The hardest thing to do is to let go of memories and experiences. Yes, they have shaped who you are now, but you don't have to be weighted down by them. I am not sure if it is attention that you crave so much as love. Your obsessions seem to revolve around the people you love(d) or who love(d) you. You have to make the choice to keep those people in their place in your current life. Eric fucked with my head so much because I remember so clearly how I feel when I am with him. How he can take my breath away with a kiss. He understands so much about me. But I won't be with him again. And that is a choice I made. You have to believe in yourself first. You have believe you have the strength and the ability to make those choices. You can only control you. And hope.
I'm sorry if this sounds sappy. But I don't know how else to tell you to LET GO. You can still love, but they don't have to control you.
but don't i live my life just as i always have? its not that these things shape my choices... its that i pass a mirror and see a monster. its not that i live in the past... its that the past haunts... i don't know how else to describe it. i taints my heart, not my mind. i'd like to think i'm mature enough to know the difference.
but who knows. i guess what i'm trying to say is, my desire is never to go backwards, only forwards with an open heart. but little by little, i have divied my heart amongst those i love until now... and there is very little left that isn't weighed down by something. i want to let go. i try to let go... but i have always failed at that. in some respect, i guess that's to my tribute... cause when i fall in love, its forever. i guess its good for the people i love, but... its destroying me. and it was never a concious choice (but love never really is).
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I'm sorry if this sounds sappy. But I don't know how else to tell you to LET GO. You can still love, but they don't have to control you.
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but who knows. i guess what i'm trying to say is, my desire is never to go backwards, only forwards with an open heart. but little by little, i have divied my heart amongst those i love until now... and there is very little left that isn't weighed down by something. i want to let go. i try to let go... but i have always failed at that.
in some respect, i guess that's to my tribute... cause when i fall in love, its forever. i guess its good for the people i love, but... its destroying me. and it was never a concious choice (but love never really is).
i don't know that i'll ever find a solution...
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