Forgive Me
Dean fingered the sharp edge of the knife carefully. He stared at it with cold dark eyes. He knew what he had to do, but he was still unsure of whether or not he could do it. Ever since Sam had turned evil he had tried to shut out all emotions. It was the only way he could do what he had to do. Castiel had explained to him that the knife would work on Sam. While no demon smoke would come out of his body, because no one was possessing him, it would still kill him.
And yet he still couldn't believe he had failed. That he had failed not only his brother, but his father as well. Failed to keep that promise to keep Sam safe. And now he must do what John had told him he might have to do so long ago. When John had told him he might have to kill Sam one day the very thought seemed impossible and unfathomable. Now that moment was very real, and closer than he wanted it to be. Not only did he have John's voice telling him this has to be done, now Castiel was telling him as well.
"It's the only way," the angel had told him softly. "You know this, Dean. It's the only way now to save your brother."
Deep down Dean knew it. He knew that it was to late to save Sam. That the Sam he knew was long gone. And he had let something happen he swore he would never let happen. He let Sam become a monster. And now he must undo that mistake. He must make things right again. And really by killing his brother he would be saving him. How many times before had Sam begged him to kill him if he changed? He knew that the real Sam never wanted to become a monster, never wanted to live like one, that he would rather be dead. Really he'd be doing Sammy a favor.
He swallowed. How many times had he tried to convince himself that during the last few days? That it was a good thing, what he was going to do. That it was the only way to save his little brother. He was giving Sam what he wanted. It was time to be unselfish.
But he still was unsure of whether or not he could do it. He walked along the empty graveyard where he was sure Sam was going to be. For a while now his brother had been planning...something. His mind revisited the times when he and his brother walked the graveyards together. He knew that was messed up, to actaully remember and treasure those times. Especially when they were about to burn a body. But still, any moment he spent time with his brother he now treasured dearly for he knew those moments would never come again.
And now suddenly there he was. Sam's body was turned, but it was clearly him. Dean tried to control the shaking of the body. The time had come now, to destroy the demon that his brother had finally become. He slowly stepped forward and licked his lips nervously. Could he really do it? Murder his own brother? He would soon find out.
Sam quickly turned, he was always sharp with his sense. As he did he smiled when he saw Dean.
"Brother," he said softly. "I didn't expect to find you here."
Dean flinched at the name. It only made that wound burn harder, and he knew that was why Sam called him that. To torment him.
"You're not my brother," he said harshly and Sam's smile grew.
"Harsh words coming from you, brother."
"Don't call me that!" Temper got the better of Dean as he shouted the words.
Sam gave a short laugh.
"So why are you here?" He demanded. "Surely it's not to join me, though I've begged you too many times in the past."
"You know why I'm here." Dean's voice was dark and dangerous now. Coldness was begining to sweep over him like it always did whenever Sam was around now. A deep chuckle rose in Sam's throat.
"You still think you have the balls to be able to kill me, Dean?" He smirked. "I'm sorry, but you have dissapointed me, big brother, if that's why you're here."
"I'm stronger than you think," Dean hissed. Sam's chuckle grew louder.
"That's doubtful," Sam whispered and Dean stood there, nearly frozen on the ground.
"You underestimate me," Dean whispered suddenly, anger fueling him.
Sam smiled.
"I doubt that," he said as he stepped forward. That was when Dean knew he had to react, and react quickly. Without thinking he grabbed the knife from his pocket and stabbed Sam in the chest. The look on Sam's face changed from bemused to shock as he looked down. A flicker of a smile appeared on Dean's face at the expression as he pressed on the knife, causing it to go deeper into the wounds.
He watched as Sam's body shuddered and collapsed against the ground, shaking. Something had happened when the knife went into Sam's chest, though. Sam's eyes widened and a something flashed in his eyes. Slowly his whole mannerisms was changing. Dean stood there in shock. He actually did it. He did the impossible. But his eyes narrowed as he noticed how different Sam seemed as he shook on the ground, clearly in pain.
Suddenly Sam looked up, gasping for breath, and stared at Dean in the face, confusion in his eyes.
"D...Dean?" Even his voice was different. Dean looked at him sharply and just like that, his brother was his brother again. He was Sam. The Sam Dean knew. Dean stared at him in horrified sock, his face stalk white.
"No." He shook his head. No, this wasn't happening, not like this. He knelt before his brother. "Sammy?" His voice was hallow, too afraid to hope. He looked into his brother's eyes. The thing that had taken him over was gone. All that was left was innocence.
"D...Dean, wha...what happened?" Sam could barely speak as the knife continued to cut at the skin, causing more blood to pour out of his chest. "Wh...where am I?"
Dean stared at him, and swallowed.
"You...you don't remember any of it?"
Sam frowned.
"It's all...a blur," he murmured. "Like a dream..."
Dean's body was shaking. He was about to call Castiel for help when he felt a presence next to him. He jumped and stared at Cas in the face.
"Did you know that this would happen?" His voice was harsh. "Did you?!"
"No," Castiel said simply. "No one coudl have predicated this, Dean." His face softened. "I am sorry, though."
"Sorry's not good enough!" Dean spat. "Heal him now, damn it!"
Castiel looked at him, sorrow filling his eyes.
"I'm sorry," his voice was soft. "But it's too late-"
"No!" Dean's voice was at a roar now. "Don't give me that crap, damn it! I've done EVERYTHING you've asked me to do. I've even stabbed my own brother in the chest! Now give me a goddamned miracle."
Castiel stared at him.
"I'm sorry Dean." His voice was soft. "That I cannot do."
"You know what?" Dean hissed. "Go to hell." He turned to his brother, tears straeming down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Sammy, he whispered. "So sorry."
By this time Sam was barely awake, his body was still shaking but his face was pale and was hardly breathing. He slowly opened his eyes again, though.
"For what?" His voice was rasp and Dean's body shook in silent sobs.
"F...For this...for letting this happen to you, for not being able to protect you...for...stabbing you..." He wanted to hide his face in shame.
Sam smiled as he found Dean's hand to grasp.
"It...It's all right," he whispered as he saw the tears cascading from his brother's eyes. "It's all right...I forgive you..."
That brought more tears from Dean as his grip tightened on Sam's hands.
"I'm so sorry, Sammy," he whispered. "For not being able to protect you...to save you..."
"But you did save me," Sam said quietly. "More then you'd ever know."
All Dean could do was weep, weep for what he had done to Sam, to his own brother.
"You can rest now." Castiel's voice startled Dean, but he didn't try to push Castiel away as he leaned forward and rested his hand on Sam's face. "it's over Sam, you can rest now, in the arms of our father. Forever at peace. There will be no more suffering."
Sam's body had slowly stopped shuddering, and the breathing became slower and slower. Dean held his hand, still unable to stop the sobs from escaping. Still unable to grasp what had happened.
"Rest now," Castiel repeated. "You're work here is done, and you shall be rewarded Sam Winchester. There is no reason to have fear, you have been forgiven and redeemed in the eyes of the lord."
A slow smile appeared on Sam's face as peace seemed to sweep through his body.
"I think I hear her, Dean." His voice whispered. Dean frowned.
"Hear who?"
"Mom. Telling me it's time...to go...not to be afraid...don't you hear her?"
Dean shook his head.
"I'm so sorry, Sammy, for everything," he managed to gasp and Sam gave him a wobbly smile.
"It's all right, Dean," he said quietly. "I...forgive you."
"But why?" Dean protosted, truly perplexed. "Why do you forgive me so easily?"
"Because..."He could barely hear Sammy's voice. "Because I love you."
And as Dean put his arms around his brother to hold him for those last few minutes he managed to say softly
"I love you too," before he felt his brother's body go limp in his arms.
And just like that Samuel Winchester died....
And yet he still couldn't believe he had failed. That he had failed not only his brother, but his father as well. Failed to keep that promise to keep Sam safe. And now he must do what John had told him he might have to do so long ago. When John had told him he might have to kill Sam one day the very thought seemed impossible and unfathomable. Now that moment was very real, and closer than he wanted it to be. Not only did he have John's voice telling him this has to be done, now Castiel was telling him as well.
"It's the only way," the angel had told him softly. "You know this, Dean. It's the only way now to save your brother."
Deep down Dean knew it. He knew that it was to late to save Sam. That the Sam he knew was long gone. And he had let something happen he swore he would never let happen. He let Sam become a monster. And now he must undo that mistake. He must make things right again. And really by killing his brother he would be saving him. How many times before had Sam begged him to kill him if he changed? He knew that the real Sam never wanted to become a monster, never wanted to live like one, that he would rather be dead. Really he'd be doing Sammy a favor.
He swallowed. How many times had he tried to convince himself that during the last few days? That it was a good thing, what he was going to do. That it was the only way to save his little brother. He was giving Sam what he wanted. It was time to be unselfish.
But he still was unsure of whether or not he could do it. He walked along the empty graveyard where he was sure Sam was going to be. For a while now his brother had been planning...something. His mind revisited the times when he and his brother walked the graveyards together. He knew that was messed up, to actaully remember and treasure those times. Especially when they were about to burn a body. But still, any moment he spent time with his brother he now treasured dearly for he knew those moments would never come again.
And now suddenly there he was. Sam's body was turned, but it was clearly him. Dean tried to control the shaking of the body. The time had come now, to destroy the demon that his brother had finally become. He slowly stepped forward and licked his lips nervously. Could he really do it? Murder his own brother? He would soon find out.
Sam quickly turned, he was always sharp with his sense. As he did he smiled when he saw Dean.
"Brother," he said softly. "I didn't expect to find you here."
Dean flinched at the name. It only made that wound burn harder, and he knew that was why Sam called him that. To torment him.
"You're not my brother," he said harshly and Sam's smile grew.
"Harsh words coming from you, brother."
"Don't call me that!" Temper got the better of Dean as he shouted the words.
Sam gave a short laugh.
"So why are you here?" He demanded. "Surely it's not to join me, though I've begged you too many times in the past."
"You know why I'm here." Dean's voice was dark and dangerous now. Coldness was begining to sweep over him like it always did whenever Sam was around now. A deep chuckle rose in Sam's throat.
"You still think you have the balls to be able to kill me, Dean?" He smirked. "I'm sorry, but you have dissapointed me, big brother, if that's why you're here."
"I'm stronger than you think," Dean hissed. Sam's chuckle grew louder.
"That's doubtful," Sam whispered and Dean stood there, nearly frozen on the ground.
"You underestimate me," Dean whispered suddenly, anger fueling him.
Sam smiled.
"I doubt that," he said as he stepped forward. That was when Dean knew he had to react, and react quickly. Without thinking he grabbed the knife from his pocket and stabbed Sam in the chest. The look on Sam's face changed from bemused to shock as he looked down. A flicker of a smile appeared on Dean's face at the expression as he pressed on the knife, causing it to go deeper into the wounds.
He watched as Sam's body shuddered and collapsed against the ground, shaking. Something had happened when the knife went into Sam's chest, though. Sam's eyes widened and a something flashed in his eyes. Slowly his whole mannerisms was changing. Dean stood there in shock. He actually did it. He did the impossible. But his eyes narrowed as he noticed how different Sam seemed as he shook on the ground, clearly in pain.
Suddenly Sam looked up, gasping for breath, and stared at Dean in the face, confusion in his eyes.
"D...Dean?" Even his voice was different. Dean looked at him sharply and just like that, his brother was his brother again. He was Sam. The Sam Dean knew. Dean stared at him in horrified sock, his face stalk white.
"No." He shook his head. No, this wasn't happening, not like this. He knelt before his brother. "Sammy?" His voice was hallow, too afraid to hope. He looked into his brother's eyes. The thing that had taken him over was gone. All that was left was innocence.
"D...Dean, wha...what happened?" Sam could barely speak as the knife continued to cut at the skin, causing more blood to pour out of his chest. "Wh...where am I?"
Dean stared at him, and swallowed.
"You...you don't remember any of it?"
Sam frowned.
"It's all...a blur," he murmured. "Like a dream..."
Dean's body was shaking. He was about to call Castiel for help when he felt a presence next to him. He jumped and stared at Cas in the face.
"Did you know that this would happen?" His voice was harsh. "Did you?!"
"No," Castiel said simply. "No one coudl have predicated this, Dean." His face softened. "I am sorry, though."
"Sorry's not good enough!" Dean spat. "Heal him now, damn it!"
Castiel looked at him, sorrow filling his eyes.
"I'm sorry," his voice was soft. "But it's too late-"
"No!" Dean's voice was at a roar now. "Don't give me that crap, damn it! I've done EVERYTHING you've asked me to do. I've even stabbed my own brother in the chest! Now give me a goddamned miracle."
Castiel stared at him.
"I'm sorry Dean." His voice was soft. "That I cannot do."
"You know what?" Dean hissed. "Go to hell." He turned to his brother, tears straeming down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Sammy, he whispered. "So sorry."
By this time Sam was barely awake, his body was still shaking but his face was pale and was hardly breathing. He slowly opened his eyes again, though.
"For what?" His voice was rasp and Dean's body shook in silent sobs.
"F...For this...for letting this happen to you, for not being able to protect you...for...stabbing you..." He wanted to hide his face in shame.
Sam smiled as he found Dean's hand to grasp.
"It...It's all right," he whispered as he saw the tears cascading from his brother's eyes. "It's all right...I forgive you..."
That brought more tears from Dean as his grip tightened on Sam's hands.
"I'm so sorry, Sammy," he whispered. "For not being able to protect you...to save you..."
"But you did save me," Sam said quietly. "More then you'd ever know."
All Dean could do was weep, weep for what he had done to Sam, to his own brother.
"You can rest now." Castiel's voice startled Dean, but he didn't try to push Castiel away as he leaned forward and rested his hand on Sam's face. "it's over Sam, you can rest now, in the arms of our father. Forever at peace. There will be no more suffering."
Sam's body had slowly stopped shuddering, and the breathing became slower and slower. Dean held his hand, still unable to stop the sobs from escaping. Still unable to grasp what had happened.
"Rest now," Castiel repeated. "You're work here is done, and you shall be rewarded Sam Winchester. There is no reason to have fear, you have been forgiven and redeemed in the eyes of the lord."
A slow smile appeared on Sam's face as peace seemed to sweep through his body.
"I think I hear her, Dean." His voice whispered. Dean frowned.
"Hear who?"
"Mom. Telling me it's time...to go...not to be afraid...don't you hear her?"
Dean shook his head.
"I'm so sorry, Sammy, for everything," he managed to gasp and Sam gave him a wobbly smile.
"It's all right, Dean," he said quietly. "I...forgive you."
"But why?" Dean protosted, truly perplexed. "Why do you forgive me so easily?"
"Because..."He could barely hear Sammy's voice. "Because I love you."
And as Dean put his arms around his brother to hold him for those last few minutes he managed to say softly
"I love you too," before he felt his brother's body go limp in his arms.
And just like that Samuel Winchester died....