Very good, Rachele. I'm intrigued and enjoyed it very much. I noticed a few typos and/or missing words that some editing (either by yourself or someone else) would easily fix, and only 1 sentence that pulled me out of the story for grammar/word choice issues. Otherwise, it was very well-written and you have no reason to be frustrated with your writing. I am EASILY pulled out of a story thread for poor writing issues, and like I said, there was next to none of it there. I look forward to reading Ch. 2!
This is the new chapter one. I scrapped those first three chapters that I was so unhappy with. I'm so glad you like it!! :) Which sentence(s) were badly worded? I'll go back and look at them again. Thanks for reading!
These are the notes I made before I got tired of stopping my reading and just wanted to read, LOL. For what they're worth.
2nd paragraph, 3rd line - ‘peak’ should be ‘peek’
4th paragraph, 6th line - “It always seemed to be her job to get her government out of every pickle in which they seem to find themselves.” The second seem should be seemed, although it would be better to change the word entirely, perhaps to managed?
7th paragraph, 9th line - add a forgotten ‘the’ between facing and door? 10th line - perhaps change ‘across’ the building to ‘around’ for a little more precision and clarity?
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Have you got a title for the overall story yet?
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2nd paragraph, 3rd line - ‘peak’ should be ‘peek’
4th paragraph, 6th line - “It always seemed to be her job to get her government out of every pickle in which they seem to find themselves.” The second seem should be seemed, although it would be better to change the word entirely, perhaps to managed?
7th paragraph, 9th line - add a forgotten ‘the’ between facing and door?
10th line - perhaps change ‘across’ the building to ‘around’ for a little more precision and clarity?
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Sorry... I am anal about noticing things like that, LOL.
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Glad you like it! Yay!
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