew she hadn't succeeded. Sighing, she continued. "No, I mean, I'm glad you're not subjected to the Goa'uld's thoughts at all, but I guess I was just wondering if you were aware of its personality and...I dunno, suppressed it." Why she even voiced the thought even she could not explain. Neither Daniel's wife nor brother-in-law or even Kawalsky could do much against the Goa'uld in them. Sam had fought as hard as she could against Jolinar's control and was just as helpless.
Teal'c studied her. "You think of your father."
Leave it to Teal'c to summarize her maelstrom of thoughts in a simple sentence. She grimaced. "I guess this whole thing has made me have my doubts. I convinced the SGC to let him go to them. I convinced him to take on Selmak. What if Jolinar was still influencing my subconscious, what if their motives..."
"The Tok'ra are an anathema to the Goa'uld. Unlike rivals, they are unmentionables to the system lords, like shol'va. If I as Jaffa can turn against their ways, I have hope that perhaps some of them also can forsake the domination of the Goa'uld."
"I suppose."
"Major Carter, if I did not believe Garshaw and the Tok'ra to be honorable, I would have advised O'Neill and General Hammond so." He looked at her somberly. "And I would never have allowed another loved one of my friends to be blended with a symbiote. You chose to do what you felt was necessary...and you chose well."
Sam took a shuddering breath, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. Teal'c was saying exactly what she needed to hear, and because it was Teal'c, she did not doubt he meant every word. She was taken aback at his next statement, however.
"And if Jacob Carter is anything like his daughter, the Tok'ra have a formidable and wise warrior amongst them."
"I...thank you, Teal'c." Sam smiled at her friend and furtively wiped her eyes.
The recognizable whine of a tel'tak sounded above them, and Sam and Teal'c left the wreckage to meet up in the field with her father. Sam was a bit startled to see he was not alone, but had another Tok'ra with him.
The first thing her father did was hug Sam close in a tight embrace. "It's good to see you, kid." He released his tight embrace slightly and turned to acknowledge the others. "This is Paleck. He's a good friend of Kandok's."
Teal'c bowed slightly and Sam gave the other Tok'ra a short nod.
"Paleck, this is my daughter, Samantha, and Teal'c."
"It is an honor to meet you both. I have heard good things about the Tau'ri and the shol'va who joined them."
Sam's smile was thin in response.
"How is Kandok?"
"Physically fine, but he will need a new host."
Sam's dad held her a bit tighter around the waist. "Sam, he was coming back from a very important mission with vital intelligence. If he switched hosts, it had to have been because he had no other choice." Jacob bowed his head and Selmak's eyes flashed.
"I knew Marzan and Kandok, Captain Carter. I am certain the decision was not one taken lightly."
"I'm sure." Sam's voice was noncommittal, and she hoped neither her father nor his symbiote picked up on her stiffening when Selmak took over. She broke away from her dad, and started towards the village. "Unless you want to go to the shipwreck first, Kandok is this way."
"That'll be fine." The familiar tone of her father's voice was clear again, and she caught him giving a warning look to Paleck. She recognized the look instantly as the one that promised trouble if Jacob Carter was crossed. Paleck seemed to interpret the expression correctly, because he stayed silent and kept further back.
They walked in silence for a few minutes. Finally her father spoke up, lightly, almost cautiously. "This doesn't seem standard Air Force issue...?" He fingered the soft scarf trailing from her neck.
"Oh," Sam blushed. "Long story."
"Major Carter saved the life of a young girl. The villagers have been showing their appreciation."
"It was a group effort," Sam demurred, annoyed that Teal'c picked now of all times to be overly talkative. "I really didn't..."
Her father reached around and squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sure you played your part. And it's "Major Carter" now, is it? I'm not surprised, I knew you were on the list, but I'm glad it's official. I never had any doubts at all, and that was before I knew how you really earned that Air Medal."
Sam blushed even more. "I just do my job, Dad."
"Yeah." The smirk that accompanied the response and proud twinkle told a lot about how her father really felt.
As they continued walking, Sam kept stealing glances over. If it was not Jacob Carter that walked by her side, she would not know the difference. Everything about the man screamed "Dad", and she could not find much trace of the woman she knew as Selmak/Saroosh before her father's blending.
Soon, they came to the village. "Az'heni, Az'heni! Teal'c, Az'heni!", the children of the village seemed to act as town crier. Daniel was walking back from the direction of the Stargate and smiled in greeting. Another group of children surrounded him.
Greetings were exchanged between Daniel and the Tok'ra , before leading them to Kandok and Colonel O'Neill. Once his identity was confirmed, the tension in the air lessened considerably, though Kandok still seemed to show a bit of resentment. Some harsh words by Selmak in Goa'uld quelled his coldness. Teal'c and Daniel raised their eyebrows, but neither translated.
Eventually things worked out between the parties, and with Daniel and Selmak working with Kandok, they explained what had happened and how Miaachi would leave for a time, but should come back restored to them. Nama and the other village elders kept looking to Sam and the colonel for reassurance, but eventually they were convinced that Miaachi would be returned to them whole. Kandok also let slip about the trinium deposit he had discovered.
"Hey, hey. I think we have first dibs on that. After all we have been doing the negotiating with the natives. They certainly have a say in what happens, and let's face it, right now, your credibility with them sucks," said the colonel.
Paleck glanced at his companions, then carefully replied. "I am certain we can hopefully come to an arrangement, in the interests of forming an ongoing alliance."
With that, Daniel took on a diplomatic role to try to mediate a temporary negotiation. When things seemed to be settling into something fairly amicable, Sam noticed her father beckon her to one side.
"Since things are going pretty smoothly, I thought we could take a few minutes and chat before I had to leave."
"Chat?" Sam raised her eyebrows. Her father was not known for casual conversation.
Her father shrugged. "I haven't talked to you for a while. And I think, all considered, we're due for a little chat."
Sam made a face and nodded. They moved over to the hearth and sat.
"You know, Selmak knew Jolinar well when she was hosted by Rosha. I'm sure she would rather have died than remain in an unwilling host."
"Yeah."
"Kandok has vowed to leave Miaachi, even at the risk of his own life. The Tok'ra feel strongly-- very strongly--that both partners are equal. It is what is abhorrent about the Goa'uld."
"Are you an equal partner, Dad? Really?"
"Well, it's taken some getting used to being treated as a youngster, but considering Selmak's pushing 2,000...I've gotten glimpses of Selmak's past, Sam. There's a lot we can learn from them."
"I just...I worry I made a mistake. You were dying...I didn't want to lose you, and I offered you this...this Faustian bargain. And then I haven't seen you..."
"This was in no way a deal with the devil. I'm not going to lie, it's been a bit strange, and both Selmak and I have gone through a bit of a settling-in phase. But we're working it out. I am still your father, Sammie. That did not change because I'm carrying around an alien passenger. I'm not saying the experience hasn't changed me. I think Selmak's smoothing out some of my rough edges, but hey, that can only be a good thing, right?"
"I suppose." Sam gave her father a weak smile.
"Um, Sel wants to say something, but he wanted me to ask if it would be okay first."
"Well, um...wait, 'he'?"
Her father shrugged. "Well, apparently Selmak's not been too fussy about male or female hosts over two millennia, so he's not sensitive to the pronoun. I prefer to go with "he" to protect my macho image."
That comment fit her sardonic father so much that Sam laughed. "I think I'd like to talk with Selmak for a few minutes."
Her father touched her face in a loving gesture before bowing his head.
"Major Carter, I wanted personally to apologize again for the ordeal you went through. Blending in such a manner is traumatic for both symbiote and host, and it truly is not our way, and not Jolinar's."
"I know Jolinar tried to reassure me at the time, at least in her way. And I'm sorry for doubting you, but..."
"But for someone experienced only with the Goa'uld, our ways are suspicious. And seeing it repeated by Kandok would of course give you more doubts. Be assured, such a transfer without even asking permission has been done so rarely, and only when the intelligence to be passed is vital. Often the host agrees to remain blended."
"I just happen to be one of the lucky ones who wasn't agreeable." Sam tried to keep her voice from sounding too bitter.
Selmak patted her hand in a manner so unlike her father's that Sam could almost picture Saroosh was sitting there beside her.
"The Tok'ra have not experienced humans independent of the Goa'uld. Your ways are very foreign to us...as is your direct attitude in fighting them. It is only upon my blending with Jacob that I see how much you value your freedom and independent thought. I understand your aversion to blending. I try to explain it to my brethren, but the concept is still quite foreign to us. We have existed as a..."fifth column" for so long, change is not easy for us either. But we try to understand. Being blended with Jacob has given me an added vitality I have not experienced in decades. I do not regret learning about the Tau'ri, Samantha, and I am honored to be blended with your father."
The grip on her hand tightened and when Sam looked back, she knew in an instant that Jacob Carter had regained control of the body.
"Sammie, I'm not saying this body time share thing doesn't have its disadvantages, but holy hannah! The places I've seen. It's been a dream come true for me. Do not regret this decision, Sam. I don't. It is really me."
Sam's eyes filled with tears, and she candidly expressed, "I'm just glad to see you, Dad."
"Yeah, me too, kid. Hey, I'm the liaison to Earth right? I think that qualifies me to visit a bit more often. Now that Selmak's gotten to know me a bit better, we've been working out the...", he smiled in almost a private joke, and Sam wondered if he was communicating with Selmak in his head, but the pause was a mere moment. "...kinks. I think we'll convince the Tok'ra that more frequent communications with Earth would be useful."
"I'd like that."
The negotiations were apparently over. The group was breaking up and relieved expressions appeared on everyone's faces. Nama stepped outside to announce things to the others. While the door was open, Ailee came into the room. "Az'heni! Sssam." She proceeded to present Sam with a delicate shape made out of the snow.
"By the way, what is 'az-heni'?", her father queried.
Daniel was unfortunately close enough by then to hear.
"Roughly translated, it means 'angel'. The villagers view Sam as a kind of protector."
Sam shot Daniel a threatening look which he only waved off with a smile. She could feel herself blushing.
Jacob Carter looked at his daughter with interest. "Really? Promotion to major AND heavenly being. Moving up in the world, or should I say the galaxy now?" He nudged her. "I can't argue with the villagers, Sam. You certainly have been my angel."
Sam blinked, surprised at her father's sentimental comment. "Dad."
Her father smiled. "Yeah, don't worry. I'm not going to get much sappier. Selmak may have softened me, but I'm still the same crotchety old coot you know and love." He fingered the scarf. "But I am proud of you, Sammie."
Sam smiled back at her father, and at least at this moment, with her father alive and well and with a vitality she hadn't seen in years, the ghosts of Jolinar and the knowledge she gave Sam seemed more blessing than albatross.
Fin.