Making a Kingdom of Purgatory

[samijenkis]

I want to open my chest

Comments

[citizenwind]

do you want commentary?

[samijenkis]

I'm all for constructive criticism

[citizenwind]

it's too sweeping and dramatic. too many of the lines sound like they're trying to sound poetic rather than express an exact feeling. like stanzas 1-4 are all throwaways that sound cool and don't mean much. relax. loosen up. speak naturally. read more poetry and see what you like. see what their diction is like. not everything's got to be over-exaggeratedly flowery.