Just because it's a new calendar year doesn't mean anything changed
*
I am kind of all over the place, emotionally, right now. No, that's not true. Late last month, before I went home, my mom called me depressed and I didn't know how to respond, really, because I'm no depressed, like with no interest in anything at all (though readin WebMD's symptoms of depression, wow, a lot of these actually apply) but I spent a lot of the latter part of the year beat down. And a lot of the beginning of the year that way, too. Basically everything from me getting fired was slightly tinged with some hopeless nights (minus that whole Avengers whole I fell into around May-June-July) or hopeless weeks. This month/year started out great (with a smidge of shitty) because I was home (but also super sick), and I made my sister watch some of my favorite movies and spent a lot of time with my mom and all of that, and my first weekend back in California was spent on catching up on DVR'ed stuff and doing basically nothing else, plus my first Monday back I went to the movies and did that thing where I paid $6 and then stayed for two other movies, so that was great!
But my first day back at work wasn't my favorite, I was doing busy work that was keeping me from working on my USUAL busy work (all for the same agent who was NOT my boss), and for some reason I was feeling overwhelmed and annoyed and Wednesday night I wrote something on twitter about how sometimes I have fantasies about what it would be like to go home and live with my mom again full time and when I woke up on Thursday morning cashewdani ad responded with "Yeah, but then whose perseverance would I be inspired by" and it had sent to my phone so I saw it almost immediately and I just fel so much better. I mean, I'm actually living IN L.A. and I've made connections with people in the industry and my internship MADE A JOB UP JUST FOR ME, so obviously I'm doing something right, I guess.
Plus, that was the day the Lizzie Bennet Diaries episode had a surprise William Darcy, so I spent the whole day in this absolutely great mood!
And then at the end of the day, my boss let me go, because he couldn't afford me because we were so slow and he "should have done something about all this before the holidays" and he really loves me and if he needs me at any point he'll get me back and I shouldn't lose his number and all this. Which all made sense, and it was definitely a letting go and not a firing, and it was basically the exact opposite of when the stupid theater fired me last February but I still cried in the car on the way home.
* So, that's where I'm at right now. My life feels like a complete and utter shambles in real life (for instance: I left the house today to go to the library to try to figure out how to print something out, but was too nervous to talk to anybody so instead I just got some books and left? Which is weird because I don't usually feel like I have social anxiety but stuff like that has happened a lot more in the past year), but fictional characters, man, wow, they're great!
* Also on Thursday, I started work on my Mindy Jones' Diary (or, The Mindy Project, if you want to use its actual, dumb name) spec script that's actually just me writing a great guest spot for Chris Evans (sample dialogue: "He was totally flirting with you, Dr. Lahiri." "He was, right? That's crazy, he looks like Captain America!") even though the number one rule of a spec script is to write a typical episode of a show. SPOILER ALERT: THE NUMBER ONE PROBLEM WITH THE MINDY PROJECT IS THAT THERE IS NO TYPICAL EPISODE OF THE SHOW. It is actually all over the place, and I hadn't realized it until I started thinking about this script in a real way. So I decided, fuck it, and I'm writing an episode where Chris Evans is the brother of a patient, he flirts with Mindy a shit-ton, she thinks he's the dad and it's really skeevy but then after the baby's born the mom says he's her brother so Chris Evans and Mindy make out. IT'S BASICALLY MY DREAM MINDY PROJECT EPISODE, so I figured why not ACTUALLY write it? Now I just have to finish it.
* I'm hoping to finish it before PaleyFest, which I just bought tickets to today! It was way too expensive, especially for someone who doesn't have a job, but they just raised the limit on my credit card so I thought I'd be irresponsible. I'm going to the Parenthood, Mindy Project, and New Girl panels, because I love those shows, there's a possibility Lauren Graham (my dream fictional mother for 12 years) will be there, even though Mindy's not doing a great job running her show she's still essentially one of my idols, PLUS she is in fact a female showrunner, as is Liz Merriweather over at New Girl (and they have SO MANY LADIES working on/writing for that show, which is THE BEST), PLUS Messina and Jake M. Johnson are almost definitely going to be there, so why shouldn't I spend $35 on tickets? That's my reasoning, anyway.
* Let's talk about some of those fictional characters that are essentially saving me these days
Okay, talking about LBD is probably just going to be me yelling about Darcy's face, but DARCY'S FACE, Y'ALL. And how RELAXED he was and how much SOFTER Lizzie's face was and how Thursday Darcy is wearing SUSPENDERS and HIS SHIRT-SLEEVES ROLLED UP AND I CAN'T HANDLE IT
I spent most of the weekend lost in a Lizzie/Darcy fanfiction haze, which means I read a super long Pride & Prejudice modern AU and a bunch of stuff about Fitz and Gigi scheming and then I also watched a bunch of LBD episodes and there were a lot of flaily hands but, I just, I JUST WANT THEM TO MAKE OUT but if they just keep LOOKING at each like that that might be okay too, I just love everything and everything's the best and I CAN'T WAIT FOR THURSDAY.
Oh, but also LYDIA. Lydia MADE OUT with Wickham on screen and I watched a previous Wickham episode and got kind of skeeved out, HE'S SUPER HOT but also TWO SISTERS, DUDE, REALLY? I am so worried about where they're taking this, what actually happened in Vegas that he "helped her out" with (oh my god, she got so meek when he brought that up, whaaaat?!), if we're going to learn anything about Wickham relating to Gigi (which hasn't actually been addressed in the series at all so far, unless you count Gigi skipping over the Wickham episodes during her LBD watch), and also if Lydia is going to stop posting videos, which someone brought up on tumblr because, remember, she DISAPPEARS during the book. Oh my god, just, if she actually disappears I'M GOING TO FREAK OUT.
And today Bing showed up and looked kind of sad and worried and like Lily during that episode of HIMYM in Season 2 when the gang sees her for the first time since she split with Marshall, and we find out while she's rambling all she's thinking is "Marshall Marshall Marshall how's Marshall ask about Marshall Marshall Marshall Marshall!!" except Bing didn't eventually come out with, "Hey, how's Jane?"
BASICALLY I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT EVERYBODY but kind of hopeful that Lydia and Wickham's onscreen makeout means we'll get SOMETHING from Lizzie and Darcy (I would even be up for a twitpic from Fitz or Gigi. Seriously. ANYTHING).
And then yesterday
oh my god, you guys. First of all, Saturday Showtime had a free preview and showed all of Shameless Season 2, WHICH I DEVOURED IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS A LITTLE OVER A MONTH AGO, but it was ON TV and so I watched it. ALL OF IT. IN ONE DAY. I also made my roommate Teresa watch it, though I don't think she had quite as many feelings as me (I STILL HAVE ALL THE FEELINGS oh my god, esp. about the last two episodes, it's so DEVASTATING).
ANYWAY. One of the things I was most worried about at the end of S2 was Ian, who was fucking Jimmy's dad and who TRIED to tell Fiona MORE THAN ONCE once he found out who Lloyd actually was, but was always interrupted and I don't know, I was just really worried about it. AND THEN CUT TO 4 MONTHS LATER AND THEY'RE STILL DOING IT AND HE STILL HASN'T TOLD FIONA. Only now it's worse, because Jimmy's living with them full time, and Ian tries to break up with Lloyd because Mickey's coming back (oh god, and THAT'S not gonna be great, Ian likes him SO MUCH but Mickey can't show it, ugggghhhhh) and it's just all so convoluted and I'M SO WORRIED, I JUST WANT EVERYONE HAPPY.
Which brings us to Fiona. Fiona, who took the money for the property tax bill and spent it on a maybe-possible-job, which MAKES ME NERVOUS. I just know SOMETHING'S going to get screwed up, and there's NO WAY she's going to be able to work this job, especially now that Jimmy's drug lord father-in-law is back, WHY IS NOTHING HAPPY HAPPENING FOR THESE KIDS.
I still don't know how I feel about Mandy and Lip (I actually thought he got rid of her when he ran away from her brothers robbing a store and she called him an asshole) and I also don't really understand when Lip will be graduating (maybe he's just a semester behind from last season?) but I have less feelings about him this season, because even though he's being a dumb kid he's kind of got it together - at least he's no longer sitting outside Karen's house moping after her (which just devastated me all of last season. Plus when he sneaks into her hospital room and watches her sleep. :( :( :( :( :( ).
I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT EVERYONE and also spent a lot of time trying to figure out where the fuck they were located, because my Chicago homesickness is creeping back.
* Okay, well, I think I'm going to watch one of the numerous Showtime movies I taped during the free weekend, maybe eat some boiled peanuts (one of my faaaavorite things from home; it was IMPOSSIBLE to find raw green peanuts during peanut season this summer, but last week I went grocery shopping and Ralph's had bags of raw peanuts and yesterday I boiled them for hours and hours because you're supposed to soak them first but I didn't do that but anyway they came out a little too salty but also PERFECT), and then tomorrow I'm going to a screening of The Heat, that new Sandra Bullock/Melissa McCarthy movie, because I no longer have to work on Tuesdays, so why the fuck not.
I am kind of all over the place, emotionally, right now. No, that's not true. Late last month, before I went home, my mom called me depressed and I didn't know how to respond, really, because I'm no depressed, like with no interest in anything at all (though readin WebMD's symptoms of depression, wow, a lot of these actually apply) but I spent a lot of the latter part of the year beat down. And a lot of the beginning of the year that way, too. Basically everything from me getting fired was slightly tinged with some hopeless nights (minus that whole Avengers whole I fell into around May-June-July) or hopeless weeks. This month/year started out great (with a smidge of shitty) because I was home (but also super sick), and I made my sister watch some of my favorite movies and spent a lot of time with my mom and all of that, and my first weekend back in California was spent on catching up on DVR'ed stuff and doing basically nothing else, plus my first Monday back I went to the movies and did that thing where I paid $6 and then stayed for two other movies, so that was great!
But my first day back at work wasn't my favorite, I was doing busy work that was keeping me from working on my USUAL busy work (all for the same agent who was NOT my boss), and for some reason I was feeling overwhelmed and annoyed and Wednesday night I wrote something on twitter about how sometimes I have fantasies about what it would be like to go home and live with my mom again full time and when I woke up on Thursday morning cashewdani ad responded with "Yeah, but then whose perseverance would I be inspired by" and it had sent to my phone so I saw it almost immediately and I just fel so much better. I mean, I'm actually living IN L.A. and I've made connections with people in the industry and my internship MADE A JOB UP JUST FOR ME, so obviously I'm doing something right, I guess.
Plus, that was the day the Lizzie Bennet Diaries episode had a surprise William Darcy, so I spent the whole day in this absolutely great mood!
And then at the end of the day, my boss let me go, because he couldn't afford me because we were so slow and he "should have done something about all this before the holidays" and he really loves me and if he needs me at any point he'll get me back and I shouldn't lose his number and all this. Which all made sense, and it was definitely a letting go and not a firing, and it was basically the exact opposite of when the stupid theater fired me last February but I still cried in the car on the way home.
* So, that's where I'm at right now. My life feels like a complete and utter shambles in real life (for instance: I left the house today to go to the library to try to figure out how to print something out, but was too nervous to talk to anybody so instead I just got some books and left? Which is weird because I don't usually feel like I have social anxiety but stuff like that has happened a lot more in the past year), but fictional characters, man, wow, they're great!
* Also on Thursday, I started work on my Mindy Jones' Diary (or, The Mindy Project, if you want to use its actual, dumb name) spec script that's actually just me writing a great guest spot for Chris Evans (sample dialogue: "He was totally flirting with you, Dr. Lahiri." "He was, right? That's crazy, he looks like Captain America!") even though the number one rule of a spec script is to write a typical episode of a show. SPOILER ALERT: THE NUMBER ONE PROBLEM WITH THE MINDY PROJECT IS THAT THERE IS NO TYPICAL EPISODE OF THE SHOW. It is actually all over the place, and I hadn't realized it until I started thinking about this script in a real way. So I decided, fuck it, and I'm writing an episode where Chris Evans is the brother of a patient, he flirts with Mindy a shit-ton, she thinks he's the dad and it's really skeevy but then after the baby's born the mom says he's her brother so Chris Evans and Mindy make out. IT'S BASICALLY MY DREAM MINDY PROJECT EPISODE, so I figured why not ACTUALLY write it? Now I just have to finish it.
* I'm hoping to finish it before PaleyFest, which I just bought tickets to today! It was way too expensive, especially for someone who doesn't have a job, but they just raised the limit on my credit card so I thought I'd be irresponsible. I'm going to the Parenthood, Mindy Project, and New Girl panels, because I love those shows, there's a possibility Lauren Graham (my dream fictional mother for 12 years) will be there, even though Mindy's not doing a great job running her show she's still essentially one of my idols, PLUS she is in fact a female showrunner, as is Liz Merriweather over at New Girl (and they have SO MANY LADIES working on/writing for that show, which is THE BEST), PLUS Messina and Jake M. Johnson are almost definitely going to be there, so why shouldn't I spend $35 on tickets? That's my reasoning, anyway.
* Let's talk about some of those fictional characters that are essentially saving me these days
Okay, talking about LBD is probably just going to be me yelling about Darcy's face, but DARCY'S FACE, Y'ALL. And how RELAXED he was and how much SOFTER Lizzie's face was and how Thursday Darcy is wearing SUSPENDERS and HIS SHIRT-SLEEVES ROLLED UP AND I CAN'T HANDLE IT
I spent most of the weekend lost in a Lizzie/Darcy fanfiction haze, which means I read a super long Pride & Prejudice modern AU and a bunch of stuff about Fitz and Gigi scheming and then I also watched a bunch of LBD episodes and there were a lot of flaily hands but, I just, I JUST WANT THEM TO MAKE OUT but if they just keep LOOKING at each like that that might be okay too, I just love everything and everything's the best and I CAN'T WAIT FOR THURSDAY.
Oh, but also LYDIA. Lydia MADE OUT with Wickham on screen and I watched a previous Wickham episode and got kind of skeeved out, HE'S SUPER HOT but also TWO SISTERS, DUDE, REALLY? I am so worried about where they're taking this, what actually happened in Vegas that he "helped her out" with (oh my god, she got so meek when he brought that up, whaaaat?!), if we're going to learn anything about Wickham relating to Gigi (which hasn't actually been addressed in the series at all so far, unless you count Gigi skipping over the Wickham episodes during her LBD watch), and also if Lydia is going to stop posting videos, which someone brought up on tumblr because, remember, she DISAPPEARS during the book. Oh my god, just, if she actually disappears I'M GOING TO FREAK OUT.
And today Bing showed up and looked kind of sad and worried and like Lily during that episode of HIMYM in Season 2 when the gang sees her for the first time since she split with Marshall, and we find out while she's rambling all she's thinking is "Marshall Marshall Marshall how's Marshall ask about Marshall Marshall Marshall Marshall!!" except Bing didn't eventually come out with, "Hey, how's Jane?"
BASICALLY I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT EVERYBODY but kind of hopeful that Lydia and Wickham's onscreen makeout means we'll get SOMETHING from Lizzie and Darcy (I would even be up for a twitpic from Fitz or Gigi. Seriously. ANYTHING).
And then yesterday
oh my god, you guys. First of all, Saturday Showtime had a free preview and showed all of Shameless Season 2, WHICH I DEVOURED IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS A LITTLE OVER A MONTH AGO, but it was ON TV and so I watched it. ALL OF IT. IN ONE DAY. I also made my roommate Teresa watch it, though I don't think she had quite as many feelings as me (I STILL HAVE ALL THE FEELINGS oh my god, esp. about the last two episodes, it's so DEVASTATING).
ANYWAY. One of the things I was most worried about at the end of S2 was Ian, who was fucking Jimmy's dad and who TRIED to tell Fiona MORE THAN ONCE once he found out who Lloyd actually was, but was always interrupted and I don't know, I was just really worried about it. AND THEN CUT TO 4 MONTHS LATER AND THEY'RE STILL DOING IT AND HE STILL HASN'T TOLD FIONA. Only now it's worse, because Jimmy's living with them full time, and Ian tries to break up with Lloyd because Mickey's coming back (oh god, and THAT'S not gonna be great, Ian likes him SO MUCH but Mickey can't show it, ugggghhhhh) and it's just all so convoluted and I'M SO WORRIED, I JUST WANT EVERYONE HAPPY.
Which brings us to Fiona. Fiona, who took the money for the property tax bill and spent it on a maybe-possible-job, which MAKES ME NERVOUS. I just know SOMETHING'S going to get screwed up, and there's NO WAY she's going to be able to work this job, especially now that Jimmy's drug lord father-in-law is back, WHY IS NOTHING HAPPY HAPPENING FOR THESE KIDS.
I still don't know how I feel about Mandy and Lip (I actually thought he got rid of her when he ran away from her brothers robbing a store and she called him an asshole) and I also don't really understand when Lip will be graduating (maybe he's just a semester behind from last season?) but I have less feelings about him this season, because even though he's being a dumb kid he's kind of got it together - at least he's no longer sitting outside Karen's house moping after her (which just devastated me all of last season. Plus when he sneaks into her hospital room and watches her sleep. :( :( :( :( :( ).
I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT EVERYONE and also spent a lot of time trying to figure out where the fuck they were located, because my Chicago homesickness is creeping back.
* Okay, well, I think I'm going to watch one of the numerous Showtime movies I taped during the free weekend, maybe eat some boiled peanuts (one of my faaaavorite things from home; it was IMPOSSIBLE to find raw green peanuts during peanut season this summer, but last week I went grocery shopping and Ralph's had bags of raw peanuts and yesterday I boiled them for hours and hours because you're supposed to soak them first but I didn't do that but anyway they came out a little too salty but also PERFECT), and then tomorrow I'm going to a screening of The Heat, that new Sandra Bullock/Melissa McCarthy movie, because I no longer have to work on Tuesdays, so why the fuck not.