Happiness Is: Chapter 8
Taylor woke up and looked around the unfamiliar room. The white walls, the sterile smell, and the beeping of the monitors gave away the fact that she was in a hospital but as to why she was there, she didn’t know. She looked around and found a few flower arrangements decorating the windowsill but nothing too out of the ordinary. She blinked her eyes a few times as her body began to wake fully, but she couldn’t stop the yawn. Her arm raised to cover it but she felt the tug from the IV. "What happened?" She asked out-loud, looking around curiously.
Just then, the door opened as the dayshift nurse came bouncing in to check her vitals and IV bag. "You’re awake!" She chattered away. "I’m so happy, we were a little worried there for a bit but you seem to be doing much better."
"What happened?" Taylor asked confused.
"What? You don’t know?" The nurse turned and asked.
Taylor shook her head slowly, smiling slightly.
The nurse patted her hand as she changed the bag. "You fainted out at the stadium from lack of sleep and malnutrition. You, my dear, weren’t taking care of yourself."
Taylor had the grace to blush slightly before looking at the IV and bag. "What’s this?"
"Just our way of getting the nutrients you need into your body. You should be feeling better within a few days."
"Thanks." Taylor sighed, settling back into her pillows.
The nurse patted her hand again. "You're welcome. You just get some much needed rest and feel better."
After a few minutes, Taylor struggled to keep her eyes open before giving up and sliding back into a deep sleep. The nurse must have slipped me something was her last coherent thought before the darkness overcame her again.
~*~
Lance opened the door to Taylor’s hospital room, clutching a fist full of daisies nervously. The doctor and nurse both had told him that she was awake but as he glanced in, it seemed she had fallen back asleep.
He closed the door softly behind him then walked over to bed and pulled up a chair beside it. He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear but then remembered that he was still holding the flowers. Looking around, he noticed a small vase and quickly jumped up to grab it and walked into the bathroom to fill it up.
Lance sat back down and placed the vase next to the lamp before turning back to Taylor’s sleeping form. He breathed with her as she inhaled and exhaled, afraid to do anything else for fear that she would break. He couldn’t seem to get the image of her collapsing beside him out of his head. He was glad JC had taken control of the situation and given him something to do, otherwise he didn’t think he would have been able to handle sitting there with her, unconscious, while they waited for the ambulance. Going and talking to Kat, reassuring her that Tay would be fine, had allowed him not worry and feel useful.
He reached out and gently took her hand that was curled up next to her into his grasp and gently traced the veins, glad that they were still flowing. He took a shakily inhaled deep breath before shaking his head and letting her hand drop back to the bed gently. At least I know she’s all right…
He decided to let her sleep and stood, grabbing his coat, then arranged the flowers on the nightstand so that she would see them when she awoke. He took one last look then turned to leave. Before he could change his mind though, he walked back to the bed and gently kissed her on the forehead, his lips lingering while brushing her hair out of her face. Lance drew back quickly when he heard her breathing change, grabbing his coat where he'd dropped it off the chair, he hurried out of the room, not wanting her to know that he had kissed her, even if it was just on the forehead.
Taylor sighed with a smile, her subconscious registering the warmth and security she felt as she snuggled deep into the covers, sound asleep.
~*~
"Think she's faking?"
"No, Chris, I think she's really asleep and that we should leave."
"You aren't any fun, Jace, just think if she woke up now."
"You'd probably scare her into a coma, Chris."
"Shut up, youngen."
"You usually scare me in the morning."
"I don't want to hear another peep out of you, Superfreak."
"Chris, leave her alone."
"I'm just checking to make sure she's breathing."
"The monitor says she is, now get away."
"It might lie, lets do the mirror test."
"Chris!!"
Taylor could hear voices but not words. Her face scrunched in annoyance at being woken up and as she came to, she became aware of people around her and that they were arguing.
"She's alive!" Chris said loudly, his arms flown wide to his sides as he watched Taylor's eyes flicker.
JC sat in the chair on the other side of the room and rolled his eyes. "Chris… I'm warning you." He leaned back in the chair, his body joking, but his tone, promising revenge.
Chris looked over at his groupmates and smiled evilly. As she began to awaken, he leaned close to her face, his arms resting on the bed and smiled, waiting for her blue eyes to open.
Taylor stretched before opening her eyes. Her eyes opened unfocused, while she yawned but when she blinked, she found a face peering into hers, a mischievous grin covering it. "ACK!"
Taylor screamed, her body leaping from the bed in an effort to get away. She sat up, scooting back as far as she could to get away from the person before she was truly aware of who it was. "CHRIS!"
JC shook his head as Justin, Chris and Joey laughed at her expression. She looked around the room wide-eyed, just then realizing that she had visitors. Joey was sitting in the windowsill, while Justin and JC occupied the two chairs in the room. Chris was leaning again the wall, pointing and snickering at her.
"You should have seen your face."
She glared over at him. "No thanks, seeing yours was enough."
JC snickered. "I tried to get him away but its like taking a two year old with you everywhere, he doesn't listen."
"I take offense to that. I like to think that I'm at least at a five year old's maturity." Chris sniffed, before sticking his tongue out at Justin.
Justin laughed. "That's giving yourself way too much credit."
"Watch it fro-boy." Chris glared at him, raising his fists threateningly and bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet.
Justin raised his eyebrows at the older man. "Is that a challenge?" He got up from his chair halfway, staring at Chris, his hands resting lightly on the arm rests.
"Could be." Chris acknowledged, nodding towards the door, still bouncing.
"Guys… if you're going to fight, take it outside." Lance said, stepping into the room, shutting the door slowly behind him, before turning around to face them. He had run downstairs to the cafeteria to get some coffee after being up all night out in the hallway to make sure that if Taylor needed anything, he was there. He looked at the bed and saw Taylor, sitting up, still wide-eyed in shock at the amount of people in her room. "You're awake." He moved the bag he was holding into his other hand, half hiding it behind his back so that she wouldn't see it.
"Yeah… How long was I out?" She asked, licking her lips nervously as she tried unsuccessfully not to make eye contact with anyone as she picked at the imaginary lint on the bed. She was starting to feel shy about having all of them in her room at once. Their personalities tended to overwhelm a person.
Lance crossed the room as JC moved to let him sit in the chair and moved to the windowsill next to Joey. "A day and a half. You've been in and out though." Joey told her, while looking out the window as a group of nurses walked by.
"Have you guys been here the entire time?" She asked shocked, her eyes raising to meet Lance's as he stared at her, drinking in the fact that the color was beginning to return to her cheeks and that there was a slight sparkle in her eyes.
He diverted his eyes quickly. "No, we just got here a little bit ago. Came to see if you were okay or not." He looked around the room and noticed that the entire room was looking at him, four pairs of eyes questioning why he lied and one pair asking he didn't know what.
"Actually, Lance has…" Justin started but stopped when he met Lance's angry gaze.
Taylor's quickly look over at Justin. "What?"
Justin shrugged, looking over at Lance as if to say "what now?" Lance sighed. "What Justin was going to tell you was that I got here an hour before they did to talk to the doctor." Which was almost the truth…
Justin glared at him, his eyes challenging Lance to tell her the truth that he hadn't left the hospital or her side since she had arrived in the ambulance.
Taylor took a deep breath, gulping audibly. "What…" She swallowed again. "What did the doctor have to say?" She asked, nonchalantly, although inside she was quaking with fear.
Lance met Taylor's questioning gaze, then looked around the room, catching everyone else's. His eyes sought hers again and he could see the fear and need for silence that she was projecting if the doctor had told him what she thought they had. He nodded slightly at her to let her know that he would keep it to himself. "She wouldn't tell me anything, stating simply that she would talk first to the patient when she woke up."
Taylor smiled weakly in astonishment and thankfulness. She knew it had cost him a part of himself to lie to his friends but for that she was very thankful. "Did she say when she would be in?"
"Soon."
She nodded and leaned back into the pillows. "Do you need anything, Tay?" Justin asked, concerned by the lack of energy that she had and the circles underlying her eyes.
"No, but thanks for asking. I think I just need more sleep. I wasn't getting much and I think my body just gave up."
Justin nodded, turning to look at the other guys, motioning towards the door that they should get out of the room and leave her be.
JC stood up, pushing Joey away from the window. "We'll come back later and see how you're doing, Taylor. Don't worry about the tour or anything. Everything is taken care of."
"Thanks." She whispered before rolling over onto her side and closing her eyes, shutting them out.
Lance sat there, watching as her face relaxed. "Taylor?" He said softly after arguing with himself for almost a minute, before deciding to disturb her now rather than later.
She opened an eye, looking over at him. "Yes?" She replied weakly.
He reached down for the bag that he had set beside the chair. "I saw this in the window down in the gift shop, when I bought coffee and thought you'd like it." He pulled out a stuffed bear, yellow in color with the lettering POOH written on its stomach. "They didn't have much but…"
She smiled. One of the first real smiles that she had smiled in a very long time as she sat back up. "OH, how did you know that Winnie The Pooh is my favorite Disney character? Thank you so much." She reached out for it just as he walked over to the bed and set it in her arms.
"You're welcome." He said, speechless as the realization washed over him that this was the one of the few times that he had seen her actually happy about something.
Justin saw the teddy bear then grinned evilly over at Joey. "If you like Pooh so much, you must love Joey." He said, already moving slowly towards the door.
Taylor, Lance and everyone in the room looked over at him curiously while Joey groaned and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Why do you say that, J?" JC asked.
"Because, his new nickname is Pooh." Justin said, already opening the door just as Joey lunged for him.
"I'm gonna kill you, bury you, dig you up then kill you again, pipsqueak."
"I'm no pipsqueak, superfreak." Justin called out, just as he slipped out the door. He jetted down the hallway, half slipping and half sliding as he tried to make it to the elevator before Joey could grab him.
"You will be after I hack you off at the knees." They heard yelled down the hallway.
Chris poked his head out the door, watching them sprint down the hall. "Justin's almost to the elevator, oh… wait, he just ran into a nurse. Ouch, wouldn't want to be him right now, she has a hell of a right hook. Joey's almost caught up to him… man is he slow, whoops, Joey slipped and fell, giving Justin the chance to get around the nurse and get back in the lead. Joey's up and moving, chasing after J still…"
JC pushed Chris out the door cutting him off before turning back to Taylor. "We better go and make sure they don't kill one another. Feel better."
"Thanks, JC. Your concern is appreciated." She smiled weakly, before closing her eyes and rolling back over.
He nodded and herded everyone from the room, as Taylor snuggled back under the blankets, clutching her only remembered childhood friend to her chest, her chin tucked above it.
Lance peeked into the room through the window and smiled sadly at the picture that she made with her new toy, even though she wasn't a child, she looked like a lost, fragile one all tucked into her bed, clutching the doll.
JC tapped him on the back and the two strolled down the hall, Chris ahead of them aways, hurrying after Joey and Justin. They were almost to the elevators, laughing and tossing insults at each other as patients, nurses and doctors all began to file into the hallway to figure out what the commotion was all about.
~*~
Taylor pushed the jellied gravy around her plate, while contemplating whether or not to eat what she thought was turkey and stuffing. The turkey however looked like bologna and the stuffing like orange and green bread while the thick gravy like substance covered the entire confection. She shook her head and shoved the plate away just as the door opened.
She looked up as a tall, older woman walked in, marking on a clipboard. Taylor assumed she was the doctor, from the official white coat that covered the dark blue pantsuit that matched her blue eyes when she finally looked up and smiled at the woman who lied in the bed.
"Hi, Taylor. My name is Doctor Carter." She walked over to the bed and held out her hand.
Taylor reached out shook the lady’s hand, recognizing a firm grip when she felt one. "Hello."
"Mind if I sit down?" Dr. Carter asked, motioning to the chair beside the bed.
Taylor shook her head. "No, go ahead."
The doctor pulled the chair out and sat down, bringing it as close to the bed as she could. Taylor sat up, adjusting the pillows behind her to support her back so she could listen better without having to look over at her from lying down.
"Well, Taylor… let’s start from the beginning. Do you remember what happened?"
Taylor nodded. "The nurse filled me in on some gaps but for the most part, yes. It had been a really stressful and emotional day so I had gone to be by myself for awhile. On my way back to the stage from the bathroom, I ran into Lance and apparently collapsed."
The doctor nodded and made a note on her clipboard. "That reaction tends to happen when someone hasn’t been eating or taking care of themselves. How much weight would you say you’ve lost in the past month?"
Taylor looked down at the blanket. "I couldn’t tell you."
The doctor looked up at her from the clipboard. "Estimate."
"Probably around 30 lbs." Taylor mumbled.
The doctor again nodded. "What about sleeping? How many hours a night would you say you get?"
"Two…maybe three." Taylor spoke up a little louder.
"Uh huh. Eating habits?"
"Not much of a habit, only when I have to."
The doctor again nodded and made a few more notes on the clipboard before putting the pen down and folding her hands over her crossed knees. "Can I be frank with you?" She asked, leaning slightly forward.
Taylor nodded. "Please do."
"I’m worried. I don’t know what exactly is causing you to shut down internally but that’s what you’re doing. By not eating, not sleeping, basically just getting by on the minimum that your body needs, you’re slowly killing yourself. I don’t know if that’s your intention or what you are thinking by doing this but I can certainly tell that something is wrong in your life." She reached out and picked up one of Tay’s hands, flipping it over to the underside of her wrist. "I also don’t know how fresh or old these are." She fingered the light, white lines of faded cuts. "But this is also another major concern of mine."
Taylor continued to pick at the blanket and didn’t say anything, didn’t know what TO say.
"Are you talking to anyone?"
Taylor looked up confused. "I don’t understand."
"Are you talking to a professional?"
Taylor shook her head. "Not in an official capacity."
"If I had to diagnose you on what I see on this chart and just by looking at you, I’d say you were depressed. I would seriously consider going in and talking to someone. I had some tests run on the blood sample that we took and nothing abnormal came up so you don’t have any chemical imbalances that would need treatment."
"That’s a relief to hear." Kat said softly, closing the door behind her as she stepped into the room.
Taylor’s eyes widened in shock as the other woman walked toward the bed. "Kat…"
The doctor stood, moving the clipboard under her arm. "We want to keep you for one more night of observation and you should be able to leave tomorrow morning. Take it easy though and seriously consider my suggestion, please. I’d hate to see you back in here." She smiled before turning and leaving the room.
Kat sank down into the chair that the doctor had just vacated and stared at Taylor, trying to figure out what to say to the best friend that had always been there for her, but lately had seemed more of an acquaintance then a confidant. She took in the slight color above the paleness and the darkness behind her eyes. "Hi."
Taylor nodded. "Hey." She breathed out, tilting her head as she looked at the girl not knowing what to say.
"Dani says Hi."
"I’m sure." Taylor snorted, rolling her eyes.
Kat laughed. "Okay, so she didn’t actually say anything. Management took us off the tour for a week to let you recover so I haven’t seen her. She flew home to spend some time with her mom the day after they announced it."
Taylor smiled slightly, a mix between hurt and anger coursing through her. "That’s cool, I guess. How is Sandy?"
"Doing well apparently. Haven’t talked to her in awhile."
"Yeah me either. She’s kinda been like the mother to all of us through this wild ride, just wish she was around more visiting."
"Yeah." Kat took a deep breath. "How are you?" She asked cautiously.
"Been better." Taylor told her. "So, uh…"
"Yeah…." Kat commented, her voice drifting off because she didn’t know what to say. The two used to be able to talk for hours about nothing, but now there were only awkward silences.
Taylor picked up Pooh and ran her the tip of her finger along the bear’s face and nose, smiling as she remembered her first doll and one of her few good childhood memories. "Kat?"
"Yeah?"
"Remember when your mom took us to Disney Land?"
Kat laughed. "Oh man… we were what? Nine? Ten? You chased the guy in the Pooh suit all over the park wanting a hug and a picture taken of you with him. I think you scared whoever was in the suit to an early retirement."
Taylor smiled. "Probably. You just chased all the princes around the castle."
"I was Sleeping Beauty. I wanted my Prince." Kat laughed again. "Mom finally broke down and bought you a Pooh bear and me a crown."
"Yeah. I still have that doll." Tay sighed in reminiscence.
"I still have my crown." Kat said just as softly. "I miss her."
"I miss her too."
Taylor sighed. "Where ya been, Kat?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean… why did I wake up to find the guys here and not you, my best friend?"
"I've been busy."
"If our show's been canceled, you don't have much to do. The guys have shows and they made it here, even if I didn't want to be around them, they still made the effort."
"I should probably let you sleep so we can get you out of here." Kat said awkwardly, not knowing what else to say as she stood to leave.
"What happened, Kat?"
"I've got to go."
"You don’t have to." Taylor said quietly, hurt that she wouldn't talk to her.
"No, I… I’ve got stuff to do. I'm glad you're doing better. I'll…. I'll pick you up tomorrow."
"Okay." Taylor stared down at the bear as she heard Kat walk across the floor to the door.
"Tay?"
Taylor looked up and saw Kat looking back at her with the door open. "Yeah?"
"I’m sorry for whatever it’s worth." She said, trying to make amends.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Taylor said softly. "Things change. We’ve changed." Her voice gained a bitter edge to it.
"I have a lot to be sorry for. But, I’m the most sorry for driving my friend away. I miss her. Don’t leave me, Tay. "
Taylor didn’t say anything, just shook her head sadly, as Kat smiled bitterly and walked out the door, leaving her to think about what she had said. Taylor slid back down into the bed, her arms wrapped around the bear as she nuzzled her face into the soft fur. Her eyes began to well with tears as everything that had happened that day from waking up to Chris, to the talk with her doctor, then her encounter with Kat washed over her. She sniffed and then began to cry openly as everything she was feeling came to the surface. Her arms tightened around the bear. "My only friend…" She whispered brokenly as she kissed the top of its head and continued to cry.
~*~
Lance and JC jumped out of the van after they parked in the hospital parking lot. "Does she know that we're coming?" JC asked as they made their way into the lobby.
Lance shook his head. "Nope. It's a surprise. Hopefully a well liked one."
JC slung an arm around his shoulder. "She's coming around. She didn't kick us out of the room yesterday."
"She didn't have the strength to."
JC sighed. "She looked so small in that bed…"
Lance looked over at his friend. "You like her don't you?"
JC's eyes widened at the tinge of jealousy that he heard in Lance's voice. "Not like that! I admire her. She's extremely talented and I would love to work with her sometime on a song. She's got this one that I…"
Lance laughed as they walked down the hall to her room. "Is that all you think about? Music?"
JC flushed guiltily. "Pretty much."
They arrived at her room and knocked before entering. "Hey, Tay!" JC called out, walking in before Lance behind her as she finished zipping up her coat.
She turned around at the sound of his voice with a confused look on her face. "What are you two doing here?"
"We came to take you back to the hotel and sign you out." Lance told her, walking over to the bed to grab her stuff for her.
She grabbed the bear before he could and held it close. "I thought Kat was coming to get me. That's what she said yesterday."
JC and Lance looked at one another. "She didn't say anything about it this morning when we saw her. Her and J were off to play a game of basketball when we ran into them on our way out the door." JC told her gently.
Taylor sank down onto the edge of the bed. "Oh. Okay. I guess."
Lance sat down beside her. "But we're here…"
She looked up at him and was jolted at the tenderness she saw in his eyes. "The only ones…"
She whispered, loud enough so that only Lance heard.
He looked over at JC then turned back to her and ever so gently placed his hand on hers. "The ones that count."
JC reached over and grabbed her stuff from Lance and he helped to her feet, keeping an arm around her shoulders as they moved out the door. "We're here if you need us." Lance told her as they moved into the hallway.
She shook her head and moved away from him. "I don't need anyone…no one needs me it seems." She moved down the hallway ahead of them towards the counter to check herself out.
Lance looked over at JC shocked before rushing to catch up to her and yanked her around to face him. "That's not true."
"What?" Her eyes widened as she looked at him then down at her arm where his hand gripped it.
"I… We need you. We like having you around."
"Why?" She asked softly, looking up at him then behind to JC, who had stopped to give them some space.
"You're special, Tay. Even if you can't see it or feel it, we do." Lance told her softly.
Her eyes began to tear up. "How…"
Lance's eyes flickered back and forth as he drank in her face. "How do I know you so well? I can't explain it. I just do." He tapped her nose with his index finger softly. "Anyone can read what you're feeling just by looking at you, really looking. I guess I just took the time to read you."
"No one…"
"I know, Tay. You don't have to say it. I know."
A few tears slid down her cheeks as she stared up at the one person who could actually read her and see exactly what she was feeling. She didn't even have to explain, he just KNEW. "I…"
Lance pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her waist. Time seemed to stop as she melted into him seeking relief from the world. He blinked to hold back his own tears and tightened his hold around her. He didn't see JC walk past them to the nurse's station to sign her release papers nor did he hear the bustle of nurses and doctors as they went by, doing their daily jobs. All he could see was the fragile blonde girl that he held in his arms that had come to him to seek his comfort.
Taylor sighed as she pressed her wet cheek against Lance's chest. For the first time in months she felt safe and happy, but who knew for how long this feeling would last. A day, a week… a minute?
Just then, the door opened as the dayshift nurse came bouncing in to check her vitals and IV bag. "You’re awake!" She chattered away. "I’m so happy, we were a little worried there for a bit but you seem to be doing much better."
"What happened?" Taylor asked confused.
"What? You don’t know?" The nurse turned and asked.
Taylor shook her head slowly, smiling slightly.
The nurse patted her hand as she changed the bag. "You fainted out at the stadium from lack of sleep and malnutrition. You, my dear, weren’t taking care of yourself."
Taylor had the grace to blush slightly before looking at the IV and bag. "What’s this?"
"Just our way of getting the nutrients you need into your body. You should be feeling better within a few days."
"Thanks." Taylor sighed, settling back into her pillows.
The nurse patted her hand again. "You're welcome. You just get some much needed rest and feel better."
After a few minutes, Taylor struggled to keep her eyes open before giving up and sliding back into a deep sleep. The nurse must have slipped me something was her last coherent thought before the darkness overcame her again.
~*~
Lance opened the door to Taylor’s hospital room, clutching a fist full of daisies nervously. The doctor and nurse both had told him that she was awake but as he glanced in, it seemed she had fallen back asleep.
He closed the door softly behind him then walked over to bed and pulled up a chair beside it. He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear but then remembered that he was still holding the flowers. Looking around, he noticed a small vase and quickly jumped up to grab it and walked into the bathroom to fill it up.
Lance sat back down and placed the vase next to the lamp before turning back to Taylor’s sleeping form. He breathed with her as she inhaled and exhaled, afraid to do anything else for fear that she would break. He couldn’t seem to get the image of her collapsing beside him out of his head. He was glad JC had taken control of the situation and given him something to do, otherwise he didn’t think he would have been able to handle sitting there with her, unconscious, while they waited for the ambulance. Going and talking to Kat, reassuring her that Tay would be fine, had allowed him not worry and feel useful.
He reached out and gently took her hand that was curled up next to her into his grasp and gently traced the veins, glad that they were still flowing. He took a shakily inhaled deep breath before shaking his head and letting her hand drop back to the bed gently. At least I know she’s all right…
He decided to let her sleep and stood, grabbing his coat, then arranged the flowers on the nightstand so that she would see them when she awoke. He took one last look then turned to leave. Before he could change his mind though, he walked back to the bed and gently kissed her on the forehead, his lips lingering while brushing her hair out of her face. Lance drew back quickly when he heard her breathing change, grabbing his coat where he'd dropped it off the chair, he hurried out of the room, not wanting her to know that he had kissed her, even if it was just on the forehead.
Taylor sighed with a smile, her subconscious registering the warmth and security she felt as she snuggled deep into the covers, sound asleep.
~*~
"Think she's faking?"
"No, Chris, I think she's really asleep and that we should leave."
"You aren't any fun, Jace, just think if she woke up now."
"You'd probably scare her into a coma, Chris."
"Shut up, youngen."
"You usually scare me in the morning."
"I don't want to hear another peep out of you, Superfreak."
"Chris, leave her alone."
"I'm just checking to make sure she's breathing."
"The monitor says she is, now get away."
"It might lie, lets do the mirror test."
"Chris!!"
Taylor could hear voices but not words. Her face scrunched in annoyance at being woken up and as she came to, she became aware of people around her and that they were arguing.
"She's alive!" Chris said loudly, his arms flown wide to his sides as he watched Taylor's eyes flicker.
JC sat in the chair on the other side of the room and rolled his eyes. "Chris… I'm warning you." He leaned back in the chair, his body joking, but his tone, promising revenge.
Chris looked over at his groupmates and smiled evilly. As she began to awaken, he leaned close to her face, his arms resting on the bed and smiled, waiting for her blue eyes to open.
Taylor stretched before opening her eyes. Her eyes opened unfocused, while she yawned but when she blinked, she found a face peering into hers, a mischievous grin covering it. "ACK!"
Taylor screamed, her body leaping from the bed in an effort to get away. She sat up, scooting back as far as she could to get away from the person before she was truly aware of who it was. "CHRIS!"
JC shook his head as Justin, Chris and Joey laughed at her expression. She looked around the room wide-eyed, just then realizing that she had visitors. Joey was sitting in the windowsill, while Justin and JC occupied the two chairs in the room. Chris was leaning again the wall, pointing and snickering at her.
"You should have seen your face."
She glared over at him. "No thanks, seeing yours was enough."
JC snickered. "I tried to get him away but its like taking a two year old with you everywhere, he doesn't listen."
"I take offense to that. I like to think that I'm at least at a five year old's maturity." Chris sniffed, before sticking his tongue out at Justin.
Justin laughed. "That's giving yourself way too much credit."
"Watch it fro-boy." Chris glared at him, raising his fists threateningly and bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet.
Justin raised his eyebrows at the older man. "Is that a challenge?" He got up from his chair halfway, staring at Chris, his hands resting lightly on the arm rests.
"Could be." Chris acknowledged, nodding towards the door, still bouncing.
"Guys… if you're going to fight, take it outside." Lance said, stepping into the room, shutting the door slowly behind him, before turning around to face them. He had run downstairs to the cafeteria to get some coffee after being up all night out in the hallway to make sure that if Taylor needed anything, he was there. He looked at the bed and saw Taylor, sitting up, still wide-eyed in shock at the amount of people in her room. "You're awake." He moved the bag he was holding into his other hand, half hiding it behind his back so that she wouldn't see it.
"Yeah… How long was I out?" She asked, licking her lips nervously as she tried unsuccessfully not to make eye contact with anyone as she picked at the imaginary lint on the bed. She was starting to feel shy about having all of them in her room at once. Their personalities tended to overwhelm a person.
Lance crossed the room as JC moved to let him sit in the chair and moved to the windowsill next to Joey. "A day and a half. You've been in and out though." Joey told her, while looking out the window as a group of nurses walked by.
"Have you guys been here the entire time?" She asked shocked, her eyes raising to meet Lance's as he stared at her, drinking in the fact that the color was beginning to return to her cheeks and that there was a slight sparkle in her eyes.
He diverted his eyes quickly. "No, we just got here a little bit ago. Came to see if you were okay or not." He looked around the room and noticed that the entire room was looking at him, four pairs of eyes questioning why he lied and one pair asking he didn't know what.
"Actually, Lance has…" Justin started but stopped when he met Lance's angry gaze.
Taylor's quickly look over at Justin. "What?"
Justin shrugged, looking over at Lance as if to say "what now?" Lance sighed. "What Justin was going to tell you was that I got here an hour before they did to talk to the doctor." Which was almost the truth…
Justin glared at him, his eyes challenging Lance to tell her the truth that he hadn't left the hospital or her side since she had arrived in the ambulance.
Taylor took a deep breath, gulping audibly. "What…" She swallowed again. "What did the doctor have to say?" She asked, nonchalantly, although inside she was quaking with fear.
Lance met Taylor's questioning gaze, then looked around the room, catching everyone else's. His eyes sought hers again and he could see the fear and need for silence that she was projecting if the doctor had told him what she thought they had. He nodded slightly at her to let her know that he would keep it to himself. "She wouldn't tell me anything, stating simply that she would talk first to the patient when she woke up."
Taylor smiled weakly in astonishment and thankfulness. She knew it had cost him a part of himself to lie to his friends but for that she was very thankful. "Did she say when she would be in?"
"Soon."
She nodded and leaned back into the pillows. "Do you need anything, Tay?" Justin asked, concerned by the lack of energy that she had and the circles underlying her eyes.
"No, but thanks for asking. I think I just need more sleep. I wasn't getting much and I think my body just gave up."
Justin nodded, turning to look at the other guys, motioning towards the door that they should get out of the room and leave her be.
JC stood up, pushing Joey away from the window. "We'll come back later and see how you're doing, Taylor. Don't worry about the tour or anything. Everything is taken care of."
"Thanks." She whispered before rolling over onto her side and closing her eyes, shutting them out.
Lance sat there, watching as her face relaxed. "Taylor?" He said softly after arguing with himself for almost a minute, before deciding to disturb her now rather than later.
She opened an eye, looking over at him. "Yes?" She replied weakly.
He reached down for the bag that he had set beside the chair. "I saw this in the window down in the gift shop, when I bought coffee and thought you'd like it." He pulled out a stuffed bear, yellow in color with the lettering POOH written on its stomach. "They didn't have much but…"
She smiled. One of the first real smiles that she had smiled in a very long time as she sat back up. "OH, how did you know that Winnie The Pooh is my favorite Disney character? Thank you so much." She reached out for it just as he walked over to the bed and set it in her arms.
"You're welcome." He said, speechless as the realization washed over him that this was the one of the few times that he had seen her actually happy about something.
Justin saw the teddy bear then grinned evilly over at Joey. "If you like Pooh so much, you must love Joey." He said, already moving slowly towards the door.
Taylor, Lance and everyone in the room looked over at him curiously while Joey groaned and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Why do you say that, J?" JC asked.
"Because, his new nickname is Pooh." Justin said, already opening the door just as Joey lunged for him.
"I'm gonna kill you, bury you, dig you up then kill you again, pipsqueak."
"I'm no pipsqueak, superfreak." Justin called out, just as he slipped out the door. He jetted down the hallway, half slipping and half sliding as he tried to make it to the elevator before Joey could grab him.
"You will be after I hack you off at the knees." They heard yelled down the hallway.
Chris poked his head out the door, watching them sprint down the hall. "Justin's almost to the elevator, oh… wait, he just ran into a nurse. Ouch, wouldn't want to be him right now, she has a hell of a right hook. Joey's almost caught up to him… man is he slow, whoops, Joey slipped and fell, giving Justin the chance to get around the nurse and get back in the lead. Joey's up and moving, chasing after J still…"
JC pushed Chris out the door cutting him off before turning back to Taylor. "We better go and make sure they don't kill one another. Feel better."
"Thanks, JC. Your concern is appreciated." She smiled weakly, before closing her eyes and rolling back over.
He nodded and herded everyone from the room, as Taylor snuggled back under the blankets, clutching her only remembered childhood friend to her chest, her chin tucked above it.
Lance peeked into the room through the window and smiled sadly at the picture that she made with her new toy, even though she wasn't a child, she looked like a lost, fragile one all tucked into her bed, clutching the doll.
JC tapped him on the back and the two strolled down the hall, Chris ahead of them aways, hurrying after Joey and Justin. They were almost to the elevators, laughing and tossing insults at each other as patients, nurses and doctors all began to file into the hallway to figure out what the commotion was all about.
~*~
Taylor pushed the jellied gravy around her plate, while contemplating whether or not to eat what she thought was turkey and stuffing. The turkey however looked like bologna and the stuffing like orange and green bread while the thick gravy like substance covered the entire confection. She shook her head and shoved the plate away just as the door opened.
She looked up as a tall, older woman walked in, marking on a clipboard. Taylor assumed she was the doctor, from the official white coat that covered the dark blue pantsuit that matched her blue eyes when she finally looked up and smiled at the woman who lied in the bed.
"Hi, Taylor. My name is Doctor Carter." She walked over to the bed and held out her hand.
Taylor reached out shook the lady’s hand, recognizing a firm grip when she felt one. "Hello."
"Mind if I sit down?" Dr. Carter asked, motioning to the chair beside the bed.
Taylor shook her head. "No, go ahead."
The doctor pulled the chair out and sat down, bringing it as close to the bed as she could. Taylor sat up, adjusting the pillows behind her to support her back so she could listen better without having to look over at her from lying down.
"Well, Taylor… let’s start from the beginning. Do you remember what happened?"
Taylor nodded. "The nurse filled me in on some gaps but for the most part, yes. It had been a really stressful and emotional day so I had gone to be by myself for awhile. On my way back to the stage from the bathroom, I ran into Lance and apparently collapsed."
The doctor nodded and made a note on her clipboard. "That reaction tends to happen when someone hasn’t been eating or taking care of themselves. How much weight would you say you’ve lost in the past month?"
Taylor looked down at the blanket. "I couldn’t tell you."
The doctor looked up at her from the clipboard. "Estimate."
"Probably around 30 lbs." Taylor mumbled.
The doctor again nodded. "What about sleeping? How many hours a night would you say you get?"
"Two…maybe three." Taylor spoke up a little louder.
"Uh huh. Eating habits?"
"Not much of a habit, only when I have to."
The doctor again nodded and made a few more notes on the clipboard before putting the pen down and folding her hands over her crossed knees. "Can I be frank with you?" She asked, leaning slightly forward.
Taylor nodded. "Please do."
"I’m worried. I don’t know what exactly is causing you to shut down internally but that’s what you’re doing. By not eating, not sleeping, basically just getting by on the minimum that your body needs, you’re slowly killing yourself. I don’t know if that’s your intention or what you are thinking by doing this but I can certainly tell that something is wrong in your life." She reached out and picked up one of Tay’s hands, flipping it over to the underside of her wrist. "I also don’t know how fresh or old these are." She fingered the light, white lines of faded cuts. "But this is also another major concern of mine."
Taylor continued to pick at the blanket and didn’t say anything, didn’t know what TO say.
"Are you talking to anyone?"
Taylor looked up confused. "I don’t understand."
"Are you talking to a professional?"
Taylor shook her head. "Not in an official capacity."
"If I had to diagnose you on what I see on this chart and just by looking at you, I’d say you were depressed. I would seriously consider going in and talking to someone. I had some tests run on the blood sample that we took and nothing abnormal came up so you don’t have any chemical imbalances that would need treatment."
"That’s a relief to hear." Kat said softly, closing the door behind her as she stepped into the room.
Taylor’s eyes widened in shock as the other woman walked toward the bed. "Kat…"
The doctor stood, moving the clipboard under her arm. "We want to keep you for one more night of observation and you should be able to leave tomorrow morning. Take it easy though and seriously consider my suggestion, please. I’d hate to see you back in here." She smiled before turning and leaving the room.
Kat sank down into the chair that the doctor had just vacated and stared at Taylor, trying to figure out what to say to the best friend that had always been there for her, but lately had seemed more of an acquaintance then a confidant. She took in the slight color above the paleness and the darkness behind her eyes. "Hi."
Taylor nodded. "Hey." She breathed out, tilting her head as she looked at the girl not knowing what to say.
"Dani says Hi."
"I’m sure." Taylor snorted, rolling her eyes.
Kat laughed. "Okay, so she didn’t actually say anything. Management took us off the tour for a week to let you recover so I haven’t seen her. She flew home to spend some time with her mom the day after they announced it."
Taylor smiled slightly, a mix between hurt and anger coursing through her. "That’s cool, I guess. How is Sandy?"
"Doing well apparently. Haven’t talked to her in awhile."
"Yeah me either. She’s kinda been like the mother to all of us through this wild ride, just wish she was around more visiting."
"Yeah." Kat took a deep breath. "How are you?" She asked cautiously.
"Been better." Taylor told her. "So, uh…"
"Yeah…." Kat commented, her voice drifting off because she didn’t know what to say. The two used to be able to talk for hours about nothing, but now there were only awkward silences.
Taylor picked up Pooh and ran her the tip of her finger along the bear’s face and nose, smiling as she remembered her first doll and one of her few good childhood memories. "Kat?"
"Yeah?"
"Remember when your mom took us to Disney Land?"
Kat laughed. "Oh man… we were what? Nine? Ten? You chased the guy in the Pooh suit all over the park wanting a hug and a picture taken of you with him. I think you scared whoever was in the suit to an early retirement."
Taylor smiled. "Probably. You just chased all the princes around the castle."
"I was Sleeping Beauty. I wanted my Prince." Kat laughed again. "Mom finally broke down and bought you a Pooh bear and me a crown."
"Yeah. I still have that doll." Tay sighed in reminiscence.
"I still have my crown." Kat said just as softly. "I miss her."
"I miss her too."
Taylor sighed. "Where ya been, Kat?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean… why did I wake up to find the guys here and not you, my best friend?"
"I've been busy."
"If our show's been canceled, you don't have much to do. The guys have shows and they made it here, even if I didn't want to be around them, they still made the effort."
"I should probably let you sleep so we can get you out of here." Kat said awkwardly, not knowing what else to say as she stood to leave.
"What happened, Kat?"
"I've got to go."
"You don’t have to." Taylor said quietly, hurt that she wouldn't talk to her.
"No, I… I’ve got stuff to do. I'm glad you're doing better. I'll…. I'll pick you up tomorrow."
"Okay." Taylor stared down at the bear as she heard Kat walk across the floor to the door.
"Tay?"
Taylor looked up and saw Kat looking back at her with the door open. "Yeah?"
"I’m sorry for whatever it’s worth." She said, trying to make amends.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Taylor said softly. "Things change. We’ve changed." Her voice gained a bitter edge to it.
"I have a lot to be sorry for. But, I’m the most sorry for driving my friend away. I miss her. Don’t leave me, Tay. "
Taylor didn’t say anything, just shook her head sadly, as Kat smiled bitterly and walked out the door, leaving her to think about what she had said. Taylor slid back down into the bed, her arms wrapped around the bear as she nuzzled her face into the soft fur. Her eyes began to well with tears as everything that had happened that day from waking up to Chris, to the talk with her doctor, then her encounter with Kat washed over her. She sniffed and then began to cry openly as everything she was feeling came to the surface. Her arms tightened around the bear. "My only friend…" She whispered brokenly as she kissed the top of its head and continued to cry.
~*~
Lance and JC jumped out of the van after they parked in the hospital parking lot. "Does she know that we're coming?" JC asked as they made their way into the lobby.
Lance shook his head. "Nope. It's a surprise. Hopefully a well liked one."
JC slung an arm around his shoulder. "She's coming around. She didn't kick us out of the room yesterday."
"She didn't have the strength to."
JC sighed. "She looked so small in that bed…"
Lance looked over at his friend. "You like her don't you?"
JC's eyes widened at the tinge of jealousy that he heard in Lance's voice. "Not like that! I admire her. She's extremely talented and I would love to work with her sometime on a song. She's got this one that I…"
Lance laughed as they walked down the hall to her room. "Is that all you think about? Music?"
JC flushed guiltily. "Pretty much."
They arrived at her room and knocked before entering. "Hey, Tay!" JC called out, walking in before Lance behind her as she finished zipping up her coat.
She turned around at the sound of his voice with a confused look on her face. "What are you two doing here?"
"We came to take you back to the hotel and sign you out." Lance told her, walking over to the bed to grab her stuff for her.
She grabbed the bear before he could and held it close. "I thought Kat was coming to get me. That's what she said yesterday."
JC and Lance looked at one another. "She didn't say anything about it this morning when we saw her. Her and J were off to play a game of basketball when we ran into them on our way out the door." JC told her gently.
Taylor sank down onto the edge of the bed. "Oh. Okay. I guess."
Lance sat down beside her. "But we're here…"
She looked up at him and was jolted at the tenderness she saw in his eyes. "The only ones…"
She whispered, loud enough so that only Lance heard.
He looked over at JC then turned back to her and ever so gently placed his hand on hers. "The ones that count."
JC reached over and grabbed her stuff from Lance and he helped to her feet, keeping an arm around her shoulders as they moved out the door. "We're here if you need us." Lance told her as they moved into the hallway.
She shook her head and moved away from him. "I don't need anyone…no one needs me it seems." She moved down the hallway ahead of them towards the counter to check herself out.
Lance looked over at JC shocked before rushing to catch up to her and yanked her around to face him. "That's not true."
"What?" Her eyes widened as she looked at him then down at her arm where his hand gripped it.
"I… We need you. We like having you around."
"Why?" She asked softly, looking up at him then behind to JC, who had stopped to give them some space.
"You're special, Tay. Even if you can't see it or feel it, we do." Lance told her softly.
Her eyes began to tear up. "How…"
Lance's eyes flickered back and forth as he drank in her face. "How do I know you so well? I can't explain it. I just do." He tapped her nose with his index finger softly. "Anyone can read what you're feeling just by looking at you, really looking. I guess I just took the time to read you."
"No one…"
"I know, Tay. You don't have to say it. I know."
A few tears slid down her cheeks as she stared up at the one person who could actually read her and see exactly what she was feeling. She didn't even have to explain, he just KNEW. "I…"
Lance pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her waist. Time seemed to stop as she melted into him seeking relief from the world. He blinked to hold back his own tears and tightened his hold around her. He didn't see JC walk past them to the nurse's station to sign her release papers nor did he hear the bustle of nurses and doctors as they went by, doing their daily jobs. All he could see was the fragile blonde girl that he held in his arms that had come to him to seek his comfort.
Taylor sighed as she pressed her wet cheek against Lance's chest. For the first time in months she felt safe and happy, but who knew for how long this feeling would last. A day, a week… a minute?